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(WDAF)   Man requests a free pen, doesn't get it. Threatens to blow the store up with dynamite and tries to run over the store manager   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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12665 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Mar 2005 at 8:57 AM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

92 Comments     (+0 »)

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2005-03-07 12:51:27 AM  
2005-03-07 08:59:49 AM  
This is why I always hand over the pen.
2005-03-07 09:01:13 AM  
He knows that truely, the penis is mightier.
2005-03-07 09:01:16 AM  
"I used to have a pretty good pen, Bob."

~Real Men
2005-03-07 09:01:23 AM  
Police say the suspect then tried to run over the store manager in the parking lot. Nobody was hurt.

2005-03-07 09:01:28 AM  
CcSteff wins.
2005-03-07 09:02:19 AM  
He knows that truely, the pen is mightier.

/What I meant to say.
//damned insomnia.
2005-03-07 09:02:35 AM  
In soviet union, pen gets free man.
2005-03-07 09:02:35 AM  
I love all the recent Kansas references.
2005-03-07 09:03:09 AM  
my guess is:
a) he's a little... out there anyway, or
b) he's homeless and knew doing something like that would get him put in jail. It says he didn't hurt anybody. Although, living in these "turrist" times, it's REALLY weird that he said that crap and hasn't been caught yet!!
2005-03-07 09:04:05 AM  
A pen is to die for in Kansas.
2005-03-07 09:06:13 AM  
Wow, sounds like someone needs a role model.
2005-03-07 09:07:39 AM  
More of a news story about an event taking place in Kansas than a reference to Kansas.

2005-03-07 09:08:08 AM  
Is "getting something for free" the politically correct term for stealing?
2005-03-07 09:08:25 AM  
It's now: God, Jesus, Tony, Pen Guy.
2005-03-07 09:08:30 AM  
He got owned.
2005-03-07 09:11:40 AM  
My pen! Somebody took my pen!
2005-03-07 09:12:27 AM  

He knows that truely, the pen is mightier.

Not the Penis is's the Penis Mightier

But my question is...why did the guy want a free pen in the first place?

Where's Paul Harvey??
2005-03-07 09:13:31 AM  
And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quitting, I'm going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler then I'll set the building on fire...
2005-03-07 09:13:47 AM  
Pen guy should have just walked to the bank or the post office... you can always get free pens there. Poor, crazy pen guy. I hope he at least gets a pen in the big house.
2005-03-07 09:14:48 AM  
Office Space was on Comedy Central last night. I just couldn't resist laughing when Milton burned the place down.

/I believe you have my stapler?
2005-03-07 09:16:05 AM  
Good thing he didnt apply for the guinness bar towel

/still waiting
2005-03-07 09:16:48 AM  
"Come on, take the pen!"
"I can't take it."
"Do me a personal favor!"
"No, I'm not..."
"Take the pen!"
"I cannot take it!"
"Take the pen!"
"Are you sure?"
"Positive! Take the pen!"
"Okay. Thank you very much."

[image from too old to be available]

Okay, so it's a young Jack Klompas.
2005-03-07 09:22:06 AM  
For some odd reason this brought to mind an old Bic commercial where they shoot a Bic pen from a gun into a piece of wood and then show that the pen will still write.

Is it too early to start drinking to make these visions stop?
2005-03-07 09:22:49 AM  
Wow, from the pen to the "pen." If that's not ironic I don't know what is!
2005-03-07 09:23:09 AM  
"It's now: God, Jesus, Tony, Pen Guy.

Love it.
2005-03-07 09:25:01 AM  
From the Sports section of the Oakland Press (Michigan):

Pen Is Mightier

Web-posted Mar 4, 2005

Relief help could provide major boost to Tigers this season

Of The Daily Oakland Press

Jim Hawkins

CLEARWATER, Fla. - The numbers don't lie. They sealed the Tigers' fourth-place fate last season and they gnawed at the mind of manager Alan Trammell all winter:
In addition to a disturbing, major league-high 144 errors, the Tigers lost 45 games in which they held a lead, blew 28 saves and lost 27 games by one run (winning only a dozen), and, from the seventh inning on, they were outscored 270-226.

Do the math. Bottom line: The Tigers were lucky to win 72 games last year.

"From the seventh inning on, we weren't very good," Trammell conceded as the new and improved Tigers opened the exhibition campaign on Thursday with a satisfying 9-1 rout of the Phillies.

It is from the seventh inning on that most ballgames are won - or lost. That is why the Tigers will pay Troy Percival and Ugueth Urbina $10 million - about one-seventh of their payroll - this season. That was why they traded for Kyle Farnsworth. That is why they are so focused on the comeback of Fernando Rodney and the development of Franklyn German.

Percival, the Tigers' new, World Series savvy, 6-foot-3, 235-pound closer, is well aware that, Urbina's 21 saves aside, the bullpen was all too often the Tigers' downfall last year.

"I don't think it was a matter of our offense losing games - I think it was the bullpen handing games back," said Percival, an intense competitor who has no patience for players who don't approach the game with the same passion he does.

Already, Trammell sees Percival as the team's new clubhouse leader.

"Pudge (Rodriguez) is still the face of the Tigers, no question, but Percy is going to take a lot of the pressure off Pudge," the Tiger manager predicted. "He's got a lot of credibility. He's probably going to be the most vocal. He's not afraid to speak his mind. It's not a show. He'll take some guys under his wing and show them his way, the right way. In my opinion that's all good. I'm a big believer in that."

Percival, bullpen ace of the 2002 world champion Angels, is the only active closer to save 30 or more games in each of the past seven seasons. And, the 35-year-old right-hander will tell you, "I'm as good as I've ever been."

Percival insists he can still throw as hard as he ever did. He just doesn't do it as often. He now relies more on guts and guile and a nasty curveball to set batters up for his heater.

"He doesn't throw 95 to 100 mph every time, but he deals it up when he has to," Trammell said.

"Am I going to go out and blow people away with 100 mph fastballs? Probably not," admitted Percival, who in his youth once fanned 100 batters in 74 innings.

"But I don't think, in the 10 years I've been in the big leagues, that they didn't get their money out of me," added Percival, the first free agent to buy into what the Tigers were selling this offseason, accepting a two-year, $12 million deal.

Of course, it helped that the Tigers offered Percival a two-year guarantee while other suitors, such as the Cleveland Indians, were only willing to commit to one year.

Percival was sold, inking his pact over dinner while Mike Ilitch was passing the peas.

"How many times has a free agent come into a town, eliminated the rest of his trip and signed over dinner that same night?" Trammell wondered. "That's probably not going to happen very often."

Percival's new Tiger playmates are sold on him, too.

"Our bullpen was a little passive last year," acknowledged Dmitri Young, who was the first to take a chance on the turnaround Tigers, signing for four years, and possibly six, in 2002.

"Look at all the teams that have good bullpens - they come right at you - Zoom! Zoom! Zoom!"

How long has it been since you saw that word mentioned in the same column as the Tigers?

Jim Hawkins is a sports columnist for The Daily Oakland Press. E-mail him at jim*h­awki­n­s­[nospam-﹫-backwards]ss­erpkao*c­om.
2005-03-07 09:30:00 AM  
lol Ccsteff, that's what I thought when I first read the story. :P
2005-03-07 09:32:22 AM  
Pimpin' Dubya: /I believe you have my stapler?

I have a red swingline...

Should he (the guy in the story) have gone to Pen Island?
2005-03-07 09:32:45 AM  
The Dymond

In regard to your Real Men quote...Classic! Why is it that when you watch that movie, you feel like the only person who has ever done just that?
2005-03-07 09:34:18 AM  
I am reminded of a "Kids In the Hall" sketch.....
2005-03-07 09:34:59 AM  
Seems someone forgot to take their meds!
2005-03-07 09:41:44 AM  
If a Guy freaks cause he wants a free pen...give the freak the goddam pen...I have heard of dudes attempting to be heros but your farking life is worth more than a farking pen...

/glad I got that off my chest...time to grab a cold one
2005-03-07 09:42:33 AM  

2005-03-07 09:43:48 AM  
To bad there weren't 19 people in the store who could excercize their unbridled 2nd ammendment rights.
2005-03-07 09:46:26 AM  

Wanted for questioning:
[image from too old to be available]

2005-03-07 09:46:51 AM  
It would have been easier if the guy wanted free pr0n.
2005-03-07 09:51:57 AM  
"just remeber where you got it from" pen attached to his forehead with a chain. Yep, thought of kids in the hall first myself.
2005-03-07 09:55:25 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
Pen Island

/Imageshack for $500, Alex.
2005-03-07 09:58:26 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

In all fairness, it was an Astronaut Pen. It rights upside down! Take the pen!
2005-03-07 10:00:39 AM  
Heres my Bic, now go away !!
2005-03-07 10:02:35 AM  
TasteLikeTofu I've put my foot in my mouth so many times I'd need a hitcounter to tally it.

It's my opinion that John Ritter is a Chey Chase that we can all relate to. I also believe that this movie was the pinnacle of J. Ritters career - it's a timeless movie that all of my friends, as well as my two sons can enjoy.

If anyone has not seen 'Real Men' I recommend they rent it.
2005-03-07 10:03:10 AM  
Sounds like this man needs a dynamite monkey.

Where's a good pic of one when you need it?
2005-03-07 10:05:07 AM  
This reminds me of the classic headline of a story from some Swedish magazine that I had on my wall for at least a year before I got someone to translate it for me.

It had this big picture of Axl Rose in tights and the headline reads, with quotes: "I got hit in the dick with a bic!" - the rest was in Swedish. I found it mysterious and exciting, as they were an up and coming band at the time.

Apparently a fan threw a lighter.
2005-03-07 10:05:28 AM  

Where's my "Dynamite Monkey" picture with the caption:

"Give me my pen!"

*** Thank you in advance to whomever posts it for me ... ***

2005-03-07 10:08:56 AM  
tdpatriots12 Why didn't you put a pen in his hand?

/took four tries to write this going for coffee.
2005-03-07 10:10:50 AM  

Too lazy.
2005-03-07 10:15:52 AM  
I once told the manager at Blockbuster that if she didn't at least pretend not to smoke crack on the job I would burn the whole farking place down.
2005-03-07 10:18:06 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

my pen!
2005-03-07 10:18:34 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

I will set the building on fire.
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