In grade school, I won a basketball tournament (dribbling, shooting, etc.) despite barely having played before.

In Jr. High School, I won a state math contest I only entered because I was the only one in the classroom that didn't want to enter and my teacher, therefore, made me.

I once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

the missing the bus part didn't seem like it was too important to the story.

The story doesn't seem like it was too important to the story.

send his ass back to Nigeria ungrateful sob

I once sent $4,900 cash via Western Union to get a Nigerian boy to come to America to participate in sporting contests. I am to receive 70% of his winnings as well as a $1 million sum to be paid later. It's not a scam. The plan is totally working.

I didn't even want my penis to be huge.

Once I saw it was football, I knew he had to be an immigrant, because, all americans like football.

Or they're not allowed to be american anymore.

wonder how good he can through a javelin...

WyattEarp wins the thread. I helped him, though. In fact, it was my idea.

I win the thread!

hahhahah you peoples is funny

ok back to the gummy boobies comments

Man, first the foreigners come over here and take our jobs, now they're beating us at our own national sport? That's just un-American. I say bomb their whole country back to the stone age.

I once won a lying contest, even though I wasn't lying.

Well, at least SOMEONE can kick well at Heinz Field!

He is just too young to gamble. Football without gambling is unwatchable.

What do you know about Ray Finkle?

Soccer style kicker graduated from Cauler high June 1976, Stetson University honors graduate class of 1980, holds 2 NCAA division 1 records one for most points in a season, one for distance, former nickname "The Mule," The first and only pro athlete to come out of Cauler County and one hell of a model American.

Are you another one of those "Hard Copy" guys?

No Sir, I'm just a very big Finkle fan, this is my Graceland.

WyattEarp: I once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.

R.I.P

ChuckRoddy: Well, at least SOMEONE can kick well at Heinz Field!


comedy gold!!!!!!111

Fark is dying for some better news

I won some Science Olympiad test thingie in High School and never claimed it. No cash prize.

TheJuiceIsLoose wins.

very well done, sir.

I once won a set of pink kitchen cannisters for knowing the answer to an elephant joke.

/one of my finer achievements.

Finkle is Einhorn!!! Einhorn is FINKLE!

when i read the headline, it looked like he was on his way to exams, but missed the bus and decided to win the national championship instead.

b-raided: Fark is dying for some better news

or more BOOBIE links

Fark is dying for some better news

or more BOOBIE links

If they didn't hold out, no one would buy TF. (:

I had to read through the same headline three times to get to the actual facts of this.

Amen, Hewhohasnopants.

I once read an article I didn't like, only after the headline made me think it was about something else.

I won a case of Crystal Pepsi for naming the Song of the Day, too. Stuff was rancid. I drank one, and used the rest for .22 target practice.

Mr. Clarence Butterworth:

I won some Science Olympiad test thingie in High School and never claimed it. No cash prize.

I totally won my event, too! I did the egg drop. Totally kicked ass. What did you do?

I made my first orbital space station out of an old tuna fish can, a pair of sweat socks, and a bent coat hanger.

/Man, I hate going last!

This kid is probably 6'5"

This thread is useless without winning a competition
in a sport you don't like

I saw this kid on the NFL over the weekend, and he didn't look happy, IIRC.

/And no, Superjoe, he wasn't 6'5". :D

Lipspinach - THE WINNER = VERY YES

I did won first place in the 10 yard stumbling event in the regional Special Olympics. Wait everyone in that event won first place. I don't feel so special anymore.

hah, in 9th grade, even though i was getting straight D's, the teacher faculty decided my intellectual "gifts" were worthy of giving me a slot for a geek fest in bolivia.

god there was much partying and little geeking, it didn't hurt that my host was some rich kid with too much time on his hands.

i had a point in there somewhere.

Wow, an apathy-cock measure-off. Sometimes I really hate Fark.

/Oh yeah, well I once farked the entire stable of Victoria's Secret models, even though they all had pointy knees

I once won a competition that I did not even enter.

I once won a stuffed animal for putting a quarter on number 4.

Once won 2 Hustler magazines and a pouch of beef jerky for winning the 50 meter mosey and the empty beer can toss at the Backwoods Olympics..... in High School of course......

Wow, an apathy-cock measure-off. Sometimes I really hate Fark.


Then leave.

I totally won my event, too! I did the egg drop. Totally kicked ass. What did you do?

I built a small bridge with these long paper soda straws, and mine held the most weight.

I think this kid emailed me the other day and said he has a few million dollars from a dead relative. He just needs a bank account to wire it into. I'm getting ready to send him my bank info right after I get done reading fark. This is cool, he's giving me $1 million just for helping him out!

hey kid: learn to suck down bong hits, and then you will know pretty much how ricky williams feels.

This is the sort of comment that'd be cooler at the Olympics.

Interviewer: So, Arthur, how does it feel to have won the Javelin Gold for Wales?

Arthur: Well.. I've always had my sights set on archery.