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(Yahoo)   Next time you're on a cocaine binge and invite two women into your mobile home, hide your cooking tongs   ( divider line
    More: Scary  
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32905 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Dec 2004 at 8:45 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

87 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-12-22 04:27:47 PM  
Now that's a story to pass down to your kids..
2004-12-22 04:28:55 PM  
Merry Christmas, you gift is around back.
2004-12-22 04:30:30 PM  
"The victim's cousin took him to Memorial Health University Medical Center Saturday after he complained of pain. Doctors surgically removed an object identified as "one half of a pair of food tongs," and turned it over to police."

Remind me never to become a CSI
2004-12-22 04:31:09 PM  
I wonder what you'd have to say to a woman to make her angry enough to really shove the tongs up your ass.
2004-12-22 04:37:03 PM  
El Swino

biatch, get in the kitchen and toss me a salad.
2004-12-22 04:45:07 PM  
"Uhhh... yes,.. like er... these two hot chicks did it to me. Yes... two hot chicks... i did not shove the tongs up my own ass myself.... yes"

*nervous cough*
2004-12-22 04:52:55 PM  
Apparently he did hide his cooking tongs.
2004-12-22 04:54:18 PM  
I would only be expounding on StomachMonkey's post by saying:

Now THOSE women know how to toss a salad.
2004-12-22 05:05:17 PM  
Oh c'mon--he so asked one of them to do it. Then it got stuck, he passed out and they left. Stupid coke-head.
2004-12-22 08:48:53 PM  
This thread is useless without pics.

On second thought...
2004-12-22 08:49:24 PM  
2004-12-22 08:49:27 PM  
Oh THONG!! I thought you wanted TONGS in your ass.

I can see this mistake happing all the time!
2004-12-22 08:49:28 PM  
How can anyone have an "on a cocaine binge?"
2004-12-22 08:49:28 PM  
Maybe they were trying to help him remove the other salad related items he was hiding.
2004-12-22 08:50:11 PM  
And the trailer park grammar makes its way into the post... Your never on a cocaine binge.... You're on a cocaine binge!

/first grammar Nazi post
2004-12-22 08:50:20 PM  
He's lying. There were no women involved. I call "fnorgby".

I bet the doctors removed a $2 bill.
2004-12-22 08:50:25 PM  
Good times...good times...
2004-12-22 08:51:53 PM  
Oh, and submitter, first occurence is you're; second is your

/you're a friggin' moran
2004-12-22 08:52:28 PM  
third is your also

you're still a moran
2004-12-22 08:54:52 PM  
He probably either did it to himself or asked them to do it to him, and that was the best excuse he could think of when it got stuck.

An emt in my anatomy class told me that they had a guy go in with the plastic end piece from a shower rod stuck in him... the guy said that his 3-year old son had pulled down the curtains while he was in the shower and he slipped.
2004-12-22 08:55:11 PM  
blame it on bush and his lack of drug stopping stuff and crap.....meh
2004-12-22 08:55:45 PM  

I wonder what you'd have to say to a woman to make her angry enough to really shove the tongs up your ass.

hey honey, you've met my secretary right? well, things between us are not working out, so uh... I'm going with her to california...
2004-12-22 08:55:48 PM  
SilverSurfer3000... nice Sandler ref

2004-12-22 08:57:02 PM  
actually a Strangers with Candy reference
2004-12-22 08:59:29 PM  
At least it's more interesting than, "It was a one in a million shot, doc. I slipped in the shower and *whoop* the tongs were gone."
2004-12-22 09:00:16 PM  

dang girl, I bet I can shove a whole 2 liter bottle up your hole...
2004-12-22 09:01:12 PM  
Phoenix: When on a cocaine binge, there is no "passing out." Or so I've heard.
2004-12-22 09:02:47 PM  
Wow, I always though the guy who fell asleep dreaming about pudding was an urban legend.
2004-12-22 09:03:06 PM  
(the victim) is not cooperating with the police," police spokesman Sgt. Mike Wilson said. "And there's little we can do to urge cooperation."

How about threatening him with some Tongs?!
2004-12-22 09:03:24 PM  
one half of a pair of food tongs

where the fark's the other half?
2004-12-22 09:04:42 PM  
"We have no descriptions of the women, being that (the victim) is not cooperating with the police," police spokesman Sgt. Mike Wilson said. "And there's little we can do to urge cooperation."

Uh huuuuuuh. Anyone want to bet he was, ahem, "pleasuring himself" (though in a way which he might not have tried if he wasn't coked up) and managed to not get it back out? Then made up the story for the docs so he wouldn't have to admit what really happened?

[image from too old to be available]

/oh baby, toss my salad
2004-12-22 09:04:49 PM  
if his binge was 7 or 14 days on end he might be a little tired and pass out
2004-12-22 09:06:06 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
If you want to get down, get down on the ground, cocaine
She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie, cocaine
2004-12-22 09:06:11 PM  
This is the dumbest man I have ever seen (well, read). I worked retail for 10 years and STILL haven't ever encountered someone this stupid.
2004-12-22 09:07:44 PM  
Heh.. On my tab for the story it says Yahoo News- Women Allegedly Ass....

2004-12-22 09:10:15 PM  
If the tong doesn't fit, you must acquit.

(is half of a pair of tongs a 'tong?')
2004-12-22 09:21:17 PM  
He says he was assaulted but most likely he just fell on a cucumber and he needed a good friend who could keep a secret.
2004-12-22 09:23:14 PM  
The Tongs are not amused.... But as seen here, Mrs Tong still likes tossing salad..

[image from too old to be available]
2004-12-22 09:24:58 PM  
this thread is useless without (x-ray) pics.
2004-12-22 09:26:35 PM  
I tell ya, people these days just don't know how to use tongs! Half a tong is useless.

2004-12-22 09:26:36 PM  

I've never used coke, but I didn't think that you could get so blasted that someone could shove a set of cooking tongs up your arse and you not know it! Those things aren't small and most aren't exactly designed to be anal-friendly.

Those big finger loops, you know.

I dunno, but if I were him, I think, coke or not, I'd cooperate in trying to find the chicks. After all, the law is only effective if you're caught with coke, not if it's already in your system.
2004-12-22 09:28:23 PM  
How does a guy in a trailer park afford enough cocaine to binge until he passes out?!? It was probably week 2 of a meth binge, and he stuck the tongs up his own ass thinking it would improve the reception on his newly dismantled television.
2004-12-22 09:30:54 PM  
Johnnie, is that JJ?
2004-12-22 09:46:05 PM  
How the hell would tongs get stuck in yer ass? Ive only seen 3 types of tongs. The ones with the rippled sharp edges.. doubt it was those.. since only one end was in and that would hurt like fark WAY before it was in, but would still be removable, then theres the ones pictured above that just come to a point on each end... which would be easily removed, and then theres the ones similar to the ones above but they make a circle at the ends.. which I still dont see how they could be stuck.

My other thought, is.. that ride to the hospital would have to SUCK!.. its one thing if somethign is stuck completely IN your ass, but to have half of it sticking out? .. dont get how that worked out on the ride over.

/Just sayin.../wondering.../not like anybody knows
2004-12-22 09:47:57 PM  
I think he did it himself too. Especially since he claims he can't remember what the women looked like and because he refuses to cooperate with police.
2004-12-22 09:49:30 PM  
Johnnie, I applaud your knowledge of JJ cale. Skynyrd, Clapton and Panic owe him big time.

/call me the breeze
2004-12-22 09:50:06 PM  
J.J. Cale
Hell Yes!
Saw him last June 5th in Austin. Got into his music from Widespread Panic covers and he has became one of my favorites. He also played the Crossroads Guitar Festival this year with Clapton. I just got that 2 disc DVD of the Festival and it has 2 Cale/Clapton songs. After Midnight and Call Me the Breeze are the 2 songs I'm pretty sure. Yeah I'm an Okie too and I love his "Laid Back" style.

[image from too old to be available]
Overstock has The Lost Session w/ Leon Russell DVD for $13.22 right now. If you like JJ I highly suggest getting it.
[image from too old to be available]

/I don't work of Overstock, just trying to spread JJ around.
2004-12-22 09:50:50 PM  
Uh... "the law is only effective if you're caught with coke, not if it's already in your system" ???

Dont understand that. I got a DUI after I flipped one of my cars because they found alcohol in my system at the jail from a breathalizer (was under 21 and over the legal amount)... but either way, I was screwed since I was over the legal amount... But if they find coke in your system.. isnt that still ILLEGAL? Not understanding that statement.
2004-12-22 09:54:03 PM  
its probably that farkin' dick Jim Leahey again.

or Randy...

/farkin Leahey
2004-12-22 09:56:37 PM  
trailer park boys

/catching all the obscure refs
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