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(Some Guy)   Curt Schilling announces that he will pitch on custom-made crutches on opening day   (callofthegreenmonster.typepad.com) divider line 91
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27081 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jan 2005 at 1:45 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



91 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2005-01-20 09:04:36 AM
Uh, hero? That's a satire site.
 
2005-01-20 09:05:49 AM
Wow, that's unbelievably unfunny.

Good call on the greenlight...
 
2005-01-20 09:08:36 AM
Oh this should be good.
 
2005-01-20 09:10:52 AM
*supresses giggles*
 
2005-01-20 09:16:24 AM
I hope he dies.
 
2005-01-20 09:27:44 AM
Needs more cowbell satire tag.
 
2005-01-20 09:35:41 AM
I'm surprised they didn't show a picture of the crutches. They're pretty cool, actually, move like sleeves than crutches, worn under the uniform. Think Barry Bonds' elbow guard and you get the general idea. Wonder if MLB will have anything to say on this ...
 
2005-01-20 09:36:36 AM
2005-01-20 09:35:41 AM NakedReporta

Wonder if MLB will have anything to say on this ...

Well, considering it's not true, probably not much.
 
2005-01-20 09:46:47 AM
Poll Reveals Red Sox Fans Will Be Sensitive and Delicate in Verbal Exchanges with Heartbroken Yankee Fans During Season
 
2005-01-20 09:49:56 AM
I'm just wondering how many games the Yankees have to lose before Mother Teresa (Torre) gets fired.



/go Sox
 
2005-01-20 10:13:55 AM
let's see if the idiot local sports radio guys pick up on this. i'm willing to bet plenty do.
 
2005-01-20 10:50:38 AM
sigdiamond, shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ...
 
2005-01-20 10:53:18 AM
I'm a Sox fan and even I don't think this should have been greenlighted.
 
2005-01-20 11:06:45 AM
Callofthegreenmonster.com is stupid. But not as stupid as the people who take their articles seriously.

/Sox fan
 
2005-01-20 01:50:27 PM
I also heard that for the first Red Sox/Yankees game a specialist in the Heimlich manouver will be on hand in case any of the Yankees choke ...
 
2005-01-20 01:51:55 PM
what an original headline
 
2005-01-20 01:54:25 PM
what MuckSP said.

though, being a lowly liter i don't really know what was passed over in favor of this. big meh all around.
 
2005-01-20 01:54:41 PM
i've yet to see one article from this site that could be considered funny. why the greenlight constantly?
 
2005-01-20 01:54:47 PM
Randy is a Yankee now, and therefore I hate him, Schilling said straightforwardly.

Good enough reason for me too!
 
2005-01-20 01:58:28 PM
Another greenlight for this page? WOW. Check out www.theonion.com for some decent satire.
 
2005-01-20 01:59:01 PM
I'm not sure if sports and satire mix that well.

/just MHO
 
2005-01-20 01:59:04 PM
Just got an urge to listen to "Major Tom". Go figure.
 
2005-01-20 01:59:16 PM
uh, not funny

at.
all.

Why does everyone think they are as funny as me?
 
2005-01-20 01:59:49 PM
How do Bostonians feel about Schill rooting against the Pats as they go for their second ever Superbowl win?
 
2005-01-20 02:00:42 PM
Schilling don't need no stinking crutches. He's a robosapien.
 
2005-01-20 02:01:41 PM
Terrible job if it is satire. Satire has to be preposterous. This "news" is feasible. Cease-and-desist letters begin in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ...
 
2005-01-20 02:03:06 PM
the second pats superbowl was nice. i'm looking forward to the third, myself.
 
2005-01-20 02:03:21 PM
TLBreer:

How do Bostonians feel about Schill rooting against the Pats as they go for their second ever Superbowl win?


After what he did for Boston in the Playoffs and World Series ... he can root for anyone he damn pleases ... in the offseason.

Come April ... he better be rootin' all Boston though!
 
2005-01-20 02:03:56 PM
TLBreer
"How do Bostonians feel about Schill rooting against the Pats as they go for their second ever Superbowl win?"


Well, can't be any worse than when he campaigned for Dubya. Besides, he's a person, not our State Representative. Short of Curt coming out and saying he was a member of NAMBLA, I couldn't care less about his personal beliefs / convictions. Just help the Sox win another WS.

 
2005-01-20 02:05:46 PM
TLBreer:

How do Bostonians feel about Schill rooting against the Pats as they go for their second ever Superbowl win?

Since it's their THRID Superbowl win, I'm totally indifferent. Take 10 seconds to NOT bash Boston sports and get your facts right. Spin again.
 
2005-01-20 02:08:09 PM
Isn't this against baseball rules in some way? I want to pitch in the big leagues with a giant net stretching from first base to third base...
 
2005-01-20 02:08:13 PM
And, yes I do mean SECOND ever Superbowl win.

I will go to my grave believing there are still three seconds left on the clock in the Rams-Pats Superbowl.

Look at the game tape, when Vinatierri's go ahead kick hits the net, there are still three seconds on the clock. Then some asshat hits the confetti cannon, and all of a sudden the game is over. WTF?!?

So, until the Rams get a chance at returning the kickoff, this game is most definately NOT over.


PS. Just checking, a bunch of backass farkwads here in STL went apeshiat when Keith Tkachoke was rooting for the Sawcks in the Series.
 
2005-01-20 02:12:46 PM
Are you sure this story is true? I heard they were going to use a tee-ball setup when Schilling was on the mound, and then because of that, the Big Unit had to pitch underhand.

hoaXOrZ r tEh fUnnAY
 
2005-01-20 02:16:24 PM
geez, TL. at least the pats actually made that kick. see championship, AFC; 1987.
 
2005-01-20 02:17:42 PM
Why not hook his arm up to an electric pitching machine, while they're at it...
 
2005-01-20 02:18:06 PM
I think he will have a hard time convincing MLB to let him use the crutches while playing.

I am sure MLB will let him warm up with them, but they will probably make him leave the crutches in the dugout.

Broktun
 
2005-01-20 02:19:03 PM
TLBreer

Even assuming your 3-years-later conspiracy theory is true, don't you think if there was an issue with the clock, that the Rams, the NFL, or one of the millions of people watching would have said something at the time? Especially maybe the RAMS?
 
2005-01-20 02:21:41 PM
Yankees suck. That website sucks.

www.bostondirtdogs.com = much better

Long live the curse of A-Fraud and the Juice Guys, the worst team money can buy.
 
2005-01-20 02:22:04 PM
I saw the Hero tag followed by Schilling's name, and figured he had found and defused the dirty bomb from yesterday's news.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered he's a hero for doing the job he's paid millions of dollars to do.

I think Schilling is a great ball player and I like him personally, but maybe submitter should get his nose out of Schill's ass?
 
2005-01-20 02:22:14 PM
BIBLE spouting farkwad -

Boston turncoat sack of garbage
 
2005-01-20 02:23:19 PM
You're really whiny about three seconds? Wow. And people call me bitter because I still biatch about Hue Hollins' BS foul call on Pippen during the Bulls-Knicks series in '94 that screwed over a Pippen-led title.

Later.

RJS
 
2005-01-20 02:24:18 PM
TLBreer
Uhm, believe it all you want, but the game clock is not on the scoreboard, it's on the scorekeepers'/referees'/whoever's official game clock. The Hugh-Freaking-Time-Display-Clock-Thingy is for the fans, not for official score keeping.

*rolls eyes*
 
2005-01-20 02:25:48 PM
hahahahahahah... riiiiighhtttt

Johnson (as always) will make Boston and Schilling his biatch.
 
2005-01-20 02:25:57 PM
"I read it on Callofthegreenmonster.com

and thats good enough for me."


/kinda obscure
 
2005-01-20 02:27:38 PM
skinink:

I also heard that for the first Red Sox/Yankees game a specialist in the Heimlich manouver will be on hand in case any of the Yankees choke ...

Well when you see something firsthand for the better part of a century, you are bound to start emulating it.
 
dly
2005-01-20 02:33:08 PM
april 3rd 2005 all your dreams of a repeat are over.


randy johnson
 
2005-01-20 02:37:12 PM
The Visa commercial featuring Steinbrenner's strained arm was funnier.
 
2005-01-20 02:38:57 PM
Even if it were true, he Schilling still has nothing on this guy

 
2005-01-20 02:40:49 PM
Um... Riiiiiiiiight
 
2005-01-20 02:41:08 PM
hero? he's a freakin' baseball player.
 
2005-01-20 02:43:37 PM
im soooooooo glad that NY choked, but i just don't see the sox winning it again.
 
2005-01-20 02:44:59 PM
and besides, everyone knows that the devil rays are on the move!!

\\yes it IS sarcasm......
 
2005-01-20 02:52:55 PM
How are they going to play ball there after the dirty bomb goes off?
 
2005-01-20 02:53:08 PM
Is that the spice guy?
 
2005-01-20 02:55:00 PM
keg_monkey: How are they going to play ball there after the dirty bomb goes off?


Not a problem at all. Won't even need to turn on the lights for night games.
 
2005-01-20 02:57:44 PM
This is unfunny. Just to add my voice to the chorus.

Why greenlighted? Makes no sense. Reminds me of those constant "AskMen.com" links from a year or two back.
 
2005-01-20 03:04:15 PM
Randy is a Yankee now, and therefore I hate him,

So do we, Curt, so do we

/knows it's a satire site
 
2005-01-20 03:14:44 PM
What Schilling did in the World Series was heroic. Even if Schilling could pitch on opening day (with some sort of ankle splint, shin guard, etc.), it wouldn't be heroic. One game out of a 162-game schedule often makes little difference, but one game out of a best-of-seven-win-or-go-home playoff means everything.

You want a real baseball hero? Try Cpl. Lou Brissie.
 
2005-01-20 03:16:42 PM
There's an open spot on the bench since Curt's usually up on the cross.

/yeah, satire...
 
2005-01-20 03:34:52 PM
I'm a huge baseball fan, but I tend to think heroic actions involve saving lives or doing good. Schilling pitched a baseball game. I keep hearing that he was courageous and heroic, but I think that's a bit dramatic. Those are the two most overused words in sportswriting.


And yes I realize this is satire.
 
2005-01-20 03:37:44 PM

I liked the article! But then again, I like rope burn.
 
2005-01-20 03:41:17 PM
I heard that Joe Torre has a soft touch when giving Steinbrenner his enema's. So Joe has a job for life unless ol' George stops having to defecate.
 
2005-01-20 03:41:35 PM
The Sox are going to get trounced on opening day.

/Go Yanks!
 
2005-01-20 03:47:24 PM
He'll get shelled.
 
2005-01-20 03:48:05 PM
I'll be there Opening Day and I hope to see Randy vs. Schill, but highly doubt it. A Yankees win will be good enough for me.

/Go Yanks!
//Fark Boston!
 
2005-01-20 03:51:09 PM
Boys and Girls:

It's called the Super Bowl, not Superbowl. With everyone learning to write words such as highschool and Redsox, before long we will be like the Germans with such delightful expressions as Unternehmenserfolg and Gesamtbetriebskosten.

Cantwealljustlearnnottorunseparatewordstogether?
 
2005-01-20 03:53:59 PM
I hate the Red Sox.
I hate the Yankees.

I love the (Los Angeles, Anaheim, California) Angels (of Oxnard).

Since there is no hockey, even a made-up baseball story is better than nothing.


No it isn't.
 
CC
2005-01-20 03:57:29 PM
Opening Night will be Randy vs Boomer.

Yanks are gonna roll.

Last year is over.

BOSTON SUCKS
 
2005-01-20 03:58:14 PM
I there a waste of time or not funny at all tag that could have been used in place of the hero tag?
 
2005-01-20 04:00:27 PM
This website is the dumb. I'm sick of articles from this site being greenlighted. And what makes it worse is that nobody farking uses the satire tag for obviously satirical stories. Come on! It's there for a reason, morans!
 
2005-01-20 04:09:34 PM
Glad that I didn't waste the 23 minutes to RTFA
 
2005-01-20 04:13:59 PM
Even though this is satire (of the horrible variety), it should be noted that the issue regarding Curt's readiness for Opening Day is Curt's conditioning-- not his ankle. He doesn't know if his arm and body will be in shape enough, by then, to give a good effort.
 
2005-01-20 04:31:15 PM
randomhookup

Thank you! Someone finally points out the obviuos. It's two farking words. Super Bowl. You don't call the Rose Bowl, the Rosebowl. I don't hear anything about the Fiestabowl. Two words.
 
2005-01-20 04:31:30 PM
I like the satire tag. It tells me not to waste my time reading the article because, quite frankly, the quality of satire on the internet is almost uniformly terrible.

I'll never get back the 3.6 seconds I spent reading this stupid article before I realized it was satirical.

PLEASE USE THE SATIRE TAG.
 
2005-01-20 04:32:25 PM
Even if the article wasn't an obvious satire, this would not be worth a HERO tag unless you're a Sox fan. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is.
 
2005-01-20 04:32:52 PM
worst site ever



/from a huge sox fan
 
2005-01-20 04:41:02 PM
Much better satire/sports site:

http://www.thebrushback.com/

/go Sox, Pats, Celtics (yes, Celtics) !
 
2005-01-20 04:53:12 PM
PotBreath: I'm not sure if sports and satire mix that well.

It mixes just as well as anything else if it's done well (and if you like satire, of course).

SportsPickle.com is a great satire site, and the one listed above is decent too.
 
2005-01-20 04:57:24 PM
Let's raise a glass to the World Champion Red Sox...Enjoy it while you can. Here's to 86 more years of Buckys, Buckners, and Boones. Number 27 is coming home.
 
2005-01-20 05:06:44 PM
2005-01-20 03:51:09 PM randomhookup
Boys and Girls:
It's called the Super Bowl, not Superbowl. With everyone learning to write words such as highschool and Redsox, before long we will be like the Germans with such delightful expressions as Unternehmenserfolg and Gesamtbetriebskosten.



You must be fun at parties
 
2005-01-20 05:52:59 PM
Frigid, I've seen a lot of baseball. Having seen so many increasingly whiny and overpaid primadonnas, heroic and courageous are exactly the right words - at least as far as sports go - for what Curt Schilling did in the postseason. Throw in "gutsy" for good measure. The guy should have had a cast halfway up his leg, and he was still fighting.

/Hey boss, I sneezed, like, really bad. See you in March!
 
2005-01-20 06:07:48 PM
Does someone actually pay for unfunny greenlighted humorless non-satire-tagged articles on Fark?
 
2005-01-20 06:39:03 PM
go Red Sox.
 
2005-01-20 07:47:48 PM
Big Unit will have a mediocre season this year. Without the mullet and shiatstache, he's a Yankee but he's no longer Randy Johnson. This signing of big-money players doesn't work anymore for the Yankees.

/you heard it here first
//or, more likely, you heard it several thousand times over the last few months already
 
2005-01-20 08:48:55 PM
Unless they risk their lives to help others or give away their salaries to help the needy, PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES ARE NOT HEREOES.
 
2005-01-20 08:53:29 PM
Schilling is a douche face. Why is it that Red Sox fan are sucking this guys nuts? Did he win all 11 games in last years post season? People play hurt all of the farking time (anyone remember Cal Ripken?) I'm glad the Sox and everyone of the self-righteous blowhard fans sold their soul to win, now they can stop biatching about how miserable their meaningless lives are.
 
2005-01-20 09:41:36 PM
Another site republishes this in 3....2....1....
 
2005-01-20 11:40:02 PM
Slinkyfarm:

Frigid, I've seen a lot of baseball. Having seen so many increasingly whiny and overpaid primadonnas, heroic and courageous are exactly the right words - at least as far as sports go - for what Curt Schilling did in the postseason. Throw in "gutsy" for good measure. The guy should have had a cast halfway up his leg, and he was still fighting.


I respectfully disagree, but I'll admit that what defends a "heroic" action is up for debate. On my list, heroes save lives and help the disadvantaged, they don't throw baseballs.

I have nothing but respect for his accomplishments and think his effort was extraordinary as far as baseball accomplishments go.

I can see your point, I just have a different opinion. Don't really want to argue with a fellow baseball fan-- seems there aren't enough of us around sometimes.
 
2005-01-20 11:44:12 PM
And Slinkyfarm -- Fellow Chicagoan here. Love those Cubs!!!
 
2005-01-21 02:16:24 AM
That has to be the absolute worst page header graphic I have ever seen on the Web. What a crappy and unfunny site.
 
2005-01-21 02:52:42 AM
randomhookup:

It's called the Super Bowl, not Superbowl. With everyone learning to write words such as highschool and Redsox, before long we will be like the Germans with such delightful expressions as Unternehmenserfolg and Gesamtbetriebskosten.

I was always partial to the word Vergangenheitsbewaeltigungsfilmgenre.

It means a genre of films meant to deal with coming to terms with the past, namely in reference to the Holocaust and Third Reich.

/Deutsch ist manchmal ganz schwer ins Englishe zu uebersetzen
 
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