FARK.com: (1384371) You know you're having a bad day when monkeys chew most of your face off

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		You know you're having a bad day when monkeys chew most of your face off (ap.tbo.com)		161
		More: Scary

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27208 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Mar 2005 at 4:22 AM | Favorite | share:

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bsharitt		2005-03-04 03:51:49 AM

I hate when that happens, you know, getting your face chewed off. It sucks.

SpinStopper		2005-03-04 04:11:54 AM

General Thade says: "Yummy."

zusya		2005-03-04 04:26:15 AM

it was probably having a bad day at work

Elgonn		2005-03-04 04:27:03 AM

Isn't this just a repost of one around 10 down on the main page?

GooGooBunnySnax		2005-03-04 04:28:25 AM

You know you've had a bad day when zombies fark-start your head.

//really tired

Balinor		2005-03-04 04:28:38 AM

That guy also lost a foot and one of his eyeballs. I sublitted a link with video to the KBAK Bakersfield website...

http://kbak.bakersfield.com/front/story/5329380p-5355802c.html

(in case it doesn't get posted)

changingman		2005-03-04 04:29:08 AM

This thread is worthless without pics.

/throws up a little in mouth

J-Rex		2005-03-04 04:30:31 AM

Much better headline, though, Elgonn. I didn't even notice the other one.

I was actually surprised to find out that the article used the words "chewing" and "off" in conjunction with "face." I figured the writer took a little exaggeratory liberty. But, nope, there they were.

Wow.

AlienOmega		2005-03-04 04:37:54 AM

So that's where I left them...

d-funct		2005-03-04 04:40:04 AM

Obscure?

mkrygeri		2005-03-04 04:40:57 AM

the no-wipe solution		2005-03-04 04:41:14 AM

Hey! Repost! The rest of us already know we've got 27 days left and have planned accordingly.
/planned I tells ya.

GooGooBunnySnax		2005-03-04 04:43:11 AM

d-funct

Obscure? Are you farking kidding me?

Captain_Morgan		2005-03-04 04:43:20 AM

GIS "Monkey Chow", Thank you SF Zoo!

MyNameIsMofuga		2005-03-04 04:47:21 AM

"And in this future, we will not spank the monkey - the monkey will spank us!"

Gilliam317		2005-03-04 04:48:48 AM

Well those chimps certainly weren't monkeying around.

/ducks
//is one of soon to be many.

WilEKyoT		2005-03-04 04:50:13 AM

dammit no-wipe, I knew someone was gonna beat me to the 28 days later reference... oh well, at least I don't have to search for a pic of that british scientist from the beginning of the movie.

/"these monkeys ah infected... with roige"

Unitarder		2005-03-04 04:51:07 AM

Wow, the nightmares just write themselves.

aliendave		2005-03-04 04:51:10 AM

Whenever I think of monkeys, I think of monkeys drinking their own pee.

El Dangeroso		2005-03-04 04:52:00 AM

I hate every ape I see, from chimpan-A to chimpan-Z.

d-funct		2005-03-04 04:52:10 AM

"GooGooBunnySnax

d-funct

Obscure? Are you farking kidding me?"

maybe?

bbcrackmonkey		2005-03-04 04:57:01 AM

Reminds me of the time on the Simpsons when Ned Flanders got caught in the orangutang cage. The zookeeper said they were gonna do something cool with him, then reluctantly said "But first... they're gonna eat his skin."

JiffyJeff		2005-03-04 05:00:26 AM

The guy had a following occur:

A foot was CHEWED off...

An eyeball was pulled out of its socket...

His face was almost COMPLETELY gnawed off...

... /holy fark?

PSlack		2005-03-04 05:01:43 AM

GIVE ME THE CAKE OR ME AND MY BOYS HERE GONNA FARK YOU UP!

Unitarder		2005-03-04 05:02:45 AM

We sure do appreciate what your doing, what with not letting those monkeys out and all.

/not even close, but I had to try

Uppercut Sonata		2005-03-04 05:10:14 AM

I for one welcome our face eating monkey overlords.

/Sorry

the no-wipe solution		2005-03-04 05:10:24 AM

hahahaha 'roige' dude, you did it so much better...

Not_Enginerd		2005-03-04 05:14:51 AM

Dammit d-funct thats one of my fark pet peeve's. I hate it when someone says "/obscure" and it's not. I also hate people saying something like "/one ticket please" and their comment was barely offensive.

vossiewulf		2005-03-04 05:15:22 AM

In animal preserve, monkey spank you.

Adult male chimpanzees could rip the Governator's arms out of their sockets. And they're predatory, and not above cannibalism. Very bad mofos when they're pissed, only question is why they were pissed.

Talk about a guy who could use some well-wishes, he's going to have one long nasty road back to recovery.

/send donations to A Monkey Ate My Face Off Fund, c/o Faceless Monkey Attack Guy
/can't help it
/one, direct

w33dmuffin		2005-03-04 05:21:15 AM

One of my friends girlfriend's works at KMC. She saw the guy and his wife after they were airlifted to the meidcal center. She also says his injuries would give her nightmares for a week. Eyeball pulled out of his eye socked, most of his face GONE, his foot TORN OFF. His wife was in better condition, barly. Jesus christ.

I farking hate chimpanzees. Shoot them on sight I say

w33dmuffin		2005-03-04 05:23:20 AM

Oh yea, I forgot the best part. The guys JAW, EARS, and NOSE were in a separate jar because the medical staff didnt know what to do with them.

*sits in corner and shivers*

Brainwash		2005-03-04 05:26:29 AM

"The doctors managed to re-set her jaw, more or less, and save one of her eyes. His pulse never got over eighty-five, even when he ate her tongue."

GraphicAddiction		2005-03-04 05:28:32 AM

Seen fleeing the scene of the crime

d-funct		2005-03-04 05:45:12 AM

"Not_Enginerd

Dammit d-funct thats one of my fark pet peeve's. I hate it when someone says "/obscure" and it's not. I also hate people saying something like "/one ticket please" and their comment was barely offensive."

Ermmmmm bite me?

breatheeasy		2005-03-04 05:59:34 AM

If I had a nickel..

aquigley		2005-03-04 06:04:10 AM

Yay, Bakersfield! I remember the last time Bako made the main page...it was when that whole fammily on the east side got found shot in their home.

Yay, Bakersfield!

farktimenow		2005-03-04 06:07:52 AM

It's a mad house...

RandomExcess		2005-03-04 06:12:28 AM

I, for one, welcome our man-eating monkey overlords. All hail Cheetah, father and protector of all man-kind.

RandomExcess		2005-03-04 06:23:12 AM

Oh yea, and Chimps != Monkeys

/had to be done

TxFarker		2005-03-04 06:30:50 AM

So what went wrong at Animal Haven? The director of Working Wildlife says he thinks it must have been human error."

Should not bringing enough cake for everyone be considered "human error"?

morrisonsl		2005-03-04 06:39:37 AM

bbcrackmonkey - you were close but that's not quite how it went down. After the monkeys cornered Ned the zookeeper was explaining to the kids why he was not going to intervene and stop the highly territorial monkeys: "I'd like to help, but it's really bad for their society if they don't get to kill the intruder."

Lisa gasps: "You mean they are going to kill him?!"

Zookeeper: "Well... eventually. First they'll, eh... eat his skin."

scorcer		2005-03-04 06:45:06 AM

I've worked in a zoo, first rule,,,

DON'T MESS WITH PRIMATES!!

This has been a public service anouncement

morrisonsl		2005-03-04 06:48:11 AM

What about the felines?

Rupert Birkin		2005-03-04 06:52:19 AM

Wow... there can't be any statute of limitations on karma; couple who formally kept a wild animal imprisioned as a pet get done over by friends of the wild animal.

I feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

scorcer		2005-03-04 06:55:29 AM

@morrisonsl--

felines can't reach through the cage

Moray		2005-03-04 07:10:06 AM

NIGHT OF THE BLOODY APES 2

Once they taste human flesh....
RUN !
Get ready for a night of Bloody terror.
Anyone remember that Killer baboon movie back in the 80's or was it the 70's...Getting old.

SCHLOCK !
SCHLOCK !
SCHLOCK !
"Due to the horrifying nature of this film, no one will be admitted."