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(Yahoo)   Despite protests from George Costanza, Sudanese boy named "1 o'clock"   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
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8527 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Feb 2005 at 8:33 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

48 Comments     (+0 »)
2005-02-08 03:49:11 PM  
Wonder why they didn't mention his older sister, Nooner?
2005-02-08 04:10:09 PM  
Article didn't mention it but his last name is GMT.
2005-02-08 08:36:53 PM  
He'll be ahead of everybody come springtime... you'll see
2005-02-08 08:41:42 PM  
OMFG That name RoXx0rZ!!!!!11!1 o'clock
2005-02-08 08:43:32 PM  
2005-02-08 08:43:36 PM  
We should turn this into a survey:

"Best funky ass names for kids"

and enable voting.
2005-02-08 08:44:55 PM  
How about Mug? Mug Costanza!
2005-02-08 08:48:54 PM  
That would be funny, if the article wasn't so depressing.
2005-02-08 08:49:34 PM  
Jaboobinator is on the money.
2005-02-08 08:52:23 PM  
Parents probably just wanted it to sound cool when calling their kids for dinner: "1 o'clock, 2 o'clock, 3 o'clock, ROCK!"

/what article?
2005-02-08 08:52:35 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
Check filename for hint. Yes that is their name.
2005-02-08 08:52:35 PM  
2005-02-08 08:53:03 PM  
2005-02-08 08:53:31 PM  
Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
Gonna grab some afternoon delight
My motto's always been 'when it's right, it's right'
Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
2005-02-08 08:53:33 PM  
2005-02-08 08:54:16 PM  
I've heard of a girl called fem-mall (female) before... does that count?
2005-02-08 08:54:36 PM  
(The above link is SFW)
2005-02-08 08:55:23 PM  
(and doesn't pop. D'oh!)
2005-02-08 08:58:06 PM  
I've heard of a girl called fem-mall (female) before... does that count?

No, since it's an urban legend.
2005-02-08 08:59:42 PM  
"I defy you to come up with a better name than Seven."
2005-02-08 09:06:06 PM  
/with defiance
2005-02-08 09:07:32 PM  
i went to High school with Salvatore Manella
College with Luv Seomon
Had two professors named Dick Handler and Dick Hard
and have and uncle named Dick Wiener who named his son Frank

I kid you not

/thankful i'm not Frank
//more thankful that was on my mother's side
2005-02-08 09:08:14 PM  
Before they revived him from malnutrition, was he known as "Half-past"?
2005-02-08 09:21:01 PM  
That made me think of this funny, yet vomit-inducing site

funny stuff
2005-02-08 09:23:04 PM  
Damn! I didn't know it was an urban legend. Thanks a0helsux
2005-02-08 09:46:29 PM  

/dosn't apply
2005-02-08 09:49:49 PM  
Ah, a fine Irish name.
2005-02-08 10:07:45 PM  
Five o'clock Charlie surrenders.

2005-02-08 10:27:31 PM  
A teacher I know once had a student named Kyjel. Kyjel Lee. (I can't remember the girl's last name.) I kid you not.
2005-02-08 10:43:47 PM  
i heard somewhere recently that some couple named their child 'Millionz a'Dollaz'

i think that would apply well to the amount spent on therapy for said child later in life
2005-02-08 10:56:14 PM  
I once saw a Dating Game where a woman was named Latrina. Think she had a brother John and a sister named Crapper?

/Shouldn't have admitted to watching the Dating Game.
2005-02-08 11:00:33 PM  
It's a sad story behind the kid, but I'm glad to hear that some of the wars in African are fading away.
2005-02-08 11:11:21 PM  
Not as bad a name as when that one lady named her daughter "Million'z A'dollaz."
2005-02-08 11:22:31 PM  
While the "Fe-mall" thing may have started as a joke, it most definately has been used for real. Living in the south and going to a public school, I encountered children with some quite strange names. I knew a girl named Female (pronounced Fuh-molly, a girl named Lysola, a boy named Demon (who had a brother named Lemon), a boy named Tarantula Crustacean, and - the piece de resistance - a girl named shiatonya.
2005-02-08 11:26:23 PM  
had a girl in my high school class named Rotunda
2005-02-08 11:29:12 PM  
oh and I remember her so clearly because she beat my ass once.

Funny thing is though in years to come as the story that I got beat up by a girl would come up the person hearing it would start to grin till I told them who it was then they'd stop and go "oh, OK" She was a scary man-biatch
2005-02-08 11:34:05 PM  
There's a chick I know named Chada Nutt. Sad but true, and at the same time, funny.
2005-02-08 11:46:10 PM  
O'Fatty McDickey
2005-02-08 11:47:36 PM  
"Greenwich" would be a nice name for a Mean person.
2005-02-09 12:08:20 AM  
Raddest girls name ever: Chlorine
2005-02-09 01:58:50 AM  
"I defy you to come up with a better name than Seven."

"Alright, let's see... How about Mug? Mug Costanza. That's original. Or Ketchup. Pretty name for a girl."
"Alright... You having a good time now?"
"I've got fifty right here in the cupboard... How about Bisquick? Pimento? Gherkin? Sauce? Maxwell House?"
"Alright already!!"
2005-02-09 02:37:02 AM  
Or on Google Video...
2005-02-09 04:02:43 AM  
Still, nobody has even mentioned the creme de la CRAP names given to the twins of horse-faced Julia Roberts.

Hazel Patricia and Phinnaeus Walter
2005-02-09 10:13:48 AM  
Dick Fitzwell
2005-02-09 11:44:44 AM  
Synchronicity at work. I was just joking with my g/f the other day about naming a kid 'seven.'
2005-02-09 02:36:07 PM  
I went to school with twins named Orangejello and Lemonjello and my mother interviewed a woman whose name was Shi`thead.
2005-02-09 04:55:27 PM  

"So how'd you get it, anyway?"

The teenager was quick to respond. "It's actually a pretty funny story, although I guess it would have to be, if you think about it," and he sort of half-smiled and laughed a little bit. "Most people sort of assume that it's a Boy Named Sue sort of thing, which it sort of is, a little, but not really. Can I get a cigarette?"

One was provided.

"Thanks. Okay, so. You've met my dad before, right?"

The other boy nodded.

"He's an awesome guy, he really is. A lot of people think he was either stupid or insane for doing it, and I don't blame them, but he's a really smart guy. He has that office at home and on the walls he's got all kinds of certifications and degrees and I don't even know what. A lot of framed paperwork, basically. I guess he did a lot of work in psychology, back in the day. And something else, too - if you really checked out all the certificates and such, you'd notice that it only ever used his first initial. The reason why, see, is that Dad is really neurotic about his name. He got teased about it a lot in school and even after."

"You know, I never noticed that -- I have never known your old man's name. What is it, anyway?"

He paused to take a drag on his cigarette. "You have to farking swear you'll never tell anyone, ever. It's not that bad, but he really hates it."

"Swear to God."

Another pause, another drag. A thoughtful gaze into the distance, then another drag and a long slow exhale. "Hyman."


"Yeah. No one his age knew what a hymen was when he was really young, so it didn't matter. But after about middle school, it really rained down on him. Like every day. It was horrible. And then when he got to college, he had a roommate whose name was John Thomas, and he got endless and merciless crap, too. And Dad watched all this happen and it really beat a lot of things into his head. For a while, he had no clue why people were making fun of John Thomas, because he didn't know it was slang for dicks.

"It kind of percolated in his head but then came to a head after he got married to Mom, because she wanted to have kids and, no lie, he would spend whole nights just sitting up and being terrified that his kid would go through what he had, and he felt like even if he went out of his way to give his kid some really bland and innocuous name, it wouldn't matter because there could be some slang he was completely unaware of and his kid would just be completely traumatized."


"I know, right? So anyway, he decided the only thing he could really do about it was to figure out some way to make it impossible for his kid to have his name made fun of. It was an obsession. And he was reading all this crap about psychology and such, confrontation and the like, but nothing clicked until one day he was watching a nature show and he saw this bit about a frog that has this, you know, defense mechanism - what it does is, it has a second set of heart and lungs, I guess, and when it's threatened, it vomits them up."

"No shiat?"

"No shiat. He saw that and started thinking about it and why, exactly, that works as a defense mechanism. I mean, why would that work? What Dad figured out was that - well, say that you got into a fight with some dude and he just, out of nowhere, vomited up his heart and lungs and then just stood there. What would you do? Seriously, what the hell could you do to someone who just did that and is still standing there? And that's when his idea hatched."

He paused, took a drag, and breathed it out.

"So he decided he would name his child something no one could or would joke about, because no joke they could possibly make would be worse than the blatantly obvious. And wouldn't you know it, he was right. I mean, yeah, my friends all call me Tom but when I meet someone for the first time, I look them square in the eye and introduce myself. And then I usually show them my license, and point out that the birth certificate also specifies which letters have to be capitalized, and it's usually good for a laugh. And other than the laughs I get then, no one ever makes fun of me."

"Wow. So that's..."

"Yes. That's how I got the name PRICKS IN YOUR STUPID FACE Thomas Epstein."
2005-02-09 05:19:39 PM  
Charlie Brown once knew a kid named 5. He had siblings 4 and 6.
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