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(FemaleFirst)   Jessica Simpson and her daddy had a virginity ceremony when she was twelve. Fappers creeped-out; kittens rejoice   (femalefirst.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Scary  
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51427 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Dec 2004 at 2:02 AM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



323 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2004-12-31 02:25:52 AM  
I want my erection back!

Dammit!

GIVE IT BACK!

/kittens escape for a few more hours.....
 
2004-12-31 02:26:59 AM  
ShaqFu
Didn't this guy make a comment complimenting Jessica's breasts a while back?

Yeah, same perverted dad.
 
2004-12-31 02:27:40 AM  
Yeah, he Farked her.
 
2004-12-31 02:28:54 AM  
I know it's been said 20 times already, but everything about that man is creepy.
 
2004-12-31 02:29:21 AM  
Religous people scare me.
 
2004-12-31 02:29:38 AM  
I thought this whole promise ring deal was already known about, I seem to recall hearing a story that it was 'lost' when she went on tour. Then again, I believe everything VH1 tells me.
 
2004-12-31 02:29:45 AM  
I married a 22 year old virgin and she married me, a virgin at 24. I wouldn't have it any other way. No emotional baggage to deal with having to compare or think about someone else. That said, his comments are a little creepy. My wife didn't have to promise her daddy. She promised her Heavenly Father on her own. My wife has never even said the "F" word. I married a really good person.
 
2004-12-31 02:30:09 AM  
She was given to me to put things right
And I stacked all my accomplishments beside her
Still I seemed so obsolete and small
God and all His devils inside her
In my bed she cast the blizzard out
A mock sun blazed upon her head
so completely filled with light she was
Her shadow fanged and hairy and mad
Our love-lines grew hopelessly tangled
And the bells from the chapel went jingle-jangle

All things move toward their end
I knew before I met her that I would lose her
I swear I made every effort to be good to her
I swear I made every effort not to abuse her
Crazy bracelets on her wrists and her ankles
And the bells on the chapel went jingle-jangle
 
2004-12-31 02:30:38 AM  
"Fappers Farkers creeped-out"

That's better.
 
2004-12-31 02:31:04 AM  
Let me repeat.
Religous people scare me.
 
2004-12-31 02:31:52 AM  
This also reminds me of the drug-free pledge the kids took in 4th grade in my school district. They didn't force kids to take it, but everyone did. I think maybe 1 out of 500 kids, including me, have lived up to that promise. Obviously that prevention method has been proven to be ineffective.
 
2004-12-31 02:32:35 AM  
he gave her the ol' in-out-in-out
 
2004-12-31 02:33:14 AM  
Jessica Simpson's dad to the groom:

You take care of my girl. She likes anal, but no dunkey punches, you hear? And don't forget the reach around, I excpect you to treat her as well as I did.
 
2004-12-31 02:33:48 AM  
"I married a 22 year old virgin and she married me, a virgin at 24."

Yeah, but the only difference was hers was by choice. :)
 
2004-12-31 02:34:00 AM  
I bet it was a tongue ring.

"Mangth maddy"
 
2004-12-31 02:35:15 AM  
wuapinmon

I married a 22 year old virgin and she married me, a virgin at 24. I wouldn't have it any other way. No emotional baggage to deal with having to compare or think about someone else. That said, his comments are a little creepy. My wife didn't have to promise her daddy. She promised her Heavenly Father on her own. My wife has never even said the "F" word. I married a really good person.


Tell me, I always wanted to know.
What's the top speed for an Amish buggy?
 
2004-12-31 02:36:07 AM  
Scroll down to the "More Jessica Simpson Gossip" section (wow, I feel dirty just having typed that):

Jessica Simpsons Virgin Vow
Jessica Simpson Has Sold Out To The Devil
 
2004-12-31 02:36:11 AM  
wuapinmon
I married a 22 year old virgin and she married me, a virgin at 24. My wife didn't have to promise her daddy. She promised her Heavenly Father on her own.

Thats cool and I have the upmost respect for you and your wife but I dont think that God really cares about whos penis has been in whos vagina.

The whole going to hell for premarital sex does more harm then good in my opinion.
 
2004-12-31 02:36:13 AM  
GodsRightHandGimp: Your flag gaffe isn't nearly as bad as my language blunders in my posts making fun of you. I promise never to Fark while talking on the phone, and you promise to memorise all 150+ national flags in the world. Deal?
 
2004-12-31 02:36:14 AM  
Okay, the Promise Ring ceremony is not uncommon, at least not here in Texas. I know several girls who wear promise rings and had a "ceremony". It's not a huge deal. Your dad just promises to be supportive of you and you promise to remain a virgin until you're married and you wear a promise ring. If you're a Christian, or another religion that says sex is only for marriage, then it makes sense. It's not some creepy ordeal that goes into details of sex. It's not like the awkward sex talk you have with your parents or teachers.
 
2004-12-31 02:36:52 AM  
yojimbo, until I was 17 that was true. From 17 on I just thought about it every single waking moment. Before 17 I hit on anything with a pulse, yet never got anywhere. It was a good thing too. If I hadn't been chubby, I would've have had six kids and 3 STDs. When I got to be 17, I was in great shape, but then I found religion. Religion helped me avoid a life of regrets.
 
2004-12-31 02:37:00 AM  
asjdkasjhdklajshldksajhdklhasd

/thats about all i can manage with this much grossness.
//i guess id fark my own daughter too if she was that hot.
///wait....wtf??!?!?!?
 
2004-12-31 02:37:19 AM  
I am SO turned on right now,
 
2004-12-31 02:37:21 AM  
[image from onlineshrine.net too old to be available]

[image from negativschnitt.de too old to be available]

/fark this hooka too!
//Rocky D represent!!!
 
2004-12-31 02:37:22 AM  
"Daddy's little girl ain't a girl no more."
- only Nirvana song I ever liked.

Pardon the threadjack here but tough shiat:

Apparently Mieszko Talarczyk of Sweden's awesomest f#cking band, Nasum, died in the Thailand tsunami.

Shiatty - R.I.P., dude.
 
2004-12-31 02:38:29 AM  
I've known a couple of people with those things, including a Hindi friend of mine. Never figured that one out. They usually end up rather slutty. So either they're completely lying and hypocritical, or they're just ridiculous, ridiculous teases. Feel sorry for the boys.

Oh, you silly Baptists. Why don't you just work on the subversive fear and massive Guilt like the Catholics do.

/still trying to get over it. damn upbringing.
 
2004-12-31 02:39:12 AM  
wuapinmon

What does not having said the "f word" have to do with being a good person?
 
2004-12-31 02:39:30 AM  
You won't go to hell for having premarital sex. Hell doesn't exist as a concrete place. It's a metaphor for the feeling you'll have knowing that you could live with God, but can't go to where He is. You'll be in paradise, but you'll know that you could have done better. If you think of the prodigal son. It's better to have never done something, than to have done it and then repented. While all is forgiven, virtue lost cannot be restored.
 
2004-12-31 02:39:52 AM  
Since everyone really really really wants to be on the cynical side of things, here's a good number to toss in from Time: Over 80% of Abstinence pledgers ended up disgracing themselves in the eyes of their leacherous minister fathers by engaging in premarital sexin's.
 
2004-12-31 02:41:03 AM  
Joe Simpson makes the back of my spine hurt.
 
2004-12-31 02:41:25 AM  
pudding7: She's never been angry enough to use that word. Vulgarity is a crutch for the inarticulate, and I think it's wonderful that she has the fortitude to not lower herself to everyone else's level. Me, well I delivered pizza for six years, so when I get in the car, I swear worse that my Navy dad.
 
2004-12-31 02:41:25 AM  
Gabbo is Fabbo

How bout I memorize the flags and you hook me up with a virgin.
 
2004-12-31 02:42:38 AM  
i would have a virginity ceremony all over her face
 
2004-12-31 02:42:39 AM  
bad news.


bad... bad news.
 
2004-12-31 02:42:40 AM  
does that include Greasy Doughnut?
 
2004-12-31 02:44:10 AM  
2004-12-31 02:39:30 AM wuapinmon


You won't go to hell for having premarital sex. Hell doesn't exist as a concrete place.


Indeed it does. I've been there and so will you. That's not a judgement, but a fact, becuase everyone goes to Hell. It's God's favorite joke.

Look around. He's got to be a sadist...
 
2004-12-31 02:47:21 AM  
yikes...daddy has some issues...fark that...I think the entire family needs to see someone...

if i met a girl and her family was like that...i'd run for the hills...
 
2004-12-31 02:48:33 AM  
wuapinmon
She's never been angry enough to use that word. Vulgarity is a crutch for the inarticulate, and I think it's wonderful that she has the fortitude to not lower herself to everyone else's level.

A bit full of yourself buddy. This holier then thou attitude is why so many people look down on you and your religion. But your going to heaven and I will burn in hell so I guess you win.
 
2004-12-31 02:50:24 AM  
Not holier than thou. I'm not talking about myself. I'm marvelling at my wife's ability to live the tenets of her faith. She lives in the world but is not of it. And again, no one's going to hell, it's a metaphor, and I've no guarantee of going to heaven.
 
2004-12-31 02:52:27 AM  
Joe Simpson = Joe Jackson
 
2004-12-31 02:52:49 AM  
I don't, as of now, date virgins (in general). I certainly wouldn't want to marry one. Personally, I consider sexuality a fairly significant part of an intimate relationship. I definintely have needs, and most girls certainly do too. If I were with somebody who thought those needs were insignificant or considered sex something that is wrong, dirty, and should be avoided, I'd be quite frustrated.
 
2004-12-31 02:54:21 AM  
While only tangentially related, this seems appropriate...

[image from plif.andkon.com too old to be available]

If that's too racy/dangerous, feel free to delete, but it amuses me.
 
2004-12-31 02:55:28 AM  
You'll probably get zapped for the exposed boobie.
 
2004-12-31 02:56:47 AM  
Not holier than thou. I'm not talking about myself. I'm marvelling at my wife's ability to live the tenets of her faith.

My point exactly. You are looking down on people who have wives who swear and were not virgins. Like I said before I respect what you two have together but dont think that you have what us sinners do not.
 
2004-12-31 02:56:58 AM  
Yeah, I didn't notice that until I posted...but it's a cartoon boobie. For what it's worth.
 
2004-12-31 02:57:34 AM  
kconkcon, let's remove the religious aspect of why sex outside of marriage is wrong, and turn to the Enlightenment. Immanuel Kant: In his writings on sex and marriage, Kant provided a seemingly traditional defence of monogamy - the only sexual relation that is morally acceptable is that which occurs between a married man and woman. However, the argument he gave for this differs tremendously from the natural law tradition that had predominated in Western thought. For Kant, the foundation of ethics was his famous Categorical Imperative: it is always wrong to treat another person as merely a means to an end, rather than as an end-in-itself (which is to say, one must show proper respect for other persons). This is a secularized version of the so-called Golden Rule, to treat others as one wishes to be treated. But what is it that constitutes a `person'? For Kant, it is the possession of rationality. The ability to reason raises us above our passions, and allows us to act autonomously. We are not mere creatures of instinct. In respecting others, we are acknowledging the fact that they are fellow reasoning creatures, fully responsible for their actions. Anything that goes against reason should be suspect, since it lowers our status to that of non-reasoning animals, who are without moral worth.

What Kant feared most of all, because it was the prime disturber of reason, was sexuality. In his estimation, a sexual urge is the desire to possess another person. Those who engage in sexual acts for the sake of pleasure "make of humanity an instrument for the satisfaction of their lusts and inclinations, and dishonour it by placing it on a level with animal nature. Sexuality, therefore, exposes mankind to the danger of equality with the beasts." Since morality can only pertain to rational creatures, such a lowering of status is the worst sort of degradation possible. One loses one's moral sense when lust becomes dominant.
 
2004-12-31 02:58:02 AM  
I know that it is a little off topic. but am I the only one who thinks that Ashlee is hotter then Jessica. I mean am i just that damn weird
 
2004-12-31 02:58:07 AM  
wuapinmon

You bought the car without test driving it?
 
2004-12-31 02:58:11 AM  
2004-12-31 02:39:52 AM Kohl

Since everyone really really really wants to be on the cynical side of things, here's a good number to toss in from Time: Over 80% of Abstinence pledgers ended up disgracing themselves in the eyes of their leacherous minister fathers by engaging in premarital sexin's.

This stat makes me feel better. Jessica is no doubt one of the 80%. It's obviously a lot of balling that cleared up her fugly acne, and not that quack ointment she hawks in that infomercial.

Sloppy seconds for Daddy!
 
2004-12-31 02:59:26 AM  
wuapinmon: My wife has never even said the "F" word. I married a really good person.

Not even when she's taking it up the ass? Wow, she really is good.
 
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