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(SFGate)   Regular inmate given laxative as prank by jailer   (sfgate.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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7980 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Mar 2005 at 4:22 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



55 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2005-03-11 09:50:24 AM  
That was a shiatty thing to do!
 
2005-03-11 10:28:47 AM  
I think he watched Dumb and Dumber/American Pie/Van Wilder/etc too many times.
 
2005-03-11 10:41:43 AM  
In a "pound me in the ass" prison would having diarrhea be considered premature ejaculation?
 
2005-03-11 11:26:21 AM  
Poor guy. That's so not amusing.
 
2005-03-11 12:42:30 PM  
Well let's see...

"Diarrhea: the poor man's astroglide"

and

"Prisoner runs, blames jailer"

/don't ask
 
2005-03-11 04:12:52 PM  
Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together and join me in welcoming Mr. Sophisticate himself, he's been called the Dorothy Parker of lockdown, the Groucho Marx of Death Row, let's hear it for the cerebral wit of Johnnie Dallas Pruett!

Thank you ladies and germs. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves this evening. Thanks for coming out. Prison food, nobody likes prison food. (silence) Okay, tough crowd.

Anyway, well, tip your bartender, because unbenounst (tee-hee)to him I have replaced all the liquor bottles with Ipecac. Good night folks stick around because Don Rickles will be on next to tell you how stupid and ugly you all are. (tee-hee) Until then enjoy the veal AS IT FLIES FROM YOUR EVERY ORAFICE! (falls to ground laughing himself silly)
 
2005-03-11 04:25:50 PM  
Before the laxatives were given, was he an irregular inmate?
 
2005-03-11 04:28:50 PM  
Next time show up to court you idiot.

This guy must've be a Total Farker. In fact the prison guard probably is a Total Farker too because you have to be an idiot to:

1: go to jail
2: be a prison guard
3: pay for web content
 
2005-03-11 04:31:39 PM  
I did this to a friend in 8th grade so I could get more playing time in the basketball game that night.

It didn't work but he listened to the half-time speech from the stall... haha... we won big and I got some PT anyway.

I told him later, and he laughed.
 
2005-03-11 04:32:08 PM  
WTF is up with the anti-TF comments? Go away.

(Anyway....)

Uhm, funny though it may seem, expect an assult charge to be levelled against the jailer and jail.
 
dly
2005-03-11 04:33:21 PM  
Here's to our wives and sweethearts - may they never meet.
 
2005-03-11 04:34:40 PM  
Some kids in one of the elementary schools I attended did something similar to a girl in the school no-one really liked (small school, 1 classroom per grade and with a 5/6 and 7/8 split). They gave her an extra strength Exlax chocolate bar and told her it was a normal chocolate bar. She got really sick and the principal was not amused. "Practical jokes" are neither practical nor jokes. Discuss.
 
2005-03-11 04:34:43 PM  
tinrobot wins for best comment ever
 
2005-03-11 04:35:02 PM  
ArcadianRefugee

WTF is up with the anti-TF comments? Go away.

it's late Friday, Im bored, looking for a 48 hour ban.

now go away before I taunt you with a racial slur or give you a laxative (to stay on topic with the link)
 
2005-03-11 04:36:08 PM  
let's see, regular inmate. laxatives can't go well with a wizard's sleeve arse.
 
2005-03-11 04:36:38 PM  
So, one could say the prisoner was on the runs?

/got jack-all
 
2005-03-11 04:36:42 PM  
Not amusing at all.
It's not OK for prison gaurds to abuse prisoners.
Submitter is an asshat.
 
2005-03-11 04:37:20 PM  
The_Other_White_Boy


Next time show up to court you idiot.

This guy must've be a Total Farker. In fact the prison guard probably is a Total Farker too because you have to be an idiot to:

1: go to jail
2: be a prison guard
3: pay for web content


Do you know what one great feature of paying five bucks a month for web content is?

The ignore list for asshats like you.


SEE-YA!
 
2005-03-11 04:37:43 PM  
Reminds of a Johnny Cash song:

Jailer, Oh Jailer
I cannot sleep
For all I hear around my bed is
SPLUURRRRT

Delia's gone
one more Maalox
Delia's gone
 
2005-03-11 04:37:56 PM  
Ah yes, humiliating and abusing prisoners is oh so funny. What is wrong with you people? Suppose the guy were you, your brother, or son.

And you wonder why many people today have little respect for the law, especially after they pull shiat like this (no pun intended).
 
2005-03-11 04:38:55 PM  
Hoo! That'll make your bull run!
 
2005-03-11 04:38:58 PM  
kurfu

word.
 
2005-03-11 04:40:25 PM  
agreed, this is not in any way amusing.
 
2005-03-11 04:40:58 PM  
Humiliating and abusing prisoners is wrong an should be punished to the extreme. But that doesnt mean it's not funny when you imagine Andy Dufresne with the hershy squirts as he plots his way out of Shawshank.
 
2005-03-11 04:46:13 PM  
1 don't break the law
2 show up for your court date if you do break the law and get caught

or you will have to deal with the inbred uneducated cousin of the county sheriff

/every been to a turkish prison
 
2005-03-11 04:46:24 PM  
And now, the Ballad of a Gentle Laxitive

When I'm irregular
Here's what I do
I take Doxidan because
It works when I expect it to
Doxidan, Doxidan
I get no surprises
I feel better in the morning
Sure as the sun rises
Doxidan, Doxidan
When nature needs a helping hand
Get overnight relief with Doxidan
As sure as the sun rises

[image from walgreens.com too old to be available]
 
2005-03-11 04:47:46 PM  
kurfu: Not amusing at all. It's not OK for prison gaurds to abuse prisoners. Submitter is an asshat

If it had had a HERO tag I would agree. However, illegal or not, it *is* AMUSING.
 
2005-03-11 04:48:32 PM  
Inmates are in mental hospitals, convicts are in jail.

//been there, done that
 
2005-03-11 04:50:20 PM  
Functional_Android_Responsible_for_Killing: Wired News: Fark Sells Out. France Surrenders

WTF? We all saw that when it it was published. 6 months ago. In fact, if I remember correctly, it was even a green-light.

There was nothing to the story, and Drew gave a very reasonable response and explanation. In fact, the whole thing became a sort of joke in the headlines for a week (headlines ended with "This link brought to you by XYZ Corp.")

So what's your point?
 
2005-03-11 04:52:32 PM  
That's the shiats ...

/obvious
 
2005-03-11 04:55:07 PM  
Prisoner abuse is fun-ny.

[image from setiathome.ssl.berkeley.edu too old to be available]

/Sarcasm
 
2005-03-11 04:55:19 PM  
MizzouGuy: convicts are in jail

Convicts are in prison. I was in jail before I ever faced a trial (thus, while not a convict).
 
2005-03-11 04:57:29 PM  
I don't get it... If the guy's regular, why does he need laxatives?

Buh-dum-chh
 
2005-03-11 04:58:24 PM  
Doc Daneeka:

There was nothing to the story, and Drew gave a very reasonable response and explanation. In fact, the whole thing became a sort of joke in the headlines for a week (headlines ended with "This link brought to you by XYZ Corp.")

Here is where Drew responds to that link.

/end threadjack
 
2005-03-11 04:59:19 PM  
So, what do you get if you ask for laxitives?
Viagra?
 
2005-03-11 04:59:21 PM  
The_Other_White_Boy:

Next time show up to court you idiot.

This guy must've be a Total Farker. In fact the prison guard probably is a Total Farker too because you have to be an idiot to:

1: go to jail
2: be a prison guard
3: pay for web content


Your argument makes no sense based upon your statements. Let us examine:

Tx = "x is a TotalFarker"
Ix = "x is an idiot"
Px = "x paid for web content"
Gx = "x is a prison guard"
Jx = "x has gone to jail"

You're saying being an idiot (Ix) is a condition for either Px, Gx, or Jx:

Px -> Ix (if x paid for web content, then x is an idiot)
Gx -> Ix
Jx -> Ix

Also, you're assuming a relationship between Px and Tx:

Tx -> Px

However, you can be an idiot, and not fall into one of the three categories. Similarly, you can belong to TotalFark and not pay for web content.

For example, you can be sponsored:

Sx = "x is sponsored for TotalFark"

Which gives us:

Sx -> ~Px (if you're sponsored, you don't pay)
Tx -> (Px v Sx) (v = or) (if you have TF, it's one or the other)
~(Px + Sx) (you cannot be both paying and sponsored, with + meaning and, and ~ meaning not)

So you say that:

Tx -> Px
Px -> Ix
therefore, Tx -> Ix

However, if you're sponsored, you're not paying, and your little argument falls apart, and I'm too bored with this to finish fleshing out the predicate logic.
 
2005-03-11 05:00:47 PM  
Ah, the administration of a stool softener. I guess in jail they call that foreplay.
 
2005-03-11 05:00:59 PM  
ArticaVamp:

I don't get it... If the guy's regular, why does he need laxatives?

Buh-dum-chh

Good One! Deserves a Wokka Wokka Wokka
 
2005-03-11 05:01:23 PM  
But that doesnt mean it's not funny when you imagine Andy Dufresne with the hershy squirts as he plots his way out of Shawshank.

For a guy with the squirts, Andy sure picked a good route out of prison!


/no pain no strain just sit and let it drain

 
2005-03-11 05:08:16 PM  
You know, having a known diarrhea problem might save you from the "pound-me-in-the-ass" part of prison life. Unless the other inmates are into that kind of thing.
 
2005-03-11 05:10:51 PM  
So the regular inmate became even more regular....
 
2005-03-11 05:13:53 PM  
Functional_Android_Responsible_for_Killing

Wired News: Fark Sells Out. France Surrenders

Fark.com = pwn3d!!11! or would that be OWNED?
 
2005-03-11 05:25:28 PM  
Sid_6.7: Which gives us:

You know, that would have been a whole lot funnier if you had made the various "Tx" things spell out something like "StFu NoOb" or something.

/is it 5 yet?
 
2005-03-11 05:34:26 PM  
Sid_6.7 Wow...just..wow.

Also, is it me or is everyone taking credit for bring up the connection between the word 'regular' and 'laxative'. I mean I'm thinking that was intended by the submitter...right?
 
kdr
2005-03-11 05:42:50 PM  
Exactly why I pretty much hate all cops. Cops suck! No excuse to abuse an inmate anyway you look at it. It may be somewhat funny, but still very uncalled for and unprofessional.
 
2005-03-11 05:43:26 PM  
In grade 7 I kicked a guy's chair when he was leaning in it and he fell to the floor with a crash, much to his humiliation. A couple months later I was sick and borrowed his notes to catch up. In his notes I came across a detailed plan to trick me into eating ex-lax in revenge for the chair kick.

I thought it was pretty damn funny, but he was pretty sheepish about it when I started to tease him about it. I guess he actually thought he was going to go through with it! It would have never worked, the plan was ridiculous as are most plans written up by 7th graders.
 
2005-03-11 06:19:27 PM  
This just confirms what we all think about cops.

[image from images.google.ca too old to be available]

"ha. hahaha. ha."
 
2005-03-11 06:21:28 PM  
Is it the Bible that says you can tell the nature of a society by the way they treat their prisoners?

Many remember the commands to minister to and help women and children, but many times the statement is women, children, and prisoners.
 
2005-03-11 06:52:15 PM  
sorebones
In grade 7 I kicked a guy's chair when he was leaning in it and he fell to the floor with a crash, much to his humiliation. A couple months later I was sick and borrowed his notes to catch up. In his notes I came across a detailed plan to trick me into eating ex-lax in revenge for the chair kick.

I thought it was pretty damn funny, but he was pretty sheepish about it when I started to tease him about it. I guess he actually thought he was going to go through with it! It would have never worked, the plan was ridiculous as are most plans written up by 7th graders.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Sounds to me, that YOU were the tool here.
He obviously was the one who DID get back at ya & make you sick w/Exlax, and he wrote "the plan" in his notes cuz he felt bad that you were so sick.
To further your tooliness you "tease" him about the plan...

I'll bet you were the fat overweight kid who always thought he was funny.
 
2005-03-11 10:26:31 PM  
This guard need to be taken out back and shot in the head. He's obviously a pig of a human being who can't even be trusted with the minimal duties he has.

What's wrong with our prison system = asshats like this.
 
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