If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Chron)   Texas trying to get it's well-armed residents to stop shooting their guns in the air for New Years Eve   (chron.com) divider line 331
    More: Unlikely  
•       •       •

6032 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Dec 2004 at 5:23 PM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



331 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | » | Last | Show all
 
2004-12-30 01:29:16 AM
best thing to come out of Texas = Matthew McConaughey


/i'd let him hit it [me]
//he is some sweet eye candy
 
2004-12-30 01:35:34 AM
OH, and I remember my first impression of Texas:

I was about 3, and my family and I drove from New Jersey to visit friends that we used to live next to when we all lived in Alaska (NJ and AK thanks to the USCG).

I remember standing outside their little apartment, and hearing the little neighbor girl going "hey PAW! Paw!! Hey Paw!!!" (- her daddy, not her granddaddy)

-- I only ever heard that on the Beverly Hillbillies!
 
2004-12-30 02:48:29 AM
Majik_Smoke: at least excersise some safety and get blank rounds

That was always the first thing I thought of. Idiots.
 
2004-12-30 03:02:52 AM
I just love it when northeners say something along the lines of "The south wouldn't win a war now, cause the north would kick ass! YAY ME! I MADE A SENTENCE ON THE COMPUTER!" Of course they are in reference to the civil war.
But, that was back when majority of the production was done up north. You think it came down to solder vs. solder in the war? Nice thought, but no. It came down to the fact that Yankees had food, ammo, and supplys when the boys in grey had nothing. To shorten it for you. Boys in grey, better solders, boys in blue, had bullets.

Most of America's armed forces are made up of Good ole boys and girls. more then sixty percent is southern. Who you think they're gonna fight for? Their homeland? Or some Yankee asshole? Also, production is a tad different now. Where as the Civil war it was 80/20 in the north's favor (that being the reason the south lost incase you silly little people were unaware), now its more like 55/45. Not enough to make much of a difference. And lets face it, you yankees fight like girls. And not the tough lesbian kind, or the Mexican girlfriend kind who beat you up when they think you are cheating. Oh and as for my home of Texas and you jackass bashers who get on and say "Txas just abunch of inbread redneks! They sucks! NOTHING GOOD FROM THERE!" I could go on about heart research, good food, good people, Gasoline, yadda yadda, but I have two broken fingers and you idiots would most likely say something like "So? What use is that? I have a pointless hatrid of a land I've never been to populated by people who have never influenced my life in anyway! For all I know they would be pretty cool people.......BUT I HATE THEM! WHY? I DON'T KNOW!" and blow it off. So i'll just take comfort in the knowledge that you would be sweet mouthed and innocent in my presence. Not uttering a single slur toward me or my home. and before you respond by saying something like "Whatever Hillbilly"... at least try and be witty about it. Oh, and don't throw racism in there, cause its played out and Its Texas, not Alabama. oh, and I apologize for grammer and spelling mistakes. Broken fingers suck for typing.
 
2004-12-30 05:57:22 AM
magpie1998:

2004-12-29 10:22:33 AM magpie1998 [TotalFark]

Is shooting in the air a first amendment, free speech, issue or a second amendment, gun rights, issue?



A GRAVITY + LEAD SLUGS issue I suspect.

TEX-ASS --- The American State that keeps proving the DARWIN EFFECT (even if they attempt to ban Darwin in their schools -- which oddly enough, AGAIN proves the DARWIN EFFECT)
 
2004-12-30 06:17:07 AM
Phil McKraken:

2004-12-29 06:36:41 PM Phil McKraken

Texas is an interesting place, and Texans are interesting people. I've been all over, but I never, ever find people in other parts of the country so proud of their state as Texans.

Advertising cars and trucks in Texas almost requires country music, Texas flags, rednecks, etc. Bumperstickers, T-shirts, signs on the side of the road, signs in restaurants and the way people talk always remind you of where you are. Strange place.

I doubt I'll live anywhere else, though. The people are nice, the food ABSOLUTELY KICKS ASS, and the weather is mostly good. We've got entertaining politics, millionares (Clayton Williams, Ross Perot, GWB) and musicians (too many to list). We've got desert, deep forest, decent coast, some small mountains and lots wonderful spring flowers.

We also share borders with Mexico, New Mexico and Louisiana, where food, drink and fun are important.


Three words for understanding TEX-ASS...

CRIPPLING INSECURITY COMPLEX
OR...
VERY SMALL PENIS

/See how simple that is?
 
2004-12-30 06:23:55 AM
bornyesterday:

2004-12-29 06:44:03 PM bornyesterday

jeep44 wins!

misslucy77, strange that your husband's whole family are "mostly a bunch of arrogant and mean people" (other than him)...I'm glad to hear you found the diamond in the rough. My only regret in marrying the one I did 14 years ago is that I didn't foresee how much chaos and turmoil her family was capable of generating, or I would have moved us far away before she could protest.

----------

I've had the priveledge of having good friends from Texas, Lousiana and most of the Central Western states...the Texans I know swagger a bit more but in general are no more meaner than most other Americans.

I grew up in the inner city of Detroit, and thankfully I will be nowhere near that war zone on New Year's Eve...lots of air bursts are common on my block, some from fully automatic weapons. I work in Dearborn, not far from heavily Arabic neighborhoods...they'll be making noise that night, too.

My experience is that this isn't necessarily a black / hispanic / poor neighborhood thing, it's just morans being morans, convinced that bad things happen to 'other people'.

Every July 5 we hear about some nitwit that managed to burn down his own house the night before with his own fireworks; this is no different.

/back to the photoshop contests; reading all the hate is tiring


Each state has their share of idiots...

CALIFORNIA --- Druggie lazy idiots
TEX-ASS --- Small penised inbred idiots
NEW YORK --- Batshiat crazy idiots
DETROIT --- Batshiat crazy drugged idiots
MIAMI --- Spoiled brat senile idiots
BOSTON --- Inbred spoiled idiots
LAS VEGAS --- Druggie tired lazy idiots
etc...
 
2004-12-30 07:38:16 AM
I'm going to be firing my AR 15 out in the backcountry on new year's eve. God I love Texas. I also love my pickup.
 
2004-12-30 08:04:23 AM
Shooting in the air to celebrate something is beyong idiotic, whether your an Arab or Texan. It means your intelligence level is down around the special school level.

I mean, Texas is cool and all, but these people who do this are a bunch of retards. And when they try to defend this 'tradition', they somehow only make themselves seem more retarded.

Rednecks are rednecks, whether they come from Texas or elsewhere. Texas just seems be their homeland.

Brings those guns here to NYC and shoot them in the air and see how fast you get whooped on by NY's finest. God I love NY.
 
2004-12-30 08:12:55 AM
bargirl

What's wrong with belonging to Mexico? All those Mexican breakfasts with good Mexican beer.

And tacos for Navidade dinner. Mmmmm.....

*deep breath*

Jay Gielle_Unemployed Hawaiian Ninja_Ph.D.

-phew-

Interesting.
 
2004-12-30 09:05:16 AM
Sqee: Ditto: You should remove the Ph.D from your login and replace it with "short bus."
i don't know of any universities that offer that degree.
Texas A&M

wow, i just lost another keyboard.

KrispyKringle: Jay: When you run, you've got my vote.
thank you

But in all seriousness, I'm just kidding around about the Texan thing. I've nothing against people who are from Texas. I have something against people who think that this country was built on the backs of ranchers and farmers when it was really built on the backs of immigrant laborers and enterprising industrialists, who think that they're the definition of American and anyone who doesn't speak their language, worship their god, or belong to their race should just get out. And it's a real shame that those people aren't just confined to Texas.
couldn't have summed it up better myself. but it's the ones from texas who run around with an anti-littering slogan on their shirts.

bargirl24: Remember the Alamo.
the problem is, we lost at the Alamo. it was a moral victory, and rallied the US to send aid to tx to win it's independence. there will be no aid from the US this time (probably a restriction to get the treaty) so if you want to have some more Alamos, again, that's up to you.

matrix29:
Three words for understanding TEX-ASS...
CRIPPLING INSECURITY COMPLEX
OR...
VERY SMALL PENIS

the problem, in a nutshell.

svejker_14:
*deep breath*
Jay Gielle_Unemployed Hawaiian Ninja_Ph.D.
-phew-
Interesting.


thanks. i think some people took this comment far more seriously than i intended. probably for reasons explained by matrix29. a bunch of empty plains for a bunch of empty coastline is a good trade, in my opinion. it was supposed to be funny (personally, i think it still is). if you're ever around a texan making an ass of himself (or herself), mention this little plan, then sit back and watch as they have an anuerism right before your very eyes.

bargirl24:

Jay The Dwyer Group owns and controls a bunch of different companies. Also, you're going to have a tough time enacting any deal with Mexico, I'm running for Governor of Texas in 2010 and I will do everything in my power to encourage an army of Texans to fight with everything we have :)

i see that this will not be our final run-in on this matter. best of luck on your run. it'll be good to have a worthy opponent. it's far more fun to squish the strong than it is to squish the weak.
 
2004-12-30 09:51:28 AM
For foreigners and people that haven't had the misfortune to get their leg stuck in this shiat pit joke of a state, let me break it on down for you in terms of regions and metropolitan areas.

Whoflungpoop's Fair and Balanced Guide to Texas

West Texas
- Ugliest place on earth, hands down. It's all brown, run-down, and lifeless. Am I talking just about the landscape? Um... sure. Let's say yes. Don't bother bringing a camera. However, there are certain parts on the highway where you can see Ciudad Juarez on one side and El Paso on the other. Notice the difference between a poor, border city in a third-world country and a sprawling, high-tech metropolis in the most advanced country in the world? I didn't either.

North Texas - love the smell of cow waste in the morning? How about all day? How about for 500 miles? If you drive through, bring car freshener and a good loofah, because the smell will get stuck in your pores and in your upholstery. There are a few "dry" counties up here, which means that you can't purchase alcohol in these counties. This law is enacted ostensibly for the masses of bible-thumping morons that reside in these areas, but in reality they enacted it after the residents discovered that the physical effects of severe intoxication would impair males from impregnating their family members.

Central Texas, including Dallas - Sure, there must be intelligent people in this area. I've just never encountered one. Try asking someone in Dallas for directions or general assistance - not just people on the street, people that are paid to assist you in this manner - and you will be surprised how many times you get either a dumb stare or a non sequitur.

Example (real example, I'm not making this up):

Me, to gift shop attendant at airport: Do you guys have any more fold-out maps of Dallas in the back or something? (The rack where they looked like they belonged in was laying on its side in the corner, for some reason.)

Gift shop attendant: Ummm... a fold...foldout?

Me: Yeah, you know, the city maps that are paper, they're folded up to a little pamphlet like this (makes hand gesture to show size of folded up map)

Gift shop attendant: Umm... we might have some in the back. Let me see. (walks to back, comes out a few minutes later)

Gift shop attendant: Sorry, we don't have any more chairs.

It's like they don't speak English, or perhaps that they did, before they huffed several trash bags full of gasoline. However, their last functional brain cell(s?) are wholly committed to worshipping the Dallas Cowboys, even though the Cowboys have sucked harder than a North Hollywood crack whore for the past decade. If you need to stop to ask directions, gas station attendants are your best bet, as many of them are new immigrants and were well-prepared in bringing their own functioning brain cells with them.

South Texas, including San Antonio and Corpus Christi - by size, San Antonio is a sprawling metropolis. By mentality, it is still a very small town. Don't expect any culture or things of interest here. Tourists will be herded toward the Riverwalk, which is not really a river, but an artificial waterway that drunk San Antonians puke and throw their refuse in when they're partying downtown. Those who like the beach will like Corpus Christi, or possibly not. "The Valley" is where fruits come from, or so I hear. It's a fairly poor and underdeveloped place. Bring your high school Spanish textbook with you.

East Texas, including Houston: Don't drive in Houston. I don't care if you've driven in New York, I don't care if you've driven in Boston, or in Seattle. Houston drivers are the most addle-brained and dangerous human beings on earth by any measure of decency. One of the possible reasons for this is because most of the time they're sitting in 3-hour traffic jams, so they really don't have that much actual driving experience under their belt, and when cars actually move, they jump on the opportunity with all of the desperation and reckless abandon of a starving crocodile. As far as the rest of East Texas goes, it's a lot of snake handlers and crappy little towns to the north, beaches and shrimp boats to the south.

Conclusions and Recommendations
If you're headed to Texas, don't stray too far outside of the Austin city limits, as it's the last bastion of culture and progression in this sad flop of a state. However, if you do get the urge to explore the wild, remember these five words:

- God
- Amerrr-ca
- Whataburger
- Guns
- Caw-boways

These words can be used to communicate with many of the natives, in simple phrases that they can understand. For example:

"I'm gonna get me sum Whataburger."
"God luvs Amerrr-ca, Guns, and them Caw-boways."


Here endeth the lesson.
 
2004-12-30 10:42:33 AM
AJace:

One more thing. The "Southern Drawl" as you so love to make fun of is much closer to the Queen's English in terms of use and pronunciation than the language you people speak up North.

I'll second that. I've noticed a tendency in talented British actors to be able to faithfully replicate a deep-south accent (while never quite getting a handle on, say, Boston-speak or other Northeastern dialects. Comes out sounding Aussie.)

Oh, and just for the benefit of some here, a "southern" accent isn't interchangeable with a "Texas" accent. Try to walk around in Houston sounding like you're from Atlanta, and you stick out like a sore thumb.
 
2004-12-30 12:04:24 PM
Texans?

 
2004-12-30 01:18:00 PM
"East Texas, including Houston: Don't drive in Houston. I don't care if you've driven in New York, I don't care if you've driven in Boston, or in Seattle. Houston drivers are the most addle-brained and dangerous human beings on earth by any measure of decency."

Until I moved away from Houston, I thought it was normal for a city's morning traffic report to contain at least two fatalities.
 
2004-12-30 01:39:31 PM
RanDomino

Actually, I've been to the "Permian Basin" area in the blasted wasteland that is the West-half of the state. The whole experience gave me a good impression of what Mordor must be like, with the run-down, ramshackle buildings; the refineries; and the orcs.

Thats funny, I live there and I don't see what you're talking about...maybe Odessa, but the city I live in has the highest per capita of Millionaires in the country.

Also, while large the Permian Basin only takes up a small amount of the "west-half" of the state.

/ps
Its not exclusive and you don't have to be jealous. You can move here too.
 
2004-12-30 01:44:55 PM
Whoflungpoop....did you get all your insight from your Internet Degree?

West Texas....Big Bend South Rim



East Texas Piney Woods...



Padre Island National Seashore...



Yeah..we suck. Please stay away.
 
2004-12-30 01:54:54 PM
I can't believe I wasted 15 minutes reading these god-awful posts. All of the crap most of you have written about my fellow Texans is news to me. I've lived here 30 years and still have yet to arrive at the extreme overgeneralizations that many of you cling to. I'm not above seeing that Texas-bashing can be funny (what's the best thing to come out of Texas? . . . Interstate 20), but some of these posters act as if they've met all 21 million people that live here. Chill, and have a Shiner Bock! Oh, and one more thing - YEEE MOTHERFARKING HAAAAWWW!!!!
 
2004-12-30 02:03:29 PM
I'm here to call out to the fark admins for a "Texas" tag. However, it will only be acceptable if its bigger than the other ones.


/Yeehaw
 
2004-12-30 03:06:26 PM
texas rules
 
2004-12-30 03:28:01 PM
Hey, I bet Texans tell more A&M jokes than the rest of the world combined.
 
2004-12-30 03:56:53 PM
we come up with most of em.

whoflungpoop.
Shut up stupid. I didn't feel like justifying your dumbassatude with a serious response.

Jay, I suggest you visit Texas before you make any snap judgements. Don't come here intending to hate the place. Don't come here acting better then everyone. In short, come here, but leave your attitude at the door.
And lets face you've never insulted a Texan to thier face. Because Unless you apologized very quickly, you would have been beaten severly. Which by the way is an off button. We love our state, we love humor almost as much as long as it jst a joke we'll be okay, and you better be able to takean insult back. So if you can convince us the joke you just floated our way was indeed a joke (which is fairly easy, we arn't all fight club ready psychopaths, we'd rather drink and have a good time with you)

Oh and that Blink chick, haha, shes a bad liar.
 
2004-12-30 04:10:58 PM
NinjaPirate:

Jay, I suggest you visit Texas before you make any snap judgements. Don't come here intending to hate the place. Don't come here acting better then everyone. In short, come here, but leave your attitude at the door.
And lets face you've never insulted a Texan to thier face. Because Unless you apologized very quickly, you would have been beaten severly. Which by the way is an off button. We love our state, we love humor almost as much as long as it jst a joke we'll be okay, and you better be able to takean insult back. So if you can convince us the joke you just floated our way was indeed a joke (which is fairly easy, we arn't all fight club ready psychopaths, we'd rather drink and have a good time with you)


As a matter of fact, i have been to texas, many times. and i'm not making any snap judgements. actually, i'm not making any judgements at all. i don't hate texas, i just like baja a lot more. speaking of leaving your attitude at the door, i think that's the one of the things texans don't do, especially when talking about their state. that's my biggest beef w/ y'all. and why we have to give the state back. can't have any of this uppity 'we're better than you' hooha in the US.
and yes, i have insulted a texan to their face. and i've mocked the state of texas. while in texas, no less. didn't receive any ass whoopin. maybe it's b/c they were pussies, maybe it's b/c i'm (like everyone else on the internet) a rather lean 6'5" 230 lb guy.

i'm going to be in dallas for a few hours on jan 15th. i'll make sure to poke fun at texas, texans, and relate to them my plan to trade the state for baja. should be fun.
 
2004-12-30 04:21:09 PM
can't have any of this uppity 'we're better than you' hooha in the US.

What are you trading the blue states for? Candy corns?
 
2004-12-30 04:37:38 PM
Ditto: What are you trading the blue states for? Candy corns?

man i love candy corns. if i could trade delaware for an amoung of candy corns that would cover the entire state one foot deep, i'd do it in a heartbeat
 
2004-12-30 06:32:20 PM
Sqee: Most of us have no control over how we speak, I don't think anyone invents an accent to "make them sound tougher".

In all fairness, I think you should reconsider. *cough*Bush*cough* When did he move to Texas, again? Was it before or after he went to Yale and Harvard, and did he or didn't he spend summers at the lake in Kennebunkport. Good old boy my ass--Bush is more of a WASP than Kerry is!

Regarding the confederacy thing, I believe that this, like the issues I hinted at before, is a class issue. If you're far from D.C., far from the urban centers that pull so much political weight, and feel down and out (who doesn't?), you come up with reasons to justify why you've been given short shrift. The truth of the matter might be that your public school wasn't so good, or that private universities have jacked the price up so much that you couldn't afford to go, but you don't want to say that. You say that it's because of immigrants taking your jobs, or because of them dirty Jews taking all the money, or because those city-dwelling Yanks (forget for a moment, if you will, that you live in a Northern state) and their Big Government are keeping you down. It's not me! It's the Man, man!

I can't really blame people for feeling this way. Natural reaction seems to be to place the blame somewhere else. And the CSA-fetishising thing is really just one more manefestation of that, I think; it really *isn't* racism per se (I see so many of those stickers that say "Heritage, not hate"). It's just a way of placing the blame.

AJace: Which sentence of mine is missing an "is"? I don't see it. I do see a typo in my Boobies; replace "leave" with "lead." And where I said that if Texas secedes, they can keep Bush (even though he's not exactly a native Texan), I typoed "fair" as "far." I apologize for both of the above typoes, and I hope neither of them caused undue confusion on your part.
 
2004-12-30 07:09:18 PM
Bush Sr moved the family to Texas when Bush Jr was like three, if I remember correctly.
 
2004-12-30 09:49:28 PM
Jay Gielle, you're a liar.
Feel free to look me up next time you're in Houston.
 
2004-12-30 11:08:16 PM
CougarJeff:

Jay Gielle, you're a liar.
Feel free to look me up next time you're in Houston.


i most certainly am not. i haven't been to houston since that unfortunate plane incident mentioned in the northwest thread. however, if i make it there anytime soon, i'll drop you a line. if you unexpected find yourself in baltimore, let me know, and we'll go drink some beer.
 
2005-01-01 02:44:20 AM
wow, you've got two inches on me and I've got ten pounds on you. Whats your bench, sugar? And no you have not. Stop with the lying. it makes the baby jesus cry.

Hey we brag, because we have alot to brag about. we are better then everyone else. The rest of America smells of poo.

Is that reverse trolling?
 
2005-01-01 06:41:11 AM
oh, forgot to mention, Dallas ain't Texas. Thats where all the Yankees settle. Now those people are assholes.
 
Displayed 31 of 331 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | » | Last | Show all



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report