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(ABC News)   Judge rules Florida must warn bathers that the ocean is a dangerous place filled with water and swimming things with teeth   ( divider line
    More: Florida  
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8052 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Mar 2005 at 5:30 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

79 Comments     (+0 »)

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2005-03-25 11:26:09 AM  
Amity surrenders.
2005-03-25 11:35:00 AM  

What the hell country is submitter from?
2005-03-25 11:35:58 AM  
One entry found for amity.

Main Entry: amity
Pronunciation: 'a-m&-tE
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -ties
Etymology: Middle English amite, from Middle French amit, from Medieval Latin amicitas, from Latin amicus friend -- more at AMIABLE
: FRIENDSHIP; especially : friendly relations between nations

2005-03-25 11:47:47 AM  
SoiledDude has apparently never seen Jaws. :-P
2005-03-25 12:50:09 PM  
I grew up in a redneck beach town and I've seen this attitude develop over the years. When I was a kid, people drowned sometimes. Now, people drown, and someone complains that no one warned them that the water was rough.

I think tourists think everything is Disney-safe when they vacation, and are surprised that the ocean is full of nasty things that bite and sting. I expect many of them want to sue someone.
2005-03-25 03:13:53 PM  
So what constitutes "swimming to be encouraged"? I think short of an electrified fence, any access to the water could be construed as "encouragement to swim".

/checks possible investment opportunities w/ Bramley and Wellesley.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2005-03-25 03:45:49 PM  
Post a warning in every delivery room:

Warning: Life may lead to death.
2005-03-25 03:56:57 PM  
common sense surrenders

/holds head in hands and weeps
2005-03-25 04:32:20 PM  
It's all psychological. You yell barracuda, everybody says, "Huh? What?" You yell shark, we've got a panic on our hands on the Fourth of July.
2005-03-25 05:20:02 PM  
Watch out for those boxes of ballots floating around out there, also.
2005-03-25 05:36:37 PM  
You just gotta love Darwin at work!!!
2005-03-25 05:37:40 PM  
If it weren't in Florida it would be OBVIOUS.
2005-03-25 05:38:15 PM  
More concerned about landsharks. You know, pit bulls and the like.
2005-03-25 05:38:45 PM  
It's shiat like this that makes me ashamed to be farking HUMAN. Game over man.
2005-03-25 05:39:49 PM  
Did he remember to mention the medical waste and UV rays?

</just sayin'>
2005-03-25 05:40:31 PM  
They had better warn that you can get a nasty sunburn too.

/Fire hot!
2005-03-25 05:44:20 PM  
To answer everyones question.

Yes, people really are that stupid.
2005-03-25 05:46:58 PM  
M-G: They had better warn that you can get a nasty sunburn too.

been there, done that.
2005-03-25 05:52:27 PM  
This is just more proof of natural selection. Yup, Darwin was right! Serves you right for not wantin' to believe in it and trying to shove this so called, "Intelligent Design," down our throats!

"There are sharks, barracudas, stingrays, jelly fish, undertows, riptides, sandbars, coral reefs, lightning, and literally thousands of other natural dangers," Wells wrote.

Yup, most people ought to be learning this sometime before they graduate from high school. Personally, I learned this in elementary school. Not sure what they're teaching our kids now,...
2005-03-25 05:54:02 PM  
Why is every stupid thing coming from Florida, all the time? Is it because the next president is governor there?
2005-03-25 05:54:09 PM  
My dog has more sense than the people who need this warning and she licks her own ass.
2005-03-25 05:55:00 PM  
Kids are learning "I pledge allegiance to the dollar which may or may not save me from Cthulhu. Damn."
2005-03-25 05:56:16 PM  

I've always believed that, and I still hold it to be true.

Life is the worst thing for you! You WILL die from it!
2005-03-25 06:01:30 PM  
Man,it's not the teeth you got to worry about. Has anyone ever been stung by a jellyfish,"down there"? Hell,forget about the gators.
2005-03-25 06:02:33 PM  
Forsythe P. Jones: Has anyone ever been stung by a jellyfish,"down there"?

That's why they call it "meat" tenderizer.
2005-03-25 06:03:07 PM  
I know, I know we're not supposed to support imperialism in the western hemisphere, Monroe doctrine and all that.

But can we PLEASE give Florida back to Spain or something?
2005-03-25 06:05:09 PM  
This is a dangerous place. He held a gun in his hand...

/thela hun ginjeet
2005-03-25 06:06:13 PM  
"Here, the city engaged in affirmative actions that effectively designated the a public swimming area and derived revenue from that activity," Lewis wrote.

[image from too old to be available]
2005-03-25 06:07:08 PM  
As a resident of SoCal and a surfer...

Most people are unaware of the dangers of the ocean. Most think it's just a big saltwater swimming pool with nifty waves.

I'll be most farkers aren't acquainted with riptides and currents on beaches. Let alone sharks/stingrays/etc. Many people freak out when they look back toward the beach and realize they've drifted half a mile down from where they entered the water. Instead of moving to either side to get out of the riptide then swimming toward shore, they tend to try to swim against the riptide and back to their towel. Then they panic or get exhausted and drown.

Every beach I have been to that has public access has some sort of warning sign about riptides/undertow and local sea monters. Luckily I haven't been hit by a stingray. I've seen it and it looks like it su-ucks.
2005-03-25 06:07:53 PM  
Only if we can give Texas back to Mexico, and throw in Oklahoma while we're at it.
2005-03-25 06:08:10 PM  
So... The ocean is dangerous, but the Gulf of Mexico is okay?

/stupid geography-insensitive submitter
2005-03-25 06:12:02 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2005-03-25 06:13:04 PM  
Remember kids, if you inhale too much water, you might drown.

2005-03-25 06:19:50 PM  
Two people drown. Two. Suddenly you realize that the beach is dangerous and people need to be warned about it. No s**T sherlock. Here in Fl I've been hit by a man o war as a child, it scarred my right arm for almost two years. Hell, if you really want to see something creepy, take a helicopter ride over and random beach during the summer tourist season. Look at all the sharks mingled with the people. Yup, they're there. Swimming around. Ignoring you. Rip currents, undertows, hell even a well times wave can take you out.

Yet, it's no more dangerous than walking across the street. If you look both ways before you step across, you're less likely to die. If you look up the weather report before you go swimming, you're less likely to drown.
2005-03-25 06:24:41 PM  
When I was young, I was wading in the ocean in Ft. Meyers Beach, and something bit me, HARD.

I ran back to shore, and my foot was bleeding horribly. We didn't know what to do, so we asked a pharmacist (since we were on an HMO and there was no doctor in that state that accepted our insurance at the time. Stupid HMO policy.)

The pharmacist said "He either got clawed by a crab, in which case put this balm on it, or he got stung by a ray, in which case he'll die."

Man, Florida sucks.

/Obviously, it was a crab.
2005-03-25 06:27:16 PM  
If we ever want to solve this overpopulation problem...we have to STOP telling people how dangerous everything is!

Let 'em find out themselves, like we did when I was a kid, back in 19dickety2. We had to use dickety because the Kaiser stole our 20....
2005-03-25 06:29:53 PM  
Florida is embarassing to the rest of the States. It's like the retarded little brother who likes torturing mice and gets caught farking chickens at family reunions.
2005-03-25 06:30:56 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
Just when you thought it was safe...
2005-03-25 06:31:53 PM  
The pharmacist said "He either got clawed by a crab, in which case put this balm on it, or he got stung by a ray, in which case he'll die."

Thanks for the chuckle. Funny thing about sting rays, you're more likely to have the tail severely break your leg than sting you. Nasty things. They typically like clear calm water, if I remember correctly.
2005-03-25 06:34:07 PM  

Florida is embarassing to the rest of the States. It's like the retarded little brother who likes torturing mice and gets caught farking chickens at family reunions.


/note to self: Steer clear of ZeroCorpse's family & any reunions thereof
2005-03-25 06:34:53 PM  
I hereby recommend that all newly-produced humans be issued with a handbook outlining the inherent dangers in the universe. Said handbook shall include, but not be limited to:

Lack of Oxygen
Pop Rocks
Travel via mechanized and non-mechanized means
Moon Landings

And of course...


/I'd say I was giving up and moving to a more sensible country, but I'm not sure there are any left.
2005-03-25 06:36:45 PM  
If you don't know there are dangerous things in the water yet, you haven't been paying attention.
2005-03-25 06:38:30 PM  
This is a dangerous place. He held a gun in his hand...

/thela hun ginjeet

From King Crimson Discipline. Betcha didn't think anyone would recognize it. No I didnt google
2005-03-25 06:40:33 PM  
Wild Yams

I remember that picture from a few years. It's of a dolphin.

They love waves, it's really cute.
2005-03-25 06:45:23 PM  
Wild Yams, please, please, PLEASE tell me that's a fake image! I'm in Oregon, where you're more likely to freeze to death in the ocean than get bitten by anything, but photos like that almost guarantee I'll never take an over-water flight, ever.

"1,100 men went into the water. 316 men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the 29th, 1945. Anyway, we delivered the bomb."
--- minor Fark Saint Quint
2005-03-25 06:46:53 PM  
I don't know what the big deal is about this ruling.
I agree 100%. If people set up a shower area, have food stands, etc. around a beach area that has no lifeguard and known riptide danger, then it needs to be posted as such. Whoever has legal control over the area has a legal responsibility to make sure that it is *as safe as it can be* or that some warning is visible about the dangers that cannot be minimized or eliminated.

Same rules apply at places like ski resorts.

Lived in FL (which sucked), lived at a ski reort (which ruled) and now lives in CA (kinda in-between)

/IANAL but I play one on TV
2005-03-25 06:48:47 PM  
Dolphin or not, seeing it in front of you suddenly might cause a sudden bowel release.
2005-03-25 06:50:09 PM  
ZeroCorpse You are correct ,everyone in Fl. is retarded,it is a dangerous place,the weather sucks and it is very embarassing to even be here. Please note these things and never risk so much as a brief visit to this hell hole. But be advised the entire state will suffer without you and we will miss you very much. Your future cooperation in staying away is appreciated.

/weather is here, wish you were beautiful
2005-03-25 06:51:04 PM  
We need to encourage people dying in the water, not discourage it. People evolved to be around water. The majority of people in the world live on the coast or riverbanks. We have little hair, and what we do have is grained downward. Our nose is unique among apes, with its protuberance and downward facing nostrils to keep water out. To this day babies are sometimes born with webbed hands and feet. Can't you see people, we are hindering our natural evolution into a supreme race of porpoises! Stop the madness!
2005-03-25 06:51:55 PM  
Press Release: Florida State Board of Health

In addition to the recently released list of dangerous things one might encounter on Florida beaches, we feel it is necessary to release a list of dangerous things one might elsewhere:

Gang members, guns, knives, sticks, poles, lawyers, politicians, dung beetles, blow fish, ice, lawyers, electricity, super villans, evil geniuses, Michael Flatley, smoking, alcohol, McDonald's food, anything fried, heroin, lawyers, falling bricks, crashing satellites, death rays, crocodiles, alligators, feral cats, rabid dogs, moldy cheese, rotten meat, spoiled milk, lawyers, and Jerry Lewis tapes.

This list is not to be considered complete, full, or all-encompassing of the possible dangers in the state of Florida. If you have additions to this list, please send them to every lawyer in the state so they can better sue us.
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