FARK.com: (1389472) Ex-Korn guitarist prepares to be Jesus Christ's stand-in for the Second Coming as he is baptized in the Jordan River (with pic)

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		Ex-Korn guitarist prepares to be Jesus Christ's stand-in for the Second Coming as he is baptized in the Jordan River (with pic) (rednova.com)		486
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Peaceboy		2005-03-07 05:36:47 PM

On the one hand, while it may not be my thing, I'm happy for him that he's found something meaningful in his life and is getting his shiat together.

On the other hand, I'm sad for him that he's in Bakersfield.

vernonFL		2005-03-07 05:43:35 PM

Good for him.

/He does look like the stereotype of Jesus from paintings, etc...

//Jesus did not have long hair, and never prayed with his hands together, and did not really carry you across the sand leaving only 1 set of footprints.

BeanFreak		2005-03-07 06:01:21 PM

"My songs are God saying things to me, him talking to people. He's going to use me to heal people and people are going to be drawn to it, just watch, they will be," he said.

Hmmm...Omnipotent, ominpresent, omniscient being decides to use a guy from Korn to heal people and draw them closer to Him.

Yep. Sure. Makes perfect sense to me.

Half Man Half Biscuit		2005-03-07 10:14:24 PM

Vietti said Welch - who has "Jesus" tattooed across his knuckles and "Matthew 11:28," tattooed prominently across his neck - is already attracting a new group of young people to the message of Christianity.

The religion of tackiness strikes again.

Korn announced Welch's resignation last month after 13 years with the band. Welch said he had become increasingly depressed and drug-addicted in recent years, but that religion helped him quit.

When you talk to god it's praying, when he talkes back to you it's psycosis brought on by all the coke you've been snorting.

whatshisname		2005-03-07 10:26:12 PM

BeanFreak:
Hmmm...Omnipotent, ominpresent, omniscient being decides to use a guy from Korn to heal people and draw them closer to Him.Yep. Sure. Makes perfect sense to me.

The Christian God uses the little guy to spread his message. It's a proven viral marketing plan that allows the common person to identify with the messenger. Last time round it was an unknown carpenter. Now a minor rock star. God's getting a bit more ambitious with his prophets.

I would not be surprised if some sort of cult developed around this man. He certainly looks the part.

eddie van heinous		2005-03-07 11:54:03 PM

One addiction for another...

ChickenGeorgeVII		2005-03-08 12:30:19 AM

Is he going to join them and make one of them rockin' supergroups???

And thus, yeeeeeaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!
- - - George, The 7th Chicken!!!!

VegasShawn		2005-03-08 12:48:38 AM

What an asshole.

pathogenx		2005-03-08 12:49:02 AM

aerojad		2005-03-08 12:49:37 AM

Dude has gone off the deep farking end.

Laughing Budda		2005-03-08 12:50:28 AM

Yes, but will he appreciate the new taste of communion wafers?

Jesus, the other white meat.

servoled		2005-03-08 12:50:39 AM

Korn sucks. The Knights of the New Crusade are where its at!

IvyMike		2005-03-08 12:52:30 AM

Is this somehow related to the recent monkeys gone wild incident in Bakersfield? Heck, isn't there some dude named "Monkey" in Korn? Awfully big coincidence, if you ask me.

socialunravelin		2005-03-08 12:52:32 AM

Jesus wants nothing to do with Korn fans.

I don't anything to do with either. They should all fark themselves.

Manchurian_Candidate		2005-03-08 12:53:34 AM

He could be the new Pope. I, for one, welcome our new Jeebus clone overlord.

/got nuthin

Sister_AbdulaX		2005-03-08 12:53:50 AM

The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing

LincolnLogolas		2005-03-08 12:54:15 AM

Good for him. Not my cup of tea, but it's always good to hear someone's found a positive meaning in life.

robsul82		2005-03-08 12:55:15 AM

Jesus...he DOES look like Jesus!

/runs

HeavilyArmed		2005-03-08 12:56:19 AM

Just for reference (strangely, I have a bible on my bookshelf)

Matthew 11:28:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

I am interested to find out when he got the tattoo. Did he find the passage and realize that he needed a change, or did he find the passage and realize that it would be the perfect piece to launch his solo Jesus Lovin' Career?

And yes, I do expect to be struck by lightning after that.

Beerden		2005-03-08 12:56:29 AM

Schizophrenia?

His Religion Gene just kicked in?

/religion also helps you beat dyslexia!

millera9		2005-03-08 12:57:15 AM

Korn was a band of 5 complete losers. Now they're a band of 4 complete losers and there's one unattached loser running around spouting annoying dogmatic slogans. What has changed and why is this newsworthy or inspiring to anyone?!

roxtar		2005-03-08 01:00:10 AM

Good for him

LincolnLogolas		2005-03-08 01:01:04 AM

millera9

Welllll... he's an unattached loser who managed to throw off his depression and drug abuse, so that's a good thing (usually). Because he's famous, that makes it big news.

MyNameIsMofuga		2005-03-08 01:01:10 AM

I still think he should join a reunited Creed.
/I keed I keed

abnormalia		2005-03-08 01:03:10 AM

He's going to turn it into a fad. All the teens will be quoting Bible verses, not knowing what they're talking about.

Oh, and If you're smart enough, Christianity gives a person some awesome morals and other characteristic strengths...

hexane		2005-03-08 01:03:50 AM

Baptized in the Joan Rivers, what was he wearing.

orion_blastar		2005-03-08 01:03:53 AM

Yoko Ono broke up the Beatles. Jesus broke up Korn. :)

Lance Uppercut		2005-03-08 01:04:16 AM

HeavilyArmed:

Just for reference (strangely, I have a bible on my bookshelf)

Matthew 11:28:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Just for reference, what version is that? I was curious about it too so I googled it, and the King James version that came up was just some completely random quote in the middle of some parable.

Now that I think about it, that would be a hilarious tattoo. Imagine just having a reference to a completely random and nonsensical sentence in the Bible.

deevo		2005-03-08 01:05:28 AM

I guess you could call it his FAMILY VALUES TOUR ogmrofzl

mactobain		2005-03-08 01:07:49 AM

Joan Rivers?

...oh jordan River..my bad

Al Bundy		2005-03-08 01:07:55 AM

Jesus to Mr Welch, "Dude, WTF are you doing?? You trying to make me look bad? Go back to your heavy metal music, and drug use before I have to waste you."

/thinks if there is a god, Paris Hilton is the anti-christ.

MelLuvsDMB		2005-03-08 01:09:06 AM

Mike_Bolton:

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMbadakadakslurpMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMbadakadikaMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM MMMMMMMMMROCK

My favorite Korn song of all time!!

mactobain		2005-03-08 01:09:46 AM

hexane

You win

tyler_tryhard		2005-03-08 01:09:53 AM

Jebus?

ericjohnson0		2005-03-08 01:10:42 AM

An Apology:

So many churches and preachers spread "their will" in "God's name" and for that I'm sorry.

Jesus was a good guy who preached love your neighbor, make peace and help the weak. In short, Jesus said some great stuff.

I thought about posting a link to some website where you could find out more, but I decided not to do that. Why? I'm not pushing any agenda...

The real Jesus didn't have to do anything for anyone... but he did and maybe that's example everyone could use, me included.

/just a guy trying to be make it by

strifecat		2005-03-08 01:12:59 AM

VegasShawn: What an asshole.

sums it up nicely

OwnTheRide		2005-03-08 01:13:47 AM

vernonFL:

Good for him.

/He does look like the stereotype of Jesus from paintings, etc...

//Jesus did not have long hair, and never prayed with his hands together, and did not really carry you across the sand leaving only 1 set of footprints.

Just out of curiosity, what did Jesus look like? And, if I may, a follow-up: how do you know?

NitneLiun		2005-03-08 01:14:32 AM

Matthew 11:28 - Douay-Rheims Bible (the original English version approved by the Catholic Church). Don't be suckered by any of those crappy protestant bibles like KJV, etc.

Come to me all you that labor and are burdened, and I will refresh you.

8lbTesticle		2005-03-08 01:16:38 AM

I think all religions are ridiculous; but, whatever floats your boat.

Shadowspawn		2005-03-08 01:17:01 AM

if anything would piss off bible-thumping right-wingers, it'd be constant media bombardment of renditions that would accurately depict skin tone and skeletal structure.

not some hippie guy who came from somewhere in northern ireland. i mean seriously; you'd think he had really dark skin and hair.

barenholtzd		2005-03-08 01:17:18 AM

Why is it that christianity most often seems to get its members from indoctrination as children or people at the bottom point of their lives?

What's disappointing is that we, the taxpayers, spent thousands of dollars training this man who is essentially an ape with exceptional musical ability, and he threw it all away. We trained him to think like a human should, and then he went and did a bunch of drugs, and now he needs to be retrained. What an idiot.

ericjohnson0		2005-03-08 01:18:41 AM

Own the Ride:

"Just out of curiosity, what did Jesus look like? And, if I may, a follow-up: how do you know?"

Best Guess... Jesus mom was Jewish... dark hair, skin and eyes.

Carpenter by trade, thereforeNot a weakling.

Known for flipping large marble tables over in a temple because a bunch greedy merchants were selling stuff there... again, a pretty strong guy.

Carried a big piece of timber which was used to crucify him after being beaten... one more time, not a weak guy.

My Best Guess- Big Strong Jewish looking fellow.

Holy_Snappers		2005-03-08 01:18:44 AM

Good for Head.

SophT		2005-03-08 01:18:54 AM

I'm surprised this didn't make it until Tuesday, it was in our paper like Sunday or Saturday (Bakersfield, Ca) if any of you care, you can go to Bakersfield Californian website for more (better) pics....

On another note... I think a Religious leaders joing rock bands photoshop is in order.

/and i call myself a christian...

koan		2005-03-08 01:19:51 AM

In short, Jesus said some great stuff.

I agree, he was a great man. I just wished his followers would more closely follow what he says and not the fundie's interpretations of an angry God in the old testament. You know, like being charitable and keeping your spiritual relationship a private thing, not make it such a tacky, oppressive show (see tele-evangelists, or prayers in school, or pushing "moral values" on others via politics).

/hit by lightning, likes it.

karenann		2005-03-08 01:20:28 AM

It's never settled right with me when people adopt religion when they're at the end of their rope...

It seems like the same old personality defect that allowed them to espouse destructive behaviours. It's always sad to see when the same old problems return after the spritual high wears off.

Though I'm an atheist, I do know people that worship and are happy and well adjusted - those are the people whose belief in god came in a much more subtle and far less chaotic way.

SophT		2005-03-08 01:21:20 AM

ericjohnson0:

which verse says the tables were marble?
(just playing devil's advocate, as if we needed one more...)

dougermouse		2005-03-08 01:22:35 AM

I was going to post a scathing diatribe about sanity and religion, but then I consider those that are religious won't be swayed, and the rest are already in the know.

So here is my plan to resurrect the career of Van Halen. Step One: Get Dave back into the band and keep Sammy
Step Two: Make a killer album with alternating singers (Me Wise Magic is the best thing VH has put out in a long time)
Step Three: Start contest to have local tourstop guitar player join them onstage to build buzz on the album
Step Four: Start club venue tour with 1 hour with Sammy and 1 hour with Dave and 15 minutes of just the Eddie solo songs (Eruption, Cathedral, Intruder, etc) with local guitar guy from Step 3.
Step Five: Move to Stadiums and world tour
Step Six: Re-Release all old albums remastered
Step Seven: Profit!

Now if I can only get Dave to accept it, I'll conquer the rock world with it!

//Seen the River Jordan, should have dunked him in the Dead Sea instead. You survive that your really a man of God.

wdrew84		2005-03-08 01:22:37 AM

A new Pat Boone?

/Is Pat Boone dead?
//if not, must Head kill him?
///if so, does he become more powerful by stealing his essence?
////if so, God help us

KRSESQ		2005-03-08 01:23:00 AM

I was baptised in the laundry room of a friend's house while my brother-in-law's bachelor party was going on, so I'm down with this.

More power to him.

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