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(Yahoo)   Radical Muslim cleric misses court hearing, blames his long toe nails   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
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7551 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Jan 2005 at 7:15 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

89 Comments     (+0 »)

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2005-01-04 02:44:38 PM  
What? This happened to me yesterday. Oh, hangnail, I thought he meant hangover. Wow, he really is an asshat.
2005-01-04 04:31:48 PM  
"He is also charged with using threatening, abusive or insulting behavior with intent to stir up racial hatred, one offence of possessing threatening, abusive or insulting sound recordings, and one charge of possessing a "terrorist" document."

Seems I've met this fellow several times on Fark. But wait-he's a one eyed man with no hands. He wouldn't have the depth perception to type with his nose if he wanted to.

That he is such a threat to the US that nature of his extradition can not be publicly revealed doesn't surprise me-the US has been terrified of its own shadow long since.

/If I got a Golden Lab puppy and name him Terror would I not, in American eyes, be a Terrorist? Sure I would!
2005-01-04 07:19:34 PM  
Then they should chop off his toenails... Neck high.
2005-01-04 07:21:52 PM  
Uhm, hey don't have toenail clippers in jail?

2005-01-04 07:22:50 PM  
I tend to blame my breath when I'm late...

/stupid breath.
2005-01-04 07:23:53 PM  
My ears burn so I'm not going to court. Works every time.
2005-01-04 07:25:16 PM  
I have to go pee pee
2005-01-04 07:27:22 PM  
He had been due to make an appearance via video-link

So how does long toe-nails affect his ability to sit in front of an f-ing camera?
2005-01-04 07:27:35 PM  
Is this the crazy British dude they've been trying to deport for half a decade now?

agreywolf, if it is, he's consistantly been quite the seditionist. He openly supports al-Qaeda and terrorism against Britain and the United States, but since he only preaches about it, they've had trouble getting rid of him.

I'd call him terroristic if not a full fledged terrorist.

As for sedition, while we no longer outlaw it here in the States, he's not a citizen. If Britain actually extradites him, then I predict an indefinite vacation in sunny Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

For many reasons, it would such to be him.
2005-01-04 07:28:05 PM  
Abu Hamza, the radical Muslim cleric whose mosque is responsible for more terrorism investigations than any other mosque in the UK. They found actual Ricin in the mosque itself.

If this is the same guy I'm thinking off, then he has a hook for a hand as well. He's like Captain Jihad!

"Avast ye mateys, we be shipping out to roast the stomachs of the infidels! Allah akbAARRRRRR!"
2005-01-04 07:30:12 PM  

This is what I got when I GISed his name.

[image from too old to be available]
2005-01-04 07:32:15 PM  
You mean kinda like this? (Ripley's Believe it or Not!)
[image from too old to be available]

Also, when you do a GIS for 'toenail' you learn about things you never knew existed, like models for doctors to practice ingrown toenail surgery.
[image from too old to be available]
2005-01-04 07:33:05 PM  

[image from too old to be available]

"Blarney!! The American scalliwags will feel the tip o' me scimitar! Me suicide bombing mates shall send them to Davey Jones' Locker! Allah AkbAAARRRRRR!!"
2005-01-04 07:35:38 PM  
So they're not too long to "perambulate" around prison, but too long to come to court?

2005-01-04 07:36:44 PM  
The only reason he should ever have for not attending court would be because his legs are too broken.
2005-01-04 07:38:21 PM  
"Hamza has physical difficulties. He is unable to walk. He has been perambulating barefoot around the prison,"

you could just say "walking"
2005-01-04 07:39:25 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Remember t' be drinking yer goat's milk children, else ye be feeling the wrath of Allah! Shiver me timbers, the Jews be sons of pigs and monkeys! Allah AkbAAAARRRRRRR!
2005-01-04 07:39:43 PM  
from Wiki:

Abu Hamza has claimed that the Space Shuttle Columbia disaster was a sign from God. Mistakenly placing the debris from the shuttle, which fell in the Southwestern United States, he said:

"These missions would increase the number of satellites for military purposes. It would increase the slavery of governance of other countries by America. It is a punishment from God. Muslims see it that way. It is a trinity of evil because it carried Americans, an Israeli and a Hindu, a trinity of evil against Islam. The fact that the motor of the craft fell on Palestine - all these are messages from God. It is a strong message, for the Israeli, to be taken up there to space and he spoke about the Holocaust, to try to make religious advancement from it and gain some moral high ground, hence you have seen this message over Palestine."
2005-01-04 07:40:30 PM  
Sturgeon637: Then they should chop off his toenails... Neck high.

Ya beat me to it.
I think it would work best with a chipper-feet first.

/I have a chipper
2005-01-04 07:41:13 PM  

is it just me, or does that Jihadi Pirate have a life alert pendant?

"I've Allah'd and I can't get up!"

*insert Jon Stewart "mmm... yeeeee" tie-straightening/collar tug bit*
2005-01-04 07:42:33 PM  

Yeah, the only reason people hate this man is because they're racist.
2005-01-04 07:43:59 PM  
oh and for bonus yuks:

What's this cleric's nickname, Lucky?



"Allah, been berry berry goo' to me..."

/all week
//tip your waitress
///veal. try it.
2005-01-04 07:46:04 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

The Hindus, Jews, and Americans be the trinity o' evil 'gainst Muslims! Tis punishment from God almighty to send the Columbia to Davey Jones' locker! She burst aflame and was sunk over Palestine, a strong message to the land-lubbin infidel! Allah akbAAAARRRRR!
2005-01-04 07:52:19 PM  
2005-01-04 07:54:01 PM  
there's just no tellin when a thread where everyone speaks like a pirate is going to break out...arrr.
//ye swab
2005-01-04 07:55:45 PM  
Cut it out, bbcrackmonkey. You're killin me here.
2005-01-04 07:56:27 PM  
If only he could peregrinate. Or at least divagate.
2005-01-04 07:56:36 PM​500.htm& date=2003/02/06/&prd=th&

is there ANY religion that islam is 'compatible' with?

or are they pretty much standing alone, fist up, challenging the whole ROW?
2005-01-04 07:57:11 PM  
abu hamza:

[image from too old to be available]
2005-01-04 07:57:23 PM  
(row = Rest Of World)
2005-01-04 07:59:17 PM  
Bobby Fischer is still out there, causing all kinds of international chess havok, and we're worried about *this* guy?

/ok so Fischer's detained
//guess I got nothin
2005-01-04 08:00:59 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Hoist the sails and swab the deck, mateys! Captain Hamza has important information for yer belly to digest! We shaln't be toleratin' any Jews nor infidel foolery 'round these waters whilst I be captain of Finsbury Mosque! Iffin ye capture a kaffir, ye be recievin' 40 gold doblunes and we make him walk the plank! Allah akbAAAARRRR!
2005-01-04 08:02:08 PM  
in piratin' school, I never got past the three Arrs..
2005-01-04 08:06:25 PM  
Many larger pieces of Columbia debris landed in or near the town of Palestine, Texas.
2005-01-04 08:09:37 PM  
/If I got a Golden Lab puppy and name him Terror would I not, in American eyes, be a Terrorist? Sure I would!

I think you'd technically have to create the dog, and therefore bare mutant dog people. But thats a lot of work just laugh when people call you a terrorist so you can say, "no, I'm not a real terrorist. I just have sex with my dog."
2005-01-04 08:10:10 PM  
I can vouch, as someone who gets up close to body parts on a daily basis in my job........feet are sick! I would rather deal with butts that gnarly sick toenails....BLEH!!
2005-01-04 08:16:01 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Captain Hamza's the name and stealin the booty o' the infidel be the game! Me and my merry band of mujahadeen be the scurviest seadogs this side of Syria! We be a'plunderin and a'lootin the vessels of the unbelievers to add to the stock of Jihadi treasure! The new monstrous contraption we've made to destroy the enemy ships, the Suicide Cannon, shall be operational soon, and then I'll have the head of the Zionist that took me hand! Allah akbAAAARRRRR!!
2005-01-04 08:17:16 PM  
If this is the same guy I'm thinking off, then he has a hook for a hand as well. He's like Captain Jihad!
"Avast ye mateys, we be shipping out to roast the stomachs of the infidels! Allah akbAARRRRRR!"


bbcrackmoney - I think you're jumping to conclusions on the whole jihad pirate thing.

After all, how do you know he's not just an evil henchman from a James Bond film ?

I present the following as evidence....

[image from too old to be available][image from too old to be available]
2005-01-04 08:20:31 PM  
I think someone should put a parrot on his shoulder and..
saaayyyyyy this could be a good photoshop....
2005-01-04 08:21:41 PM  
darth_shatner, I know he's a pirate for the following reasons:

a) Long scraggly beard.
b) Hook for a hand.
c) One eye.
d) The bandanna.
e) Nasty teeth and other various personal hygenic problems.

No man no. James Bond villains are clean cut gentlemen. This man is a pirate, through and through! From the scabbard of his scimitar to the plastic explosives in his bomb vest, he lives for the thrill of terrorizing the Seven Seas!
2005-01-04 08:28:05 PM  
OK - I'll concede that even though the dud eye could hide a laser, that the beard, bandana and personal hygene problems do appear to say "pirate" rather than "evil underling of SPECTRE".

But if he's a true pirate then where's his parrot and scrawny first mate ?
2005-01-04 08:32:46 PM  
darth_shatner, I cannot explain the absence of the parrot, but he is rather old and parrots only live for so long. Perhaps he keeps it in a cage out of health concerns?

He's got plenty of candidates for first mate, though. Just look at the scurvy swine that's next to him in several of the photos! This man must have hordes of infidel treasure buried all over the mosque property.
2005-01-04 08:34:31 PM  
Well then, toss him in the Thames and see if he can swim.
2005-01-04 08:38:52 PM  
Give him the chair. But douse him in pig's blood first.
2005-01-04 08:39:17 PM  
This is so full of shiat it stinks. If he couldn't hobble his way to wherever he should have been, they should have thrown is ass in a wheelchair and carted him off to go receive his penance.

/hate's religious farks.
2005-01-04 08:39:32 PM  
2005-01-04 07:39:43 PM BillCosby

The Shuttle broke apart in Texas over a city named Palestine.
2005-01-04 08:39:56 PM  
Howard Dean: Well then, toss him in the Thames and see if he can swim.

Let's see if this pirate theory can tread water then.
2005-01-04 08:40:17 PM  
Baliff, Whack his wacky muslim pee pee.
2005-01-04 08:42:25 PM  
I also corrected that in Wikipedia.
2005-01-04 08:49:10 PM  

As for sedition, while we no longer outlaw it here in the States,

There's quite a few laws regarding sedition.

Title 18 Chapter 115
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