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(NYPost)   "Get Your Ass Back to Work" wakes man from coma   (nypost.com ) divider line
    More: Cool  
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37135 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Dec 2004 at 5:11 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2004-12-27 11:50:33 AM  
Work wakes wanker. Wants weed while wrapping wrecovery.
 
2004-12-27 12:34:20 PM  
He should get a Hatori Hanzo sword and go thank the manager.
 
2004-12-27 02:26:30 PM  
Well let's hope this guy kicks the bottle for good.
 
2004-12-27 03:01:52 PM  
The NY Post keeps sinking to new lows. How is this any better than the Weekly World News? Alexander Hamilton is rolling in his grave.
 
2004-12-27 05:14:48 PM  
Hell, his job probably made him turn to drinking.
 
2004-12-27 05:18:19 PM  
"Get your az back to Mars ... er, back to WORK ! Get your az back to work ! Get your az back to ..."
[image from prisma-online.de too old to be available]
 
2004-12-27 05:18:51 PM  
wheres Faxinator?
 
2004-12-27 05:18:56 PM  
so, did he get his waiter job back er wut?

/every restaraunt worker I've ever known was a drunk.
/or cokehead
/or both
 
2004-12-27 05:19:19 PM  
What a wuss I do that every weekend.
 
2004-12-27 05:19:54 PM  
Hilarious article.
 
2004-12-27 05:21:22 PM  
so you CAN drink yourself into a coma?

good info!
 
2004-12-27 05:22:21 PM  
Shenanigans
 
2004-12-27 05:22:42 PM  
I wonder how much it took to get to that coma, I tend to drink unreasonable amounts of alcohol this time of year myself
 
2004-12-27 05:22:43 PM  
drink yourself dead?
can that really happen?
 
2004-12-27 05:22:50 PM  
Now if only this worked on lazy people who aren't in comas...
 
2004-12-27 05:23:35 PM  
Wow, I think this calls for a photoshop contest to determine just how scary this boss is.
 
2004-12-27 05:24:31 PM  
testing that theory in 3, 2, 1...

/cracks open a cold one
 
2004-12-27 05:26:05 PM  
"'I think God said it's not my time yet. I feel like I've been given two strikes by God,' he told the paper."

As he stepped into the path of a speeding taxi ...
 
2004-12-27 05:26:17 PM  
sounds like the editor on spiderman
 
2004-12-27 05:26:41 PM  
Abe & Louie's has some fine steak too. For a good steakhouse, the service and price at Abe & Louie's is definitely top notch.

And Charlie Sarkis isn't just the owner of a small restaurant. He owns about 10 of the busier restaurants in Boston.
 
2004-12-27 05:27:05 PM  
There can be only one.
 
2004-12-27 05:27:57 PM  
A twenty-five day coma is a helluva hangover.
 
2004-12-27 05:28:32 PM  
whispering into his pal's ear, "Charlie says to get out of bed and get your ass back to work."

Five minutes later, DiPasquale suddenly awoke and uttered, "I've got to get to work." And he began a quick recovery.


whoa, does this mean anything about the comatose who can hear? I mean this guy's plug was about to be pulled too, and yet he could process this consciously?
 
lbn
2004-12-27 05:28:35 PM  
If the only thing you're living for is your job as a waiter you might as well jump.
 
2004-12-27 05:30:13 PM  
does this mean he get's his job back? cause i'd love to head to abe & louies for some steak and a laugh.
 
2004-12-27 05:32:14 PM  
Whatever. Sounds like he was faking it.
 
2004-12-27 05:32:44 PM  
If losing that crap job is what inspired him to drink so much he got in the coma in the first place, maybe hearing "get back to work" was just the thing to snap him out of it.

At least we know he wasn't a farker . . ."get back to work" would only make me wake up out of my coma long enough to close the browser window.
 
2004-12-27 05:33:03 PM  
That's the coolest thing I've heard today.

Well, aside from that sales girl this morning who said "I've always wanted you so bad, let me take your pants off...", THAT was the coolest thing I've heard all day. The coma thing takes prize for second coolest.

/true story
 
2004-12-27 05:33:52 PM  
I'll drink to that.
 
2004-12-27 05:35:59 PM  
Jeff_from_MD:

whoa, does this mean anything about the comatose who can hear? I mean this guy's plug was about to be pulled too, and yet he could process this consciously?

A lot of coma patients can hear what's going on around them. Most of them recover much more quickly when loved ones hang around.

Heck, if I was in a coma, it would only take my grandfather walking in the room and hollering at me to get up. I swear he was a general in a past life or something.
 
2004-12-27 05:36:09 PM  
Dilbert surrenders.
 
2004-12-27 05:36:47 PM  
Charlie Sarkis got me out of my coma too. Damn, he's good!
 
2004-12-27 05:43:01 PM  
boohiss Well said!

/applauds
 
2004-12-27 05:45:18 PM  
pantos: Dude, the editor from Spiderman is seriously all I could hear while reading this article, but it was a totally unconscious thought. Good call!

Aerynn: So true.
 
2004-12-27 05:48:20 PM  
J Johna Jameson!
 
2004-12-27 05:50:10 PM  
[image from universohq.com too old to be available]


"Get your ass back to work!"
 
2004-12-27 05:52:50 PM  
Fool becomes a drunkard. Fool goes into a coma. Fool almost dies, but wakes up when he's provoked with punishment from an authority figure. Fool gives credit for his survival to God.

Par for the course.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2004-12-27 05:54:01 PM  
So much for the "submit stories on Christmas day when the odds are better" theory. This was in the Boston Herald as part of their sappy Christmas cheer front page on Saturday, and was rejected by the admins.
 
2004-12-27 05:55:21 PM  
DecemberNitro:

Well, aside from that sales girl this morning who said "I've always wanted you so bad, let me take your pants off...", THAT was the coolest thing I've heard all day. The coma thing takes prize for second coolest.

Unless you're a hot blonde chick, I don't want to hear about it.
 
2004-12-27 05:57:59 PM  
DecemberNitro-

It's only cool if she's saying it to YOU.
Eavesdropping on the adjoining cubicle doesn't count. Plus, it's rude.

/knock yourself out, man.
 
2004-12-27 06:00:18 PM  
To all who asked: Yes, you CAN drink yourself dead or into a coma.

Do you have any idea why it's called "intoxicationn"?

Here's a hint: TOXIC = POISONOUS

When you get drunk, you're suffering from mild alcohol poisoning.

Hell... Some moonshine is so potent that "drinking yourself to death" might only take a couple sips!
 
2004-12-27 06:01:44 PM  
(do I have any idea that "intoxication" only has one "n"? Yes I do. I'm just drunk on chocolate right now.)
 
2004-12-27 06:02:17 PM  
Then the boss told him" Get your ass up and get back to work, but not at my place".
 
2004-12-27 06:04:24 PM  
I always thought intoxicatio had two n's. Thanks for the correction... :p
 
2004-12-27 06:05:08 PM  
GYABTW
 
2004-12-27 06:06:14 PM  
you can drink enough that you pass out and continue to metabolise tha alcohol. this has the effect that even though you are passed out alcohol continues to enter your system. so in this respect drinking a lot of alcohol can still kill you even though after a certain point you pass out.
it is not an uncommon thing, 3 different people have died at the local state university because of this, alcohol is not something to mess around with. i am not trying to ruin anyones fun, getting drunk is fine, just know that to excess it can be fatal.
 
2004-12-27 06:07:05 PM  
You're fired would have killed him.
 
2004-12-27 06:07:17 PM  
Respect J.K. Simmons, people. He can go from J. Jonah Jameson to Vern Schillinger (well, he could in the past) in the blink of an eye, and still have time to inspire "All I want to do is race, Daddy."

/word

Later.

RJS
 
2004-12-27 06:08:08 PM  
All i can see is Bill Lumburg whispering in his ear. Yea hi, its me, just wanted to know that this is a normal work day, not a half day.... yea hi its me..... yea hi.... yea hi its me, Bill.
 
2004-12-27 06:10:39 PM  
"I think God said it's not my time yet. I feel like I've been given two strikes by God," he told the paper.

Maybe it's simpler than that. You clearly suck at everything, including committing suicide.
 
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