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(Newsday)   Texas company recalls candles because they could catch fire   ( divider line
    More: Stupid  
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13042 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Mar 2005 at 8:57 AM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

39 Comments     (+0 »)
2005-03-29 02:40:00 AM  
This is one of those cases where the fine details make perfect sense and it seems like a good idea, but the headline just makes you grin.
2005-03-29 03:03:58 AM  
Nature's Finest Candles of Marble Falls has received four reports of the surface layer of gel burning into high flames ...

So they work. They just work too well.

At least they don't have the same problem as their competition, Nature's Wettest Candles.

2005-03-29 03:16:54 AM  
Milton: We use only the finest baby frogs, dew picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and then sealed in a succulent Swiss quintuple smooth treble cream milk chocolate envelope and lovingly frosted with glucose.

Praline: That's as maybe, it's still a frog.

Milton: What else?

Praline: Well don't you even take the bones out?

Milton: If we took the bones out it wouldn't be crunchy would it?
2005-03-29 08:42:33 AM  
One time we had a candle that was in a little porcelain bathtub and the heat cracked the porcelain and superheated air bubbled up -- and the flames shot up at least 3 or 4 feet high, nearly catching a bathroom on fire. My son shot it with the fire extinguisher (good) and we spent several hours cleaning up the powder from the extinguisher (bad)

/you do have a fire extinguisher in your house, don't you?
2005-03-29 08:52:01 AM  
And they've been selling these since June 2001. Keep up the good work!
2005-03-29 09:00:11 AM  
Candles... catch fire you say?
2005-03-29 09:04:31 AM  
I think this might be an honest to God IRONIC tag.
2005-03-29 09:09:27 AM  
Of course, when I read the headline, I saw "candies" instead of "candles." Had an off-beat Willy Wonka moment I guess.
2005-03-29 09:10:02 AM  

I think this might be an honest to God IRONIC tag.

And Submitter missed it. Bad submitter!
2005-03-29 09:15:38 AM  
everyone's afraid to use the irony tag because of the irony nazi flamewars.

/like ten thousand spoons
2005-03-29 09:20:51 AM  
Finally,...a candle with a higher lumen rating, one that will light up the entire room as well as the rest of the house,.....literallly.
2005-03-29 09:21:17 AM  
Thanks, Pindooca, I thought I was the only one wondering why in the hell people were catching candies on fire.
2005-03-29 09:22:41 AM  
Why isn't there a "Texas" tag?? The Lord knows we need one, sh*t he has one!
2005-03-29 09:29:49 AM  
Gel candles, windchimes made from soda bottles, lava lamps, naked-girl silhouette mudflaps, gold-plated hubcaps.

"What is White Trash paraphernalia, Alex?"
2005-03-29 09:34:47 AM  
Y'know, with a little creative relabeling, they could market them as "Vietnam Conflict Commemorative" candles.
2005-03-29 09:35:21 AM  
Trogdor is not impressed.
2005-03-29 09:54:29 AM  
Gel candles...those are about as safe as lighting that pile of oily rags you have down in the basement.
2005-03-29 09:58:08 AM  
"Hello caller, you're on the Mr. Obvious Show."

"Is this Mr. Obvious?"
2005-03-29 10:00:53 AM  
I also thought it said 'candies' Would have been a more interesting article.
2005-03-29 10:01:29 AM  
it's quite possible i've never seen a dumber reason for a recall. oh they burn, they burn very well. i never knew candles were a FIRE RISK......but then again i've been living under a ROCK for the past..oh.. 800 years
2005-03-29 10:02:43 AM  
ps. the rock was flammable
2005-03-29 10:04:57 AM  
Last Christmas there was a booth in the local mall selling "WORLDS FIRST GLOW IN THE DARK CANDLES!"
I questioned this, but they assured me that no other candles glowed in the dark. In fact, they had a patent pending on the idea.
2005-03-29 10:19:37 AM  

Agreeded. This is definitely ironic. I mean, come on! A product whose primary use is to be burned is recalled because it burns! That's irony, baby!
2005-03-29 10:29:23 AM  
for some reason, i was expecting these to be those 'jeebus essence' candles...

has anyone seen instructions on a candle before? the first time i saw that was surreal. i mean, if somebody can't figure out how to operate the candle, what are the odds that they can read?

last week at the public library i saw a poster for their adult literacy program, and at the top, in big letters, it said Can't Read? (i guess they think the big letters help...) i was utterly dumbfounded, and ended up having to wave my hand in front of my face and say, "this is not the sign you are looking at... move along"
2005-03-29 10:34:19 AM  
Only slightly related, but it's a funny story:

We had our senior prom at a crappy conference hall kinda thing, and they tried to pretty it up with some centerpieces devised of a candle surrounded by fake ivy and flowers. It worked well for the first couple of hours. Then the candles burned too low and lit all the centerpieces on fire, so the staff was running around putting fires out all night.

2005-03-29 10:55:30 AM  
They obviously haven't read up.
[image from too old to be available]
2005-03-29 11:03:44 AM  
unavailable for comment:
[image from too old to be available]
2005-03-29 11:04:44 AM  
Yeah, so? Do they smell like Jesus or what?
2005-03-29 11:05:11 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

2005-03-29 11:07:26 AM  

that's farking hilarious! That would be a great photoshop theme.
2005-03-29 11:07:49 AM  
I'm thinking the IRONIC tag is most appropriate here.
2005-03-29 11:07:50 AM  
This is frickin old news. Who is the genius that takes petrol based gel and makes a candle out of it. May as well just take liquid paraffin mix in some diesel let it gum up and put in a wick. They smell bad and produce a black smoke. That shiat just ain't right.

/whale oil
2005-03-29 11:08:08 AM  
Austin PD surrenders.
2005-03-29 11:44:34 AM  
Old_Fark Why isn't there a "Texas" tag?? The Lord knows we need one, sh*t he has one!

i completely agree...

[image from too old to be available]
2005-03-29 11:58:55 AM  
I'll bet the people who paid $11 are pretty pissed after they read that some people got them for just $8.

/I would be...
2005-03-29 12:10:46 PM  
Perfect headline for the ironic tag wasted.
2005-03-29 12:21:54 PM  
now SPONTANEOUS combustion is cool.... that would be worth a story. self lighting candles
2005-03-29 12:36:54 PM  
Dang! I'm actually from Marble Falls, Texas and was we'd finally make the national scene when I finished my first best selling novel! Guess I can go ahead and start wipin' ass with pages 1 through 15.

Funny thing is, my parents house is full of these!
2005-03-29 02:52:42 PM  
Last year, I would have said this was stupid, but then my niece had one of those gel candles get too hot, the glass broke open and spewed burning parafin gel (or whatever it is) across the table next to her bed. Bad news is, my sister-in-law and brother-in-law lost the second floor of the house. Good news is, (1) the new second floor is nicer, and (2) my niece's room got the clean-out with a shovel that it desperately needed.

/Maybe the house wouldn't have burned so well if my niece had kept her room even SLIGHTLY clean.
//orrinbloquy, gel candles are also for teenage fans of anime, for some reason.
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