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(Fox News)   Today's "Serial panty thief steals 217 pairs of underwear, 24 bras, two pairs of shorts a skirt and an evening gown" brought to you by Farmington, New Mexico   (foxnews.com) divider line 74
    More: Strange  
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7842 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jan 2005 at 12:23 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2005-01-18 11:32:38 AM
Still can't top our UW-Stout panty theiving mastermind! Go Blue Devils!

Smoking Gun
 
2005-01-18 12:26:01 PM
I tried stealing my own underwear one time but somehow it wasn't the same.
 
2005-01-18 12:27:29 PM
Fig Newtons are the perfect food to bring to a panty raid. They don't make any noise.

/Potsie Weber
 
2005-01-18 12:27:36 PM
Dad?!
 
2005-01-18 12:27:54 PM
EVEN STRANGER:
MILFORD, Neb. (AP) A large pile of composting manure burning for almost two months has neighbors upset and state officials looking for a way to put it out....

2 or 3 stories down.
 
2005-01-18 12:27:57 PM
Can we stop with this cliche already? Is it not dead yet? I figured the admins would have moved on from this by now. I beg all you TF'ers, when you see a headline come in with this cliche resubmit it with a better headline so if it does get posted you'll get credit and we wont get the same reworked shiat 8 times a day.
 
2005-01-18 12:28:32 PM


Happosai surrenders.
 
2005-01-18 12:29:33 PM
Maybe the guy had 217 penises, 48 breasts, 2, umm...

OK, he's creepy
 
2005-01-18 12:29:49 PM
The posession of the evening gown certainly adds a touch of class though.
 
2005-01-18 12:30:04 PM
Robber: Good morning, I am a bank robber. Er, please don't panic, just hand over all your money.
Assistant: (politely) This is a lingerie shop, sir.
Robber: Fine, fine, fine. (slightly nonplussed) Adopt, adapt and improve. Motto of the round table. Well, um ... what have you got?
Assistant: (still politely) Er, we've got corsets, stockings, suspender belts, tights, bras, slips, petticoats, knickers, socks and garters, sir.
Robber: Fine, fine, fine, fine. No large piles of money in safes?
Assistant: No, sir.
Robber: No deposit accounts?
Assistant: No sir.
Robber: No piles of cash in easy to carry bags?
Assistant: None at all sir.
Robber: No luncheon vouchers?
Assistant: No, sir.
Robber: Fine, fine. Well, um... adopt, adapt and improve. Just a pair of knickers then please.
 
2005-01-18 12:32:20 PM
Bill O'Riely's new hobby, of course Fakes New
 
2005-01-18 12:32:48 PM
Straws:

Can we stop with this cliche already? Is it not dead yet? I figured the admins would have moved on from this by now. I beg all you TF'ers, when you see a headline come in with this cliche resubmit it with a better headline so if it does get posted you'll get credit and we wont get the same reworked shiat 8 times a day.

If we got rid of the cliches people would need wit to submit an article and obviously not everyone has that. Nothing evens he playing field like mediocrity.
 
2005-01-18 12:35:37 PM
Can we stop with this cliche already? Is it not dead yet? I figured the admins would have moved on from this by now. I beg all you TF'ers, when you see a headline come in with this cliche resubmit it with a better headline so if it does get posted you'll get credit and we wont get the same reworked shiat 8 times a day.

Oh, are we upset that our little headline didn't get submitted?
Let me play the violin for you....
 
2005-01-18 12:36:33 PM

The good news is, Drew now knows there would be at least one Farker in Farmington, New Mexico that would go to a Fark Party.


Just Kidding. I think.

 
2005-01-18 12:36:34 PM
Was he caught red handed
/pun intended
 
2005-01-18 12:37:41 PM
stop yer grinnin and drop yer linen
 
2005-01-18 12:39:07 PM

Unavailable for comment
 
2005-01-18 12:40:29 PM
That's a panty raid of epic proportions!
 
2005-01-18 12:41:39 PM
What a haul!
 
mem
2005-01-18 12:43:09 PM
worst. cliche. ever.

/its a farking trap!
 
2005-01-18 12:45:01 PM
I was waiting for submitter to ad and a partridge in a pear tree
 
2005-01-18 12:45:06 PM
When I was about 10, our family was eating at a restaurant when a really nervous guy asked my dad for a cigarette. My dad gave it to him grudgingly. About an hour later, we were taking a shortcut behind the mall and we saw the same guy running like a madman across the mall parking lot, looking all around like he was being followed. My dad (an off-duty cop) called up the police department to see if anyone was looking for the guy and it turns out he was running around the mall looking up women's dresses and stealing underwear from the department stores. They found him because of my dad calling in. Crazyness.
 
2005-01-18 12:48:47 PM
I'm from there! I always knew my home town would make me proud.
 
2005-01-18 12:49:10 PM
MashedPotatoJones
yeah tell your dad I owe him one for that cigarette
 
2005-01-18 12:58:32 PM
In Japan you can buy used school girls panties from vending machines, um, or so I have heard. I sense a franchising opportunity here in the U.S. with a totally untapped market.
 
2005-01-18 12:58:51 PM
The guy is harmless. Just make him return the goods. So what if they are slightly used?
 
2005-01-18 01:00:40 PM
I agree 100% Straws. Some of the cliches used in PhotoShops are freakin hilarious when properly applied, no matter how many times I see them. But I too am sick of seeing "Today's lame-ass thread title brought to you by some uncreative Farker".

JMO. If you don't like it, no effect on my life.

Oh yeah, and to channel Rodney - "No offense..."
 
2005-01-18 01:03:31 PM
I can see stealing one pair of panties from that incedibly hot chick you were lucky enough to bang, just to show your friends you did her. Or that big pair of bloomers you stole from the fatty the night you had to much to drink so you and your friend can make parachute jokes! But what the hell does one man need 217 pairs of panties for?

Even if you use them to jack off into you only need 7 pairs! One for each day of the week by the time the next week rolls around they should be dry!
 
2005-01-18 01:06:05 PM
It's a relief to know that since this is Fox News that this entire story is made up. *whew* Load off my shoulders man.
 
2005-01-18 01:07:21 PM
something smells very fishy here
 
2005-01-18 01:07:37 PM
Hambone99

You're forgetting about a man's need for variety.

Or maybe he likes to spread them out on the bed and see how many he can hit. Sort of like Perv-Tac-Toe.
 
2005-01-18 01:10:37 PM
This headline cliche is lame.

Bring back "".
 
2005-01-18 01:11:11 PM
yay, Happosai!! b1t R0t you made my day ^_^
 
2005-01-18 01:11:15 PM
bradmtb: something smells very fishy here


"good beaver gone bad..."

/bob & tom
 
2005-01-18 01:11:18 PM
WTF? F b - is the father.
 
2005-01-18 01:12:27 PM
Farming! Farming farming farming farming farming farming FARMINGTON!

(This probably won't make sense, but if you've read HOL, it might make some sense.)
 
2005-01-18 01:20:44 PM
Lady's underwear is of interest only when there's a lady in it.
 
2005-01-18 01:22:15 PM
"It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told."
A quote made by america's favorite sick fark!
Harmless my ass.
 
2005-01-18 01:28:30 PM
The article didn't answer the most important question: did he take them from the hamper or the drawer?
 
2005-01-18 01:39:39 PM
http://www.utterpants.co.uk/news/teenpanties.html

London Officials from OfNet the UK's Internet watchdog stepped in today to stop thousands of British schoolgirls augmenting their pocket money by selling their used undies on the Internet
 
2005-01-18 01:53:51 PM
Profit?
 
2005-01-18 01:58:15 PM
Ah, good ol' New Mexico. Drunk legislators, lax security at government facilities, and panty thieves.

My only question is... why the evening gown? Should I start avoiding men in womens' finery?
 
2005-01-18 02:00:45 PM
The guy is harmless. Just make him return the goods. So what if they are slightly used?

He's probably not as harmless as he would have the authorities believe. He was probably a peeper as a teenager and he has certainly behaved in this manner before. These guys are dangerous and it should be taken seriously. A lot of times these guys go on to actually assault a woman as opposed to or in concert with stealing her lingerie. This guy needs to be supervised and asessed from a psych standpoint.
 
2005-01-18 02:04:40 PM
Come on people! The best story is about the guy in Alabama that was "fixing" to run for a touchdown after catching a dog that fell five stories. (Speaking of smelling fishy)


/Native southerner. Can make fun of the phrase "fixin' to"
 
2005-01-18 02:11:54 PM
Ah...good ol' northern New Mexico. Where the psycos breed.

Did you know the Virgin Mary is on a street sign in Las Vegas, New Mexico? Did you know that an ANG member was raped by his fellow guard members in Ruidoso? Did you know that Los Alamos loses stuff on a regular basis? Did you know that we have a nuclear waste site that is constantly being protested (even though noboby really cared until it opened)? Did you know that there is a rocket outside the Atomic Museum that passed the city council without issue, but now people are protesting it 6 month later? Did you know that jackasses decided to lay down on Central (a road that passes UNM)and block traffic, claiming free speeh? I think my free speech would be running them over. Did you know that we make more cheese than Wisconsin? Did you know that New Mexico is the asshole of the universe?
 
2005-01-18 02:20:28 PM
So what if they are slightly used?

Or sticky.
 
2005-01-18 02:21:17 PM
You mean there is a new Mexico?
 
2005-01-18 02:21:23 PM
Sounds like a good plotline for Tony Hillerman's next novel. Jim Chee and Lt. Leaphorn track down the mysterious lingerie thief.
 
2005-01-18 02:22:05 PM
"This isn't something like tools or articles of value," Detective Sgt. Steve Burch told the Farmington Daily Times. "This is something someone is putting in their closet or something like that."

Not an article of value? What's going on in that benighted place? Do they have underwear trees? Does the State of New Mexico provide underwear as an entitlement? I shudder. Knowing government, we'd all get the same size and there would be one style: granny step-ins.
 
2005-01-18 02:31:50 PM
....( v )...no panties...he he
 
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