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(Swift Reports)   Rash of recent aircraft laser incidents blamed on gay nightclubs   (swiftreport.blogs.com) divider line 185
    More: Obvious  
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20694 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Feb 2005 at 12:21 PM (10 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



185 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2005-02-15 08:35:36 AM  
Interestingly, if you browse that site (swift news?), you'll find this article is under the category of *religion*


Ima print myself a new bumper sticker today. It's gonna say "If you're not saying WTF in utter amazement, you're deaf, blind, dumb, stupid, retarded, or some combination thereof."



.
 
2005-02-15 09:12:27 AM  
Oddly, a lot of rashes are blamed on gay nightclubs as well.
 
2005-02-15 09:38:53 AM  
Oh God, the Gays have lasers now? Does that mean we have to invade Massachusetts?
 
2005-02-15 09:57:17 AM  
Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabulous!
 
2005-02-15 09:57:19 AM  
Homosexuals,Terrorists, or Both?

Oh my.
 
2005-02-15 10:09:41 AM  
Wonder if the heat given off by these nightclubs causes turbulence, too?
 
2005-02-15 10:35:20 AM  
Gays with freakin' laser-beams strapped to their heads!
 
2005-02-15 10:43:09 AM  
I'm protected from the homosexual laser invasion. In my underground hetero-bunker I've got my Bible, some Holy Water, a stash of consecrated Hosts, 104 issues of Guns N' Ammo, and a sock full of quarters (to beat my children with when they disobey God).
 
2005-02-15 10:44:12 AM  
You know, they could just put some tint film on those plane windows and they'd be fine.

/you know it's a fake news site, right?

I can get a green laser for $15? Where?
 
2005-02-15 11:47:57 AM  
And now the government is funding studies to point laser pointers at aircraft!

Go here!

The story itself is too funny for me to even address...
 
2005-02-15 11:53:44 AM  
Suddenly all these black SUVs surrounded our MiniCoop, says Garcia. Next thing we knew, we were in the back seat of a Ford Explorer wearing handcuffs." Adds Feldman: "We're open to a lot of stuff, but S&M is not big on our list."

This story is the funniest thing I've read in a while. Not familiar with the site so I can't tell if this is unitentionally funny or satire.
 
2005-02-15 11:58:27 AM  
mostly_harmless: I can get a green laser for $15? Where?


Any local "gay supply" store should have them...
 
2005-02-15 12:07:56 PM  
Haydash

Exactly what I was thinking!
 
2005-02-15 12:25:47 PM  
If you outlaw homosexuals with lasers only outlaw homosexuals will have lasers!
 
2005-02-15 12:26:18 PM  
The best qoute from the article has to be, Suddenly all these black SUVs surrounded our MiniCoop, says Garcia. Next thing we knew, we were in the back seat of a Ford Explorer wearing handcuffs." Adds Feldman: "We're open to a lot of stuff, but S&M is not big on our list."
 
2005-02-15 12:26:40 PM  
I call bullshiat on this one....

"We're open to a lot of stuff, but S&M is not big on our list."

uh huh
 
2005-02-15 12:26:46 PM  
Suddenly all these black SUVs surrounded our MiniCoop, says Garcia. Next thing we knew, we were in the back seat of a Ford Explorer wearing handcuffs." Adds Feldman: "We're open to a lot of stuff, but S&M is not big on our list."

Haha. There's lots of stuff in there, penetrate, COCKpit.
 
2005-02-15 12:27:18 PM  
Cool! Now the Bombs 'n' Jesus crowd can blame something else on them evil queers and have one more reason to persecute them.

/seriously, if homosexuality didn't exist the Christian Right would have had to invent it
 
F42
2005-02-15 12:27:45 PM  
Were obviously at the beginning of our inquiry and were not sure if this particular individual was intending to try to bring down the aircraft or was just a homosexual having a bit of fun, says John Parris, an FBI spokesman.
[...]
Fans of the pocket searchlights are also quick to draw a distinction between red lasers, typically used by teachers in a classroom lecture setting, and the green lasers used by homosexuals and terrorists.

ROFLMAO
 
2005-02-15 12:29:06 PM  
[image from americablog.blogspot.com too old to be available]
Hmmmmmmm?
 
2005-02-15 12:29:44 PM  
Best obvious tag use ever.
 
2005-02-15 12:30:11 PM  
Wow... terrorism and hating gay people all in one.

Somewhere George Bush is masturbating like a wild monkey right now.

/This is a fake news site, right?
 
2005-02-15 12:30:19 PM  
DNA KIT?
 
2005-02-15 12:30:20 PM  
seriously, if homosexuality didn't exist the Christian Right would have had to invent it

As a Christian I am proposing a name change from the Christian Right to the "Christian opposite of left" because clearly that group of Christians are not "right".
 
2005-02-15 12:31:51 PM  
Jeff Gannon exclusive report coming up?
 
2005-02-15 12:32:38 PM  
See, if you let gays get married, they could stay home and be miserable with their spouse, instead of hanging around clubs with lasers. I think this is a very serious national security issue ...

/not really
//more afraid of rightist theocrats
 
2005-02-15 12:33:26 PM  
Time to:

"Start a nuclear war..."

"At the gay bar, gay bar, gay bar..."
 
2005-02-15 12:34:36 PM  
Let's blame them lib'rals or better yet gays for
Indecent outbursts of fairy lit lasers.
 
2005-02-15 12:34:56 PM  
it's a satire site, folks...
 
2005-02-15 12:35:44 PM  
well its a good thing they penetrated the pilots cockpit and not his asspit...
 
2005-02-15 12:38:13 PM  
Action Replay Nick, don't forget to tune your channel to Spike TV. That way, everyone in your bunker will know you're straight.
 
2005-02-15 12:39:03 PM  
Next thing we knew, we were in the back seat of a Ford Explorer wearing handcuffs." Isn't that how successful evenings at gay clubs usually end?
 
2005-02-15 12:39:05 PM  
When is this not funny?
[image from photodump.com too old to be available]
omg, i cant stop laughing!!
 
2005-02-15 12:39:45 PM  
GAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYS

/Ogre
 
2005-02-15 12:40:50 PM  
God, I loved the "are you gay?" DNA test site ad.

It almost made me ink myself.
 
2005-02-15 12:42:10 PM  
favouritemonster : DNA KIT?
I caught that too... what the fark? It makes no sense, as there is no "gay gene"
If there were, it would be passed on to children, and if you had a gene that said your children were more likely to be gay, then they would be far less likely to have kids. Therefore, the gene would quickly stop existing.

Oh wait, the only ones who believe there is a gay gene are the same people who don't believe in evolution...
 
2005-02-15 12:42:35 PM  
it's a satire site, folks...

That might well be true my friend
I'll still not let that my fun end

The light with which planes interferes
Can only be the work of queers
Light in the loafers now light in the hand
Makes it so hard this airplane to land.
 
2005-02-15 12:43:03 PM  
The article is pretty funny....but the ad for the DNA kit to tell if you are gay or not....that is high quality comedy.

[image from swiftreport.blogs.com too old to be available]

I'm really glad firefox's adblocker didn't get that one.
 
2005-02-15 12:45:55 PM  
This HAS to be a fake site, or one messed-up site. Have you looked at the other articles:

Same Sex Valentines
 
2005-02-15 12:46:21 PM  
[image from home.comcast.net too old to be available]
 
2005-02-15 12:46:40 PM  
Oh wait, the only ones who believe there is a gay gene are the same people who don't believe in evolution...

Actually the ones who believe in evelution don't believe in a gay gene. If there were a gay gene it would mean people were born gay. Were they to be born gay it is a "natural condition" and God made them that way. This would be unacceptable to fundamentalist Christians.
 
2005-02-15 12:47:05 PM  
Dumbass faggots...
 
2005-02-15 12:47:35 PM  
I assume this story is satire, but green lasers actually are marketed to and used by amateur astronomers as a pointing device (you can point out stars, etc. to others using the laser) or as a "finder" to aim a telescope at a particular object. Backyard astronomers aren't usually wild and crazy guys so I doubt they're the ones trying to harass airplanes.
 
2005-02-15 12:47:47 PM  
I'm really sorry about posting that gay thing again: Here is my offering to fix it.

[image from pbase.com too old to be available]

/hopefully it will last
 
2005-02-15 12:48:11 PM  
You really need to check out some of the other stories on the site. My favorite was the one about the 14 year old that was suspended from a Kansas school for an 'evolution slur.' It involved drawing a cartoon about another student alledgedly evolving from monkeys.
 
2005-02-15 12:48:19 PM  
I do think that the site in question is satire, but you've got to admit that those Homosexuals sure do think of some funny names for their clubs. There is one here in Nashville called- I promise I'm not making this up- The Chute!

Everyone should post the names of homosexual clubs in their respective towns; it should make for a truly hilarious thread (just what we need on Tuesday...)
 
2005-02-15 12:49:25 PM  
 
2005-02-15 12:51:44 PM  
Anyone notice this part:

Under the Patriot Act, the men could have faced up to 25 years in prison and a $500,000 fine for disrupting the operation of a mass transportation vehicle.

Does that mean if I puke on the bus from a bad hangover and it has to be pulled out of service and cleaned, that I might be eligible for a $500,000 fine and a 25-year jail term?
 
2005-02-15 12:53:31 PM  
Tulkas -- "Everyone should post the names of homosexual clubs in their respective towns; it should make for a truly hilarious thread (just what we need on Tuesday...)"

The Garden
The Frathouse
Saddles
Faces...

Man, we have one more but I can't remember what it's called. All in all, kind of boring names, if you ask me.
 
2005-02-15 12:53:39 PM  
 
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