Please pardon me if you're offended that I find this funny. I went to boarding school for high school, and our students were gathered from all areas of the States. For three years, we had a mysterious vandal, monickered "The Mad Crapper" by the other students, who would evacuate his bowels everywhere but the commode. I often was the first one to the showers (gang showers (very prison-like)) in the A.M., and a number of times I found very flagrant signs of the Crapper's presence. In the stalls, too - only he would defecate next to the commodes. He was pretty good about restricting his activities to the lavatory facilities, but for three years, we had no idea who it was.

After my third year of boarding school, the institution closed. Somehow, the Crapper's identity came to light during the closing process. I don't really remember how, but I DO remember that it was a central American immigrant germophobe. He was afraid he was gonna catch the HIV or something from the toilet seats.

Anyway, funny stuff.

/Not Submitter

the mad shiatter what shiats at midnight?

/yeah baby, yah!

Headline changed to protect the innocent

/Not submitter

Well, you know what they say, shiat happens...

/bad cliche, but had to be done

Commander Camparelli stands at the podium of the ready room...

Now this matter of the"Phantom Shiatter"...

I know it's a phenomenon that occurs on an aircraft carrier in combat that goes back to World War Two, but this has gotten out of hand.

Last night a note was left saying the The Phantom would strike and this morning a. ...turd...was found in the XO's ashtray.
That only means one thing gentlemen...

he leans forward on the podium

..it means that it's not fighter jock or recon puke who is doing this thing it is an A-6 driver because no one else on this ship can hit the XO's ashtray!

Now, it could be your roommate, pilot, bombardier, think about it.

Camparelli lifts up from the podium...

Movie officer! What is the film for tonight?

A man stands from the group.... Uh, They Shoot Horses Don't They, sir. It's Jane Fonda Sir.

Any skin?

Uh, No sir.

Cancel it!

That's nothing. After UCLA lost a first-round NCAA tournament game in the 1990's, someone sent then UCLA coach Jim Harrick a steaming pile in a box via US Mail.

UCLA Police never caught their mad defecator.

Ya know, if somebody goes thru all the trouble of breaking into your room and taking a dump on your stuff, odds are pretty good that you probably deserved it.

Their trail must have gone cold.


/and smelly.

How do you know that defecator isn't the sanest one of us all?

No shiat?

For now, police are continuing their investigation of evidence they picked up from the scene.

Shiatty job...

I don't get the desire for people to do this. When I worked at Earthlink back in the mid 90's we had some guy that used to get his jollies by rubbing his feces all over the mens bathroom. Eventually they put a camera facing the door and finally caught the guy by reviewing a tape.

At the time I was very glad I worked in the IT department (we had our own building originally) instead of over in the main building with all the tech-support monkeys. Alot of those people were literally the dregs of society.

Still... WTF? Why smear your poop? And it was just smeared too, its not like he was writing messages on the wall with it. Not that its any better, but atleast I could understand it if someone was doing something creative with their poop... like a mural or something.

Poop tagging?

Oh well

First Triumph!

This is hilarious. RA's suck. But this is not so bad. One RA last year unknowigly washed his hair for a month with shampoo that had a mixture of semen and old piss in it. Bet he doesn't hand out any more stupid-ass fines anymore.

/insert witty Hot Karl refernce here
/.nothin'

/needs to learn to use the preview function

In middle school we had our own "Mad Pooper", as he was dubbed by the teachers, who went to town in the boys' locker room. Our health/gym teacher offered us all As on our next health test if we told him who did it and they were able to punish him. It turns out I was the only kid in the class who didn't know who the Mad Pooper was, and everyone else happily turned him in. However, there was no proof he did it, and in a town where every third kid had a lawyer for a parent the school did nothing and we didn't get our As.

My friend was an RA at ZooMass and she said any time she told someone to stop playing their stereo at top volume at 2 a.m. on a Tuesday night, guaranteed within 24 hours her lock would either be superglued shut or urinated upon. I would never recommend anyone be an RA after some of her experiences.

If you can't take a shiat in the toliet then don't take one at all.

/Yeah, it's a twisted version of a line in bambi. So what, wanna fight about it.

I did it :(

"We're going through some physical evidence," said Strom. "We'll process it as we see fit."

Ha ha. They have to process the shiaaatttt..

Alright, I AM an RA and I think this is funny.

Note to college students: Most RAs don't want to catch you doing anything, and you won't get caught if you just shut your farking door when you want to do something illegal. I look at it as punishing people for being stupid enough to get caught.

The Mad Dorm Defecator. Sounds like some comic book villain.

Student Life agreed not to print the names of the Lee 3 RAs due to the sensitive nature of the situation. The RAs asked Lee 3 residents not to speak to reporters. The Residential College Director for Lee, Urisonya Roberson, also declined to be interviewed.


See people, dorm room defecation is a perfect example of why we as a nation need the Patriot Act.

Register Here for Full Access to Student Life

No.

should have been lit...

2005-03-26 05:27:23 PM SH

Luckily they weren't victims of an "upperdeck".

AntiUpperdeck.com

That's got to be one of the most disturbing things I've ever heard of.

/going out...buying a lock/chain for my tank

When I was a freshman in High School we had a mad shiatter. At some point, it got so bad that they locked the bathrooms and you had to get a key from the principal's office.

Since that didn't work (access control != accountability), they installed surveillance cameras. And that was back in the days, when CCTV was exotic and cameras were expensive. At some point, they wanted to install cameras inside the stalls. That's when the school board stepped in.

AFAIR, there was a general assembly. Afterwards, the mad shiatter either transfered to another school or found a good therapist. And nobody ever found out who he or she was.

It pains me to think that I didn't get into WashU but a Mad Dorm Defecator did.

Najeh Davenport?

Think about the timing involved here ...
The person who did this had to pick a time when the RAs were gone AND he had to poop!
Unless, of course, he'd been saving the poop for just such an occasion.

This incident also reminds me of what happened with NFL running back Najeh Davenport a couple years back. He was arrested after he broke into a woman's dorm room at the University of Miami and pinched a loaf in her closet.

That rug really tied the room together.

Smells like teen spirit, eh?

We had our own vandal known as the "shiatting bandit"

I bet it was one of the drunken sorority girls! Alpha Phi!

do not GIS for "shiat". do not, for the love of god.

I knew a guy who used to shiat/piss in his closet because he was scared of the dark.

He was 15...

A couple of years later, he broke into our shed, stole some gas and managed to light the car he had stolen (his mom's) on fire because he was using matches to peer into the gas tank.

Alyson

HA! One of my favorites.

Man, and I thought farting into my roomates phone reciever was bad.

When I was in the Army we had a mad shiatter. We eventually caught him and beat the shiat out of him before we turned him in.

"It was disgusting. The behavior was totally unacceptable and inconsistent with behavior expected of the Washington University community."

Really? At my school, we actually had a semester-long class on the art and science of shiatting in your RA's dorm room.

moops: do not GIS for "shiat". do not, for the love of god.



Argh! My eyes! Red upholstery for a red car!

I saw the headline, and was sort of worried. Ya see, I didn't know there was a Washington University, so I was attempting to figure out if the submitter meant University of Washington or Washington State University (of which I am a student). Thankfully, this was done by some asshat back east. Woo.

So, not all their students are even potty-trained! What has American higher education come to??

moops: "do not GIS for "shiat". do not, for the love of god."

NO KIDDING! What did you expect to find?

We had a guy we nicknamed "dookie" who had a strange penchant for taking a crap and then smearing it all over the campus safety office door when they were gone. He was a wanna-be skinhead type. Total homophobe too. Okay, Bruce likes to put things in his butt, but you like to take things OUT of your butt... hmmm. Quelle difference...

I've also been an RA (had the brains to quit before my contract ran out) at a Missouri school, and we had "Jerry the Jerk-Off" last year--guy used to jack off outside the windows of first floor girls rooms. At my last college, we also had a Mad Crapper on one of the mens' floors, except he used to smear it around on the door rooms of guys who were openly homosexual.

/RAing is a shiatty job
//Still funny

do not GIS for "shiat". do not, for the love of god.

Why does this come up when I do?

Ack, no HTML skills
Here's the link
http://www.noaanews.noaa.gov/stories2004/images/frances090104-1121z.jpg

I'm pretty sure the culprit was Wing-Ding Weisenheimer.

/too obscure

When I was in boarding school, someone took a crap in a classroom -- twice. Never figured out who it was.

What Happens When I'm At WORK and I have to Poop?

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those of you who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the.........

Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.

Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an ESCAPEE, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun's pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the shiatter. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): This is a group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN) and identify SAFE HAVEN.

SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLAR. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

Your mad dorm defecator has nothing on the "fourth floor fecal fiend". The name our "brown terrorist" had was so much cooler. Two years ago at my college this was someone who repeatedly went into the fourth floor mens room at one of our school buildings, and left a mound of crap on the floor. The amazing thing is that this became a frequent occurance, solicited notices from our dean, etc. Everyone suspected who it was, and most of us were right when one day a trail of brown footprints led back to his workspace in the senior lab.

I was known as the Mad Bomber during my time at a Northern Iowa Community College. Had more to do with throwing fire-works at people while THEY were pooping, but still relevant.

There is a problem with teh courtesy flush:

My dad always used to tell me that when you flush the toilet, tons of bacteria from your poop gets wafted into the air. He said he never flushed when sitting on the toilet because "then you get that shiat all over your ass." To this day, I flush with the toilet seat DOWN. While my dad was pretty stupid about a lot of things (money, women, sports) he was a physicist, and I trust him on all matters scientific.

madshiatter.com

That url should be to the correct shiat spelling.

Does the Phantom Shiatter wear a brown costume with a big "PS" on the chest?
If not, perhaps he should consider it.

School under cover Footage of da poopie perp

I can remember being a lifeguard for a city pool and we had a mad crapper. He would shiat in peoples shoes, the baskets people kept their clothes in and smear shiat on the walls. I hated cleaning that crap up.

Up here at Simon Fraser University we callled our mad defecator the Poo Bandit. From about 2000-2002, that guy shiatted in empty seminar rooms, lecture theatre stages, slide projectors... everywhere but the shiatter. *doffs hat*

Strom alluded to past conflicts between the RAs and students on Lee 3 as a possible motive for the crimes.

Everytime I clip my dogs toenails, I have to close all the doors in the house. The reason being, if one of the doors is left open, the dog will display its displeasure by hoping up on a bed or furniture, and pooping.

Perhaps some of this logic can be applied to the RA's situation.

THE TALE OF THE PHANTOM SH*TTER
(found on web, slight edit. I've no idea.)

'Twas Brillig and the Spermy Dogs, A Mighty
Pleasure Dome Decree'd, and safely tied her
To the mast, o'er the tomb of a hundred head.

I don't think I shall ever see, by the shores
Of Gitche Goomee, the Village Smithy standing
There, with Alice, mind all full of bread.

Who, with little lump of leaven, leaveneth the
Whole loaf, shall snicker-snack and wackity
Whack, and turn the mess of pottage into lead.

What scrap of paper this? to wend our merry way,
To Flanders Field, the knight did therefore
Yield, and drank my favorite flavor, Cherry Red.

What, Hark! through yonder window breaks, and
Roar of Lightning, Flash of Thunder, what busts
Our bonds of bondage, and sh*ts us on our bed?

THE PHANTOM SH*TTER SITS there still, it's silent
Visage subtly stinking, and makes me ponder, like
The Thinker, that I shall sh*t there, "Nevermore!"

It's crazy when you start hearing the big news of your campus on FARK. I am a student at Wash U. I didn't need to know this.

yeah wash u.

/class of 2000

somedevil:

CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLAR. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

Or you can sniffle your nose (there's gotta be a better way to describe the snorting snot sound), which serves two purposes. First, it lets people know your in there, secondly, it lets them know it's safe to breathe.

Whoa, they still put all the freaks in Lee.

/lived in Beaumont and Shandling.

"We're going through some physical evidence," said Strom. "We'll process it as we see fit."

ewwwwwwwwwww.............

Phantom Pooper? Mad Crapper? Feh.

At my school, we had the Masked Masturbator. Took the cops two years to finally catch him. During that time, there were about 2 dozen verified sightings (and I can't count how many fake ones) of the guy wearing a ski mask and jogging pants around his ankles going to town on himself at various locations on and off my college campus.

Most everybody considered it a big joke until the guy let himself into the apartments of a few girls off campus where the girl would wake up to find the guy at the foot of her bed doing his thing.

Back in my high school, some asshat would take random dumps in the mens room. shiat was found in the sink, on toilet seats, on the floor, and in a urinal. No one ever discovered his true identity. We called him the Phantom Loafer.

My friend lived in a dorm called Wash Hall when we were freshmen at Wash U. The dorm was off campus, but was the only one in which freshmen were allowed to have cars, which is why he was there. It was also home to some of the more...uh, odd...students. One of these students got the nickname "Poopin' Peter" because he had a penchant for defecating in random places...such as the janitor's closet. I believe he eventually was expelled. Looks like he may be back!

Anyone who tries to be a "Phanton Shiatter" deserves to have his/her face smeared in the mess they made.

/Why Gd, WHY?!

When they say "Shiat Happens" I though it was like the Big Bang Theory - it just materialized out of nothingness from elsewhere.

So this doesn't have anything to do with string theroy or quantum mechanics...huh?

Ah, Simon's Rock... I know thee well. How the air sang with the smell of... Freedom!

/class of '01, in that farked-up backwards way (graduated '03)

ours was called "the fecal terrorist"

Any farkers old enough to remember that the name "Mad Crapper" got started in the National Lampoon 60s high school yearbook parody? (published in 1974)

I could understand it if someone was doing something creative with their poop... like a mural or something.

my first-grade classroom had an attached bathroom, and one of my classmates would make brown paintings next to the toilet. i remember the first time going in there and discovering one, and being utterly amazed. the pictures were as tall as a first-grader could reach. the artwork was pretty good, so to speak.

contemplating such an artwork is a very strange mixture of feelings. original medium, impressive size, but WTF? who would think of doing such a thing? but they did do a nice job of it... but how did they... eewwww...

when i found out who did it, i asked him why. he said he didn't want to wipe when his bum was covered with poo. you can't argue with logic like that.

needless to say, that happened in a 'red' state....

Sometimes I'm scared that my state will end up with its own Fark tag.

The only lead is his love of corn.

I was an RA at Washington University and ironically enough about two years ago someone defecated front of my door. But we identified him.

Pv-Nkt:

What did you do with the bastard? Was he expelled?

Isn't Lee 3 supposed to be sub-free?

I think it is lee 1 or 2...