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(NY Daily News)   Britney Spears hires a new manager to make her husband Cletus into a hip-hop star   (nydailynews.com) divider line 127
    More: Stupid  
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26582 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jan 2005 at 2:42 PM (10 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



127 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2005-01-05 01:40:16 PM  
ahahhahahahhhahahahahhhh
 
2005-01-05 02:06:29 PM  
It would be farking hilarious to hear and see Kevin Federline rap. Please, let this happen.
 
2005-01-05 02:10:56 PM  
Thank you, God. I was just this morning praying for another rapper in the world.
 
2005-01-05 02:30:47 PM  
Quick, someone PS him into the Icy Hot Stuntaz.
 
2005-01-05 02:32:32 PM  
You could combine the DNA of Col. Tom Parker, Brian Eno, Mutt Lange, Quincy Jones and George Martin to create a producer/manager for this guy, and the music would still sound like a monkey getting 12 pounds of rusty tuna can lids shoved up his urethra.

I think we need to expand the Patriot Act to include the following line: All purchases at music stores will be examined -- if anyone purchases the "Kevin Federline" album, they are subject to immediate painful execution.
 
2005-01-05 02:35:28 PM  
PS him into Icy Hot Stuntaz? I thought he was from the Icy Hot Stuntaz.
 
2005-01-05 02:42:32 PM  
*golf clap* for the headline.
 
2005-01-05 02:45:10 PM  
HAHAHAHAHA, man is she ever a redneck.
 
2005-01-05 02:45:55 PM  
Can you say...

[image from thinksmart.typepad.com too old to be available]
 
2005-01-05 02:45:59 PM  
HAHAHHA, best headline in ages!!!
 
2005-01-05 02:47:01 PM  
Well, could he possibly be any worse than the current crop of hip-hop stars?
 
2005-01-05 02:47:03 PM  
And gues who will be next year's Orange Bowl half-time show headliner!
 
2005-01-05 02:47:10 PM  
Apparently the "Spears Federline's" don't have that little voice in the back of their heads that tell other people when enough is enough.
 
2005-01-05 02:48:23 PM  
Does this mean he will die in a hail of bullets now?

Apparently getting shot has a lot to do with popularity
 
2005-01-05 02:48:36 PM  
Anyone else trying to GIS for "Kevin Federline" and getting zilch? That pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?
 
2005-01-05 02:48:44 PM  
"Kevin was bragging to people that when the deal goes down, he's going to hire all his friends to work for him. Because he has money now that he's splitting the line with Brit."

As dumb as this Federline character is (read: dumb) it doesn't appear that he's stupid.
 
2005-01-05 02:49:33 PM  
I guess he'll have to be the mega-money maker, since whore Britney will be studying to be a CSI, right?
 
2005-01-05 02:49:36 PM  

"He's no Vanilla Ice!"

Um, that would be a positive.

 
2005-01-05 02:49:45 PM  
[image from exo.com too old to be available]

Finally this guy will have some competition.
 
2005-01-05 02:50:42 PM  
His new rapper name? Wyte Traz
 
2005-01-05 02:51:00 PM  
"she says he can flow..."

Imagining that trashy, little white girl saying this phrase has given me the diarrhea.

/happier to sit in my own filth than hear Federline rap
 
2005-01-05 02:52:05 PM  
I keep having thoughts of "Vanilla Sherbet" from "Fear of a Black Hat" whenever I think of K-Fed trying to rap.
 
2005-01-05 02:52:48 PM  
he already has the "Hip Hop Star" starter kit...

it came with a sideways hat n all...
 
2005-01-05 02:53:04 PM  
Yanks_RSJ,
As dumb as this Federline character is (read: dumb) it doesn't appear that he's stupid.


I don't know if you were being sarcastic or not, but um... hiring his 'friends' instead of professionals to manage him is just insanely stupid. The wouldn't have the foggiest farking clue how to manage him.
 
2005-01-05 02:53:46 PM  
The sad thing is that if this works out he will probably make more money than I will ever see in my life. The formula is already laid out by every boy band/pop star, have someone write a catchy beat and chorus, then go on TRL and grace the cover of every Teen Beat magazine with headlines like "Brits husband is teh hunk".

I should have married a hot rich girl.
 
2005-01-05 02:53:55 PM  
[image from springfield-shopper.de too old to be available]

I gots da mad flow, y'all.
 
2005-01-05 02:54:22 PM  
I'm calling it now: death by ham sandwich.
 
2005-01-05 02:55:28 PM  
"most folks'll never lose a toe, then again some folks'll..."
 
2005-01-05 02:55:36 PM  
The Christmas variety shows this year are going to be so damn funny.
 
2005-01-05 02:55:38 PM  
If Britney says he can flow, then he must be the best rapper in the world!!!1!!11oneone?

/Just kidding
//I'd kill myself before I'd buy a Spears/Federline album
 
2005-01-05 02:56:03 PM  
*YAWN*

/sick of Spears
 
2005-01-05 02:57:31 PM  
please PLEASE!!! let them be the Halftime show of some big football game next year!!!!!
 
2005-01-05 02:59:04 PM  
john_frink -- even though i knew that was coming, i have tears in my eyes from laughing. thank you.
 
2005-01-05 02:59:20 PM  
moltov
He is hiring his friends to work for the clothing line he and shiatney Smears are starting, not to manage him.

/can't believe I actually rtfa. so ashamed
 
2005-01-05 02:59:49 PM  
Maybe she and her husband can join those other 2 skaggs, Paris and Nicole, and come up with a new reality show,
SIMPLE PEOPLE
 
2005-01-05 03:00:08 PM  
Dante apparently forgot one circle of hell. The one where you have to co-exist with, and be perpetually exposed to, these two swamp trolls.
 
2005-01-05 03:00:39 PM  
[image from angelfire.com too old to be available]
 
2005-01-05 03:01:33 PM  
Biff_Steel,

How dare you make fun of the Ice!

Go ninja, go ninja, go!
 
2005-01-05 03:01:50 PM  
Kevin 'Cletus' Federline. Has a nice ring to it.
 
2005-01-05 03:02:03 PM  
"most folks would never eat a skunk, but then again some folks'll..."
 
2005-01-05 03:02:05 PM  
You gotta admit, it just keeps getting better and better every month.

If you take away the $100 million she has, she would be every other white trash, ignorant, barefoot, pimple faced, tatoo covered cum dispenser on Jerry Springer.

Please get pregnant and continue the comedy hit of the year.
 
2005-01-05 03:02:24 PM  
Larry Rudolph at his management company, ReignDeer Entertainment...

I chuuckled at this, a little bit.
 
2005-01-05 03:03:13 PM  
I will personally show up at his album debut and inject him with the ebola viris if this happens.
 
2005-01-05 03:03:38 PM  
Nothing says 'commitment' like dumping one's pregnant girlfriend so one can be next in line to shag Britney.
 
2005-01-05 03:03:56 PM  
Ordius
//I'd kill myself before I'd buy a Spears/Federline album

Think "Double Fantasy," but with Britney as the John Lennon of the pair.
 
2005-01-05 03:04:18 PM  
"You just know that after the two of them make hot dirty love, he jumps up, spins around on the floor and does a boy-band pose."

--pieced together from Kathy Griffin
 
2005-01-05 03:05:50 PM  
Do we need a Britney tag?
 
2005-01-05 03:06:03 PM  
Times like this when Fark needs an "Impossible" headline.
 
2005-01-05 03:06:36 PM  
At least he already has an outfit to wear for the album cover. I mean, those Pimp sweatsuits have to come in handy for more than just a wedding.
 
2005-01-05 03:07:20 PM  
Between this and the multiple appearances of Ashlee Simpson (which really ruined New Year's for me, btw), is it not a sign that the apocalypse is nearing?

// Dug the K-Fed term. A new Fark cliche, no?
 
2005-01-05 03:09:12 PM  
"Nobody pouts going into a jiggy!"
 
2005-01-05 03:09:55 PM  
Any way we can get Shatner to sing backup?
 
2005-01-05 03:10:54 PM  
[image from members.cox.net too old to be available]
 
2005-01-05 03:11:08 PM  
You would think with all the money these people have they would hire someone with common sense. "Hi, this is Paul my manager, Jeanne my stylist and Steve with the Common Sense."
 
2005-01-05 03:11:17 PM  
What's most amazing to me are the number of people in this thread that appear to consider this an actual news story.

[image from nydailynews.com too old to be available]

"Lloyd Grove is The Daily News' newest gossip columnist"
 
2005-01-05 03:11:50 PM  
Between this and the multiple appearances of Ashlee Simpson (which really ruined New Year's for me, btw),

Yeah, that really irritated me when Ashlee was the first act after the news on Dick Clark.
 
2005-01-05 03:12:15 PM  
upsdrvr,
Maybe she and her husband can join those other 2 skaggs, Paris and Nicole, and come up with a new reality show,
SIMPLE PEOPLE


How about 'Get a Brain, Morans'?
 
2005-01-05 03:13:05 PM  
[image from rit.edu too old to be available]

hahahahaha

no wait

BAH HAHAHAHAHAHA


/second time I've posted this today, sorry
 
2005-01-05 03:13:51 PM  
Is it Justin Timberlake?
 
2005-01-05 03:14:44 PM  
dogfather_jr
It's not news, it's... wait... you're total fark! I shouldn't be explaining this to you.
 
2005-01-05 03:15:09 PM  
I didn't know my Uncle Cletus married that Britney ho.
I'll have to give that SOB a call.
 
2005-01-05 03:16:24 PM  
Wanna hear horrible listen to Britney's new song.

http://www.worldofbritney.net/Britney_Spears-Mona_Lisa.mp3
 
2005-01-05 03:16:39 PM  
SlipWilly
It's not news, it's... wait... you're total fark! I shouldn't be explaining this to you.

I didn't say the I didn't get it. I said I was amazed at the number of people here that didn't get it.
 
2005-01-05 03:18:01 PM  
I cant wait to see that biatch on Oprah in 10 years.... All farked up....
 
2005-01-05 03:18:23 PM  
[image from tinypic.com too old to be available]

You can't deny that Britney's turning into Brandine
 
2005-01-05 03:18:48 PM  
Britney has been in New York finalizing a deal on the clothing line she's starting with the 26-year-old Federline, who left his pregnant girlfriend, Shar Jackson, now the mother of their two children, for the scantily clad pop tart last summer.

What a sonofabiatch. Farker leaves his girlfriend, pregnant with TWO kids of his, to be with Britney.

And people wonder what is wrong with this country...
 
2005-01-05 03:18:56 PM  
so when she goes back to school (haha)... and then he's making the money(hahaaaahaaaa)... does that mean when they divorce she gets his money? if so... that's pretty farking funny.
 
2005-01-05 03:19:00 PM  
This goes in my mouth!

[image from img134.exs.cx too old to be available]
 
2005-01-05 03:21:01 PM  
Good Grief. Not only is he a pathetic partner now he going to be a ridiculous rapper. Britney and her boy toy will be history by....divorce pool anyone?????
 
2005-01-05 03:21:06 PM  
she says he can flow
/bwahhhahhhaaaaaa!
//I bet she flows
//And he gets the clownface once a month
 
2005-01-05 03:21:14 PM  
Another sign of the end times...which Horseman is Federline ?
 
2005-01-05 03:21:36 PM  
So_it_goes, that should be a caption contest...

"cocks go here!"

 
2005-01-05 03:22:41 PM  
How fresh are his rhymes?
 
2005-01-05 03:22:47 PM  
"There's no way he can flow! He's no Vanilla Ice."

Well thank God for that.
 
2005-01-05 03:23:25 PM  
...the 26-year-old Federline, who left his pregnant girlfriend, Shar Jackson, now the mother of their two children, for the scantily clad pop tart last summer...

Look on the bright side, this clown will always see this following his name in any story...
 
2005-01-05 03:24:11 PM  
Can the masses really be laughing at ME !?!?
[image from img37.exs.cx too old to be available]
Word to yo rich wife.
 
2005-01-05 03:24:55 PM  
What's the title of his album, Straight Out Da Trailer
 
2005-01-05 03:25:53 PM  
Stupid is as stupid does, yo.
 
2005-01-05 03:26:24 PM  
Ha, you just wait until they procreate. The kids will have to go through life with helmets, mittens and name tags
 
2005-01-05 03:27:11 PM  
The sad thing is that if this works out he will probably make more money than I will ever see in my life.

You forgot the part about blowing it all on hookers, golden egg omletes, and legal fees.
 
2005-01-05 03:27:42 PM  
Hasn't been said enough, this is a brilliant headline.

/golf clap
 
2005-01-05 03:28:45 PM  
FLCL in the hizzle
 
2005-01-05 03:37:09 PM  
jmg2119:

If you take away the $100 million she has, she would be every other white trash, ignorant, barefoot, pimple faced, tatoo covered cum dispenser on Jerry Springer.


I believe that's c*m receptacle.


/surprised the filters didn't nab that
 
2005-01-05 03:38:42 PM  
ThereAreFourLights
You can't deny that Britney's turning into Brandine

TAFL, I just about shot a piece of roasted turkey through my nasal cavity. Sure, Cletus gets the ink, but it's nice to see Brandine "representin'", as the hip, young Federlines might say.
 
2005-01-05 03:39:44 PM  
Cletus. Heeeee!
 
2005-01-05 03:39:51 PM  
Britney vouches for his "flowing" ability.

Picture, if you will, this dunce rattling off rhymes for his half-wit wife. This jackass practices rapping. In front of her. I mean... really picture that.

Christ.
 
2005-01-05 03:41:39 PM  
[image from tinypic.com too old to be available]
 
2005-01-05 03:41:59 PM  
even if the guy is really good there's no way he'll ever be taken seriously as an artist. but what are the odds of that?
 
2005-01-05 03:46:11 PM  
"It looks like newlywed Britney Spears Federline - who abruptly parted ways with longtime manager Larry Rudolph three months ago"

Sounds like she went to Rudolph with this idea, and he told her he wouldn't be funding a "rap" album for this tool in this farking lifetime. I imagine he probably chuckled alot too.
 
2005-01-05 03:49:54 PM  
ThereAreFourLights: You can't deny that Britney's turning into Brandine

"Hey Brandine. You might could wear these, to your job interview."

"And scuff up the topless dancin runway? Naw. You best bring 'em back where from you got 'em."

"Ok.

...Back you go, to waits for a woman of less discriminatin taste."


Life shore do immatate art. Yup.
 
2005-01-05 03:50:45 PM  
Word to your mother.
 
2005-01-05 03:53:48 PM  
[image from angelfire.com too old to be available]
Citizen Spears?
 
2005-01-05 03:56:36 PM  
So I guess her hubbie is going to earn money while she's a CSI? Good plan.
 
2005-01-05 03:58:34 PM  
Yo, I can't wait to see Kev spit some hot lyrics, yo.

Oh shiat son, that white bois gonna turn it out son! Snap!

(I think I just made myself throw up a little bit in my mouth)
 
2005-01-05 04:03:50 PM  
I was in a store the other day and I swear I saw some baseball caps and T-shirts with "bride" and "bridegroom" written on them. It must have really happened, because I don't dream about Britney, no matter how long I spend on Fark.
 
2005-01-05 04:05:09 PM  
Too easy.

/leavin' it alone
 
2005-01-05 04:05:38 PM  
This is her revenge for being rejected by "The Dukes Of Hazzard"
 
2005-01-05 04:06:47 PM  

For those of you saying that they should perform at the next Orange Bowl, I propose a free rock with every ticket purchased. They could have a barrel of rocks at the gate and you could pick out a rock you really liked on the way in, because not everyone will be able to effectively throw a two and one-half pound rock with jagged, razor sharp edges. Some folks of a lighter build and perhaps some of the ladies could opt for a smaller, smooth rock, and rely on velocity instead of mass.

Personally, I think the combination would be a great half time show.

And then we could all talk about our rock the next day here on Fark. Wouldn't that be great?

 
2005-01-05 04:06:48 PM  
Yo, all-a youse pimps & hoes, it's all about the skillz.

And I gots me some skillz.

Werd.

Signed
K "Cletus" Federline

(I keep thinking of Joe Federspiel, the old linebaker for the Saints. Tsk.)
 
2005-01-05 04:17:06 PM  
It may sound "Stupid", but then again, how did she become a "star?" She's practically a Pepsi product. The manager and a PR crew will retread this guy until every 13-year old out there thinks he's the Second Coming...and they will buy it because, after all, he's now cool.
 
2005-01-05 04:19:38 PM  
Seriously, why won't she just go away now?
 
2005-01-05 04:19:50 PM  
Fo shizzle mah whizzle!

/Eatin' a sloppy joe-oh!
 
2005-01-05 04:26:47 PM  
Just this week, Lowdown hears, Britney has been in New York finalizing a deal on the clothing line she's starting with the 26-year-old Federline, who left his pregnant girlfriend, Shar Jackson, now the mother of their two children, for the scantily clad pop tart last summer.

I know, I know, it's been said before, but I'll say it once again...

What an asshat.
 
2005-01-05 04:28:26 PM  
I see a wife beating and a shootout with the cops in 05 or 06
 
2005-01-05 04:30:28 PM  
[image from img.photobucket.com too old to be available]
 
2005-01-05 04:34:44 PM  
she is white trash afterall . . .
 
2005-01-05 04:50:35 PM  
Hang on Voltaire

HAHA, very nice. Sad thing is I can see him using it. Anyone who thinks the wearing sweatsuits emblazoned with the word "Pimp" on them on his wedding day would think the name Wyte Traz would be awesome. Oh, excuse me, it would be the shizzle.

'Cause that's how he rolls, yo.
 
2005-01-05 04:53:45 PM  
[image from img.photobucket.com too old to be available]
 
2005-01-05 04:54:16 PM  
Ahhh, Kevin Federline....

The Tom Arnold for a whole new generation.
 
2005-01-05 05:05:05 PM  
What a collection of low-lifes in this story. First, the a$$hat Federline, who leaves the woman who he knocked up so he can ride on Brittany's ever-expanding backside. Here's hoping he dies slowly of a disfiguring disease. And then the agents - a form of life lower than lawyers. This guy didn't have the intern sign a non-compete clause? Deserves everything he gets.
 
2005-01-05 05:08:25 PM  
Cletus from Three Kingdoms?
 
2005-01-05 05:34:11 PM  
Spear Britney.
 
2005-01-05 05:38:06 PM  
Cerie

Wanna hear horrible listen to Britney's new song.
http://www.worldofbritney.net/Britney_Spears-Mona_Lisa.mp3


I think my cat's nails on a chalkboard could carry more of a melody.
 
2005-01-05 05:47:48 PM  
sounds like a winner -
he can open for ashlee simpson
 
2005-01-05 05:52:54 PM  
i thought i was the only one who saw "fear of a black hat," gotta wear your hat.
 
2005-01-05 05:57:09 PM  
No one has yet to make fun of his profession....

Backup Dancer


Mutherfarker can't even be THE dancer and he wants to bust out mad tyte lyrics. shiat, he ain't got no rhymes.....

/and I ain't got nothing
 
2005-01-05 06:02:35 PM  
i wonder how many of the people who say crap about this doofus for leaving his pregnant wife realize that jude law did the exact same thing. except, of course, jude law and his wife had been married for a long while and she was pregnant with their 4th kid. so i guess law's was actually worse.
 
2005-01-05 06:08:43 PM  
Makes me think of Bud Bundy's "Grandmaster B" phase.
 
2005-01-05 06:24:47 PM  
Mr.Girthy: Makes me think of Bud Bundy's "Grandmaster B" phase.


Kelly Bundy: The phone's for you Trashmaster B.
 
2005-01-05 06:47:21 PM  
It can't be any worse than Dee Dee King.

Anyone else remember when Dee Dee Ramone went through his "rap artist" phase?
 
2005-01-05 07:28:22 PM  
come on yall, you knwo my hubby is da bomb, plus he's got alot of dancing experience as a background dancer that no one really ever look or pay attention to, now he's gonna be in da spot like just like me, oh no i hope he don't be make too famous and leave me for some hot younger background dancer......i'm a sad britney
 
2005-01-05 08:32:48 PM  
I think Jude Law's wife actually has mental problems. I read somewhere that he tried to get help for her, but she wouldn't take care of her depression, so he left her after trying for a long time. I don't think Kevin Federline is exactly an equal for Jude Law - Law actually has some talent. Law's wife, Sadie Frost, had bipolar, or manic depression - she wouldn't take help. I would probably have to go if after 4 kids my husband wouldn't take care of himself either. And if I'm wrong, I accept that - I seem to recall it, but am too lazy to look it up. Take it or leave it. Either way, most celebrities are asshats - Federline, not even a celebrity, is such an asshat he should wear himself.
 
2005-01-05 09:10:27 PM  
LOL...Cletus!
 
2005-01-05 09:18:08 PM  
So someone has registered a fark account for the specific purpose of participating in these threads? Am I correct in assuming that? If so, to you I tip my cap, BritneyFederline.
 
2005-01-05 10:06:21 PM  
NWH sez GRAB YO' STUFF!!!
 
2005-01-06 08:26:06 AM  
/PSA
Please spay or neuter your child if they want a career in the pop music business.
 
2005-01-06 09:51:50 AM  
Cletus?!?!?!?!?

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

By the time Mr. Spears' wife buys him a bling-bling wristwatch his fifteen minutes will already be up.
 
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