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(NYPost)   Hip-hop groupies discuss their conquests -- Jay Z's manhood "Like a one-liter Pepsi bottle. It could block out the sun."   ( divider line
    More: Scary  
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41805 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jan 2005 at 11:23 AM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

182 Comments     (+0 »)

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2005-01-02 08:48:46 PM  
I dont know about you, but as an average man I feel pretty good.

Pop culture makes you believe these guys are inherently better than you in every way.

Appears not so much.

Next time that punk ass Iverson is on TV I promise this article is gonna make me LMAO.

And even the big dick swinger of hte group gets poor as marks for being boring. Big dick and boring. No excuse for that.
2005-01-02 08:59:00 PM  
2005-01-02 01:46:02 PM Max Reax
I can name four excellent rap "bands"--filled with real (and very talented) musicians. ?uestlove, of the Roots, is the best drummer working this side of Dave Grohl.

laughed. for. hours.

/you guys' music tastes don't even scratch the surface of what's being made today--but keep up the comedykthx
2005-01-02 09:22:56 PM  

2005-01-02 06:01:39 PM AnonymousGuy

/Just bought the 2 volumes of Tobias Sammet's Metal Opera. I'm a sucker for stuff like that.
//Remind me again, how many rap acts have done something as challenging as an opera all in one take?
///What's that, none? Sounds like that voice got silenced, huh?

Wow, that's the most pretentious thing I've ever read. Granted, most, if not all, rap I've ever heard has been just short of retarded, but at least it's not going out of it's way to prove how much talent it has by making a farking opera.
2005-01-02 09:31:46 PM  

*applause*. So right about Mike Portnoy. Let us not forget such other raw talents as Virgil Donati (Planet X), Vinnie Paul (Pantera), Dave Weckl (solo), and Carter Beauford (Dave Matthews Band).

/guitarist, not a drummer, but respect those guys a lot
2005-01-02 09:41:48 PM  
"...The hip-hop trollop described Jay-Z as "boring" in the bedroom, even though his manhood was "the biggest you will ever see in your life. Huge. Like a one-liter Pepsi bottle. It could block out the sun."

This doesn't impress me. If she said it was as big as a 40, then I would be impressed

/just saying
2005-01-02 10:36:01 PM  
Let's argue about whose opinions are more valid when it comes to personal taste!
2005-01-02 11:15:30 PM  
Since y'all have degenerated into listing your opinions as fact, allow me to state the fact that Jon Fishman of Phish and Butch of the Eels are both drummers. And they are both good. Oh yeah, and since no one has even taken the time to state the GLARINGLY OBVIOUS, Blondie did the whole crossover rock/rap sound when most of you were still listening to Raffi(SP)! I would also like to state that while I agree with pretty much everything everyone has said about both rap and rock music, y'all are speaking with the authority of people who actually know what you are talking about. Just because you listen to a lot of music of multiple genre' does not you an expert make. Now don't get me wrong, I am not discounting your opinions, regardless of weather I disagree with them or don't. But you are all arguing BASED ON OPINIONS!!! Which is not fact and can not be debated because it is all subjective to your own point of view. I used to listen to rap back in the days of Bone, but do so no longer because my pallet has changed. That doesn't mean I yell at everyone who still listens to rap. That's their choice and they are entitled to it and as citizens of a free world it is our responsibility to respect that choice. If you don't like rap, SHUT THE FARK UP, WE DON'T CARE. If you don't like rock, SHUT THE FARK UP, WE DON'T CARE. I really like the Eels, most people don't, and no matter how much I blather about my opinion it isn't going to make people like them. Everyone has their own personal taste in music and it is always, in some large or small way, going to be different from yours. Get off it, it isn't important, focus on the things that really farking matter like the fact that Jay-Z has a grotesquely shaped member, which matches his grotesquely shaped head.
2005-01-03 01:02:26 AM  
This is nothing new.

My grandma used to be a groupie.

Said Debussy was a total stud. Liszt was hung like a shoestring. Beethoven was into handjobs - three quick strokes and one long one, over and over. Bela Bartok could schmooze his way into any Italian pub-girl's panties. Tchaikovsky's wang was so big nobody ever noticed he only had one leg.

And she came from a very musical family - for most of their lives her two siblings played gigolo and strumpet.
2005-01-03 01:57:27 AM  
O.K. Im tired of all this music crap. If you like rock listen to it. If you like rap listen to it. Peolple listen to what the can relate to and the culture they came from if your from the suburbs than you probaly dont like rap. If your from SE San Diego than rock may seem strang to you. Dont listen to the other don't dis the other. God who really cares. In the words of a great man...

Don't start no shiat!
Won't be no shiat!
2005-01-03 02:04:27 AM  
... except Punk Rock that shiat just sucks!

/just wanted to keep the flame lit.
2005-01-03 02:11:13 AM  
And for any one who thinks that rappers never say anything but hoes and bling bling. Look up Tupoc and the rappers of his time thats all I listen to. Ill admit 80% of the rappers today are all about money and hoes and dont rap about their roots like the used to.

/Ill try to only use one post next time!
2005-01-03 02:28:00 AM  
Max Reax:

This is very true. A lot of popular hip-hop has degenerated into farcical idiot-songs. Ja Rule, Petey Pablo, 50 Cent and others are parodies of urban commentators like the Notorious B.I.G. and Tupac, whose lyrics, while violent, mysoginistic and materialist were also reflections of a morally bankrupt and impoverished inner-city life--in the same way that the violent, mysoginistic lyrics of turn-of-the-century blues artists like Robert Johnson were singing about their own lives on the Mississippi Delta.

Except instead of providing an example of being a better person DESPITE their backgrounds... they write about it, play it up, make it seem glamorous and make a shiatload of money off their "plight."

Violent, mysoginistic and materialist is still violent, mysoginistic and materialist.

That won't change because it's what makes the money.
2005-01-03 03:00:46 AM  
Hey, uh, FeedTheCollapse?

Maybe you should read the whole post. Sometimes that helps. Prevents you from looking like an idiot. Because, I did write all of that, but, uh, it was not meant to be taken completely seriously. There were a number of clues in that post that pointed the astute reader to that conclusion. As a matter of fact, the next words in that post kind of tells you where I was coming from. I'll give you a hint.

But SERIOUSLY I'm about 90% in agreement with Max Reax

I know, I know, that was a very subtle hint. But maybe, if you stare at it long enough, you might make the connection.

And seriously, dude? My post was the most pretentious thing you ever read? Well, may I be the first to welcome you on your first steps into the interweb. Fark is so glad you've made us your first stop. Come back every so often during your journeys and tell us all about the new and wonderful places you've been. Maybe you might try this new website called Google. It doesn't do anything until you type some words into the box and press "Search", though, so be warned. It doesn't DO anything until you do something. Just thought I'd let you know that so that you wouldn't sit there for hours waiting for it to do something.

/walks away muttering, "ChristAlmighty, there's some stupid people in the world today. Why, in my day, we would....oh, crap is this still on?" Hurriedly rips off microphone and dashes out the door, slamming it shut on the way out.
2005-01-03 05:11:49 AM  

How about Mike Portnoy of Dream Theater? He doesn't need to spell his name with a question mark to establish his identity. He uses TALENT.

Because no one on earth has established their identity on the skins quite like Mike Portnoy of Dream Theater. Yes, Mike Portnoy of Dream Theater is the king. Mike Portnoy of Dream Theater is on the tip of everyone's tongue. Why, if God could come down to earth in the form of a drummer, he would come down as MIKE PORTNOY OF DREAM THEATER, RULER OF ALL THINGS PERCUSSIVE!!!

Now I'm not trying to be TOO sarcastic, yes I agree he is a competant drummer. But to many music fans, myself included, there is a certain kind of action on drums that, although requiring much talent, sounds like musical wanking. You know, where the complexity is in the fills and solos and not in the actual rythm. You know, rythm? That thing Rock and Roll had before musicians became..."intelligent"?

Also, don't you find it funny that you had to explain where Mike Portnoy was from? Maybe if he spelled his name Mike Por+noy he'd have more of an identity established.

/Questlove is the best drummer out there right now IMHO
///Now that I'm admitting this is a threadjack, I don't know why this thread has turned into a a rap flamewar, because groupies have ALWAYS been around. Even Mozart had 'em. As long as there have been popular musicians travelling around, there have been people who would fark them at the drop of a hat.
//// slashie slashie slashie slashie
2005-01-03 05:14:51 AM  
Sorry...I did mean ?uestlove.

2005-01-03 05:50:21 AM  

Saying that Portnoy's talent lies in his fills and solos and not the rythem just shows me you've never heard him play. Actually, his drum solos and fills are the weakest part of his playing. What makes him great are the brilliant, original, and killer grooves that he comes up with. You could listen to just the drum track for any Dream Theater album and it would be a masterpiece in itself.

And yes, he sometimes mixes it up and (gasp!) puts the snare on something other than beat 2 and 4 instead of playing the same thing over and over.

There are always people who blindly believe the manta 'simplicity is beautiful' means that 'less is always the right decision and anyone who does something complex is wrong'. If that's true, then I hope never to be right...because I can only listen to the White Stripes for so long without killing myself.

/for all bands just starting out...listen to Tool, and look up 'thematic development' in a music dictionary.
2005-01-03 06:49:37 AM  

OK, I've been, to use a silly term, pwned. I'm honest to God really only familiar with Life in a Northern Town. Which I got sick of halfway through.

But still, I never said simplicity was necessarily better, but I can't describe ?uestlove's rythm as simple. ?uestlove is my favourite drummer playing today, but Gene Krupa is my favourite of all time. If I thought less is more, Ringo would be my favourite drummer, with Meg White a close second. And I know that's not true.

I just feel (probably as you do), that a good musician needs a balance of playing straight and playing on a tangent, just so one can say that that musician can do both. To use bass as an example, you can really only take so much Dee Dee Ramone, but I would say the same goes for Jaco Pastorius.

And I agree, Tool does kick ass. And if you need to look up thematic development to figure that out, you ARE a tool. A big one. Perhaps one the size of a litre of pepsi, which I say to do a half-assed job of making it look like I'm not threadjacking.

/need sleep, that took way longer than it should have and it still looks dumb
//not a copout of an argument, Everything I say is IMHO and I wholeheartedly concede all and any pwnership
2005-01-03 07:03:01 AM  
Actually come to think of it, the fact that I got called on for not knowing a lot of Dream Academy reminded me of how I got into hip-hop in the first place. Because I really wasn't that into it until I listened to Aquemeni by Outkast. It wasn't that I disliked hip-hop before that per se, but I just didn't like anything I was hearing on the radio. As I've discovered, hip-hop singles and hip-hop album cuts are totally different animals. You'd be surprised the way some mainstream rappers can actually come down and actually be a real person when they know that the song's not gonna be a hit anyway.

Note: I said some, not all or even most. Because most mainstream rappers, I agree, really do suck balls.

Well, I guess I gotta go listen to some Dream Academy now...but you better believe I'm skipping over Life in a Northern Town, I have heard that one enough times in my life.

/as he looked at timestamp, he shook his head in dibelief
2005-01-03 07:32:46 AM  
LOL! Fantastic take on the thread.


This is nothing new.

My grandma used to be a groupie.

Said Debussy was a total stud. Liszt was hung like a shoestring. Beethoven was into handjobs - three quick strokes and one long one, over and over. Bela Bartok could schmooze his way into any Italian pub-girl's panties. Tchaikovsky's wang was so big nobody ever noticed he only had one leg.

And she came from a very musical family - for most of their lives her two siblings played gigolo and strumpet.
2005-01-03 09:19:08 AM  
Uh, droogmilk? One little question.

How did you go from Dream Theater to Dream Academy? I can see the connection (both have Dream in the first part of their names), but those are two totally different bands.

I hope you are just punchy from staying up late or something.
2005-01-03 09:32:24 AM  
Yeah, hip-hop is really original. That's why they use beats that other people made first.

It's never been real music.

It never will be real music, regardless of how many ignorant crackers with shiatty taste in music download the albums.

In reality, hip-hop (and rap) is the music god's punishment for the proliferation of hair rock in the '80s.

I know that most people that like these rhythmic abortions do so because they think it represents being black, and they want to be black, or appreciate "black" culture. There are better parts of black music to take up. Listening to hip-hop to appreciate black American culture is like watching Inuyasha to appreciate Japanese culture.
2005-01-03 11:52:39 AM  
Rock died the day the Chipmunks broke up. I blame their manager.
2005-01-03 01:06:55 PM  
well, if hip hop has been around for so long and is so good why are there a ton of classic rock stations and no classic hip hop stations. Seems like a year or two after most hip hop stuff comes out and it is popular (that is not some underground stuff, like sage fracis, etc.. many of who's fans are more indie rock than hip hop) it disappears.
2005-01-03 01:57:25 PM  
Rap culture sucks.
2005-01-03 02:12:20 PM  
I like the hip hop uniforms. The giant clocks on necklaces are hilarious. The giant pants are funny too, but not as much as the kitchen clocks.
2005-01-03 02:31:40 PM  
this article is pointless without pics...
2005-01-03 02:55:17 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Mine sets of metal detectors.
2005-01-03 03:08:07 PM  
2005-01-03 03:51:40 PM  
I know that most people that like these rhythmic abortions do so because they think it represents being black, and they want to be black, or appreciate "black" culture.

Do people really think this, or are you just talking out of your ass? African American musical influence exists in almost all music, as the lineage in music today can be traced back to blues and jazz. Blues was the rap music of its time, and rap is just a modern version of blues. So if you've ever listened to music created in the states or even around the world (considering Elvis, the Rollingstones and the Beatles were influenced by blues music), you must want to be black.
2005-01-03 06:00:51 PM  
Oh, please, stop with the afro-centrist bollocks.
2005-01-03 11:06:33 PM  
I think jay-z has like some huge-ass lips there.
2005-01-03 11:08:07 PM  
Ok, heres a pic of Jay-Z and his huge-ass lips.

[image from too old to be available]
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