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(FemaleFirst)   Jessica Simpson and her daddy had a virginity ceremony when she was twelve. Fappers creeped-out; kittens rejoice   (femalefirst.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Scary  
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51424 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Dec 2004 at 2:02 AM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2004-12-31 08:00:04 AM  
Maybe Jessica Simpson's dad and Michael Jackson are close friends!

I'm gona be sick!
 
2004-12-31 08:08:59 AM  
2004-12-30 08:28:45 PM tjk420

Get off me daddy your crushing my cigarettes


fark that made me laugh
 
2004-12-31 08:09:50 AM  
Why, Daddy, Why? to be Jessica Simpson's one and only bestseller in about, say, 10 years from now.
 
2004-12-31 08:14:08 AM  
"What better gift to give her husband? Never touched by another man."

I have nothing against abistinence until marraige (not for myself, tho) but this is just wrong on so many levels. It plays right into the Freudian virgin/whore mentality. You find a guy for whom his bride's virginity is the most important thing, you're going to see him sadly disillusioned morning after. Bride now deflowered, she's just another whore. But hey, he's got those bloody sheets to hang out the bedroom window, right?

What if you tell a girl her whole life that the best gift she can give her future husband is to have never been touched by another man and then before she gets married, she gets pulled into an alley and raped? What do you tell her then?
 
2004-12-31 08:31:34 AM  
nothing wrong with virgins, dated one for about years, then married her, this was after being with an absolute nympho for about a year. She's a really great girl.

/only survived the 3 years because she likes to give head
//I love girls that give blow jobs
 
2004-12-31 08:57:23 AM  

What if you tell a girl her whole life that the best gift she can give her future husband is to have never been touched by another man and then before she gets married, she gets pulled into an alley and raped? What do you tell her then?


Have pre-marital sex. Farkers agree: It makes rape feel less bad!

I can't help feeling that if you get raped a borked hymen is the least of your problems. You know, somewhere below 'STDs' and 'I just got raped'.
 
2004-12-31 09:05:03 AM  
wuapinmon: And the Law of Moses was fulfilled in Jesus, so the rules changed.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
 
2004-12-31 09:09:11 AM  
...vowed to be the only man in her life until she married.

Now that's just outright creepy.
 
2004-12-31 09:11:33 AM  
rapidbunny: KOBE BRYANT NEEDS TO RAPE HER ASAP


Creep Factor in this thread just doubled.
 
2004-12-31 09:15:36 AM  
zappaisfrank
I thought her name was Moonbase...
 
2004-12-31 09:17:11 AM  
I mean Moon Unit...
 
2004-12-31 09:27:32 AM  
I don't know why people are so weird about virginity. If there are any virgins out there of breeding age and an appropriate level of psychological maturity, my advice is to get it over with as quickly as possible, so you aren't burdened with all the creepy obessions that surround it, whether it's "saving yourself" for a sexually unsatisfying wedding night or the building anxiety of trying to make your first time "special."

It's just sex, and the first time is not exactly stellar. Just find a decent, consenting partner, use a condom, and get with the goddamn program!
 
2004-12-31 09:35:02 AM  
ppl need to mind their own business. the girl is 18, let her fark if she wants to fark. otherwise we'll have another britney who ends up looking more whorish than she is just because she tried to play all innocent.

all this religious nonsense always has to get in the way of people's freedom. funny how that works. can you prove god doesnt want you farking before marriage? can you even prove he exists to tell anyone this in the first place? i didnt think so.
 
2004-12-31 09:37:35 AM  
Father Ray = Bob?!?
 
2004-12-31 09:41:26 AM  
Father Ray
Props for the Twin Peaks reference.

Throw in a pic of a young Sherilyn Fenn for old times' sake:
[image from ed-wood.net too old to be available]

/DAMN fine cup o' coffee.
 
2004-12-31 09:50:05 AM  
Valarius


In defense of wuapinmon, I say that I can sort of understand him a bit.

1. Taking into context the audience of this thread, those who mock virgins have obviously never had sex yet, so you're automatically ignored right there. You know who you are.


See I always thought my kids were not mine! Valarius even backs me up on it, so when they wake up I'm going to tell them go find thier real mom!
 
2004-12-31 09:50:26 AM  
Isaiah 66:11
"For you will nurse and be satisfied at her comforting breasts;
you will drink deeply and delight in her overflowing abundance."

That just about sums it up for me...
 
2004-12-31 09:52:50 AM  
mmmmm.....abundant breasts
 
2004-12-31 09:54:32 AM  
"What better gift to give her husband? Never touched by another man."

*cough* Here's my short list in no particular order:

1) Promises never to run up a monthly cell phone bill that costs more than a new cell phone

2) Will remain sane during the duration of the marriage

3) Won't lie about how much she enjoys your hobbies while you are dating, then demands you cease them after you are married if you love her

4) Will remain secure enough in the marriage that you can go out with another male friend to have a couple of drinks and not insist you "check in" every hour

5) Understands the concept of marriage being a partnership, and not an excuse to stay home/go shopping and do 1 hour of housework a day just before you get home from putting in 8 hours+ at a JOB...yes, I know taking care of multiple pre-school offspring is a JOB too, you aren't who I'm talking to right now

6) Willing to actually sit down and do financial planning for the week/month without eyes glazing over until the word 'sale' is mentioned

7) Will keep panties up and dress/pants zipped until you get home...will not confuse stripping naked on webcam and using a dildo on herself while talking on the phone with "just a friend" with being faithful

8) Realizes the difference between 'talking' and 'communicating'

9) Doesn't see her role as acting as a Marine Corps drill sargeant for the household...if I wanted yelled at constantly, I'd play basketball for Bobby Knight

10) Believes that 'eating right' doesn't mean extra cheese, and 'excercise' isn't walking to the fridge from the living room

--h
 
2004-12-31 09:56:57 AM  
OMG. This is so gross. And I'm sorry, WTF is with 'daddy' owning his daughter's body until given to another man? Why not promise to Mother, why DADDY?

Farking gross.
 
2004-12-31 10:00:49 AM  
Janusdog
OMG. This is so gross. And I'm sorry, WTF is with 'daddy' owning his daughter's body until given to another man? Why not promise to Mother, why DADDY?

Fathers who fetishize their daughters' hymens are extra-specially sicko. Mothers, on the other hand, don't tend to covet the cherry.
 
2004-12-31 10:02:14 AM  
BTW, hdhale:

7) Will keep panties up and dress/pants zipped until you get home...will not confuse stripping naked on webcam and using a dildo on herself while talking on the phone with "just a friend" with being faithful

WTF?!?! Personal experience?
 
2004-12-31 10:08:30 AM  
7) Will keep panties up and dress/pants zipped until you get home...will not confuse stripping naked on webcam and using a dildo on herself while talking on the phone with "just a friend" with being faithful

Solution: short skirt and crotchless underwear.
 
2004-12-31 10:17:17 AM  
The only thing creepy about that story was the HORRENDOUS way it was written. Author should be tied down and beaten with elementary English books.

/female first! Ha!
 
2004-12-31 10:30:30 AM  
I have a New Years toast to all the virgins. Raise you glass with me and say " Here's to all the virgins, THANKS FOR NOTHING"
 
2004-12-31 10:33:43 AM  
Alternative Solution: short skirt and no underwear.
 
2004-12-31 10:38:58 AM  
so everyone on fark is already going to hell, even if just by association. i hope mr. "my wife is a good christian/barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen" up there knows that.

oh, and your wife gets down and dirty with herself when you ain't looking, homeboy. unless she was sexually abused as a child. in which case, she hates sex anyway and you aren't getting any either.

/ no one is perfect.
 
2004-12-31 10:42:01 AM  
"What better gift to give her husband? Never touched by another man."


Well in all honesty, he can say that and mean it cause he knows he is not a man, but a sick SOB
 
2004-12-31 10:53:04 AM  
People who hold themselves to an unreasonable standard often experience the most spectacular breakdowns.
 
2004-12-31 10:56:14 AM  
I knew lots of good Catholic girls in college who all into anal and oral to preserve their virginity.
 
2004-12-31 10:59:22 AM  
Fark is not the place to express any morality whats so ever. You'll be quickly laughed off or put down, and even insulted. Go here to have a laugh, and feel sorry for people. Thats about it.

What Mr.Simpson did was odd in his presentation, but the promise ring is common. I was a christian virgin when I married a Buddhist virgin. So if you think pre-marital sex = no no is a christian idea only...then well, you're an idiot.
 
2004-12-31 11:05:01 AM  
wuapinmon
Vulgarity is a crutch for the inarticulate, and I think it's wonderful that she has the fortitude to not lower herself to everyone else's level.

If you started spewing this crap at a party, I have a feeling most people would think you were a self-righteous asshole.

So how do you think Farker are going to take it?
 
2004-12-31 11:10:15 AM  
Am I the only one who sees the discrepancy in the article? They supposedly had the "ceremony" when she was 12 years old, yet she got a "ceremonial" ring when she was 24 years old.

Gaw damn, she was only 22 years old when she married!!
 
2004-12-31 11:13:45 AM  
ephewetew: I have a pic of wuapinmon's wife...


What movie was that pic from? Seems familar...
 
2004-12-31 11:14:34 AM  
Umm, Buddhism is about self-reliance. Basically, everything that Christians are against. They have no god, they can do everything themselves and they believe life sucks and it's depressing.
 
2004-12-31 11:16:56 AM  
Incomplete.

Without an understanding of the philosophy of love and friendship, we can't go and say that having premarital sex somehow defies the categorical imperative.

First of all, without giving consideration to love and friendship, let's look at it this way. It could be argued that a couple would want to be the best possible lovers to one another, and in order to do so, it would be required of them that they gain sexual experience, so that they know what they want and know how to give their partner what they want. This is universalizable, incidentally.

But I don't much care for that, because the categorical imperative is too wide open to come to any definite conclusions. So let's talk about the types of friendship.

One type of friendship is friendship of utility. This friendship exists because one person has what the other wants, and vice versa. The friendship exists until they no longer have what the other wants, unless the friendship develops further. There isn't anything morally wrong with this type of friendship, unless the two think they want something that hurts them. Sexual gratification, however, does not fit that bill. Sex is supposed to be good for all involved. ;)

Now, this type of friendship isn't the best one, but it can be had, even by the virtuous (The four types of friendship are: utility, pleasure, virtue, and approaching virtue - the last is between two friends/lovers who try to help each other to become virtuous - this addition was made because there are no truly virtuous people, but there are better friendships than the first two that do exist). The truly good person wouldn't have many friends of utility or pleasure, because to overextend yourself is to harm all your relationships, but it is possible to have very close friends and a couple others that, while you're friends, while you have goodwill toward them, your friendship consists primarily of boning.

Anyway, while Kant's ethics are a good thing to keep in mind, they are in no way a complete explanation of human relationships.

That's the distilled version. I could go on in a more rigorous fashion (just got done with a lengthy paper on the philosophy of friendship), but this is FARK, after all... ;)

(Note: Lengthy does not mean six or seven pages. That's not lengthy.)
 
2004-12-31 11:17:47 AM  
"Sky rockets in flight, ooop, afternoon delight, wooop."
 
2004-12-31 11:18:20 AM  
mighty_maxx
Fark is not the place to express any morality whats so ever. You'll be quickly laughed off or put down, and even insulted. Go here to have a laugh, and feel sorry for people. Thats about it.

"Morality" comes in many forms. For some of us, being unafraid of sex for pleasure and unashamed of our bodily pleasures is a truly moral position, while spreading oppression and guilt based on ancient religious rituals causes us to experience moral outrage.

There's more to morality than denying yourself and fighting your human nature. As long as you don't hurt anyone else, celebrating the pleasures of the flesh can be an extremely righteous thing.
 
2004-12-31 11:21:13 AM  
le mew:

That promise ring stuff is pretty standard among Baptist families these days, if I understand correctly.


My wife had one. Didn't do any good - we farked within a month of dating.
 
2004-12-31 11:21:20 AM  
wuapinmon

You won't go to hell for having premarital sex. Hell doesn't exist as a concrete place. It's a metaphor for the feeling you'll have knowing that you could live with God, but can't go to where He is. You'll be in paradise, but you'll know that you could have done better. If you think of the prodigal son. It's better to have never done something, than to have done it and then repented. While all is forgiven, virtue lost cannot be restored.


As a slacker, I'll be content with paradise. Why go for the A when I can enjoy the moment and pull out a C?

 
2004-12-31 11:23:47 AM  
hdhale
A dollar says your parents divorced when you were young.
 
2004-12-31 11:27:23 AM  
Emperor_Spleen

What if you tell a girl her whole life that the best gift she can give her future husband is to have never been touched by another man and then before she gets married, she gets pulled into an alley and raped? What do you tell her then?

Have pre-marital sex. Farkers agree: It makes rape feel less bad!

I can't help feeling that if you get raped a borked hymen is the least of your problems. You know, somewhere below 'STDs' and 'I just got raped'.


Well, the intactness of the hymen was hardly the point I was trying to make. I was considering the psychological turmoil of woman who has been taught her whole life that her true value resides in her virginity, and then to have that cruelly and forcibly taken away from her. Apart from the fear of STDs, the poor woman has to mentally undo a lifetime of indoctrination in order to come to terms with herself. Women who have been raped already feel no small amount of shame and guilt. The mentality of "the greatest gift a woman can give a man is her virginity" plays right into that. Apart from having to deal with the trauma of the rape, they will have to rediscover their self-worth since what they have been told their whole life is their true value exists no more.
 
2004-12-31 11:29:51 AM  
And yes, I knew somebody in high school that had this happened to her. And yes, it farked her up seven way until Sunday.
 
2004-12-31 11:30:22 AM  
Okay, Farkers, just for a moment let's put all this talk of religion (Western & Eastern), morality and morality-bashing, wife-praising and wife-bashing behind us and remember what this article was really about:

[image from centrum.is too old to be available]

There. Much better.

/hotter when she doesn't speak...
 
2004-12-31 11:34:09 AM  
Sure, sure. She promised her daddy she would SAY shes a virgin to any boys she dates, but we all know Daddy has already taken a slice from that pie. The promise ring is just to keep her hushed up. Daddies little secret
 
2004-12-31 11:35:01 AM  
I wonder how many people who are virgins when they get married end up cheating on their spouses because they get curious as to what else is out there. Maybe none, just wondering.
 
2004-12-31 11:35:43 AM  
2004-12-31 12:47:45 AM le mew [TotalFark]

That promise ring stuff is pretty standard among Baptist families these days, if I understand correctly.


that's true.
my dad is a huge southern baptist hypocrite like this guy. equally creepy and disgusting. he gave me one of those rings when i was 13 or so. i promptly gave it back and told him he was a creepy old man.
 
2004-12-31 11:37:16 AM  
AlrightGuy: I have to say, I find her a little too mannish around the eyes in a '70s pinup kind of way.

/at least I didn't use the word "sharp"...
 
2004-12-31 11:37:23 AM  
Maybe the outrage over this promise ring bidness is a red state/blue state thing. They creep us out with their Elektra complex cementing, snake-handling, fetishizing virginity ceremonies, and we return the favor with our S&M clubs and Unitarian churches. Perhaps the path to healing the divisions means mixing and matching. Maybe Joe can wear a ball-gag next time he hosts one of these things, if we promise to feel guilty the next time we have sex.

BTW, I'm sure someone's already discovered this, but googling Joe Simpson brings up British climber Joe Simpson, who was involved an excellent movie on PBS, the title of which is actually very appropiate for Jessica's father: "Touching the Void"
 
2004-12-31 11:39:25 AM  
I like what wuapinmon is saying. Making that choice takes a good strong dose of ethics and personal strength. I'm glad they found eachother.

What freaks me out though, are those who impose that on others. In his case, it was a personal choice. In this case, it's something being forced on someone. In parts of south Louisiana they actually have doctors check the girls' hymens to make sure they're intact. That kind of shiat is creepy and disturbing and that's why religion scares me.
 
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