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(Some Guy)   How to bathe a cat: Instructions vs. Reality   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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37395 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2004 at 9:52 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

184 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-12-27 03:28:09 PM  
Hang them from the clothesline and spray 'em with a garden hose?
2004-12-27 03:40:38 PM  
I take my cat to the car wash. Don't forget the undercarriage and the hot wax.
2004-12-27 03:47:34 PM  
lol! That's so true. We gave all three of our cats a bath one day.

It all went pretty well until we got Taboo near the bathtub. He flipped out and started screaming. He sounded like a 5 yr old being tortured. We were worried the cops were going to be called. We got him in the water but we ended up with lots of claw marks and, yes, some torn clothing. I got a puncture wound in my arm so bad that it bruised. His claw literally got caught in my skin. You'd think we were dipping him into boiling oil.
2004-12-27 03:55:33 PM  
my pussy likes being bathed.
2004-12-27 04:02:46 PM  
I've just never had this problem.
My kitties all get bathed monthly b/c I have allergies.
They don't do anything more than yell really, really loudly.
Here's the kids, all have all their claws.
[image from too old to be available]
2004-12-27 04:11:27 PM  
Cats are Satan's handmaidens. They laugh at other's misfortune. Then next time you let one of the miserable creatures sit on your lap - take a moment to realize that if the situation were reversed, the feelthy beast would eat you.

The best way to wash these nasty, evil animals is to provide them with a lead-shot bath, preferably of the 12-gauge flavor. Ugghhhhh......cats give me the heapin' creeps.
2004-12-27 04:14:07 PM  
Saw a vet give a cat a bath/flea dip. She held the cat by the scruff of the neck and slapped it on the bottom of a long screen, like a window screen. As soon at the cat was on board, she plunged the whole package into a tall container. It could have been a tall wastebasket for all I know. As soon as the cat got wet, it hung onto the screen tighter, and got another dipping. Up and down a couple of times and then all done. Whoa! Took just a few moments and the cat never knew what happened except that you were there to soothe his wounded pride and dry him off. HERO tag here.
2004-12-27 04:28:14 PM  
i see puncture wounds aren't mentioned. they sure happen.

i don't bathe mine, but i have the cutest l'il kitty who turns into a snarling monster if you try and clip her claws. it's hilarious.
2004-12-27 04:35:57 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-12-27 04:39:40 PM  
awwwwwwww, Spooda THAT is one UPSET cat ....
2004-12-27 04:42:02 PM  
I used to give my cats a bath, but the fur kept sticking to my tongue.
2004-12-27 04:50:19 PM  

Excellent idea. I shall employ that method the next time I need to give the cat a bath.
2004-12-27 04:50:59 PM  

Time to bring out this hoary old chestnut.

Thoroughly clean the toilet.

Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids
raised to open position.

Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you
may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any
part of your body too close to the edge, as his claws will be reaching out for
any purchase they can find.

Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a ''power wash and
rinse'' which I have found to be quite effective.

Have someone open the nearest door to the yard and ensure that there are no
people between the toilet and this door. Also, be sure that any hallway doors
are FULLY opened.

Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids!

The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside, where he
will dry himself.
2004-12-27 04:55:14 PM  
Holy crap, I hate cats. I hate them so much I felt compelled to come into a thread I knew would contain cat lovers, and proclaim my hatred of cats.
2004-12-27 05:23:59 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Dog: nin_man Cat: Cat
2004-12-27 06:06:13 PM  
Can you even train a kitten to enjoy bathing? Like letting him in shower with ya when they're very young or would be like the scene from Psycho?
2004-12-27 06:12:34 PM  
optikeye new monitor please
2004-12-27 06:13:38 PM  
Cats have to be trained to handle baths. Start bathing them every couple of weeks when they're around 4 months old.

After each bath, treat them to some good food or kitty treats. Eventually you'll have an adult cat that you can bathe without having the flesh torn off your arms.
2004-12-27 06:28:15 PM  
When you are faced
with having to bath
a pussy with claws,
tape is your best friend.
you tape the paws.
Wash them quick.
2004-12-27 06:57:49 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Cats cause catastrophic calamities. Cause: cat cleansing. Clean cats carefully.
2004-12-27 09:05:44 PM  
Cats are keen
Cats are great
Cats are clean
They lick your plate
2004-12-27 10:01:11 PM  
2004-12-27 10:03:54 PM  
The last comment is hilarious
2004-12-27 10:03:58 PM  
My brother once put on a full snowsuit to protect himself from his cat when he gave it a bath.

The snowsuit ended up in the garbage afterwards.
2004-12-27 10:04:56 PM  
the cock and balls comment was funny.
2004-12-27 10:05:18 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

/GIS for wet cat
2004-12-27 10:09:59 PM  
You just have to motivate them properly, and:

[image from too old to be available]

/in your dreams...
2004-12-27 10:14:08 PM  
1. Kill cat.

2. Bathe cat.

Seriously, I'm a cat lover. But that is really how one should bathe most cats.
2004-12-27 10:14:18 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-12-27 10:14:53 PM  
Before you first try to bathe a cat, get yourself a pair of these. And wear long sleeves. Leather, if possible, and some of those leather arm things that falconers wear.

[image from too old to be available]
2004-12-27 10:14:58 PM  
It licks itself clean or it gets the hose again.

I tell that to the cat and she takes care of herself.
2004-12-27 10:16:53 PM  
Coralized/Alternate Link
2004-12-27 10:17:26 PM  
I was talking to a friend of mine in front of his house just after it had rained. His two cats waded into a puddle of water about 6" deep and were chasing some bubbles around. He said they did that naturally and required no special training. He also added that they often brought in fish and crawdads in from a nearby creek. I guess it depends on the breed.
2004-12-27 10:17:52 PM  
Some guy is taking over Fark! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES
2004-12-27 10:18:28 PM  
I am told that when trapped in a house or apartment with a dead owner a cat will begin to eat the owner fairly soon while a dog will wait until almost starving or might even starve to death.

Every morning I wake up and the cats are sitting on the bed watching us sleep. I think they are trying to decide if we are still breathing or just breakfast.
2004-12-27 10:20:35 PM  
Heh, my three month old kitten got in the shower with me the other morning. I was half asleep and didn't notice him scamper in. I closed the shower door and turned the water on. All of a sudden I am shocked from my reverie by the most god-awful screech I have ever heard. I see this little black ball of wet fur jump three quarters of the way up the door. I only watched him jump two more times before I turned off the water and dried him off. I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in the shower.
2004-12-27 10:22:30 PM  
Awwwwww....kitties are great!

But I don't bathe mine - they don't get dirty anyways. If they did, I would, but I'd get some Kevlar first. At least for the arms.

/teeth hurt too!
2004-12-27 10:23:04 PM  
0.8 mortal komcat!
Been there done that...lost the battle many times.

Finish Him!!!
2004-12-27 10:23:18 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-12-27 10:24:06 PM  
My cat would let me pick him up, throw him in the air, stick him on my back while I take a wake but as soon as I pick him up and start to walk to the bathroom he starts hissing and clawing me.
He knows.
I just take a little cat shampoo and a half of an inch of warm water in the bath tub and use a wash cloth to wipe him and use a hand sprayer to wash the soap out. I get clawed to death (I did not de-claw him) and he hides from me from a few hours.
Cats do not like water, its simple.
2004-12-27 10:24:12 PM  
Step 1: Get laundry soap...

/Didn't RTFA
2004-12-27 10:25:28 PM  
when you start a webpage with instructions on the various ways to skin a cat, then and only then should you call me.
2004-12-27 10:25:39 PM  
But they are pretty curious about the shower - they hang out with my bf while he showers. They yowl like they're saying " Dammit man, it's all over you - get out while you can!"

They haven't gotten in, tho.

/scare-dy cats
2004-12-27 10:27:24 PM  
Wash your cat? My farkin' dog doesn't even like baths - no way I'm trying this on some cat.

/link = farked
2004-12-27 10:27:57 PM  
And all you haters can just piss off!

/you know who you are
2004-12-27 10:28:35 PM  
I get clawed to death

How do you people stand it? How is this tradeoff worth it?

This helps me understand why all the batshiat crazy women who own 900 cats do so. You have to be.
2004-12-27 10:30:33 PM  
Men who hate cats are latently homosexual.
2004-12-27 10:31:07 PM  

2004-12-27 10:31:10 PM  
Another wasted weekend trying to flush that cat. Damn.
2004-12-27 10:32:49 PM  
This is my cat Milo. He appears eager to get washed.

[image from too old to be available]

Are you sure Milo? Okaaayyy...

[image from too old to be available]

Never again, never again...

[image from too old to be available]
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