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(Star Tribune)   Inmates smoke The Bible   (startribune.com) divider line 63
    More: Amusing  
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7887 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Mar 2002 at 8:29 AM (12 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2002-03-06 08:31:11 AM  
I knew there had to be a good use for the Bible.
 
2002-03-06 08:33:00 AM  
It is the same type of paper you know
 
2002-03-06 08:35:22 AM  
You two are going to burn
 
2002-03-06 08:35:35 AM  
yea...i did this back in xian school...it's important to select a section of paper that doesn't have any ink on it. oh, but it does work perfectly.
 
2002-03-06 08:36:33 AM  
We did this in college using those mini-bibles that they were always handing out on campus.

Clubs or Zigzags were always preferred, though.
 
bug
2002-03-06 08:36:59 AM  
then smoked some poles.
 
2002-03-06 08:39:52 AM  
That's not funny.
 
2002-03-06 08:40:13 AM  
Why don't they just drink the water to get high?
 
jre
2002-03-06 08:41:08 AM  
The first time that the Bible is used for peaceful purposes.
 
2002-03-06 08:42:12 AM  
the also use the pages as toilet paper. hopefully they don't mix the pages. now, that's smoking some shiat.
 
2002-03-06 08:48:29 AM  
Lettuce? Orange peels? COFFEE GROUNDS? SAUERKRAUT? Ewwwyech! Who'd want to smoke kitchen waste?? No wonder those inmates are so farked in the head.
 
2002-03-06 08:48:59 AM  
Damn. My "joke" about it being good for something besides toilet paper has already been taken. I knew I shouldn't have gone and gotten coffee first.

Let me think...
It's also good fodder for cheesy Hollywood epics... "Bring me back Moses and the Hebrewites..."
 
2002-03-06 08:52:26 AM  
Does really smoking dried Lettuce make you high?
 
2002-03-06 08:54:43 AM  
Holy Smoke!
 
2002-03-06 08:57:11 AM  
Talk about getting high on God!!!
 
2002-03-06 08:58:49 AM  
I wonder about all those missionaries handing out bibles in Jamaica and Amsterdam
 
2002-03-06 09:00:23 AM  
Damn those Holy rollers!!!
 
2002-03-06 09:05:54 AM  
Jamaica 3:16.
 
2002-03-06 09:07:30 AM  
E Z Wider 25:25 Thou shalt pass to the left.....
 
2002-03-06 09:08:57 AM  
"the also use the pages as toilet paper."

Aha! So ther IS a good use for the bible.
 
2002-03-06 09:13:00 AM  
Anybody seen the old onion editoral article "I'll smoke anything", check it Here is a snip I have a test to decide whether I'm willing to smoke something. It goes like this: Will this potential thing to be smoked put me in a pipe and smoke me? No? Then I'm smoking it! Because you have to smoke them before they smoke you! Great Stuff.
 
2002-03-06 09:14:24 AM  
The Lord works in mysterious ways.
 
2002-03-06 09:22:13 AM  
Yo yo yo, pass me the Book of Thai Stick, man.
 
2002-03-06 09:23:24 AM  
BORIS is that guy's name?
 
2002-03-06 09:23:56 AM  
Where's the Photoshop?
 
2002-03-06 09:37:36 AM  
Lodin: no, but banana peels do.
 
2002-03-06 09:37:53 AM  
This is a good thing. We need to find something to do with all these excess bibles kicking around the world, and the pages just aren't absorbent enough for TP.
 
2002-03-06 10:14:41 AM  
So basically the bible is a leading cause of lung cancer among prison inmates. I think it should be heavily taxed to discourage use.
 
2002-03-06 10:19:55 AM  
Damyou, Dewars_rocks. ;)

How about this: You smoke a pack of them and in three days you have a whole new pack..
 
2002-03-06 10:44:08 AM  
Jees, what is the address of this place. If these boners are that hard up for something to smoke, I'll gladly mail 'em a dime. SAUERKRAUT???
 
2002-03-06 10:45:33 AM  
Gee - they never seem to have trouble getting shiat on Oz.
 
2002-03-06 10:46:26 AM  
I'm shocked - inmates are usually so smart.
 
2002-03-06 10:57:07 AM  
Verily, Verily, I say unto you.....whosoever smoketh the word of the Lord shall never want....Though I stumble in the valley of weed I shall fear no DEA, for Thou art my stash........
 
2002-03-06 11:04:14 AM  
Finally a good use for the

(B)ig
(I)
(B)ook of
(L)ies
(E)
 
2002-03-06 11:11:14 AM  
They should give the Koran equal time.

And the Book of Mormon.
And the Pearl of Great Price.
And the New World translation of the Bible.
 
2002-03-06 11:13:52 AM  
03-06-02 11:04:14 AM Aaferg
"Finally a good use for the

(B)ig
(I)
(B)ook of
(L)ies
(E)
"

Yeah. Especially the part where it says that YOU, Aaferg, were created in the image and likeness of God.
 
2002-03-06 11:18:25 AM  
I knew a guy in high school who ate a bible in class...he got one of those New Testaments from a Gideon handing them out off campus. He sat down in class, started tearing out pages and eating them. He made a Catholic girl sitting next to him cry. He's in the Navy now.
 
2002-03-06 11:36:08 AM  
Other uses I have found for pages of the bible:

*A rough but inexpensive handkerchief
*Great paper mache dildos/cockrings
*Perfect package liner for those breakable shipments
*Kindling
*Spiritual confetti!
*A never-ending supply of napkins for buffalo wings
*Holy tampons
*Blotting paper
*A blessed suppository

Anyone have any extra bibles they can lend me?
 
2002-03-06 11:50:27 AM  
"Anyone have any extra bibles they can lend me?"

Get your rolling papers -- I mean religious freebies -- here
 
2002-03-06 11:51:37 AM  
Nah, but I'll order some Holy Confetti.

Glad to see they found another use for the bible. Helping their addictions.
 
2002-03-06 11:56:05 AM  
"sauerkraut, lettuce leaves, coffee grounds and orange peels have also been smuggled out of the cafeteria, dried and substituted for tobacco"

WTF? These people need some serious help to kick their bad habits, namely the sauerkraut.

-he who stacks pork
 
2002-03-06 11:56:17 AM  
INDUSTRIAL JOE GOES TO HELL!
 
2002-03-06 12:07:38 PM  
 
2002-03-06 12:38:20 PM  
WarrenPeece:

I SH|T ON THE NOTION OF A GOD
I SH|T ON THE BIBLE
I SH|T ON ALL RELIGIONS BASED ON A GOD
I SH|T ON JESUS AND THE LIES HE TOLD

...AND I SH|T ON YOU!
 
2002-03-06 12:43:41 PM  
I already burned my book of Moron--ooops, I mean Mormon.
 
2002-03-06 12:48:25 PM  
They gave us all these cute little bibles. After a while, everyone else had smoked or lost theirs. Since I don't smoke, mine was pretty much intact, so guys would come up to me and ask for some bible. I gave them Proverbs, because I'd read it. So "Proverbs" became the code word. It was 5 bucks for a rollie, or 1/4 of a cigarette. They would light them by pulling the electrical wires out of the wall and sparking them. They would also make pruno by fermenting whatever was available. All the comforts of home with none of the responsibilities.
 
2002-03-06 12:48:35 PM  
"Salvation lies within."

Just add weed.

:)
 
2002-03-06 12:56:28 PM  
You're right, LudditeAndroid, but I needed something to start the flame on that nativity scene baby jesus.
 
2002-03-06 01:04:05 PM  
And I thought they just made good bird cage liners.
 
2002-03-06 01:06:02 PM  
dont smoke sauerkraut, smoke VICTORY CABBAGE!
 
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