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(ESPN)   Red Sox fan wakes up from coma, finds out Red Sox won the World Series. Duke sucks   (sports.espn.go.com) divider line 99
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24295 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jan 2005 at 6:55 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-01-20 12:41:59 PM


Answered prayer.

/obvious.
 
2005-01-20 12:52:40 PM
Whooo, Johnny Damon can fill me with his babies any day.

Neat story.
 
2005-01-20 12:55:06 PM
"I get hit by a car and boom, they win the Series. If you loved the Red Sox and waited your whole life for this, how would you feel?"

If he were a real Sox fan, he'd feel like he should get hit by a car every year.
 
2005-01-20 01:00:02 PM
i took some pictures at the parade, got a nice one where you can see all the people in a passing train cheering as the sox motorcade rolled past. not being in a coma is t3h r0x0r5!!!1

/hellbound
 
2005-01-20 01:06:32 PM
"I get hit by a car and boom, they win the Series. If you loved the Red Sox and waited your whole life for this, how would you feel?"

But he actually said:

"I get hit by a wickahd cah and boom, they win the fahking Series. If you loved the Sahx and waited your whole fahking life for this, how would you fahking feel? Like a wickahd pissah"
 
2005-01-20 01:16:01 PM
Johnny Damon looks like Billy Ray Cyrus
 
2005-01-20 01:29:23 PM
Am I the only one who finds this hilarious?
 
2005-01-20 01:30:58 PM
wickahd pissah

true dat. true dat.
 
2005-01-20 02:02:53 PM
I like the last line:
For The Coma Guy, it's 87 years and counting.
 
2005-01-20 02:20:33 PM
Whooo, Johnny Damon can fill me with his babies any day.

Hi, my real name is Johnny Damon.

/shameless
 
2005-01-20 02:49:39 PM
Bill Simmons is my favorite sports writer.

Great story... I wonder if the BoSox will let him throw out the first pitch sometime next season?
 
2005-01-20 03:04:14 PM
I wonder if the BoSox will let him throw out the first pitch sometime next season?

One side of his body doesn't work, so that'd be like putting John Wasdin out there.
 
2005-01-20 03:16:59 PM
"I get hit by a car and boom, they win the Series."

No doubt this guy was Boston's Bartman. They won because his grubby little paws were out of commission.
 
2005-01-20 04:07:19 PM
that'd be like putting John Wasdin out there.

Good one.
 
2005-01-20 06:58:49 PM
His next question: "Do Sonny and Cher still have that stupid show?"
/obscure simpsons reference
 
2005-01-20 07:00:13 PM
Dude probably thought he'd died and gone to heaven, then had a heart attack over being dead...

/or something like that
//didn't rtfa either
 
2005-01-20 07:00:39 PM
Well, at least all Boston fans didn't get to celebrate.

/grumble grumble
 
2005-01-20 07:04:05 PM
Wha wha??????????????
 
2005-01-20 07:05:50 PM
"sports sports sports sports
marge, bart gets to ride up front today because he is good at sports"

sorry, its the simpsons episode on in NEW YORK. go giants.

/hates baseball.
//loves football.
///steriods for all!
 
2005-01-20 07:07:44 PM
Guys are telling him he missed The World Series. He probably wants to die now.
 
2005-01-20 07:09:19 PM
Sergeant Crash:

Couldn't agree more. Can't pimp the guy enough.

Though if he becomes to popular, Vegas might start respecting the Pats and I'll lose out on that summer home in Tahiti, so it's a trade-off.
 
2005-01-20 07:11:40 PM
Haha CastorTroy. Well played.
 
2005-01-20 07:11:53 PM
Good god. How is it that people can be so completely in love with a sports team just because they happen to have been born or live near their home field? Especially when teams change so much from year to year. It's just like nationalism, but about something that doesn't matter. Not even a little bit.

Can someone please explain this to me? I'm not trolling, I just don't understand how this kind of mass hysteria happens.
 
2005-01-20 07:17:01 PM
Finally a baseball/coma story where watching baseball didn't cause the coma.
 
2005-01-20 07:19:53 PM
..something about this makes him the quintessential Red Sox fan.

It's like a bad dream that everyone else woke up from... except him.
 
2005-01-20 07:20:35 PM
Anyone know if/for sure Bill Simmons is a farker?
 
2005-01-20 07:21:08 PM
Johnny Damon looks like Billy Ray Cyrus

What the fark is a Billy Ray Cyrus ?
 
2005-01-20 07:21:11 PM
agreed mt_honkey you think the farker would just be happy that he's alive.
 
2005-01-20 07:21:12 PM
I think the power of it, Mt._Honkey, is precisely that it doesn't matter. No lives depend on your position, nobody will die (well.. it's highly unlikely), nobody will start a war.

It lets you hook to something without consequences, kind of like watching a movie - why should you be moved at all by a fictional film? It doesn't mean anything... but it does anyway. Sports aren't any different. And how do you pick? Might as well pick the team your granddad rooted for. And if you're going to root for a team, it might as well be the one you can go see.
 
2005-01-20 07:23:18 PM
Two Bill Simmons articles on Fark in the span of a week!
I read him religiously. He seems like he's actually one of the minority of Bostonians who cares as much about the Pats as he does the Sawks.

/Go Pats, make Big Ben play like a rookie for once in his career
 
2005-01-20 07:30:23 PM
APRIL FOOLS!!! HAHAHAHAHA

but seriously...
 
2005-01-20 07:38:18 PM
My Xbox Drive went out today, and Xbox will not replace the defective Thompson drive. Thousands of people are going through this. DON'T PURCHASE AN XBOX!!

/future PS 2 owner
 
2005-01-20 07:38:28 PM
Duke sucks!

Hi-LAR-ee-ous!!!
 
2005-01-20 07:46:32 PM
Good god. How is it that people can be so completely in love with a sports team just because they happen to have been born or live near their home field? Especially when teams change so much from year to year. It's just like nationalism, but about something that doesn't matter. Not even a little bit.

Can someone please explain this to me? I'm not trolling, I just don't understand how this kind of mass hysteria happens.

What really matters about any entertainment anyway? You could say the same about films as mentioned above, any kind of literature, Puzzles, games in general, anything on TV, the media, politics (Ok, that was a troll but you get the point). Hell some farkers look at this place like a Golden calf and probably pray to Drew nightly.

Plenty of people are just as crazy as sports fans across that whole spectrum I mentioned. With sports, unlike most of the above, you have history, stats, constant influx and finally something close to home (except Yankee fans outside of NY that just like to root for the yearly favorites)to be proud of. I guess long running Tv shows or multiple sequel movies are close, but still second to sports in over all rabidity (is that even a word?).
 
2005-01-20 07:47:02 PM
No no monster87 this thread is about the bosox not xbox.
 
2005-01-20 07:48:17 PM
For some reason I can't get to ESPN.com, can someone please copy the article here?
 
2005-01-20 07:50:09 PM
How many damn feel-good stories do we have to read about these assclowns? They're not lovable in any way. They're a big market, big money team just like the supposedly evil Yankees. There is no difference between the two franchises. Oh wait; yes there is. The Yankees have 26 world championships in the last 86 years, and the Red Sux have 1. I know that they knocked the Yanks out of the playoffs and the the Yankees executed the world's biggest choke job, but the numbers don't lie. The Yankees are far superior to the Red Sux over the long haul and are thus much more worthy of praise than these morons. I'm just saying is all.
 
2005-01-20 07:54:40 PM
Take one for the team, oldy.
 
P0e
2005-01-20 08:02:35 PM
wow Tuff, bitter much? I'll fully agree the Yankees are the best franchise ever, but its gotta irk every single one of you guys that we're the best team right now. Also, you'll never know what this championship feels like to us. Steinbrenner could spend $400M/yr on the teams the next 10 years, win all 10 championships, and wouldn't come close to how this feels for us. Don't even try.

2004 World Champion Boston Red Sox. That'll never get old.

/Looks at the lights of Fenway out his dorm window
//Can't wait for April 11th. We get to hand out the hardware with the MFY's watching.
 
2005-01-20 08:04:29 PM
Slice n Vyse

No. She's an Oscar winning actress, and he's a congressman from California!

On FARK, there is no such thing as an obscure Simpsons reference!
 
2005-01-20 08:04:35 PM
Can someone please explain this to me? I'm not trolling, I just don't understand how this kind of mass hysteria happens.

It gets worse, they then pay these hacks more in one year than you or I would make in three lifetimes!
 
2005-01-20 08:05:11 PM
Tuff Daddy Cool:

People in sports don't usually remember long-successful franchises in sports when a long struggling franchise is on the verge of doing something good, like winning a World Championship. Also, many people outside of New York, New York hate the Yankees with a passion because they not only suck the life out of small teams with successful players, but they continue to do so without giving up a large part of their identity. In order for the Red Sox to win the Series they gave up No-mah for Orlando Cabrera, Doug Mientkewiecz (sic, gag) and Dave Roberts. For the Yankees to build and perpetuate their championships they brought in many big names without having to lose anything except a couple of dollars.

Not to mention the fact that recent history has the Yankees down as tremendous chokers. Let's see... in 2001 they lost to the Diamondbacks, an expansion baseball team playing in Arizona. In 2002 they choked away the Division Series to the almost-contracted Minnesota Twins. In 2003 they lost the World Series to the Florida Marlins, the other half of the spring break/senior citizen circuit. And in 2004, they failed to put away their most hated rivals, the Boston Red Sox. So, Tuff Daddy Cool, you can rest easy on your "26 World Championships" garbage while the rest of baseball's fans live in the present and recognize that the Yankees are the black hole of baseball, sucking up a large portion of baseball's talent and never seeing anything from them again.

Flame. On.
 
2005-01-20 08:07:08 PM
Wow.

(and duke DOES suck!)
 
2005-01-20 08:07:36 PM



Shouldn't this be an IRONIC tag?
 
2005-01-20 08:10:06 PM
That's rough--Red Sox fan living 1917-2003. I'm stressed out waiting for a Triple Crown winner, and I'm only 19. If the horse could just win the farking Belmont I could die happy.
/racing junkie
 
2005-01-20 08:10:12 PM
P0e

I gotta ask a Sox fan this.


Do you seriously think that 2004 will never get old if you never win another one? I can't imagine that. I haven't seen my team win one since 2000 and I'm farking shaking here.

I do understand that you're being facetious, but I intend to kill chickens and worship Jobu to make sure the Sox never win again.


Great story. Crap like this makes the choke hurt less, for some reason.

Oh and since it's a baseball thread

fark You, Kevin Brown.
 
2005-01-20 08:12:42 PM
Go Pats, make Big Ben play like a rookie for once in his career

He did last week. And were it not for Chokey Brian, the Pats would get to crush the Jets at Foxboro. Lets make him play like a rookie 2 weeks in a row, for what it's worth.

/Go Pats.
/Sox suck.
 
2005-01-20 08:29:09 PM
How is that strange?

/didn't RTFA
 
2005-01-20 08:38:52 PM
Well, the Red Sox had the "Curse of the Bambino", right? Maybe this guy had the "Curse of the Red Sox Sucking".
 
2005-01-20 08:40:12 PM
While You Were Sleeping 2: Electric Boogaloo.
 
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