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(Fark)   Give the gift of TotalFark. Immediate delivery, no waiting in lines   (fark.com) divider line 927
    More: Spiffy  
•       •       •

4098 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Dec 2004 at 10:47 AM (9 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



927 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2004-12-21 10:48:18 AM
Many of you have asked for a way to gift another farker with TotalFark. It's available and quite easy to set up.
 
2004-12-21 10:49:15 AM
Am I first? Please e-mail me at bouterpreekprack at gmail dot com.
 
2004-12-21 10:49:16 AM
I'd like to have TF, but alas, I am just a poor young boy, lost in this crazy ol' world.
 
2004-12-21 10:49:34 AM
If anyone is looking for someone to give this gift to, look no further.

/PLEASE!
 
2004-12-21 10:51:05 AM
I'd like Totalfark too. Be nice!
 
2004-12-21 10:51:06 AM
I also would be very please if I were to receive TF as a gift!
 
2004-12-21 10:51:13 AM
It was the only thing on my list!
 
2004-12-21 10:51:16 AM
You can gift yourself as well - a mere $5
 
2004-12-21 10:51:16 AM
yeah i could REALLY use totalfark, but i'm just trying to make it was a college student.


:-(


if someone gives me totalfark i'll follow them around forever and be their apprentice :-D
 
2004-12-21 10:51:24 AM
I will give a subscription to the first person to come to my office and ask me.
 
2004-12-21 10:51:27 AM
As I'm being forced by my SO to move to Port Townsend from NYC next month and I think I deserve ascension... I'll add it to the ongoing negotiations.
 
2004-12-21 10:51:41 AM
Oh Please!!! I gave Gmail- lots of Gmail! Grant me this gift!
 
2004-12-21 10:51:47 AM
I don't know what it is that you beneficient TFers go for in the way of groveling, so I'll just say....that.
 
2004-12-21 10:52:04 AM
Can I give a TF gift to a lurker who doesn't have a Fark handle?
 
2004-12-21 10:52:14 AM
YOU GET A JOB!

also, I'd sponser anyone that lost their TF'ness as a result of my actions, you know who you are
 
2004-12-21 10:52:32 AM
Last time I did this I signed up 4 people. 3 never post.

Meff.
 
2004-12-21 10:52:33 AM
I will wash your car :] and keep reindeer poop off your lawn. sdwilly22atgmaildotcom
 
2004-12-21 10:52:39 AM
If chosen, I'd pass the favor on to some other Liter...


"Please Sir, could I have some more?"
 
2004-12-21 10:52:54 AM
I have a girlfriend. She makes me poor. May I please have total Fark?

/Have gmail will give. kisses.
 
2004-12-21 10:53:00 AM
please don't give me TF, i don't want it!
 
2004-12-21 10:53:07 AM
it's only pennies a day and you can help little shermangfn be happy this christmas, God bless us, every one.
 
2004-12-21 10:53:19 AM
I already have TF but my wishlist is in my profile (and my bday is in 3 days *hint* *hint*)
 
2004-12-21 10:53:23 AM
Only those of us who have submitted links should be worthy. Send these others into the outer darkness that is greenlight viginity where they belong. :)
 
2004-12-21 10:53:33 AM
and now I'll just sit back and enjoy reading through the flood of requests for the next hour or so...
F5
F5
F5
 
2004-12-21 10:53:48 AM
for those of you who feel the need to put money in that bum's cup on the street, please pretend that I am that bum. much like that bum, i promise to spend any money i save on booze or drugs.
 
2004-12-21 10:53:51 AM
Cool! Anyone want to give one to someone that isn't a liberal? I'm your man!
 
2004-12-21 10:53:59 AM
If any TotalFarkers feel the need to be generous. I am willing to take your generosity at phantom523atgmail.com
 
2004-12-21 10:54:04 AM
Me want, Me want!
 
2004-12-21 10:54:08 AM
I would pay it forward :O

txag2k at hotmail
 
2004-12-21 10:54:12 AM
now, you lucky liters who get chosen be sure to take a shower before you come to TF. and clean you shoes.

/just joking. the more, the merrier, the happier drew is
 
2004-12-21 10:54:28 AM
If anyone should happen to look my way, know this: I will be in debt to you and your children and your children's children if you should happen to let me peer into the vaults of TF for the first time.

I have heard great things, but alas, I'm a poor student (in more than one way) and already in the minus column at the end of each month. And my penguin is sick.

/think of the penguin
 
2004-12-21 10:54:38 AM
Step 1: Activate email phisher...
Step 2: Refresh
Step 3: Profit!
 
2004-12-21 10:54:48 AM
this is kind of funny.

the groveling. (;
 
2004-12-21 10:54:53 AM
I can trade a Gamil account or two for a total fark account.

/Don't really care actually, but I have 3 to gove away and no more friends.
//Guess that makes me a total dork.
 
2004-12-21 10:54:59 AM
/looks up with big puppy dog eyes
//looks at bills for school
///appreciates all TF sponsorin' that may/may not take place
////Goes back to studying for final
 
2004-12-21 10:55:06 AM
By giving me TotalFark, you will get to have sex with 47 virgins. At the SAAAAAAAAAAMMMMEEEEE TIIIMMMEEEE.
 
2004-12-21 10:55:41 AM
If I get TF, I'll dance for nickels afterwards. I promise!
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2004-12-21 10:55:41 AM
Any chance of a non-paypal payment method?
 
2004-12-21 10:55:51 AM
I have just moved out of my parents house for the first time. Living on my own, away from my parents, wondering if the bills will make it there ontime and all I want is a little joy in life something that will help me through the tuff times. Please.....help me....with laughter.....

/phre­ek­b­o­i[nospam-﹫-backwards]liam­g*com.......
 
2004-12-21 10:56:13 AM
Mr. Programmer:

I already have TF but my wishlist is in my profile (and my bday is in 3 days *hint* *hint*)

Damn, born on christmas. That must suck. Less O'course that's sarcasm flying over my head.
 
2004-12-21 10:56:37 AM
I wish I were "worthy" of totalfark.

heh. OK, I really just wish y'all would accept a link I submitted every now and then.

The only real reason I can come up with for anyone to gift me with the awesomeness that is total fark is that I'm often a rare voice of reason from the conservative side of the equation. I'll point you to one of the most amazing conversations I've ever had about homosexuality, be it online or not online. It was a few weeks ago, on one of these boards, where conservatives and liberals alike had a 2 and a half hour conversation validly listening to each other's points and chasing off people who were trying to start flame wars.

It was awesome.

Is there more of that in totalfark?
 
2004-12-21 10:56:39 AM
pretty please. and by please, I mean gimme gimme gimme.

markwmshotmail.com

muchos gracias.
 
2004-12-21 10:57:05 AM
whos gonna teach all the newbst the secret handshake?

oops, Ive said too much
 
2004-12-21 10:57:19 AM
i'll give it a shot.. anyone wanna hook me up?? twoshort at gmail.com.. i have all kinds of invites and whatnot if ya need 'em

THANKS!
 
2004-12-21 10:57:49 AM
These are funny. Merry Xmas

http://www.southflorida.com/events/sfl-scaredsanta,0,2245506.photogallery?coll =sfe-events-headlines&index=1

/HTML Idiot.
 
2004-12-21 10:57:55 AM
it's gotta be said.

Future potential TFettes, wishing to pray upon my generosity can audition their boobies to the gmail in my profile.

/obvious
 
2004-12-21 10:57:57 AM
My TF gifting requirements:

1. Female
2. Liberal
3. Easy

(send applications to email in profile)
 
2004-12-21 10:58:02 AM
StrikitRich
If chosen, I'd pass the favor on to some other Liter...

So instead of begging for an account and saying that you'd buy another Liter one, why don't you cut through all the red tape and get one for yourself instead?

/just sayin'
 
2004-12-21 10:58:04 AM
I can't think of anything to say that might make people want to give me TotalFark. Pretend I did.
 
2004-12-21 10:58:06 AM
Oh, yeah, e-mail. If anyone give's a rat's ass it's w­alk­ingm­en­2­[nospam-﹫-backwards]l­i­am­to­h*com - and I have 4 gmail invites and a phone shaped like Mary Worth to give away.
 
2004-12-21 10:58:15 AM
TF would be nice, i'm not holding my breath though. thanks in advance.

M­ashed­*Potato*J­o­nes[nospam-﹫-backwards]liamg­*c­o­m
 
2004-12-21 10:58:16 AM
someone pay my next years fees, kthx
 
2004-12-21 10:58:29 AM
I am so broke today - so very very broke.

But I too will watch and take notes. Payday is tomorrow...
 
2004-12-21 10:58:34 AM
this is the longest i have spent on fark lite in months.

proud memeber of the tf elite
 
2004-12-21 10:58:50 AM
Please sir/madam,

May I have some TotalFark?

Make this lonely Kerry voter in Idaho not so sad this holiday season. :)
 
2004-12-21 10:59:09 AM
Ahhh.....so many to choose from
 
2004-12-21 10:59:23 AM
Is there more of that in totalfark?

you bet it is. and we have free donuts, all the colors of the rainbow
 
2004-12-21 10:59:25 AM
and the whole g-mail thing? not a good selling point...
 
2004-12-21 10:59:38 AM
Gunther, dec 24.. it can suck.. some people get 2 gifts (xmas and bday) but others think they're clever when they say "here's your gift, for christmas AND your birthday".. cheap bastards
 
2004-12-21 10:59:55 AM
rabidmarmot
Kerry voter in Idaho

Is that even possible? I thought my parents were the only ones.
 
2004-12-21 11:00:13 AM
Last time I did this I signed up 4 people. 3 never post.

never even post?
i'd be posting
/what am i sayin', i'd probably be stalkin'
/just sayin'

i don't know who initially sponsored me, but i am very thankful

and thankful to Argh_Dammit for giving me a stay of execution when my time runs out Jan 1st

/gotta figure out a way to get TF without showing up on a credit card!
 
2004-12-21 11:00:13 AM
speaking of unloading gmail invites...where can I do that? I know people get a bit testy when its not in the right place. I have ten, let me know.
 
2004-12-21 11:00:17 AM
If TotalFark comes my way, I'll have something to do on Christmas Day
 
2004-12-21 11:00:35 AM
I would like to add my name to the list of grovelers for TF

washwash at gmail dot com

/groveling
 
2004-12-21 11:00:41 AM
Everyone asking for totalfark on this thread is a tool...cough up the dough yourselves if you really want it and stop begging complete strangers to give it to you.
 
2004-12-21 11:01:25 AM
Argh_Dammit: and the whole g-mail thing? not a good selling point...

Yep. All of us TotalFarkers have gmail accounts coming out of the wahooza !

Any British Farkers here ? I may consider sponsoring a fellow Brit for a month (TotalFark is quiet in the mornings until America wakes up).

Email in profile
 
2004-12-21 11:01:30 AM
Argh_Dammit: and the whole g-mail thing? not a good selling point...

You're just jealous of the awesome 1337ness of the select members of the gmail mafia.

/also have the Paris Hilton tape, suckahz
 
2004-12-21 11:02:11 AM
The selling point that got me ws the fact that you could sort all the boobies links with a click of the mouse.

How many links do you liters see in a day? 50?
Try 5000 for TF.
 
2004-12-21 11:02:23 AM
So... why are people posting their email addresses?
 
2004-12-21 11:02:35 AM
You can have your total farking moral superiority crap I don't want!!


-tries reverse psychology
 
2004-12-21 11:02:48 AM
I will give TF to someone under these conditions:

1) You must read, understand, and follow the FARQ, as well as Argh_Dammit's helpful little n00bies page.

2) You do not post zillions of "Advice" or "Survey" topics once you get TF.

3) You read/listen more than you talk.

4) You have an e-mail address in your profile (c'mon, people!)

4 1/2) Being a Farkette helps, too.
 
2004-12-21 11:02:50 AM
Advice - because I'm too cheap to pay for strangers - gmail invites? Errr - If there's anybody left on the internet who wants gmail but doesn't have it, and a spare account, and a dozen invites hanging around they never got a chance to use? They probably aren't l33t enough to be tfarkers. Consider boobies as bribes with a little more weight.
 
2004-12-21 11:02:52 AM
EclecticLaydee

So instead of begging for an account and saying that you'd buy another Liter one, why don't you cut through all the red tape and get one for yourself instead?

/just sayin'


C'mon, EclecticLaydee - you actually think logic will work on the unwashed masses?

*shakes head*
 
2004-12-21 11:03:08 AM
I will not grovel, however I will do my best to post comments with proper grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

/and I won't use slashes
 
2004-12-21 11:03:14 AM
morrison? what is 1337ness?
 
2004-12-21 11:03:20 AM
It was awesome.

Is there more of that in totalfark?


Drake Kyrros: Yes, why yes, there is. (: Good to hear a reasonable conservative voice. Y'all get drowned out by the whacko sometimes. My peeps are the same way. (:
 
2004-12-21 11:03:21 AM
morrisonsl:

You're just jealous of the awesome 1337ness of the select members of the gmail mafia.

making me laugh - good for a point or two.
 
2004-12-21 11:03:35 AM
Hello. My name is Rahim. I am a six-year-old goat-herder living in Raznahzbekistan. Because of the war there, I have been left with no arms, no legs, and no goats. Please do not leave me with no TotalFark as well.

Thank you,
Rahim
 
2004-12-21 11:04:07 AM
Chester1977

Do a search for the "leet" language
 
2004-12-21 11:04:17 AM
ducTape

1) done.
2) never have.
3) that's me.
4) there.
4 1/2) d'oh!
 
2004-12-21 11:05:10 AM
Hey, I'm a Brit malcy...I'm also freelance so what I'd gain in TotalFarking I would lose in doing actual paid work, but hell.
 
2004-12-21 11:05:13 AM
Teh groveling is pathetic. Sheesh!! Have some dignity folks.
 
2004-12-21 11:05:25 AM
While you liters are reading this, STOP WITH THE !!! We already know, trust me.

/the TFers
 
2004-12-21 11:05:25 AM
i haven't had very good luck with my sponsored pets. they always die in a few days, and it's hard to flush them down the toilet.
 
2004-12-21 11:05:29 AM
I have great news. In my country there was a very rich person who died and had the same last name as you. We can split his money if you give me a total fark account.
 
2004-12-21 11:05:32 AM
I would if it did not rebill automatically. I would pay for 6 months or a year and then when it expires, it expires.
 
2004-12-21 11:05:34 AM
morrisonsl

You're just jealous of the awesome 1337ness of the select members of the gmail mafia.

/also have the Paris Hilton tape, suckahz


Let me guess - you also have the AYB video and the mahir site...

so does everyone else

/just sayin
 
2004-12-21 11:05:38 AM
El_Bastard
C'mon, EclecticLaydee - you actually think logic will work on the unwashed masses?

True, I come to green lighted threads so infrequently I forget what it's like in here. Ick, I suddenly feel the need to wash my hair.
 
2004-12-21 11:05:45 AM
malcy: Any British Farkers here ?

G'day mate, sponsor a fellow Britton? I'm from... eh... Londonbury, where I make kidney pies and union jacks.

/worst. attempt. ever.
 
2004-12-21 11:05:46 AM
khatchaturian
Well I am in Blaine Co. but it is kinda scary looking at a voting by-county map and being the only slightly blue one surronded by red.
 
2004-12-21 11:06:13 AM
Hoo boy.
 
2004-12-21 11:06:15 AM
pathetic
 
2004-12-21 11:06:16 AM
Can someone give me TotalFark pleeeaaaassseee? I just had my appendix removed two days ago, and I could really use something to keep my mind off the pain...
 
2004-12-21 11:06:19 AM
I gave out two TF accounts the last time we did this.
One promised boobies, the other promised Guinness.

I got nothing from either.

Not even a thank you, which is all I really wanted.

So bah humbug this time around.
Bah humbug in your stupid asses.

/Seriously, skip the Starbucks for a day and there's your TotalFark.
 
2004-12-21 11:06:23 AM
Yeah, I'd love to get some TF, tyler­*sn­ee­d­[nospam-﹫-backwards]lia­mg­*co­m
 
2004-12-21 11:06:26 AM
alcoholic_entropy:

While you liters are reading this, STOP WITH THE [NEWSFLASH] !!! We already know, trust me.

/the TFers


hahaha...this looks like a good place for a stick-up.
 
2004-12-21 11:06:53 AM
I would just like to try it .... so I'll ask politely as I was taught ...

Please :)
 
2004-12-21 11:07:07 AM
I am saving my money for TotalTheHun :P
 
2004-12-21 11:07:08 AM
i give you boobies and you give me totalfark, so here...boobies!!!

http://www.dwave.net/~donauw/Washisland/boobies.jpg


NSFW if you are donald duck
 
2004-12-21 11:07:12 AM
I'm the 199998th farker...I should've gotten some TF action for merely being in the vicinity of sirphobos21. Alas, no lovin' for the 'weasl.
 
2004-12-21 11:07:29 AM
I forgot one thing-- my e-mail is marcinjb [at] gmail.com, and if you give to TF, I'll give you a gmail invite as well. Please, TF for the guy with a big slit on his gut
 
2004-12-21 11:07:42 AM
First farker that can locate the Paige Davis sex tape gets 2 months from me.
 
2004-12-21 11:07:55 AM
EclecticLaydee

True, I come to green lighted threads so infrequently I forget what it's like in here. Ick, I suddenly feel the need to wash my hair.


Here, let me give you a hand with that...

/bow chikka...
 
2004-12-21 11:08:04 AM
I was thinking about Total Fark, and then I realized, I already spend about 90-120 minutes a day on Fark. If I got Total Fark, I would become the laziest person ever.
 
2004-12-21 11:08:10 AM
Your gmail invites are not effective currency in the world of TF.
 
2004-12-21 11:08:17 AM
Hello. My name is Rahim. I am a six-year-old goat-herder living in Raznahzbekistan. Because of the war there, I have been left with no arms, no legs, and no goats. Please do not leave me with no TotalFark as well.

Thank you,
Rahim


Looks like I found someone to sponsor.
 
2004-12-21 11:08:35 AM
alcoholic_entropy That was unnecessarily snotty! Shame on you.
 
2004-12-21 11:08:51 AM
I'll buy one month of TF for the first person to make a funny photoshop of me with MC Hammer.

http://mayotech.com/images/mchammer.jpg
 
2004-12-21 11:08:54 AM
Well, I WOULD sign up, if there were some other form of payment than PayPal.
 
2004-12-21 11:09:02 AM
Small_T:

2004-12-21 11:08:35 AM Small_T [TotalFark]

alcoholic_entropy That was unnecessarily snotty! Shame on you.




It was a joke, relax.
 
2004-12-21 11:09:08 AM
El_Bastard See? I'll work my way up to that other list yet!
 
2004-12-21 11:09:13 AM
I'll consider sponsoring extreme leftists who are into macrame, nougat, snowshovelling & public relations.

Am I describing you?
 
2004-12-21 11:09:35 AM
pheen: Looks like I found someone to sponsor.

I had written his name too - i'll cross it off..
 
2004-12-21 11:09:39 AM
*relaxes* ;)
 
2004-12-21 11:09:44 AM
LuckPusher

I can only imagine....

Wait, I really don't want to. Some of that crap...(shudder)
 
2004-12-21 11:09:45 AM
OK, if you want it, the first person to answer my trivia gets one month.

Question: In Excalibur, who was the last knight alive?
 
2004-12-21 11:09:52 AM
"I gave out two TF accounts the last time we did this.
One promised boobies, the other promised Guinness. "

they fooled you. I think Ill give out six months
emails in the profile.
 
2004-12-21 11:10:05 AM
Nicky Nice Nose:

Cool! Anyone want to give one to someone that isn't a liberal? I'm your man!

A real conservative would do it on his own and not wait for someone else to give it to him...

(How 'bout them Pats eh?)
 
2004-12-21 11:10:19 AM
Is this the best you guys can do?

might as well keep my money for the total fark stripclub xmas extravaganza.
 
2004-12-21 11:10:30 AM
I might as well throw in here as well. Thanks

/Ex-TF'er that wouldn't mind it again.
 
2004-12-21 11:10:31 AM
Ehh, next paycheck, I'll go TF on my own.
 
2004-12-21 11:10:39 AM
EclecticLaydee

El_Bastard See? I'll work my way up to that other list yet!


You really think I'm so easy that a little shower is all it takes?

/what about time, love and tenderness? *sniff*
 
2004-12-21 11:10:55 AM
Are there any more TF accts. to go around. I would have posted earlier but I was so busy helping neighborhood children learn about the true meaning of christmas, as we walked the neighborhood feeding elderly couples and singing Christmas songs....

No really I had to remove spyware from this foreign guy's PC, then I came back to my desk, checked out some photoshops, didn't refresh the main page, yada, yada, yada....here I am.

/pouting lips
//big, teary puppy dog eyes
 
2004-12-21 11:11:03 AM
prolog: You got a month.
 
2004-12-21 11:11:15 AM
Burbur

can I answer?
 
2004-12-21 11:11:36 AM
burber: Question: In Excalibur, who was the last knight alive?

Sir Bedievere?
 
2004-12-21 11:11:53 AM
londongirl

If you want a month email me

morrisonsl:

G'day mate, sponsor a fellow Britton? I'm from... eh... Londonbury, where I make kidney pies and union jacks.

/worst. attempt. ever.


Yep but funny ! Golf clap for effort
 
2004-12-21 11:12:03 AM
Batfang
no, it's for Liter's only
 
2004-12-21 11:12:10 AM
burber:

Question: In Excalibur, who was the last knight alive?

Perceval
 
2004-12-21 11:12:15 AM
I promise to abide by ducTape's rules if I were blessed with such an account...
 
2004-12-21 11:12:17 AM
Can anyone get me get a totalfarker account?
the­*p­aku­[nospam-﹫-backwards]li­amg*c­om
Here is a pic of a kitten:


Look into his eyes, and think "Total Farker Account for Texas Pete" would kill this sonofabiatch in two seconds flat.
 
2004-12-21 11:12:17 AM
Uhm.. lets see.. I just pulled two A's with my 40 hour a week job, any one wanna congratulate me? twoshort AT gmail.com
 
2004-12-21 11:12:18 AM
burber
Percival
 
2004-12-21 11:12:23 AM
Oh yeah, I have about 10 Gmail invites if anyone needs one.

battlcat17 at gmail dot com
 
2004-12-21 11:12:47 AM
A month of TF to whomever can answer this question, without google or other engine, on your honor:
What is the name of the sister of Sabriel the Abhorsen?
 
2004-12-21 11:12:49 AM
El_Bastard
You really think I'm so easy that a little shower is all it takes?

/what about time, love and tenderness? *sniff*


WAIT! I have a GREAT idea! I can give you one month of TotalFark for FREE!
 
2004-12-21 11:13:21 AM
I'm just waiting for another Farker to post somethign funny. C'mon....make me laugh.
 
2004-12-21 11:13:22 AM
oh, and send answer to ca­r­terha­wk[nospam-﹫-backwards]liam­g*com with subject TF-Answer
 
2004-12-21 11:13:22 AM
Damn, 2nd to answer.
Returning to lurk mode.
 
2004-12-21 11:14:01 AM
By the way, I too have gmail invites. Any takers?
 
2004-12-21 11:14:10 AM

I'm not going to beg for a TF account, but know this:

I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE


so, give the gift of life. you're life. it's the holidays, nobody has to die.

/needs meds too
 
2004-12-21 11:14:15 AM
I have to wait for the money to get from my bank account to paypal before I sponsor one of you.
 
2004-12-21 11:14:25 AM
as a reward to your kind generosity, all that i can promise is world peace...

re­lax[nospam-﹫-backwards]e­sruocflog­e­ht­*com
 
2004-12-21 11:14:45 AM
1) done

2) never

3) always

4) going to change profile right now...

4 1/2)a Farkette and have the shoes to prove
 
2004-12-21 11:14:56 AM
here's funny:

 
2004-12-21 11:14:58 AM
I'll throw a month of TF to someone - just email me a good reason. Email is in profile.

Happy Holidays!
 
2004-12-21 11:15:12 AM
Wow people actually giving out TF accounts. Between this and everyone helping the children's hospitals from penny arcade, I'm no longer as jaded to the fark crowd now.
 
2004-12-21 11:15:23 AM
Lirael
 
2004-12-21 11:15:37 AM
Ah, I love it when the liters grovel. I love to be entertained.

/was a liter until bobgilbert showed me the way. And it was good, amen.
 
2004-12-21 11:15:43 AM
Bonkthat_Again: C'mon....make me laugh

(dont stand too close to him tho - he schmells)
 
2004-12-21 11:16:00 AM
ALL TFERS HAVE GMAIL ALREADY. STOP IT.
 
2004-12-21 11:16:06 AM
code_monkey: By the way, I too have gmail invites. Any takers?

my other lifelong dream coming to reality?

that would be awesome!

relaxthegolfcourse.com

/farkit rules
 
2004-12-21 11:16:11 AM
I have one question about TotalFark. Apparently a TFer sees everything submitted, all the time. Is there any way to turn OFF that feature?

I want my fake news filtered, darn it.
 
2004-12-21 11:16:24 AM
Congratulations to hstaruk3 who got the one month free.
 
2004-12-21 11:16:50 AM
hstaruk3:

Damn, 2nd to answer.

I have my spiffy tag...I was just playing spoiler...you were only 8 seconds behind me, so technically, we could say that you were typing the same time I was...I would give it to you...
 
2004-12-21 11:16:53 AM
I want my fake news filtered, darn it.

Then a liter you shall remain.
 
2004-12-21 11:17:18 AM
Merry Chirstmas DrakeKyrros.

We need more sensible conservative voices.

Everyone else...do what I did. I opened a paypal account, and paid for my own subscription :-)
 
2004-12-21 11:17:20 AM
Bonkthat_Again: ALL TFERS HAVE GMAIL ALREADY. STOP IT.


ha ha!
 
2004-12-21 11:17:24 AM
Shepherd: You can filter headlines by adult content, politics, entertainment, etc, etc.

You can also choose to see links that have comments in them already.
 
2004-12-21 11:17:29 AM
it's like being at a zoo watching monkeys fling their poo
 
2004-12-21 11:17:35 AM
Shepherd:

2004-12-21 11:16:11 AM Shepherd

I have one question about TotalFark. Apparently a TFer sees everything submitted, all the time. Is there any way to turn OFF that feature?

I want my fake news filtered, darn it.



Use can screen using "commented links". That's what most of us do. That way you don't see everything, just the stuff other TFers are commenting on. Weeds out the repeats.
 
2004-12-21 11:17:48 AM
If someone give me TF, I'll bake cookies.


/I'll just bake 'em, you don't get any... Personally, I'd be afraid to eat cookies baked by some strange farker anyway...
 
2004-12-21 11:18:00 AM
laworderstuff: Lirael
And there you go!
 
2004-12-21 11:18:10 AM
it smells funny in here
 
2004-12-21 11:18:12 AM
ONE LAST TIME

*ahem*

Gmail offers to TFers is like offering Bill Gates a penny or the cash-redemption value of a coupon: tis not currency of the sort that carries any weight.

Better to fake being a girl, go to some amature site and get some boobies...

EclecticLaydee


WAIT! I have a GREAT idea! I can give you one month of TotalFark for FREE!


Ahh - the gift that keeps on giving, eh? Hrm...

So about that shower... ;)
 
2004-12-21 11:18:29 AM
Some entries from the list of the things Coho has:

1) A 6 d-cell maglite

116) Two dozen big-foot canadian goose decoys

274) Craftsman 6 amp battery charger
 
2004-12-21 11:18:34 AM
Shepherd:

I have one question about TotalFark. Apparently a TFer sees everything submitted, all the time. Is there any way to turn OFF that feature?


You don't "turn it off". Instead of ads on the right side, you have filtering buttons that enable you to only look at the content you want to.
 
2004-12-21 11:18:46 AM
2004-12-21 11:17:18 AM pappy1398


Merry Chirstmas DrakeKyrros.

We need more sensible conservative voices.



Looks like my pick already got picked. (; I'll have to find another.
 
2004-12-21 11:18:46 AM
As I have given all my money to help the local orphanage, I now have no money for a TF account. Alas, poor me.....
 
2004-12-21 11:19:12 AM
DIA - I'll sponsor the most extreme neocon if you sponsor a liter who falls just short of being a commie.

It'll be like a cage match that we can bet on in future troll threads.
 
2004-12-21 11:19:15 AM
gosseyn email me (in profile).
 
2004-12-21 11:19:23 AM
Argh_Dammit: it smells funny in here


Go change those grandma panties from last month...
 
2004-12-21 11:20:10 AM
scansinboy: skip the Starbucks for a day and there's your TotalFark.

It was worth being posted again !!
 
2004-12-21 11:20:41 AM
Bonkthat_Again: Go change those grandma panties from last month...

who's gas blew up the cafe?

/we've said too much
 
2004-12-21 11:20:49 AM
My TF just recently lapsed. This is my first day back as a Fark-liter, and I'm not sure if I like it. It's not a pitch, just me thinking out loud.

I'll sponsor anybody (well, the first body, anyway) that knows the answer to this question:

What's the difference between an orange?
 
2004-12-21 11:20:55 AM
Can this link be changed to read, Beg for the gift of TotalFark. Immediate delivery, no limit to whines.?

;)
 
2004-12-21 11:21:07 AM
One last ditch attempt: if you give me TF I will pretend to be female for you in Everquest and let you fap over my imaginary pixelized "slit".

/and I promise I won't post the pics on the internets
 
2004-12-21 11:21:34 AM
Why do I deserve TotalFark aka $5?

Because I would steal 30 bagged lunches, not that damn sasquatch.
 
2004-12-21 11:21:38 AM
Shepherd: There are a number of filtering options, and you can always visit regular fark if you want.
 
2004-12-21 11:21:45 AM
And just so you all know, here's from the last few hours:

 
2004-12-21 11:21:54 AM
Damn.. All the whining..

IT IS $5 you cheap farks. Pony up or shut up.

/been screwed over by fraternities and Amway previously, don't pay money to belong to anything. Except PTL enterprises, that Tammy Fay was SMOKING!
 
2004-12-21 11:22:00 AM
That burger looks totally delicious. I retract my plea for a TF account and request a 6lb. hamburger in its stead. Additionally, if you can email it to me I'd be grateful.
 
2004-12-21 11:22:19 AM
El_Bastard
So about that shower... ;)

I bought Herbal Essence shampoo last week. How come you didn't magically appear as I was getting all bubbly? In fact, come to think of it, no one appeared. I want my money back Mr. False Advertisers.

/off to pout
 
2004-12-21 11:22:30 AM
since i was nicely sponsered last time. I picked someone who asked politely and sponsered them too. Behave and join in the conversations. that's half the fun :)

enjoy and happy holidays!
 
2004-12-21 11:22:32 AM
In the light of morrisonsl's post, I must say that he deserves TF more than most other farkers I've seen. Seems like a smart fella and knows his cliches, and actually reads threads...
 
2004-12-21 11:22:43 AM
Conservatives in the Fark welfare line. Now that's comedy gold!
 
2004-12-21 11:22:46 AM
Maybe I should've gone the sob story route...



I'm losing my shirt in the market today...

Woah is me...
 
2004-12-21 11:22:50 AM
alcoholic_entropy: And just so you all know, here's from the last few hours:

HA! You owe me a new keyboard.

/already have TF
 
2004-12-21 11:22:53 AM
Oooo!
TotalFark!
Ooooooooooooo!
Thanks!

In the spirit of reciprocity, I've got two Gmails left to whomever would like them. Addy in profile.

Thanks again, beneficent sponsorer!
 
2004-12-21 11:22:56 AM
I really do not want a TF account.

Because the first time I post a condescending post about Fark Liters I have promised myself that I have to throw myself in an industrial shredder.
 
2004-12-21 11:23:16 AM
dolly_llama is mine. Everyone else back away.
 
2004-12-21 11:23:16 AM
ducTape

1) Yes. Done. Will never make the same mistake twice
2) Never. Never read 'em, will never post 'em
3) How about a 2 year lurker who FINALLY posted something last week for the first time? I know how to keep my mouth shut.
4) Doing that next
4 1/2) Oh! Snap! Check plus. (Sorry hstaruk3 )
 
2004-12-21 11:23:32 AM
W007!!
 
2004-12-21 11:23:35 AM
My wife is unemployeed and we think she has MS. have some mercy!
 
2004-12-21 11:23:56 AM
For real,

Best friends mother died, I gave 200.00 to help cover cost of buring her. His wife had to have hysterectomy and their insurance paid for 75% of it. I gave another 250.00 to assist with that.

/Friend saved me from drowning once.
I have no money for X-mas or a TF Account.
I do have a good friend, and internet access. but I would love a TF Account.

God Bless and Merry Christmas.
 
2004-12-21 11:24:37 AM
The last time we had this sort of thread, I said "send boobies for consideration." I wish that I had said send GOOD boobies. Oh the horror.
 
2004-12-21 11:24:38 AM
Why exactly are we trying to grovel ourselves into TF? I'm a little bit rusty on my economics but shouldn't they be the ones trying to recruit us? And maybe not even them but those charging for that service?

/going to Target to beg a sales associate to let me purchase something
 
2004-12-21 11:24:45 AM
dogfather_jr
about this color
 
2004-12-21 11:25:22 AM
Damn that looks good next to my name.. thanks carterhawk
 
2004-12-21 11:25:49 AM
What's the difference between an orange?

i don't know, they look the same

won't link
http://www.explodingdog.com/two28/whatsthedif.html

/just sayin'
 
2004-12-21 11:25:52 AM
Steve Dallas: W007!!

cool profile. But keep your cookies. :)

DGAR: I wish that I had said send GOOD boobies.

ha ha!
 
2004-12-21 11:25:59 AM
PoorPeteBest: We like to get new people to sign up, if they're cool. It adds to the discussions.
 
2004-12-21 11:26:11 AM
DGAR:

The last time we had this sort of thread, I said "send boobies for consideration." I wish that I had said send GOOD boobies. Oh the horror.

I never thought of doing it that way...(I can be a little slow)
 
2004-12-21 11:26:12 AM
dolly_llama- Nice nick
Merry Christmas!
 
2004-12-21 11:26:29 AM
/going to Target to beg a sales associate to let me purchase something

You got it wrong - I'm looking to give-away a TF account, not give you the option to buy.
 
2004-12-21 11:26:56 AM
I want a hot cocoa sampler.
oh and nothing in my email yet
 
2004-12-21 11:27:05 AM
So, there I was. Just took a break to take out the trash and have a smoke, and I thought: My next post will be- Screw this, I'll put up my own goofy trivia question and buy myself and the winner one month for Christmas.
Came back in, and Wow! Thanks Burber!

So, anyway, to make good on my offer to myself, my favorite trivia question from high school:

Where did Orestes Destrade play his first season of pro ball? (city and state)

Thanks again, Burber
 
2004-12-21 11:27:06 AM
DGAR,

You, a TFer, didn't know to be more specific around other Farkers? Especially around Farkliters desperate for a neat icon next to their name?

You have tainted the glory that is TF. Your TF status will be revoked momentarily.

Have a nice day. :)
 
2004-12-21 11:27:40 AM
laworderstuff:

Oooo!
TotalFark!
Ooooooooooooo!
Thanks!

In the spirit of reciprocity, I've got two Gmails left to whomever would like them. Addy in profile.

Thanks again, beneficent sponsorer!



Im just happy when someone shows theyve read something for fun.



Ive got one more, ill give it, to the first person to post the answer to this:
What is the Last Line of the volume The Collected Stories of Arthur C. Clarke?
 
2004-12-21 11:28:23 AM
I just keep looking for a liter who has ANYTHING about themselves in their profile.
 
2004-12-21 11:29:07 AM
Bonkthat_Again:

I just keep looking for a liter who has ANYTHING about themselves in their profile.

Agree. Update that profile!
 
2004-12-21 11:29:11 AM
refarkedbeans:
In the light of morrisonsl's post, I must say that he deserves TF more than most other farkers I've seen. Seems like a smart fella and knows his cliches, and actually reads threads...

Thanks, but basically I just have a lot of free time and an interest in Farkistani anthropology. ;)
 
2004-12-21 11:29:16 AM
I just keep looking for a liter who has ANYTHING about themselves in their profile.

Me too, Bonk. Where's the creative flair?
 
2004-12-21 11:29:19 AM
/is a news junkie.....

Please let me be a recipient...I have nothing to offer...I am a poor girl, too...Pa rum pa pum pum...
 
2004-12-21 11:29:21 AM
Bonkhat: I know! I don't know any of these people at all, because I'm never in greenlit threads. I don't know their personalities. Doh!
 
2004-12-21 11:29:26 AM
ElectroSnizzle

You win a month! Because that picture IS the funny.
 
2004-12-21 11:29:35 AM
It STINKS in here. Bonk, what did I tell you about that gas?

/opens a window.
 
2004-12-21 11:29:42 AM
Bonkthat_Again:

I just keep looking for a liter who has ANYTHING about themselves in their profile.


Yep. I was looking at a couple of people to sponsor. But no details and no email does not a TotalFarker make.
 
2004-12-21 11:29:46 AM
Argh_Dammit: I never thought of doing it that way

Learn from my mistakes. There are some real wackos in here. It's like some of them are inside my head. GET OUT!
 
2004-12-21 11:29:55 AM
2004-12-21 11:14:58 AM holierthanthou

I'll throw a month of TF to someone - just email me a good reason. Email is in profile.


Thanks for the emails, I am narrowing it down...feel free to send along any pics or another email. I just need a reason. Just give me a reason dammit.
 
2004-12-21 11:30:11 AM
Post a couple of links to the last few political discussion threads you posted in. It's always a good indicator.
 
2004-12-21 11:30:22 AM
You win...nauteeprincess....expect an invite from me
 
2004-12-21 11:30:34 AM
Dogfather Jr What's the difference between an orange?

A bicycle, because a vest has no sleeves.

What do I win if I'm already TF?

And on another note... Apparantly one of the people I sponsered the last time around, Bransbadger, doesn't even exist anymore!!!

I said it about 15 minutes ago and I'll say it again.

SKIP THE farkING STARBUCKS FOR A DAY AND THERE'S YOUR TOTALFARK.

/had to yell
 
2004-12-21 11:30:34 AM
Anybody who wants TF, but is late to the party, is welcome to check my disturbing profile.
 
2004-12-21 11:30:39 AM
you go to TF, you get to
1. chat with lovelies like the_pgoat
2. witness horrible clown-on-a-brown-couch porn
3. get the first crack at the latest boobies
4. experience strange rituals involving cafes and bars
5. help drew keep this crazy site alive
 
2004-12-21 11:30:53 AM
Hey guys, what's going on in... WHOA!

OK.

I'm in the Christmas spirit and will give a month of TF to the first person to post a reply with the name of the movie this quote is from:

"When the dead walk, we must stop the killing or lose the war."

And you'd better be a contributor, too...
 
2004-12-21 11:30:55 AM
I'll be happy to sponsor a Farker. Email me your fark screenname, and anything to get my attention. It could be a joke, cute anecdote, Christmas story or anything that would qualify as "best." The best email will get a TF sponsorship.

/email address in profile.
 
2004-12-21 11:30:57 AM
Creative - yeah that the word, Bonkie - I am looking for creative and amusing...

/here we are out shopping for Tfers and TFettes...
 
2004-12-21 11:31:31 AM
The diffence between an orange?

A sandwich, because a fish has no legs?
 
2004-12-21 11:31:40 AM
You forgot #6, albo:

Paintballing hippies.

/the sport of kings
 
2004-12-21 11:31:41 AM
albo: You smooth-talker, you. (:
 
2004-12-21 11:31:51 AM
Sponsor me!

I usually get totally farked at Christmas but I suspect I would enjoy *this kind* of total fark.

d­edigger­[nospam-﹫-backwards]oohay*c­o­m
 
2004-12-21 11:31:59 AM
holierthanthou


I'm gonna do the same, no ones emailed me, Ill toss out some subscriptions tonight, I would like a good reason tho
 
2004-12-21 11:32:07 AM
If anyone is looking to sponsor a great member of the Fark community, I'd like to put forth Adman12 as a candidate. He's a great contributer to Fark (68 approved links), and always has well thought-out comments to add to any discussion.
 
2004-12-21 11:32:46 AM
ducTape - Sorry, missed it. Maybe she'll get 2 months?
 
2004-12-21 11:32:51 AM
I've still got 6 gmail invitations (email in profile).
 
2004-12-21 11:33:13 AM
Corpulence,

Dawn of the Dead?
 
2004-12-21 11:33:29 AM
So far, no winners on the orange question.
 
2004-12-21 11:33:35 AM
Please pity me, I have nothing to do at work for the next month or so... TF would be a nice way to pass the time. Oh, and 'tis the season of giving yadda yadda yadda

/me attempts to smile and look all charismatic
 
2004-12-21 11:33:37 AM
I think someone should give me a TF account 'cause I never did get a @#$^@^ guinness towel!! Or an ipod! Or a laptop! Or anything dammit, nothing, ever, ever, ever!!! sniff.sniff.

/and where else can I find good torrent sites anyhow?
 
2004-12-21 11:33:55 AM
Y'know, I think I would sponsor someone who has taken a lot of time to make their Bio nice. Seriously, that shows dedication, and heck, 5 dollars ain't much, right?
 
2004-12-21 11:34:28 AM
wyltoknow

You win. First month's free, kid.
 
2004-12-21 11:34:38 AM
Adman12 does look like a good candidate.
 
2004-12-21 11:35:11 AM
I'll sponser someone, but they must answer my questions 3:
1)What is the name of the greasy diner in Rome, NY on Dominick St- across from the mill? Been there since the 40's, was still open as far back as '85.
2)Who- in Rome- is the Beer King (The store with owner's name)?
3)What are the first names of the 2 brothers who owned Vinci's (closed around '84), and what deformity did one of them have- and not a bad liver?

/Obviously looking for an older Roman- like myself.
 
2004-12-21 11:35:24 AM
I gave her 6 months and an e-mail, Bulls---Hitter. I don't know if 2 sponsorships overlap or add up.

/filter ain't gonna get me.
 
2004-12-21 11:35:54 AM
AstrosSuperfan: Update that profile!

Done. Bring on the glass tube and Lemmiwinks!
 
2004-12-21 11:36:08 AM
BatFang

Agreed. We all need a reason.

I'm not asking anyone to grovel in the thread, just asking them to grovel in my inbox. That's a little easier I think.

I would just like to add I haven't received any boobies pics. Or pics of farkette boobies. Which just might be the best reason of all.
 
2004-12-21 11:36:32 AM
TomFoolery: Check out Adman12. He'd make an awesome TFer.
 
2004-12-21 11:36:35 AM
IISJunkie

im touched by your generousity for a friend so I will be generous in return..BUT if i find out the story is not true..i will lose faith in humanity and ask that all boobie links be hidden from you! Happy holidays ^_^

/thinks those who seriously help others should be rewarded in someway
 
2004-12-21 11:36:58 AM
2004-12-21 11:34:38 AM the_pgoat

Adman12 does look like a good candidate.

He is. If I was still in the market, I'd give him a month or two.
 
2004-12-21 11:37:03 AM
Does Total Fark come with image hosting?
 
2004-12-21 11:37:17 AM
Question: Is it possible to get Total Fark without Paypal? Kind of got my account suspended, (paypal doesn't like charge backs).
 
2004-12-21 11:37:23 AM
Will trade a gmail account for a totalfark membership!

ki­nghipp­o[nospam-﹫-backwards]li­amg*com

........would be a good gift for the holidays!
 
2004-12-21 11:37:37 AM
Thanks Tomasi, I think I found who I'll sponsor. You.
 
2004-12-21 11:38:00 AM
Me, pick me. Please, pick me!!! Me, pick me. Please, pick me!!! Me, pick me. Please, pick me!!! Me, pick me. Please, pick me!!! Me, pick me. Please, pick me!!!
 
2004-12-21 11:38:14 AM
I wish I had already put some money in my paypal account before this thread came up. Sorry folks, I'll hook one or two of you up in a few days. I swear.
 
2004-12-21 11:38:32 AM
ducTape is my hero!
 
2004-12-21 11:38:39 AM
wyltoknow

Now that you have that neat thingy next to your name, it's time to update that profile. We elitists like to know who were blabbing to when we treat the unwashed masses with general disdain.
 
2004-12-21 11:38:53 AM
Done. Bring on the glass tube and Lemmiwinks!

an icelandic TFer would be cool, especially since TF is in dutch with the EEOC. you also differently abled and pagan, cause we could fill three slots?
 
2004-12-21 11:39:02 AM
Me, pick me. Please, pick me!!! Me, pick me. Please, pick me!!! Me, pick me. Please, pick me!!! Me, pick me. Please, pick me!!! Me, pick me. Please, pick me!!!

Put some effort into your bio! Put some effort into your bio! Put some effort into your bio! Put some effort into your bio!
 
2004-12-21 11:39:03 AM
I don't want TotalFark. That would be crap. If someone signed me up I would hate them forever and not bare their children.

/reverse psychology

Oh yea, I also don't have any gmail invites so don't email me and not ask for them.
Okay I'm confused now.
 
2004-12-21 11:39:13 AM
Please please PLEASE give me the gift of being able to see all those articles that you submitted last week with a better headline!
I would be very grateful. :)
 
2004-12-21 11:39:40 AM
we need some farkettes to speak up.
 
2004-12-21 11:39:54 AM
dolly_llama:

Remember the rules. I'll be watching ;)
 
2004-12-21 11:40:13 AM
hate them forever and not bare their children.

If you bared children, I'd have you arrested, my friend.
 
2004-12-21 11:40:15 AM
the_pgoat

Check your e-mail, please.
 
2004-12-21 11:40:22 AM
dogfather_jr

After searching my mind (and Google)I came up with this:

 
2004-12-21 11:40:23 AM
Corpulence,

*grin* I'll have to test drive it over winter break. Thank gravy for a real place to discuss.
 
2004-12-21 11:40:33 AM
Snowbound: cool profile. But keep your cookies. :)


Thanks. You rock. Your profile (specifically the OR pic) reminds me of Buckaroo Banzai...
 
2004-12-21 11:40:36 AM
Hmmmm...can't decide whether to give my friend Total Fark or Nerve (NSFW)
 
2004-12-21 11:41:36 AM
Any more Brits out there ?

Due to the exchange rate, to sponsor someone only cost me 2 pounds and 65 good British pence.

So I will sponsor one more.

Email to me works.
 
2004-12-21 11:41:49 AM
the_pgoat: I'll hook one or two of you up in a few days. I swear.

Thats what I am doing too - reading every post - checking profiles of the ones that make me laugh/get my attention. Tomorrow nite I get the paycheck and will escalate a couple folks into nirvana-fark.
 
2004-12-21 11:43:31 AM
Not really expecting to get sponsored, but I'm curious about something. If I sign up for TF will I be able to change my moniker to something a little more hip (signed up in haste to ask a "Deadwood" question, but alas, the "wait 24 hours" rule put me past anyone's interest. sniff)
 
2004-12-21 11:43:36 AM
albo:
an icelandic TFer would be cool, especially since TF is in dutch with the EEOC. you also differently abled and pagan, cause we could fill three slots?

Ehm, I've got a slight neurlogical disorder and I've got an uncle named Thor. Close enough?
 
2004-12-21 11:43:47 AM
Thank You ....Thank You ....Thank You ....Thank You ....

Thank You ....Thank You ....Thank You ....Thank You ....

Thank You ....Thank You ....Thank You ....Thank You ....

Sincerely ..... Thanks WHOEVER sponsored me, ... I've quickly scanned the forum and didn't see any acknowledgement, but meh, .. in my enthusiasm I might have missed it ...
 
2004-12-21 11:43:55 AM
malcy how about someone that lived in the UK for 20 years? And I don't splatter my shoes when vomiting... which might make me more Irish than British.
 
2004-12-21 11:44:07 AM
Anyone want to sponsor a St. Louis TFer in college who's about to lose his TF account?

::makes bambi eyes::
 
2004-12-21 11:44:53 AM
 
2004-12-21 11:46:07 AM
Check your email malcy .

i can also provide amusing jokes if you give me a moment to think of some :-)
 
2004-12-21 11:46:55 AM
Eh, what the hell. I'm feeling generous. Say something funny and I'll think about it.
 
2004-12-21 11:47:03 AM
OK, I'm drunk at noon on a tuesday so I'll sponsor one more for a month...

BUT. This will be a tad more difficult. I want to see if you have any Total Fark knowledge, and how much is getting out there onto the main page.... Answer these questions three:

1.) Which Total Farker posed nude wearing a clown wig and nose, inducing most, if not all, of us to vomit?

2.) What does the acronym UFIA stand for?

3.) Which Total Farker customarily will be the first allowed to demand pictures of boobies in any thread?

These answers are available without ever having had Total Fark.... good luck.
 
2004-12-21 11:47:38 AM
morrisonsl

OK I cracked and you made me laugh. Enjoy !
 
2004-12-21 11:47:47 AM
'Tis the season to pander and grovel.
Fa la la la la, fark fark fark fark...
 
2004-12-21 11:47:53 AM
alberia: Scrotum.
 
2004-12-21 11:48:16 AM
skyfire360 where are you in school?
 
2004-12-21 11:49:09 AM
Corpulence:

1.) Which Total Farker posed nude wearing a clown wig and nose, inducing most, if not all, of us to vomit?

2.) What does the acronym UFIA stand for?

3.) Which Total Farker customarily will be the first allowed to demand pictures of boobies in any thread?



I KNOW!!! IKNOW!!!!!
 
2004-12-21 11:49:24 AM
Welcome to totalfark everyone.
 
2004-12-21 11:49:42 AM
DOGFATHER JR.

A horse, because a vest has no sleeves.
 
2004-12-21 11:50:15 AM
malcy: OK I cracked and you made me laugh. Enjoy !

Allright! Your family now have the use of three generations of my family as your personal servants in return. Use them wisely :)

/starting with my kids, of course
 
2004-12-21 11:50:21 AM
I am so late to this thread - but what are TF'ers requiring for a TF sponshorship?

/Willing to take a sponsorship off your hands...
 
2004-12-21 11:50:21 AM
With the help of a little elf **coughthanks**, I have sponsored Adman12 for a month.

Not that he's reading this right now, but he'll be pleasantly surprised when he notices the TF next to his name!
 
2004-12-21 11:50:45 AM
Beh. I paid for the whole year, and barely use it anymore.
 
2004-12-21 11:50:47 AM
numbah5sistah:

Shhhhhhh! ;)
 
2004-12-21 11:50:56 AM
Ehm, I've got a slight neurlogical disorder and I've got an uncle named Thor. Close enough?

ding ding ding. refresh, morrisonsl, you're a TFer for a month.
 
2004-12-21 11:51:09 AM
From one duck to another, Psyduck enjoy your month.
 
2004-12-21 11:51:11 AM
Holy Jaybus Astros

Thanks, and I'll get right on that reading assignment.
Merry X-mas to you too
 
2004-12-21 11:51:44 AM
This is an appeal for all the starving regular Farkers who've had to put up with boobies droughts the like of which the world has never seen.

Are you a Total Farker? Are you fealing sad, lonely, and tired from all the fapping?

Well you can make a difference! Just pledge a Total Fark account to a Fark Liter today. This will go towards helping lubricant companies, who will see a huge upsurge in business and regular Farkers most affected by the droughts who are in desperately sad conditions. The head of the National Assosiation of Fappers(NAF) commented that "this is the worst we've ever seen, hell we've even had cases of Farkers fapping to their mirrors". So please, please help. You can make a difference!

Don't delay! Pledge today!

/Pleeeese won't sombody TF me. The mirror doesn't change!
//Did I say that out loud!
///doh!
 
2004-12-21 11:52:04 AM
jat850
Thank you, I knew fat cheeseburger little helmet guy would be my savior this year.
 
2004-12-21 11:52:05 AM
Any of the regular Farkers left? I'm beginning to think I'm the last.
 
2004-12-21 11:52:07 AM
Now that I've got the TF badge, I'm gonna try and push my luck and ask for teh hotness that is "Ultra Fark"
 
2004-12-21 11:52:08 AM
well, i guess morrisonsl has two free months, now. you're welcome , too
 
2004-12-21 11:52:11 AM
RiverRat

like someone else stated, now that you've entered totalfarkdom, it's time to update the profile :)
 
2004-12-21 11:52:11 AM
looks like I'm a little late to this party.


Why did the stripper break up with the midget?
Coz he took a big sh*t in her sock drawer.
 
2004-12-21 11:52:20 AM
1.) Which Total Farker posed nude wearing a clown wig and nose, inducing most, if not all, of us to vomit?

2.) What does the acronym UFIA stand for?

3.) Which Total Farker customarily will be the first allowed to demand pictures of boobies in any thread?


BWAHAHAHAAHAHAA.

In other news, I might almost be willing to pay $5 for someone to see what these people do to us when they submit the same stupid crap 600 times in an hour.
 
2004-12-21 11:52:45 AM
Welcome to TF, RolloTomasi. Your selfless plugging of Adman12 made me think you'd be a good addition. Merry whatever to you!
 
2004-12-21 11:52:48 AM
I used to have totalfark. Now I don't. I have to save money because I'm getting married in July. Have mercy on me. Give the gift that keeps giving.

svtcobra32v at yahoo.com
 
2004-12-21 11:52:59 AM
Justjake, no. There are a scant few left. It's like Dawn of the Dead with better acting.
 
2004-12-21 11:52:59 AM
alberia:

Something funny.
 
2004-12-21 11:53:34 AM
Merry Christmas StrikitRich!

Welcome to the in-crowd.
/has 94 submitted links approved!
 
2004-12-21 11:54:12 AM
With the help of a little elf **coughthanks**, I have sponsored Adman12 for a month.

That is so seriously cool. I want to e-mail him and let him know but I 1) it's you thunder, not mine, and 2) it will be cool when hes confused by his new TF-status.
 
ECS
2004-12-21 11:54:13 AM
I would love to try Totalfark. I have 4 gmail invites for a sponsor...
 
2004-12-21 11:54:14 AM
Pick me! Pick me! I'm dressed like a turnip!
 
2004-12-21 11:54:36 AM
Corpulence:

3.) Which Total Farker customarily will be the first allowed to demand pictures of boobies in any thread?

I'm personally waiting for the answer to this one! There are a couple repeat offenders... :)
 
2004-12-21 11:54:39 AM
ElectroSnizzle:

Thank you, I knew fat cheeseburger little helmet guy would be my savior this year.

Not only did fat cheeseburger little helmet guy make me laugh, he made 3 of my friends laugh too. That alone did it.

Now be a good TFer and update your profile!
 
2004-12-21 11:55:07 AM
Dawn of the Dead... I don't want my brain sucked through my nose ! Anyone with a TF DoD shield we can use?
 
2004-12-21 11:56:11 AM
Okay, I've given out one six month sponsorship, got one left but the person must answer these questions:

1. Who is the most powerful sith Lord ever?
2. Who killed said Sith Lord, thus making him the most powerful Jedi Master ever?
3. Who's the blue guy?
4. In WoW three races can be a Shaman, which races?
5. What comic company is suing the makers and marketers of City of Heroes?
6. The name of the first Jedi in SWG, and the sex of said character.
7. Kobe or Shaq?
8. Bush or Kerry?
9. Ron Artest deserved a liftime ban from the NBA. True/False.
10. The name of the strong bad email where Strong Sad slaps the crap out of Coach Z.

First person to answer all of these correctly wins! Or maybe just the first person to answer all of them? I dunno, I'm feeling nice today.
 
2004-12-21 11:56:20 AM
ECS

I would love to try Totalfark. I have 4 gmail invites for a sponsor...


Obviously you haven't read nearly enough of this thread.

The gmail invites, they do nothing.
 
2004-12-21 11:56:52 AM
Half expecting to hear the TF'ers break into "Consider Yourself One of the Family" from Oliver

/Please Sir, can I have some more
//still a lowly liter
 
2004-12-21 11:56:58 AM
SVTCobra: Give the gift that keeps giving.

I think I got that on a 96 hour pass in Thailand.
 
2004-12-21 11:57:02 AM
Welcome to TF, RolloTomasi. Your selfless plugging of Adman12 made me think you'd be a good addition. Merry whatever to you!

Holy crap! Thanks so much!

I am now you're new best friend (although I think you mayhave just become my boss's arch-nemesis).

Thanks again! This is too cool.
 
2004-12-21 11:57:04 AM
Gal dangit! People are talking about zombies and I missed it! I'll go toe-to-toe with anyone on zombie trivia, if that'll impress anyone...
 
2004-12-21 11:57:06 AM
RolloTomasi: Well, if you see him in a thread before I do, make sure he has noticed he's got TF now, lest he spends part of the month unaware. (:
 
2004-12-21 11:57:21 AM
if anyone is in the holiday spirit i would gladly accept a sponsorship(dryph­t­00[nospam-﹫-backwards]l­iamto­h*com)
 
2004-12-21 11:57:44 AM
1.) Which Total Farker posed nude wearing a clown wig and nose, inducing most, if not all, of us to vomit?

There was no vomiting, mister. There was hawtness and glorious joyful happiness and bliss.

/that was hint, you people.
 
2004-12-21 11:57:49 AM
Did I just see someone post gmail invites? That makes me giggle.

(Would post a picture of me smirking but alas, I lack the goodness of teh html.)
 
2004-12-21 11:57:52 AM
I am a non-TF'er myself, but being in the Christmas spirit as I am, I am willing to sponsor a soldier currently serving in Iraq or Afghanistan and would encourage others to do the same........email in profile.
 
2004-12-21 11:59:27 AM
Come on, doesn't anyone know the answers to the Corpulence Quiz??
 
2004-12-21 11:59:27 AM
Are there any Seattle people in da house?
 
2004-12-21 11:59:51 AM
Now, to all of you. Update yer damn profiles.
 
2004-12-21 12:00:09 PM
tdpman

Ditto that.....email in profile.
 
2004-12-21 12:00:16 PM
refarkedbeans: Would post a picture of me smirking but alas, I lack the goodness of teh html

there is a guide in my profile that can help you with your html skills. It says its for TFers, but its good information for anybody really.
 
2004-12-21 12:01:05 PM
NICU8697 is a super duper total farker! Thanks!!!

I owe you PS2 tips and some homemade bread! You rock!
 
2004-12-21 12:01:06 PM
Argh_Dammit

There was no vomiting, mister. There was hawtness and glorious joyful happiness and bliss.


Mostly, I remember lots of vomit. And drinks coming through the nose.

In the off chance that there's a tie, I say we make this the tie-breaker.

The clown chose this particular pose because of one person's picture. Name the person (or acronym *hint*).
 
2004-12-21 12:01:12 PM
Someone already got Big Eyed Ziggy I see... I was gonna get her because any person that is chill with zombies is chill with me.

/still waiting on his answers...
 
2004-12-21 12:01:14 PM
I'l sponsor someone for a month, if they have a good reason. E-mail in profile.
 
2004-12-21 12:01:25 PM
Argh_Dammit:

There was no vomiting, mister. There was hawtness and glorious joyful happiness and bliss.


I threw up in my mouth a little bit when I saw those pics.

/just sayin'
 
2004-12-21 12:01:31 PM
Snowbound: Come on, doesn't anyone know the answers to the Corpulence Quiz??

yes'm - snowbound got mekkid and put on a clown wig and uh...


/i lost my train of thought
 
2004-12-21 12:01:42 PM
Argh_Dammit either has a fetish for clowns or something else, so I'll put him as the answer to number 1.

I'll take a look at your guide to HTML picture posting.
 
2004-12-21 12:02:11 PM
Dude O Matic 5000...

Bush or Kerry? Doesn't matter. The government won.
 
2004-12-21 12:02:16 PM
Oh, I'd also sponsor a TFer/ette who lives in either Utah that didn't vote for Bush.
 
2004-12-21 12:02:43 PM
I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that anymore. The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was born without a body. It doesn't hurt, except when I go to sleep.
The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us havin' no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money. Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad.

I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail. Dr. Johansen said if you foward this e-mail then Bill Gates will team up with AOL and do a survey with NASA. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from school children all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will go to the Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me better then.

Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you foward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels. Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10.

If you don't sponsor me for TF, that's OK. Mommy says you're a mean heartless person who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that she hopes that you stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach. What kind of wretched person are you that you can't take five lousy minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?

Please help me. This really sucks. I try to be happy but it's hard. I wish

I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy.

Thank You.
RabidDog,
The boy with just a head.
And a burlap sack for a body.
 
2004-12-21 12:02:50 PM
Big Eyed Ziggy was on list as well - good call whoever sponsored her!
 
2004-12-21 12:02:51 PM
Snowbound

Come on, doesn't anyone know the answers to the Corpulence Quiz??

I DO!!! I DO!!! *jumps up and down, furiously waving her hand*
 
2004-12-21 12:03:08 PM
Corpulence:

1. Argh_Dammit

2. Unsolicited Finger in the Anus

3. Smookyfufu, of course.

/I can't resist quizzes
//The first answer was an educate guess: thanks for the hint.
 
2004-12-21 12:03:09 PM
Argh_Dammit: snowbound got mekkid and put on a clown wig and uh...

Oh don't you try and pawn that stunt off on me, mister!
hehe
 
2004-12-21 12:03:09 PM
OK thanks everyone who emailed. Someone represented with a reason.

Peace out-
 
2004-12-21 12:03:20 PM
2004-12-21 11:22:30 AM QueenBee [TotalFark]


since i was nicely sponsered last time. I picked someone who asked politely and sponsered them too. Behave and join in the conversations. that's half the fun :)

enjoy and happy holidays!


2004-12-21 11:52:11 AM QueenBee [Total Fark]

like someone else stated, now that you've entered totalfarkdom, it's time to update the profile :)


Thank You QueenBee

Alas, I'm at work, and have been lax in my FARK duties ... I'll correct that quickly

Merry Christmas QueenBee [TotalFark]

/feels special now ... (y'all STFU ..I'm KNOW I'm not special :P )
 
2004-12-21 12:03:29 PM
RabidDog: that is too much to read. :P
 
2004-12-21 12:03:29 PM
I'll sponsor a good Albertan with a decent bio page.
 
2004-12-21 12:04:12 PM
RabidDog: I wish I could hold a puppy.

hahaha -

*golf clap

if someone doesn't pick you up for that, I sure will on payday!
 
2004-12-21 12:04:13 PM
Answer to number 2: Unsolicited Finger in Anus.
 
2004-12-21 12:04:31 PM
A totalfark account for me, is a vote against the government. I.E. The more links I have to visit, the less work I do.
 
2004-12-21 12:04:57 PM
Aside from my comments below, if sponsored I'll continue my Total Farkness for a period of at least 1 year.

I will also vow to NEVER use IE. while viewing Total Fark!
 
2004-12-21 12:05:06 PM
twoody

in either Utah? I didn't know there was more than one.

/just realized I'm doing myself no favors with twoody
//D'OH!
 
2004-12-21 12:05:08 PM
Amazing how many people will pay to do more of nothing.
 
2004-12-21 12:05:17 PM
And the answer to number 3 WILL come forth, I swear...
 
2004-12-21 12:05:25 PM
DanB is teh winnar!!11one
 
2004-12-21 12:05:58 PM
Nichole:
KING COUNTY REPRESENT!
 
2004-12-21 12:06:00 PM
Dance you monkeys! DANCE!!
 
2004-12-21 12:06:00 PM
1. Who is the most powerful sith Lord ever? *NERD*
2. Who killed said Sith Lord, thus making him the most powerful Jedi Master ever? *NERD*
3. Who's the blue guy? Papa Smurf
4. In WoW three races can be a Shaman, which races? *NERD*
5. What comic company is suing the makers and marketers of City of Heroes? *NERD*
6. The name of the first Jedi in SWG, and the sex of said character. *NERD*
7. Kobe or Shaq? Kobe would
8. Bush or Kerry? rape Bush
9. Ron Artest deserved a liftime ban from the NBA. True/False. False, the NBA should be banned
10. The name of the strong bad email where Strong Sad slaps the crap out of Coach Z. Musta missed that one.

/jk
 
2004-12-21 12:06:10 PM
I have Gmail invites to trade,

Like there's anyone out there who doesn't have gmail yet...
 
2004-12-21 12:07:17 PM
Ah, I feel bad--I missed that someone answered all three.
 
2004-12-21 12:07:33 PM
Just want to say thank you, to the kind TF'er who will sponsor me for a month! When I get to Vegas on Friday, I'll throw a nickle in a slot machine and praise your name aloud!
 
2004-12-21 12:07:35 PM
I'll swap a gmail. I voted for Kerry, though.
 
2004-12-21 12:07:48 PM
Corpulence: DanB is teh winnar!!11one

ha! Good quiz! and Good job, DanB!
 
2004-12-21 12:07:51 PM
well, no emails for me aside from one (someone already sponsored him, but the boobie pics were good)
 
2004-12-21 12:08:04 PM
Oh, there was vomiting. I still haven't cleaned it up.
 
2004-12-21 12:08:12 PM
dogfather_jr

What's the difference between an orange?

Nothing stupid, fish don't eat ice cream!
 
2004-12-21 12:08:46 PM
Bob_Laublaw

I'm just commenting on how this would be an interesting marketing concept if you applied it to something normal. You wouldn't have been allowed to sponsor one of us wee people if there wasn't an expected retention of services after the trial period has ended.
 
2004-12-21 12:08:51 PM
Shameless self-promotion!
 
2004-12-21 12:09:23 PM
The first time the gift thread was posted, I begged for a TF account, but then after some self-reflection, it occurred to me:

 
2004-12-21 12:09:24 PM
albo: well, i guess morrisonsl has two free months, now. you're welcome , too

Wow, does it really work like that, cumulatively I mean? Either way, thanks! You can share the slave-labour goodness with malcy :)
 
2004-12-21 12:09:49 PM
another fark liter who would like to try the total but i dont have a way to pay for it. sorry but i cant do it online.

if someone would like to help me out, i'll gladly reimburse you with cash.

email in bio.
 
2004-12-21 12:11:27 PM
RolloTomasi: Well, if you see him in a thread before I do, make sure he has noticed he's got TF now, lest he spends part of the month unaware. (:

Oh, I'll make sure he knows alright the_pgoat. He's on here all the time, so it won;t take more than an hour or so before he's aware of the magic that's happened.

I'll also direct him here so he can see towards whom he should direct his thanks.
 
2004-12-21 12:11:48 PM
Mad Props for Mungoon. Let's see what now happens to my work productivity and work-out schedule!

Merry Christmas All!!
 
2004-12-21 12:11:57 PM
Merry Christmas biatches.
 
2004-12-21 12:12:09 PM
morrisonsl, i posted a thread welcoming you, so get your icelandic ass over their and comment!;)
 
2004-12-21 12:12:09 PM
/I got nuthin'
...so how can I make someone feel guilty for not giving me TF?
 
2004-12-21 12:12:13 PM
I'll sponsor someone for 2 months who lives within 40 miles of Philadelphia and likes at least 10 of the bands in my profile. And don't lie. Korrok smells lies as a hound smells blood.
 
2004-12-21 12:12:21 PM
Work productivity? What's that?
 
2004-12-21 12:13:01 PM
You wouldn't have been allowed to sponsor one of us wee people if there wasn't an expected retention of services after the trial period has ended.

Allowed?

Over the last few months, TFers have been posting sponsorship threads for benevolent purposes. The first guy I sponsored was unemployed and I was simply giving altruistically. The same goes for several of the above TFers.

It's not always about the marketing. This is supposed to be about the fun.
 
2004-12-21 12:13:38 PM
Ah hell, instead of just griping and watching this thread, I may as well beg too...

I just moved my wife and 4 month old daughter (and two big, honking, Ridgeback-mix dogs) cross-country, to live in my mom's attic and start a new life.

Also, I just started a temp job as a Unix admin, and I need another way to kill the time. Reward the slackers!
 
2004-12-21 12:14:13 PM
btw, if you actually do e-mail me, I'd appreciate it if you labeled all the nsfw'ness.
 
2004-12-21 12:14:47 PM
Terminal Frost

Dude,
I live far from ya, but you and I have the same taste in music. Except for that 2pac fella.

/And Alice in Chains
 
2004-12-21 12:14:53 PM
Repeat, any soldiers currently serving in Iraq or Afghanistan? Heck, I'm feeling generous. Anyone also stationed in Korea? Email in profile.
 
2004-12-21 12:16:19 PM
Sadako: enjoy my dear. Please email me :)
 
2004-12-21 12:17:02 PM
Terminal Frost
I live in West Chester, PA (45mins outside of philly).

On your list I like:
2pac,Alice in Chains,Badly Drawn Boy,Beatles,Beta Band,
Bob Marley,Bright Eyes,CSN&Y,Led Zep,Phish,Radiohead
Smashing Pumpkins,Sublime,The Floyd,The Who
(all the well known ones basically)

/starving college student trying to whore more free fark
//feeling kind of guilty b/c I already got free month
///close this window?
////yes
/////no?
 
2004-12-21 12:17:48 PM
Thanks, Corpulence!

I would have your baby's mama's mama's babies if I could!

I even updated my profile.

I'll be sure to be extra-funny now after this post.

/Thanks Argh_Dammit!
//For the hint, and the censored bar
 
2004-12-21 12:17:48 PM
All this shiat for five bux????
Damn
I used to wonder how the world got so fugged up.
As many international members as this site has.
I gotta conclude that if the global masses so to
say, will kiss ass for five bux at the drop of a hat.
I need not wonder anymore. So thank yall kindly for
this display of modern human interactivity.

/Knows he types like a hick.
/gives not a shiat.
/also thinx "foul" language is not 1/2 as offensive
as many of these posts.
/Ready for cerimonial banning at yalls pleasure.
 
2004-12-21 12:18:06 PM
Will the mods greenlight this again for Kwanza?

/maybe I'll think of something funny to say by then
 
2004-12-21 12:18:20 PM
I'll sponsor anyone for one month that lives in Monterey, CA or the surrounding area.
 
2004-12-21 12:18:35 PM
holierthanthou
...has just earned himself a well-trained, well-armed escort out of any major metropolitan area, guaranteed within 25 minutes of a Class 3 zombie outbreak. (I look pretty good in leather and body armor too...as an added bonus)
Look how sexy my name looks with that tag next to it! Ooh, I just want to make out with myself.
Corpulence and Argh_Dammit, thanks for the mentions as well. I'll crowbar a few extra skulls on your behalf.
 
2004-12-21 12:18:40 PM
 
2004-12-21 12:20:14 PM
RiverRat

We're Louisianian brothers, have a heart.



I've had to deal with this guy...give me something good this year...please
 
2004-12-21 12:20:28 PM
Snowbound

Corpulence: DanB is teh winnar!!11one

ha! Good quiz! and Good job, DanB!



Thanks!
 
2004-12-21 12:21:44 PM
Big Eyed Ziggy

Corpulence and Argh_Dammit, thanks for the mentions as well. I'll crowbar a few extra skulls on your behalf.


Gentlemen, can I pick 'em or can I pick 'em.

We have a winner.
 
2004-12-21 12:22:23 PM
Someone tell prolog that I sponsored him if you see him posting. If I sponsored a lurker I'm going to be pissed.
 
2004-12-21 12:22:30 PM
I was a TF'er, but quit cause I didnt use it and enjoy face to face conversations more then nerds yelling at each other from their computer. TF is cool, if you would use it.


/still cliks on ads so Drew gets a couple pennies from me on a weekly basis.
 
2004-12-21 12:22:34 PM
kreep wins!
 
2004-12-21 12:23:02 PM
DanB:

Enjoy, and you're wrong.... Maker's is twice the whiskey Jack could ever be.

Hope to see you in the TFD's.
 
2004-12-21 12:23:12 PM
I've updated my profile, but it is very boring as is my life.
 
2004-12-21 12:23:15 PM
Oh, sheesh, you're already a TFer? That was low kid!
 
2004-12-21 12:23:27 PM
If someone gifts me a Total Fark I promise to stop lurking and actually post.

/1st
 
2004-12-21 12:23:49 PM
I just bought photoshop, but now I don't have the money for TF. Damn you Trebek!
 
2004-12-21 12:24:12 PM
Alas battl_web17

I was only sponsored moments ago by QueenBee [TotalFark]

*see thread*

btw ... I often read your posts / have noticed my fellow Louisianian ......

Good Luck ....
 
2004-12-21 12:24:49 PM
I've been coming here on a daily/hourly basis for only the past 2 or 3 months really, but I'd like to see what TotalFark is all about. My email should be in my profile, thanks for reading.

/back to the cheesiest and most awesome Kung Fu movie ever... Black Samurai
//I got nothin
 
2004-12-21 12:25:38 PM
Hrmmm.. So far I've tried to be appealing to the grammar nazis, tech crowd, and business minded.

Maybe I'll make some nice fart jokes, something politically based, or post a pic of the bunny with the pancake.

/must find twinkee factory
 
2004-12-21 12:25:43 PM
Pale_Green_Pants_With_Nobody_Inside_Them
What's the difference between an orange?
Nothing stupid, fish don't eat ice cream!


This is the closest, so I declare a winner.

The answer we were going for was

Q: What's the difference between an orange?
A: Ice cream has no bones.

That is all.
 
2004-12-21 12:26:06 PM
yeah it's mbillie1 at binghamton dot edu
 
2004-12-21 12:27:02 PM
I guess I'm done hinting for a TF account, and will now go back to being a single father, and spend the remainder of my days attemptin to keep my 7 year old daughter from smoking crack (something that wouldn't happen with TF).

/I feel so dirty. Isn't it wonderful?
 
2004-12-21 12:27:02 PM
Hey guys. Iffin you don't get sponsored this time around I do recommend you give yourself a $5 treat and try it out for a month. It's kinda fun :)
 
2004-12-21 12:27:25 PM
You folks probably wouldn't piss on my chest if my heart were on fire but just imagine me as a nubile and gullible cheerleader or a bed-ridden cancer patient as you fill out the lifetime subscription gift form.

/no pride
 
2004-12-21 12:27:47 PM
Ahaha, suck our greatness!
 
2004-12-21 12:28:10 PM
My name is Alexander and this is my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and I am going to move to Australia! Unless someone takes pitty on my and gives me totalfark.
 
2004-12-21 12:28:32 PM
I'll service any female farkette sexually if they can give me totalfark...
 
2004-12-21 12:29:06 PM
Oh my God, I just looked on the TotalFark page and it was amazing.

Also, I realized that everyone could read all my dumbass headlines that never got green-lighted. Craptastic.
 
2004-12-21 12:29:08 PM
thanx RiverRat

I see now your TF aquisition. Congrats. I too check out your posts (I guess we can smell that swampy air).

Maybe you can put in a good word for me with someone ..."on the Other Side".
 
2004-12-21 12:29:22 PM
Kooazndood that only works if one is feamle to start with.
 
2004-12-21 12:29:31 PM
If only I can be blessed with the gift of Total Fark.....
 
2004-12-21 12:29:44 PM
i sent this as my reason to holier than thou, however, it lost. But if anyone else out there feels for a dude, sponsor me for TF. Reason:

I have a three incher. I need something else to not impress the ladies with
 
2004-12-21 12:29:47 PM
Who knew that all a girl had to do was have an unnatural obsession with the living dead to get all this attention?
 
2004-12-21 12:29:48 PM

2004-12-21 12:25:43 PM dogfather_jr


Pale_Green_Pants_With_Nobody_Inside_Them
What's the difference between an orange?
Nothing stupid, fish don't eat ice cream!

This is the closest, so I declare a winner.

The answer we were going for was

Q: What's the difference between an orange?
A: Ice cream has no bones.

That is all.


Woohoo!!!!

Many thanks!

Actually, I had to look at your profile. I swore that you might have been one of my school chums. We told those types of jokes all the time back in the day.
 
2004-12-21 12:30:09 PM
code_monkey

Email me pls kthx

enjoy
 
2004-12-21 12:30:09 PM
Ok...heres ma storay:

Ize view a fark onna ma' dails -up, trs80 pee cees..its mayd a wood...a few ter-mytes, but notta thit badd...its got winnaws' 3 points 1 anna 10 meg-bites hard dries...

E'ry tom I enter a u-are-ells, gran' pappy has to crank the jennarator up 'witta his ar-thrytik han' and this take-way pressus tom 'way from carin' 4 MA..

now toto farks wood b jus' wat ize need ta git a jump ona newz n a boobees links...

Now ize downe wanna git bits by no's skwirrels now, hear?...so donts "flayms me" n a stuff...

/Thanks, ya' hear?
 
2004-12-21 12:30:17 PM
I had TF a while ago, when my financial status was a little better. It'd be nice to see everyone again, the TFD was my favorite. I promise I'll be nice, and never troll, never bait, never whore.

And I'll post any good bewbies, and if by some chance I stumble across a weiners, I'll post that too.
 
2004-12-21 12:30:36 PM
Congrats, code_monkey.

You're my biatch now!

/give me a few minutes to sign you up
 
2004-12-21 12:31:07 PM
AstrosSuperfan,

Thanks for that link you posted. I been trying to figure out the html and other things.
 
2004-12-21 12:31:24 PM
Too late!
 
2004-12-21 12:31:28 PM
Too late Bob_Laublaw! He's MY biatch! mwahaha
 
2004-12-21 12:33:11 PM
In hopes of getting a TF account; here is my imitation of Fred Flintstone, as Jake LaMotta, in "Raging Bull".

ahem...

"Hey Barney. Did you fark Wilma?"
 
2004-12-21 12:33:44 PM
Two words... Free. Head.
 
2004-12-21 12:33:45 PM


a real one for alcohol...
 
2004-12-21 12:33:51 PM
I want to be someone's biatch :(
 
2004-12-21 12:34:00 PM
brap
You folks probably wouldn't piss on my chest if my heart were on fire but just imagine me as a nubile and gullible cheerleader

You think people will piss on your chest if you're a nubile cheerleader?
 
2004-12-21 12:34:52 PM


Can someone help out a poor STEELERS fan from pittsburgh so I can place my TF subscription underneath my tree next to my lump of coal?

Thanks to anyone who can help!
 
2004-12-21 12:34:58 PM
code_monkey: that only works if one is feamle to start with.

if there is something you wanna tell me just go ahead and say it...

/disturbed..
 
2004-12-21 12:35:02 PM
Okay, JamMarx.

Be good to me, and you'll not get the hose again.
 
2004-12-21 12:35:32 PM
If someone gives me TotalFark, I will drink a beer for them on New Years. Name the beer, and I'll drink it!

/drinking beer is my most marketable skill!
 
2004-12-21 12:35:58 PM
Flan

Put an email addy in your profile and you may be rewarded...
 
2004-12-21 12:36:06 PM
You think people will piss on your chest if you're a nubile cheerleader?

is there a line forming somewhere for this?

/just sayin'
 
2004-12-21 12:36:17 PM
So who do I formally thank and subsequently call "Uncle Daddy", Bob_Laublaw or Nichole?
 
2004-12-21 12:36:18 PM
TFers: gotitogo only has a 3-inch peener. Now I know some of the qualities you like to see in your TF threads includes the ability to carry on a spirited political conversation while not personally attacking others, a sophisticated sense of humor and/or the ability to submit great boobies links.

But you would always have the 3-inch peener jokes to fall back on. For example, say he makes a salient point for which there is no witty comeback. Your reply:

"Hey aren't you the guy with the 3-inch peener?"
 
2004-12-21 12:36:32 PM
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo... tripod sucks...

/too poor to pay the 8 bucks for my own hosting
 
2004-12-21 12:36:59 PM
Bob, I promise to put the lotion in the basket!
 
2004-12-21 12:37:02 PM
My wife is in medical school and we have 60,000+ dollars in debt with barely two dimes to rub together after bills. I will repay the kindness one christmas when my wife graduates and I have money.
 
2004-12-21 12:37:02 PM
Why yes. I do think that people would relieve themselves on me were I a cheerleader. And if that doesn't work I'm donning whiteface and taping pink hockey pucks to my nipples.

With god as my witness, I will be soiled!
 
2004-12-21 12:37:03 PM
i agree!
 
2004-12-21 12:38:45 PM
code_monkey: you're my biatch :)

Please email me for more instructions
 
2004-12-21 12:39:14 PM
I have lots of gmail invites, but I doubt anyone actually want them :(

(email in profile if you do want an invite)
 
2004-12-21 12:39:35 PM
Kooazndood

Reliable, free image hosting:

http://imageshack.us/index3.php
 
2004-12-21 12:39:36 PM
I've still got a sponsorship up for grabs. You can either:
a) Email me your fark screenname, and anything to get my attention. It could be a joke, cute anecdote, Christmas story or anything that would qualify as "best."
b) Be a Farker/ette living in Utah (one of the reddest states in the nation) that didn't vote for Bush.
or
c) Be a farkette with a hot picture in her profile.

/sort of kidding about "c"
//not really, I'm completely serious
 
2004-12-21 12:39:40 PM
Free Gmail acco.... oh, sorry, wrong thread.
 
2004-12-21 12:39:40 PM
2004-12-21 12:37:02 PM Govtfarker

Your wife's incompetence killed my fiance!

/working the sympathetic vote
 
2004-12-21 12:40:05 PM
Go introduce yourself to the elite, JamMarx.
 
2004-12-21 12:40:18 PM
I love you Terminal Frost!!!

The frightening prospect of TF withdrawal is no longer looming over the post-christmas horizon :D

/my grades hate you though
 
2004-12-21 12:40:18 PM
jer2911tx
You think people will piss on your chest if you're a nubile cheerleader?
is there a line forming somewhere for this?


If there's not, there ought to be.
 
2004-12-21 12:40:21 PM
Blah! I can't believe you farkers are passing up on gratuitous oral sex. What is this world coming to?
 
2004-12-21 12:40:55 PM
OK Govtfarker..

I'l sponsor you but you have to show up at the next maryland Fark party.
 
2004-12-21 12:41:49 PM
not sure who sponsored me last month, but if you are reading, thanks bunches
life is sweeeeet.
and many thanks to Argh_Dammit for giving me an extension.

i've gotta find a way to scrape up some cash on the side and get TF without going through paypal

TF is sweeet! i would miss it greatly
/just sayin'
 
2004-12-21 12:41:58 PM
correction That's 16 Gmail invites, just looking for the right home. I can give you all, invite your whole family.

My family won't use them, they're teh slow when it comes to this intarweb thingee. They think "Gmail" is what you call a guy who wears those pink G-Unit shoes.

/help a disabled vet out
 
2004-12-21 12:42:29 PM
NineInchNader

Blah! I can't believe you farkers are passing up on gratuitous oral sex. What is this world coming to?


Location, lack of pictures, not sure if you drag your teeth.

/what do you want for a $5/month subscription?
//not going to risk the ween for potentially-crappy oral
 
2004-12-21 12:42:30 PM
Let me thank you here first Bob.. I appreciate it.. and for your good deed-- I promise to shove an old lady down a flight of stairs, in return!
 
2004-12-21 12:42:41 PM
I need a TF sponsorship, because the pain won't stop and I still have three cats left.

/Vern
 
2004-12-21 12:42:59 PM
Toddzilla
Done and done.

:D
 
ECS
2004-12-21 12:43:21 PM
Ok, I'm an idiot. For admitting that can I get a little sponsor love?
 
2004-12-21 12:45:01 PM
Let's first talk about the free tech support you're going to give me...

BTW - I use AOL.....BuWhahahahahahahahaha!

/jk
 
2004-12-21 12:45:30 PM
i would like to sponsored again if the powers that be find me capable of holding the honor with much responsibility and forth-rightness

i have no idea what i just said, but i would like a total fark next to my name again

i feel naked without it

wait a minute....yes, yes, i did get dressed this morning...
 
2004-12-21 12:45:40 PM
Bob_Laublaw

Allowed?

Pardon me, I should have said "encouraged."

=D
 
2004-12-21 12:46:17 PM
anyone up for sponsoring an unemployed recent graduate of THE ohio state university? there's got to be some alums out there with decent paying jobs. right?
 
2004-12-21 12:46:37 PM
My life sucks, give me Total Fark, you bastard.
 
2004-12-21 12:46:59 PM
I can offer a "Fark-liter" sponsorship:

-I will create a screen name for you
-I will create a password for you
-I will enter the screen name and password for you
 
2004-12-21 12:47:29 PM
Line starts here (snip).

Knock yourself out Princess Tinymeat.
 
2004-12-21 12:48:07 PM
zvoidx: Reliable, free image hosting:

http://imageshack.us/index3.php


Thankyou... you just made my unemployed ass happy
 
2004-12-21 12:48:18 PM
NineInchNader:

Blah! I can't believe you farkers are passing up on gratuitous oral sex. What is this world coming to?
None of us know if you're male or female. It makes the concept very risky.
 
2004-12-21 12:48:18 PM
What's this about five bucks? I'm just offering free head... or am I in the wrong thread?

Still, I've never had to produce a resume for something like this, but if I try real hard I might be able to convince some people to act as references.

And, no, I don't drag the teeth. Picky bastard....
 
2004-12-21 12:48:22 PM
Ok, everyone put pictures in their bios. Teh hotness who will give me the most attention wins.

/dance monkeys, dance!
//ok, so that's a lie .. mostly
 
2004-12-21 12:48:55 PM
I guess owe a huge thanks, and am now working the corner for Nichole.

Thank you Nichole.
 
2004-12-21 12:49:19 PM
Twoody -- I've got the solution to that... Blindfolds. I think we had an article about that a couple of days ago...
 
2004-12-21 12:49:35 PM
tdpman
I am a non-TF'er myself, but being in the Christmas spirit as I am, I am willing to sponsor a soldier currently serving in Iraq or Afghanistan and would encourage others to do the same........email in profile.

A noble gesture, and as you say, totally in keeping with the Christmas spirit.

Props to you, and to anyone else who follows in your steps.

(And no, I'm not angling for sponsorship myself - I'd probably only get slapped/modded down for speaking my mind, so it would only wind up being wasted - far better that those folks putting it on the line receive such beneficence )
 
2004-12-21 12:49:49 PM
yo quiero total fark
 
2004-12-21 12:50:01 PM
Got ya covered dogfather_jr. One good turn and all.
 
2004-12-21 12:50:37 PM
i'd love anyone who did this for me until the day they die and possibly even after that.

zdh989 at gmail dot com
 
2004-12-21 12:51:13 PM
Anyone want to sponser a cute californian farkette (now living in Florida)? =)

I have gmail invites... but does anyone care about those anymore? LOL
 
2004-12-21 12:51:40 PM
To whom do I owe this debt of gratitude ( and 16 Gmail accounts..as promised)?
 
2004-12-21 12:52:09 PM
alberia

Niiiiice to meet you.
 
2004-12-21 12:52:10 PM
Hey I love Fark, I've been hanging out here for years. I salute Drew and company for providing us with a great way to waste time and in particular I salute them for the incredible way they were able to keep the site alive on 9/11.

When all of the other "legitimate" new sites were brought down by overwhelming viewers Drew and gang turned off all non-necessary things on Fark (such as images) so that it would continue to load and we could all at least communicate and keep each other up to date.

Those of you giving away TF subscriptions are doing a good thing, I want to see Drew's site continue to exist and grow.

However I would ask you to consider donating your $5 to something like a children's hospital. Have you ever seen a seven-year-old who's bald from cancer treatments? Or given thought to a child with Cystic Fibrosis who will likely not live to be 20 and will spend the last few years of life being beaten with a padded stick to break up the phelgm in their lungs?

How about leaving a $5 tip for the single-mother waitress who's busting her ass working double shifts so she can buy her kids a Christmas present (or make rent for another month).

How about giving that $5 to a teacher?

And if you're asking, "Well why don't you do those things Benny?" the answer is - every year I give a $50 tip to a waitress. Yesterday it was a woman working in a Ryan's in Springfield, MO. I've been a single dad for 10 years and I know very well how hard it is to make ends meet sometimes.

Whatever you do with your money, Happy Holidays!
 
2004-12-21 12:52:11 PM
You're good for 6 months, battl_web17. Play nice!
 
2004-12-21 12:52:48 PM
The whole point of the TotalFark is lost . . . if you keep it a secret! Why didn't you tell the world, ay?!

And now I must aks you: What the hell is a TotalFark?
 
2004-12-21 12:53:30 PM
Jaboobinator

My life sucks, give me Total Fark, you bastard.


What about bastards?

Aikon

Anyone want to sponser a cute californian farkette (now living in Florida)? =)


Where in Florida? (Brevard County here)
 
2004-12-21 12:53:55 PM
Alright, last offer of a month for s/he who answers my favorite trivia question from high school:

Where did Orestes Destrade play his first season of pro ball? (city and state)
 
2004-12-21 12:53:57 PM
Pale_Green_Pants_With_Nobody_Inside_Them
Got ya covered dogfather_jr. One good turn and all.

Sniff... you had me at hello...

Thanks!
 
2004-12-21 12:54:21 PM
You don't owe me anything. battl_web17 Enjoy!
 
2004-12-21 12:54:23 PM
I'm taking my monkey tap shoes off. I've done enough grovelling for a month...I feel so dirty...off to wash the stink of failure away

<scrubbing>
why won't it get off me?
for the love of God!
<scrubbing continues>
 
2004-12-21 12:54:58 PM
I once was a total farker...I am no longer, would like to be... I have 2 Gmail passes (wow...they don't carry the same weight anymore do they?) Um... I jumped in too late haven't I? I'd really appreciate it if someone would like to donate!

/scrub!
 
2004-12-21 12:55:26 PM
hmmm... i haven't done enough good things for random people i don't know, so i think i'll partake in this sponsor thingee.....
 
2004-12-21 12:55:47 PM
Aikon: Anyone want to sponser a cute californian farkette (now living in Florida)? =)
This post is useless without pics.
 
2004-12-21 12:55:54 PM
I've already said I'd sponser a month for the first person to make a funny photoshop of me and MC Hammer:

http://mayotech.com/images/mchammer.jpg

I will also sponsor a month for the first person to post that old cliche of the nerdy guy posting to fark saying he wouldn't hit it because of the girl's knees. I can't find that pic anywhere.
 
2004-12-21 12:55:56 PM
Aikon ...

Enjoy
 
2004-12-21 12:56:26 PM
GalleyWench

Gracias mi amigo... email me your list of 16 you wish to give Gmail to this holiday season and I'll make it happen.
 
2004-12-21 12:56:47 PM
Um....probably should post how to contact me huh? Or does it not work like that?

/tis the season to be farking
 
2004-12-21 12:56:56 PM
I'm a random person you don't know!
 
2004-12-21 12:57:21 PM
As a TFer, I am offering one full-year membership to a liter for each submission I sent that has been greenlit.

Oh... uh.. nevermind.
 
2004-12-21 12:59:04 PM
hstaruk3

He was signed as an undrafted free agent by the yankees, NYC, NY?

This can't be right, too easy of a question.
 
2004-12-21 12:59:51 PM
ok...this is a serious question:

Are there any honest TF'ers who would be willing to "sponsor" me- BUT, be fully compensated for the TF fee?

I just don't want to deal with a PayPal account -I would be willing to send money.

I live in NY -gmail me.

/Thanks very much if you consider this...
 
2004-12-21 01:00:33 PM
hstaruk3

THE BRONX, NEW YORK

is that right? haha
 
2004-12-21 01:00:40 PM
Chuck
I believe it was in the Pirates' organization.
 
2004-12-21 01:01:18 PM
In recognition of my many surly, irritable posts I humbly request sponsorship.
 
2004-12-21 01:01:47 PM
1987
 
2004-12-21 01:02:03 PM
I'm not up for The Aprrentice series- so I'm not afraid to show my booty.
I'll send a special pic to anyone that sponsors me. Could be scary beyond belief, but that's a chance you're not only willing to take, but relish as a TFer.
I did buy a DVD Christmas present for Drew last year, but haven't justified buying myself a subscription.
Preeetttyy Preettyyy Please- Someone with a bank roll make Holiday Season bright.
 
2004-12-21 01:02:03 PM
Sorry, battl_web17 , but you'll have to get rid of those invites elsewhere. I already have some that I can't get rid of. Now go on and enjoy Total Fark! And kiss your little girl for me. :)
 
2004-12-21 01:02:09 PM
How about the fact I went to Cal Poly Pomona?

A school with no football, not even a football club when I was there.


Oh wait, I don't like football. Nevermind.
 
2004-12-21 01:02:10 PM
*spazzing out* Look what I can do!!!!!

/stewart
 
2004-12-21 01:02:35 PM
he went to the Pirates in 1988
 
2004-12-21 01:02:49 PM
I didn't truly expect it, but I have to publicly send my thanks to Toddzilla.

It really is another world on that side. I post my thanks for his sponsorship of me.

Now, like every party I'm invited to, it's time to lose the pants and see what's going on in the kitchen!

(Hi, I'm with Toddzilla. Nice to meet you.)
 
2004-12-21 01:03:12 PM
Award me with total fark, for I hath defeated Eastman, damnit!
 
2004-12-21 01:04:15 PM
hstaruk3 You sure? I thought he was drafted in 87 by the Yanks, then traded in 88 to the pirates.

/could be wrong.
 
2004-12-21 01:04:53 PM
sorry GalleyWench, I meant mi amiga

/was trying to log into gmail and thank you at the same time, didn't check my spelling
 
2004-12-21 01:05:00 PM
Wow, once again I look away briefly, and a TF givaway program goes infinity.
 
ska
2004-12-21 01:05:16 PM
somebody sponsor a poor student with a nice rack, pleeeease?
 
2004-12-21 01:06:26 PM
Getting a totalfark account is akin to getting a membership in the communist party... both suck
 
2004-12-21 01:06:26 PM
will do Galley

...(sings) Born free...free as the wind blows..(/sings)
 
2004-12-21 01:06:45 PM
I am Bill Cosby. Please give me TotalFark. I can introduce you to Lisa Bonet.
 
2004-12-21 01:07:00 PM
Apparently the team I'm thinking of was actually in the Yankees' system. Oops.
 
2004-12-21 01:07:01 PM
Damn the declining value extra-intercoursal gratification... this is all Clinton's fault.

Of course, my offer extends to our TotalFarkettes as well.

/you all suck... but in a nice way I'm sure
 
2004-12-21 01:07:22 PM
Wanna know something? I don't even want one. Yeah, that's right ... I said it.

/lies
 
2004-12-21 01:07:48 PM
I'm holding out for Ultraf

...no carrier...
 
2004-12-21 01:08:04 PM
very early in this thread, I posted the following...

it's gotta be said.

Future potential TFettes, wishing to pray upon my generosity can audition their boobies to the gmail in my profile.

/obvious


Surely, I don't have to be any more specific than that, do I?
 
2004-12-21 01:08:34 PM
hstaruk3

I'm pretty sure it was Columbus.
 
2004-12-21 01:09:29 PM
Free Gmail accounts

http://gmail.google.com/gmail/a-1359980dc2-6c5b0b6de0-ccd53759f6

http://gmail.google.com/gmail/a-48b1be5aa-4cdecf05fe-511acb0977

http://gmail.google.com/gmail/a-48b1be5aa-8d5f732b9b-60f1b7f174

http://gmail.google.com/gmail/a-48b1be5aa-7ac1a3e3bf-6f9ef806e6

http://gmail.google.com/gmail/a-48b1be5aa-73faa6480d-5eebbfcd62

http://gmail.google.com/gmail/a-48b1be5aa-240449b2cb-c541dfddcd

/Wants to be sponsored :(
 
2004-12-21 01:09:49 PM
I've got 5 gmail invites to whoever gives me TotalFark
 
2004-12-21 01:10:11 PM
Do my lousy posts qualify me as total fark worthy???
 
2004-12-21 01:11:21 PM
El_Bastard: can audition their boobies to the gmail in my profile.

How about future TFers who would like to audition there gf's boobies?
 
2004-12-21 01:11:29 PM
Optronami
I'm a random person you don't know!

Couldn't resist.
 
2004-12-21 01:11:30 PM
smallfry: I'm not up for The Apprentice series- so I'm not afraid to show my booty.

Hmm... good first step. Update your profile, and we may have a winner!!!
 
2004-12-21 01:11:50 PM
okay i'm feeling all christmasy and shiat...
one free month of TF to the first female, Canadian Liter.
send me an email...should be in the profile.
 
2004-12-21 01:13:05 PM
I'm a random person you don't know!

/maybe it will work twice
 
2004-12-21 01:13:23 PM
dying_one_day_at_a_time

How about future TFers who would like to audition there gf's boobies?


If you're willing to endure a possible blunt critique, sure?
 
2004-12-21 01:13:54 PM
I can't just give TotalFark on the first date you know... Old fashioned I guess.

Please send nude photo to whereaway at the gmail.com for prompt consideration.
 
2004-12-21 01:14:06 PM
outz

Sponsored you for a month. Enjoy! E-mail me (it's in profile) for some TF tips.
 
2004-12-21 01:14:16 PM
If you'll sponsor me for a month of TotalFark, I'll paypal $10 to the Penny-Arcade Childsplay Charity.

Just let me know, I'll forward you the paypal receipt as proof.

takeaki at gmail

(This may make no sense, i.e. why don't you just buy totalfark for yourself, and the only answer I have to that is that I'm low on cash and I'd rather donate what little money I have to a good charity this holiday season than spend it on myself)
 
2004-12-21 01:14:23 PM
To make sure I've been clear. Nowhere have I actually said that sending a pair good enough will result in TF. I'm auditioning... ;)
 
2004-12-21 01:14:43 PM
ska

i need to see said rack.
 
2004-12-21 01:14:49 PM
 
2004-12-21 01:15:17 PM
Here is my plea:

There is a time, when you need a certain call,
and total fark, must come together as one,
There are people dying (me)
Oh, and it's time to lend a hand to me,
The Greatest gift of Allllllllllllll...

We can't go on pretending day by day,
that I will be able to be a total farker on my own,
we're all part of Drew's big family,
and the Truth, is Totalfark is all I need...

need I say more? Come on...you get it right?
 
2004-12-21 01:15:17 PM
 
2004-12-21 01:15:29 PM
it's so different on the other side...like everything is 1's and 0's, but so clear.
 
2004-12-21 01:15:34 PM
chester1977: ska

i need to see said rack.



I agree with chester1977.
 
2004-12-21 01:16:31 PM
Columbus Clippers '85, ohio

Man that was a tough one.
 
2004-12-21 01:17:10 PM
Takeaki

You win, because I like the Child's Play charity idea, a lot.
 
ECS
2004-12-21 01:17:14 PM
Ok, the first Farker to sponser me to Total Fark will get a picture of that little vamp Avril Lavigne flashing her breasts....
 
2004-12-21 01:17:20 PM
jat850

Definately appreciated!
 
2004-12-21 01:17:24 PM
twoody

I agree with chester1977.


The motion has been seconded and carries.
 
2004-12-21 01:17:26 PM
Nietzsche. Beyond Good and Evil. Found it in my Bartlett's.


please give me totalfark??? pleeeeeease???
 
2004-12-21 01:17:31 PM
wow...nicely done whoever got hstaruk3's question. i applaud you.

/definitely did not know that
 
2004-12-21 01:18:07 PM
oops, make that '86, where they recieved their third straight rookie of the year.

No TF needed, the trivia was worth it.
 
2004-12-21 01:18:52 PM
I agree with chester1977 too

/not giving you TF
//just want to see your boobies
 
2004-12-21 01:19:56 PM
jat850

Wow, thank you soooooo much, I already budgeted out my personal donation last week, and I'm going right now to send yours.
 
2004-12-21 01:19:58 PM
2004-12-21 11:30:53 AM Corpulence [TotalFark]

"dawn of the dead"
 
2004-12-21 01:20:10 PM
I'd love TotalFark; it's like crack, you know? I've had it twice before, and lost it twice, and I miss it; I really, truly do. I'd buy it myself, but with $1.99 in the bank account, and no source of income, that doesn't look likely.

I'll do whatever you want! Just give me back my crack..
 
2004-12-21 01:21:27 PM
ok...this is a serious question:

Are there any honest TF'ers who would be willing to "sponsor" me- BUT, be fully compensated for the TF fee?

I just don't want to deal with a PayPal account -I would be willing to send money.

I live in NY -gmail me.

/Thanks very much if you consider this...


And, just to clarify...I mean a one-shot 6 month membership.
 
2004-12-21 01:21:27 PM
Will trade soul for Total Fark.

Should you agree to this proposition you will be the proud owner of one soul. Collectable in about 50 years or upon my death which ever comes first. Imagine itYOU can be the proud owner of MY soul.

Ive seen souls like this on e-bay go for thousands....urr....hundreds...ok ok ..a buck ninty-eight. However, should you act now I will also throw in during this limted time offer a lifetime subscription to the daily e-mails I keep getting from the wife of some dead prince in Nigeria. (Worth millions of dollars.)

About my soul: Its kinda queer..but it serves its purpose.

Thank you and happy bidding.
 
2004-12-21 01:22:48 PM
Would you call cheese that is not your cheese...Nacho Cheese?


go here: http://cgi.fark.com/cgi/fark/totalfarksignup.pl

to Totalfark me and add to Drew's brew coffer.

Much thanks!
 
2004-12-21 01:24:13 PM
I, a poor high school student, could use TotalFark to TotalFlame better! Yeah!
 
2004-12-21 01:24:15 PM
2004-12-21 11:47:03 AM Corpulence

1.) Argh_Dammit
2.) Unsolicited Finger In the Anus
3.) The one that adds their comment the fastest

/probably too slow on the draw
 
2004-12-21 01:24:39 PM
darn...I'm a little late...
I'd jump off a bridge for totalfark

/Voted For Kerry
 
2004-12-21 01:24:57 PM
I can afford it, but I don't want to get addicted like some people I know. GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME, GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME, GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME, GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME, GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME, GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,GIMME,
 
2004-12-21 01:26:14 PM
Just got the word.

Thanks, the_pgoat. That's very generous of you.

And thanks, Rollo for the nomination.

/now let's see what this puppy can do...
 
2004-12-21 01:27:37 PM
Okay, I wanted to sponsor someone in the spirit of all the enjoyment I have gotten out of fark lite....I know it is suppose to be easy but wtf...on the sign up for tf they ask if it is for someone else and it has no...thats right no frigging selection box. Only if I am gonna sign up for it myself does it have a selection can someone help a dude play santa??? Thanks!
 
2004-12-21 01:28:13 PM
Please, just a little totalfark would make my Christmas. Please, please.
 
2004-12-21 01:28:42 PM
C'mon guys, time is running up and you're loosing the chance to be generous
 
2004-12-21 01:28:53 PM
Ska
You're welcome, email address in my profile.
 
2004-12-21 01:29:00 PM
Man walks into a bar...ouch

AYE DIOS MIO!
 
2004-12-21 01:29:25 PM
ChuckUFarkley
He actually signed with the Yankees in '81, so it goes farther back than that.
 
2004-12-21 01:30:06 PM
twoody

Ska

You're welcome, email address in my profile.


No patience, eh?
 
2004-12-21 01:32:13 PM
Woody, if you have ruined my chances i will never forgive you.

aaah nevermind
 
2004-12-21 01:32:34 PM
either that or he got to see boobies.

TF'ers get all the girls.

/feh
 
2004-12-21 01:33:32 PM
First Farkette to sponsor gets one of these:


 
2004-12-21 01:34:03 PM
hstaruk3 Did he play pro before '81? I did see that he was signed by them, but I can't find anything prior to that.

If so I'll dig it up, I love a good challenge.
 
2004-12-21 01:34:06 PM
Hmmm. I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter...briefly. For one month.

/just to see how the other half live.
 
2004-12-21 01:34:53 PM
Holdthetroll: Your the man... As the husband of a medical school student, I thank you greatly.
 
2004-12-21 01:35:41 PM
So so late... I predict late photoshops from me for another year.
 
2004-12-21 01:36:06 PM
I am way too old for whatever total fark is....

thanks anyway - I think
 
2004-12-21 01:36:25 PM
ChuckU
Good luck. I've been looking all over the internet to be sure I can prove it, and I got nothing.
 
2004-12-21 01:36:45 PM
hstaruk3

Couldn't have been prior to 1980 at least :)

Selected by California Angels in 23rd Round (589th Overall) of 1980 amateur draft. (June-Reg Phase)
 
2004-12-21 01:37:56 PM
Smallfry
Merry Christmas... all booty emails can be sent to the email address in my profile.
 
2004-12-21 01:37:58 PM
i'd post daily booby links for the time my sponsorship last
 
2004-12-21 01:38:23 PM
I've got 10 Gmail invitations. How do you convert them into the links that others have been posting?

/needs TF or else the kitten gets it
 
2004-12-21 01:38:26 PM
Didn't sign with Angels, waited a year and signed with Yankees.
This is getting ridiculous.
 
2004-12-21 01:38:36 PM
2004-12-21 11:18:12 AM El_Bastard

Better to fake being a girl, go to some amature site and get some boobies...

Hey, I can do that!
 
2004-12-21 01:38:56 PM
El_Bastard: No patience, eh?

None at all.
 
2004-12-21 01:39:39 PM
Heh. Why is it that I'm always one of the last persons on earth to find out about these giveaways?

Um... you should sponsor me because...

1) I don't troll
2) My mommy said I was special before she ran off with the mailman.
3) I have a Matrix Online beta account that doesn't get any use.
 
2004-12-21 01:39:50 PM
Nothin for me huh? I'd love to be one of you? Help me total fark, you're my only hope
 
2004-12-21 01:40:09 PM
i have been trying and failing for the last two hours, but i have yet to give up. Anyone out there wanting to give this hardowrking liter a try?
 
2004-12-21 01:40:54 PM
hstaruk3 Ok, I don't care about the TF anymore, can you email me the team that you are thinking of? Otherwise I'll never get any work done today.
 
2004-12-21 01:41:13 PM
send me on a mission, i will hopefully prove my totalfarkworthiness
 
2004-12-21 01:41:48 PM
Chester1977, and El_Bastard

Guys, I promise I'll forward all boobie pics received via TF sponsorship to you.

Shhh!!!! Don't tell anyone.
 
2004-12-21 01:42:03 PM
I always find these threads too late.

/oh well.
 
2004-12-21 01:42:51 PM
Maybe if someone puts a little faith in me, I'll try to start one of those "Pay it Forward" moments.

Or I'll just surf teh boobies. :)

Who knows? Sponsor me and watch the hilarity ensue!

re­t­rogam­er­_nes[nospam-﹫-backwards]lia­m­toh*co­m
 
2004-12-21 01:43:24 PM
I could use total fark... not that i've done anything to deserve it. I could, uh, give you some gmail invites.
 
2004-12-21 01:44:18 PM
Phaedre

Hey, I can do that!


Promises, promises...

Damn it all - and I only wanted to be held *sniff*
 
2004-12-21 01:44:52 PM
I'm serious about that whole trading my soul thing. If you need more info on it please
click here
 
2004-12-21 01:45:19 PM
Dumb question coming up, What is Gmail?
 
2004-12-21 01:46:33 PM
twoody

If you won't sponser me will you at least share the boobie pics?

/was kidding about the Utah thing
 
t4
2004-12-21 01:47:24 PM
I would love a TF account for Christmas
However, I spent every last dime I had on my kids and me and the Mrs. won't be getting anything this year.
 
2004-12-21 01:47:45 PM
twoody

None at all.


I hear ya. The only reason I haven't signed up a dozen already is that it's so cute watching them beg.

That plus if I told my wife I spent $60 on 12 random geeks to make their holidays bright, I might end up sleeping on the sofa for a few weeks.

Well, maybe a few hours:
I'm smart enough to get back in bed once she's asleep
plus I have her whipped
 
2004-12-21 01:48:36 PM
I'd like a TF acct but for some strange reason I can only get plain Fark at work. If it try to log in as a TF'er or maybe even an UF'er, I'm denied. I can't even submit a story with a much funnier head line.
 
2004-12-21 01:48:45 PM
dedigger: If you won't sponser me will you at least share the boobie pics?

Holy crap you're persistent....

/Merry Christmas
 
2004-12-21 01:49:28 PM
I would love a TF account, but i fear fark would drain my soul away.

Want to test?
 
2004-12-21 01:49:57 PM
Eh, what the heck... These are my products. One product per month's worth of TF.

- Afternoon's worth of calculus or discrete math tutoring by IM
- Afternoon's worth of computer science tutoring (I'm one thesis away from a MS in CS, so I can help out with just about anything...) by IM
- 2 days of exclusive FTP access to my anime collection... buy more TF accounts, get 48 more hours' worth of anime uploads.
- SFW digital SFW picture of myself of my choosing... am I a 300 pound fatso like most anime chicks with a degree in computer science, or am I a hot 95 lb chick? It's a surprise.
- Essay proofreading and editing. I've never gotten anything less than a 95 on an essay... through graduate school and undergraduate school. Strong liberal arts background, too.

No refunds. Email me at jennicaj at gmail.

/doesn't care all that much
 
2004-12-21 01:49:58 PM
Holy crap!
Paintsville, KY.
Evidently unprovable (thanks, internets!)
I quit.
 
2004-12-21 01:51:02 PM
No one is reading this far down, I'm sure. Alas, I fear I am too late for goodies.
 
2004-12-21 01:51:51 PM
twoody...NNNNOOOOO. oh well, back to training for totalfarkdom. i dont think i am worthy yet
 
2004-12-21 01:52:13 PM
Anyone feeling gifty?
 
2004-12-21 01:52:24 PM
El_Bastard:

That plus if I told my wife I spent $60 on 12 random geeks to make their holidays bright, I might end up sleeping on the sofa for a few weeks.

You know, I've probably sponsored 20 liters or so over the last year. At this point, I have yet to receive a thank you boobie flash with my name written on the TFettes rack in magic marker.

WTF, would it kill them to show a little gratitude?
 
2004-12-21 01:52:26 PM
WAIT!!! Thank You ANGEL whoever total farked me!!!!!!!
 
2004-12-21 01:52:45 PM
I had Total fark for a month before...I thought it was great...especially getting a head start on the photoshop contests...

My only problem with it, though, was the redundant Total Fark Discussion threads that had headlines like, "I have a bagel and a doughnut...not sure which one to eat - the bagel or the doughnut...help me decide. DIT."

/That is just SO retarded
 
2004-12-21 01:52:49 PM
Dumb question coming up, What is Gmail?

Apparently it is some sort of bartering tool used on fark. Its powers are useless on Totalfarkers.

gmail
 
2004-12-21 01:54:00 PM
twoody

Some say persistent others say annoying

Appreciate it!

/off to view TF for the first time
//giddy as a little girl
 
2004-12-21 01:54:44 PM
wow, sad, only 1 email, with no good reason.

for shame.

FOR SHAME
 
2004-12-21 01:54:56 PM
El_Bastard

Let me guess - you also have the AYB video and the mahir site...

so does everyone else

/just sayin


excellent use of small tag...

Oh, and I'm running on the JOHNDX ticket.

/wears gold plated diapers
 
2004-12-21 01:55:39 PM
Party on gopher......
 
2004-12-21 01:55:45 PM
JennicaJJ:

SFW digital SFW picture of myself of my choosing... am I a 300 pound fatso like most anime chicks with a degree in computer science, or am I a hot 95 lb chick? It's a surprise.

Enjoy TF!
/goes off to check email.
 
2004-12-21 01:56:02 PM
JennicaJJ: You have a deal. I'm torn between the FTP access and the pic. If I can't ask what you look like, can I ask how fast your FTP connection is?
 
2004-12-21 01:56:59 PM
Damn it twoody! Your fascination with boobies just cost me 48 hours of downloading anime that I'll probably never watch!
 
2004-12-21 01:57:00 PM
damn damn damn! Why did I sleep in today?!!
What do you want? Name it! Picks of the wifes rack?!!
 
2004-12-21 01:58:22 PM
I found this thread way too late, but oh well. I'll buy totalfark eventually. I have six gmail invitations, if anyone would like one (that doesn't already have it) please email me at emilytheg­ee­k[nospam-﹫-backwards]lia­mg­*com
 
2004-12-21 01:58:29 PM
Would it make any difference if I told you that I have to put my cat to sleep today or tomorrow?

/TF would make my Christmas approximately 98.3% sucky, instead of 100%
//Would host a picture, but can never get the FTP client to work through work firewall.
 
2004-12-21 01:58:42 PM
Remember, all you knew TFers/TFettes - update those weak profiles like all the cool kids.

/Time for me to GBTW
//my gmail! it is empty!
 
2004-12-21 01:59:35 PM
TF is on my xmas list, but no one understands it. :(
 
2004-12-21 02:00:07 PM
I would truly appreciate an invite...
 
2004-12-21 02:00:13 PM
Could someone Totally Fark me for Christmas same user name at gmail.

Please

I will say please and thank you.
 
2004-12-21 02:04:09 PM
just before logging off TF, please remember to sponsor me!!!
 
2004-12-21 02:04:24 PM
Well TWoody,
Which is she?

/my $$ on 300lb fat chick...
 
2004-12-21 02:07:32 PM
dying_one_day_at_a_time

/my $$ on 300lb fat chick...

great mental image
 
2004-12-21 02:07:41 PM
Just checking to see if I was miraculously gifted a TF account.
 
2004-12-21 02:09:01 PM
o.k o.k. Last time. This soul, while semi-ordinary right now..will one day be world famous. Because one day I shall rule the internets and take over the whole farking world. So as you can see..it would be in your best interest to trade a Total Fark for my soul to A: either quell my aspirations of world domination, or B: be able to say hey..I own the soul of that guy whos about to take over the world. (Oh and the e-mail is w­yldeb­oi­99[nospam-﹫-backwards]li­a­mg*com and I have some g-mail accounts if your not interested in some crappy second hand soul.)
 
2004-12-21 02:09:16 PM
Damn it twoody! Your fascination with boobies just cost me 48 hours of downloading anime that I'll probably never watch!
Sorry pheen. I'll include you on the El_Bastard and Chester1977 list. PS, Chester, what's your email address, I don't see it in your profile.
 
2004-12-21 02:10:30 PM
Yeah, I am now regretting spending so much time reading football columns today instead of farking...

Sigh...anyone feeling generous?
 
2004-12-21 02:12:25 PM
Testing out my new TF account. Thanks Twoody.
 
2004-12-21 02:12:37 PM


I would appreciate someone sponsoring me for a trial subscription to TotalFark, please.

(If this post doesn't get me banninated by a near-sighted mod, that is...)
 
2004-12-21 02:14:45 PM
Bleh.

- Only worthwhile advantage I see in TF is photoshop contest preview. That makes it a unfair contest, but hey there's no prize to be won so whatever.

- Anyone else accustomed to not paying for things online?
I'd rather spend hours trying to brute force some existing account than pay for it.
 
2004-12-21 02:16:27 PM
dying_one_day_at_a_time: Well TWoody,
Which is she?


How dare you insult JennicaJJ's honor like that? For that, I curse you with a thousand plagues!

/98 pound hottie.
 
2004-12-21 02:17:03 PM
Ok, final reason I should be sponsored

I'm a raging Irish drunkard!

Sorry, I can't do any better than that.

/also has a Guinness towel
 
2004-12-21 02:17:45 PM
pheen you can still get the access if you'll sponsor my boyfriend, Fark username seigfried. (My offer of above products still open for seigfried, who I know has been wanting TF, but I already got his gift.)
 
2004-12-21 02:18:09 PM
Pay no attention to fwibble...I for one welcome our Totalfark early Photoshopping overlords!

/brown nosing for acceptance into the skulls...er...totalfark
 
2004-12-21 02:18:42 PM


Would be nice to have a Totalfark account. :)
 
2004-12-21 02:19:54 PM
BTW, I have about 250 gigs of anime... probably closer to 400, but I'll play it safe. Upload is about 35KB/s.
 
2004-12-21 02:20:51 PM
I've got 6 Gmail invites for anybody who wants to sponsor me.

Pleasepleasepleaseplease
 
2004-12-21 02:22:56 PM
I am a little piss ant in a company that could not care less about its' worker. This is my only place to find refuge. Please help.

Note: I always try to preview and check for spelling before posting.
 
2004-12-21 02:23:21 PM
OK, this is going nowere.....

time to put my 10 Gmail invites on the table.... if those worth anything.
 
2004-12-21 02:23:58 PM
I too have G-mail invites if anyone still cares. I would love TotalFark. It's been a tough year for us and this would be a great gift for the whole fam damily. (we all spend way too much time on Fark).
 
2004-12-21 02:24:01 PM
Too late again...I'm stuck in the northwoods of Wisconsin on a dead end road. I'm out of work until called back. We just had 12" of snow and below zero for the next week? I won't be able to drive to Milwaukee for the family Christmas. Boo Hoo :>( I would love it if someone could cheer me up with Total Fark! I have been on for hours a day and would be your posting buddy.Make an old hippie happy for Christmas....And a Merry Christmas To All!
 
2004-12-21 02:24:03 PM
I find it humorous that almost 4 hours after the first mention that gmail was worthless as a bribe, it's still some folks' first attempt to gain entry into the gated community that is TF... I weep for you, actually, but I am a self-admitted Bastard, so I'm not sure what you were expecting...
 
2004-12-21 02:25:23 PM
lionfish: What do you want? Name it! Picks of the wifes rack?!!

That would be nice.... email in profile.
Enjoy TF
 
2004-12-21 02:27:38 PM
Just curious, this isn't one of my plea posts...this is just a post to see if anyone is reading my posts...or are they filtered?
 
2004-12-21 02:28:28 PM
My birthday was just over 2 weeks ago, I got nothing. Christmas is coming, I'll get nothing. Somebody give me Total Fark? It's one great present to make up for two times I got (and will get) nothing =P

Reason to sponsor me? There is none! Um, well, Fark is my homepage if that one counts ^^;

/undeserving, but needy anyway ^_^
 
2004-12-21 02:28:35 PM
Instead of grovelling, brown-nosing, begging, or pleading I'll just ask nicely.

Please?

I've been on Fark since early 2002 and would appreciate seeing the benefits of TotalFark.
Merry Christmas :)
 
2004-12-21 02:29:45 PM
Alright - I am upping my ante:

One ***MILLION*** Gmail invites. Mu-ha. Mu-haha. MU-HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

/don't really have any, but would still like TF.
 
2004-12-21 02:30:17 PM
El_Bastard:

find it humorous that almost 4 hours after the first mention that gmail was worthless as a bribe, it's still some folks' first attempt to gain entry into the gated community that is TF... I weep for you, actually, but I am a self-admitted Bastard, so I'm not sure what you were expecting...

to bad you only offered sponsorship to girls... or may i say weird guys pretending to be girls.....

gotcha!
 
2004-12-21 02:30:19 PM
Would someone pleeeease help sponsor this poor student living off Ramen noodles, who only wants to spread love and goodwill throughout the Farkistan...?

Oh, and I can send you pr0n if you like.

thanks
 
2004-12-21 02:31:49 PM
Total Fark is like masturbation: I tried it once and didn't really care for it.
 
2004-12-21 02:32:07 PM
woah! I refreshed to find out if anyone needed gmail that didn't email and I had TotalFark! Thank you to whoever gifted me it. I hope you have a happy holiday season whatever your religion or lack thereof.
 
2004-12-21 02:32:10 PM
There you go


ChuckUFarkley...Happy Chanukah.
 
2004-12-21 02:32:41 PM
No!!! I slept in today! I would be very thankful for totalfark.
 
2004-12-21 02:34:09 PM
I have spectacular boobies and I'll show them on demand for an TF account.

I think....maybe I don't know what I'm getting into just yet...

/36DD
/real
/and cute
 
2004-12-21 02:34:29 PM
I can't offer anything, but I don't have anything to lose by posting a plea.

(This is said plea.) [u­ser­name[nospam-﹫-backwards]lia­mg*co­m]
 
2004-12-21 02:36:22 PM
This sucks, sponsored 2! Farkers, and not so much as even a thankyou hours later.

Heh.
 
2004-12-21 02:38:42 PM
Dude 0 Matic...I'll thank you... :)
 
2004-12-21 02:38:49 PM
colberto

Wow, was it the drunkard comment that finally won you over?

Thanks and happy Kwanza!

If you need any tech support over the lifetime of your donation don't hesitate to email me! (unless you use AOL)
 
2004-12-21 02:38:52 PM
I'd enjoy TotalFark, and have absolutely nothing to offer in return but that warm happy feeling you get from giving.

/honest, late, etc...
 
2004-12-21 02:39:15 PM
on demand, huh
 
2004-12-21 02:39:36 PM
jennipenni Okay, you're on -- I will gladly sponser you for access to 'the view'.
 
2004-12-21 02:39:36 PM
HEY I'll show you my BOOBIES as well.
//Is a guy
//has man nipples..pierced though
//really doesn't have BOOBIES
//Just wants a TF account/
That is all.
(BTW my soul is still up for grabs..should you be interested.)
 
2004-12-21 02:39:43 PM
OK Jennipenni

Enjoy totalFark for the Hollidays

E-mail in profile
 
2004-12-21 02:39:52 PM
random_entry

gotcha!


Missing something?

*holds up the </b> tag*
 
2004-12-21 02:40:05 PM
I have decided to stop with the Mt. St. Helen's Fly PS crap for the rest of the year. Show your appreciation!
 
2004-12-21 02:40:52 PM
I'll even create a page...a shrine if you will on my website to anyone that sponsors me :)
 
2004-12-21 02:41:08 PM
Oddly enough, my offer also extends to wyldeboi99...
 
2004-12-21 02:41:25 PM
Why do I always miss out on these good threads.

I would like some Xmas cheer please!

colin.jardine at gmail dot com
 
2004-12-21 02:41:26 PM
OK, I usually don't do this, but if you sponsor me i'll show you my kneeple.
 
2004-12-21 02:41:31 PM
Is it too late?? I have gmail invites too.

thanks and Merry Holidays.

email me if giving the g­ift­****LilFar­k­e­tte[nospam-﹫-backwards]l­i­a­mg­*c­o­m
 
2004-12-21 02:41:44 PM
Bless you, my mystery Medici. I will do good work in your name.

Also, my e-mail is in my profile so give me a jingle if you expect a reacharound, require my services as a soldier of fortune when you are in distress, or require a formal letter for your accountant for tax purposes.
 
2004-12-21 02:42:46 PM
To WHOM do I own the page created/thanks/Shrine?!?!
 
2004-12-21 02:42:51 PM
damn! you're right.....

i'm not worthy, please accept my appologies!
 
2004-12-21 02:44:23 PM
haha beggers!

look at you beg for TF! Its only 5 bux a month, quit following your Jewish family and cough it up.
 
2004-12-21 02:44:33 PM
FARK ME UP!!!!!

12 gmail invites available in return.
 
2004-12-21 02:44:52 PM
I gotta say...it was the drunkard comment! Plus, I had like $5.32 in a paypal account and could not conceivably find anywhere to apply it.

I appreciate the support offer, but as it is..I work at a network consulting firm and have 24x7 access to a team of engineers. Hooray for cubicles!
 
2004-12-21 02:44:56 PM
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY TOTAL FARKING PLEASE

Colin.jardine at gmail dot com
 
2004-12-21 02:46:36 PM
im a poor college student.. please take pity on me. id like a TF account. rogoza at gmail
 
2004-12-21 02:46:53 PM
I am a little piss ant in a company that could not care less about its' worker. This is my only place to find refuge. Please help.

Heaven_leigh, that's a great reason, you're in for a month.
 
2004-12-21 02:47:12 PM
I got you, Saturday. But please, no shrine. ;)
 
2004-12-21 02:48:31 PM
Congrats to all getting sponsored. Have fun!!
 
2004-12-21 02:48:35 PM
This would make my day! If anyone actually wants to, my email is j­e­ff­[nospam-﹫-backwards]liamniru­p*com

I've already proved myself of being a TFer...four articles approved this year! Plus, TF needs a resident MFA student. That way you can all laugh about how I am wasting my time!
 
2004-12-21 02:49:39 PM
Ah... Total Fark...breath of fresh air! Now, all I need to do is find out who sponsored

/at work
 
2004-12-21 02:51:18 PM
Saturday...look up (hint: three spaces up)
 
2004-12-21 02:54:01 PM
Lil'Farkette: Is it too late?? I have gmail invites too.

No need for gmail invites, pics of your boobies with my TF handle written on them are just fine!

Merry Christmas.
 
2004-12-21 02:54:34 PM
Christi, I must surmise my gratitude by eloquently reciting a monologue based after a recent marionette screenplay:

Christi...Fark yeah, comin around to give me totalfark today yeah, Christi, fark yeah!

/we need a montage

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
 
2004-12-21 02:54:35 PM
 
2004-12-21 02:55:23 PM
 
2004-12-21 02:56:18 PM
And Arnold T Pants...thank you...everyone in my office is laughing at me for laughing at that picture...

/almost fell out of my chair...
 
2004-12-21 02:56:38 PM
 
2004-12-21 02:57:20 PM
Can't believe I'm doing this... anyway, I've been lurking here for some years and signed up this account about a year and a half ago.

Right now I'm busting my @ss off to get my minor thesis done before deadline (Jan 4), which means the christmas is pretty much ruined and since I'm a student I can't afford any gifts anyway. Not that I'm complaining since, after all, it's not like I didn't know what was coming.

But a month of TFark would make my Xmas so much better. =)

email me: md8carma[at]yahoo.se
 
2004-12-21 02:57:41 PM
OMG... is that helping? !!!
 
2004-12-21 02:58:21 PM
:( too late I assume, But I do have an empornium.us invite for anyone who'll sponsor...:D
jokfool at gmail
 
2004-12-21 02:58:28 PM
SaturdaySaint

I'll keep them coming.



Anyone here still looking to sponsor?
 
2004-12-21 02:59:12 PM
 
2004-12-21 02:59:21 PM
Arnold T Pants

BikerFox pictures result in a negative month's subscription to TF. Hence, you will now need to be sponsored twice to get in.
 
2004-12-21 02:59:28 PM
A TotalFark account would rock for New Years! My car, cat and goldfishes (see profile) will thank you very long time!

... gmail invites are available ...
/lonely farkette
 
2004-12-21 02:59:59 PM
NineInchNader
Your E-mail please?? :-)
 
2004-12-21 03:00:59 PM
 
2004-12-21 03:01:08 PM
hstaruk3

Wooooooooot! I can't believe I've been TFarked. Thank you so much for your generosity.

Merry Xmas to you, you kind, random person I don't know!
 
2004-12-21 03:01:25 PM
Dude O Matic 5000 - I'll thank you and send you anything you want. :). Have pity on me, my liege...
 
2004-12-21 03:01:31 PM
if someone is offering, i will totally take total fark.
 
2004-12-21 03:01:34 PM
1. Who is the most powerful sith Lord ever?
2. Who killed said Sith Lord, thus making him the most powerful Jedi Master ever?
3. Who's the blue guy?
4. In WoW three races can be a Shaman, which races?
5. What comic company is suing the makers and marketers of City of Heroes?
6. The name of the first Jedi in SWG, and the sex of said character.
7. Kobe or Shaq?
8. Bush or Kerry?
9. Ron Artest deserved a liftime ban from the NBA. True/False.
10. The name of the strong bad email where Strong Sad slaps the crap out of Coach Z.

If you can answer 5 of them correctly, I'll give ye a TotalFark.
 
2004-12-21 03:01:48 PM
Ahh, the classic Biker Fox pics.

Been waiting on those...
 
2004-12-21 03:02:10 PM
OH MY GOODNESS twoody--- I will send you pics! Thank you so much for the gift that keeps on giving!
Bless you and yours- and HAPPY HOLIDAYS! THAAANNNKKYYYOOOOUUUUUUUUU
-smallfry-
 
2004-12-21 03:03:10 PM
jat850
I guess I'll have to work twice as hard then.



 
2004-12-21 03:03:36 PM
i have plenty of gmail invites also Anthonyweis at gmail
 
2004-12-21 03:04:31 PM
Thank the sweet Fark gods for the ability to ignore.

Thank you Firefox for the ability to simply block his images.
 
2004-12-21 03:05:22 PM
That BikerFox is so freaky. He lives in my town...what a tool.
 
2004-12-21 03:06:34 PM
C'mon people, these things are googleable (is that a real word?)
 
2004-12-21 03:07:15 PM
come on...i know someone out there wants to sponsor me.

i'm a smarter than average high school student. please...my education depends upon this.
 
2004-12-21 03:07:57 PM
4. Orc, Troll, Tauren
5. Marvel
1. Count Dooku, Darth Tyramus
2. Sideous
7. Shaq
 
2004-12-21 03:08:25 PM
That BikerFox is good material for a photoshop contest
 
2004-12-21 03:10:59 PM
Dude O Matic 5000

1. Who is the most powerful sith Lord ever?

>> Norius Havok

2. Who killed said Sith Lord, thus making him the most powerful Jedi Master ever?

>> Yoda

3. Who's the blue guy?

>> Papa Smurf?

4. In WoW three races can be a Shaman, which races?

>> Orc, Tauren, Troll

5. What comic company is suing the makers and marketers of City of Heroes?

>> Marvel Enterprises

7. Kobe or Shaq?

>> Shaq

8. Bush or Kerry?

>> Kerry

9. Ron Artest deserved a liftime ban from the NBA. True/False.

>> False
 
2004-12-21 03:11:24 PM
Hello potential sponsor person.

I am a little farkette liter who works tech support while my hubby launches his career.

I thought I was conservative until a took a political quiz that told me I was libertarian. Then I took it again and it said I was liberal. So now I have decided to become independent or start the Confused party.

I have what other farkers would view as an illogical belief in god, but have not dedicated myself to any denomination in spite of the fact that my bible belt neighbors keep trying to get me into their churches. I was considering becoming jewish, but while sleeping on the couch in the middle of the night because I was having a coughing fit from a cold and I didn't want to keep my family awake, my son's construction paper menorah fell off the wall and now I am not so sure and I just don't trust messages left in grilled cheese sandwiches.

So I give when I can and volunteer as often as possible and hope that god understands.

Oh, and I went to a strip bar once with hubby and friends and had a blast! There was this one brunette. She sure did have a nice smile! Does that make me bad?

Signed,
Kachoo
 
2004-12-21 03:11:26 PM
I was going to come in here and beg for a TotalFark account, but since I'm insanely late, I've decided to change it up for once.

I'm going to finally buy myself one today when I get home, so why not.

*******************************************************
I'll buy a TotalFark account for the first two people who can answer both of these questions. (Probably a mistake, but...) Send answers and your username to joe­l­ogi­c[nospam-﹫-backwards]liam­g*com.

1. The first, for Final Fantasy fans. A section of Final Fantasy VIII was released on a demo disc before the full game came out. Squall is running from a huge mechanical spider on a beach. There are two character differences/swaps in that cutscene. What are they?

2. The second, for Metal Gear Solid fans. What event caused "Revolver" Ocelot to use revolvers as weapon of choice as opposed to regular pistols?

**********************************************************


Mods, fell free to delete this if I'm violating some Fark rule.

Happy hunting!

/merry christmas gamers
 
2004-12-21 03:11:40 PM
Dude O Matic 5000

oh yeah and:

10. http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail82.html

and free gmail. man i think i just fellated you...
 
2004-12-21 03:12:23 PM
HOT!!! thanks
 
2004-12-21 03:13:14 PM
I've got gmail coming out my ears, but thanks.

1 and 2 were wrong, but Merry Christmas anyway, just trying to increase the Geek v. Nerd v. Dork ratio.
 
2004-12-21 03:15:18 PM
My I have one please?

I've updated my profile

I haven't used g-mail invites to get a sponser

And I a have a sob story although it really is that sad considering what other people have to endure:

My mom is going to Florida for X-mas and my sister is going to California. All my hubby's family will be in Seattle. This will be the 1st time I've not spent the holidays with my family and I'm kinda bummed.
 
2004-12-21 03:16:01 PM
damn...those were the two i looked up... shhh. thanks a ton though.
 
2004-12-21 03:16:03 PM
What? Free TotalFark? It's TotalPwnage!

Who do I need to suck up to to TotalGet that?
 
2004-12-21 03:16:47 PM
pheen

Thank you. Thank you. If you're ever in CO look me up ;)
 
2004-12-21 03:17:01 PM
isn't that sad

oh well, I guess I've disqualified myself with poor proof-reading skills :(
 
2004-12-21 03:18:17 PM
please select me...

mikeshnider­[nospam-﹫-backwards]liamg*com



Im Tom Bombadil, Welcome to my Forest of Faggotry!!
 
2004-12-21 03:18:26 PM
Macabre, check your profile, and 4 and 5 were right....the yoda thing is interesting, but you'll find out this may why it is wrong

Merry Christmas people!
 
2004-12-21 03:18:27 PM
Ah, probably too late but I would certainly appreciate being the infinite'th total farker.
 
2004-12-21 03:20:09 PM
joelogic

two games i'm a big fan off

2. gun jamming in snake eater - snake telling him he should use a revolver, he gets off on the ability to reload manually in battle, yada yada..

1. hmm...been playing since FF1 on the nes...VIII was ok but not a fave of mine...i believe the scar was different...can't seem to remember a second though...gunblade different somehow? its been a while...if this is close enough for another FF question have at it!
 
2004-12-21 03:20:24 PM
Last time we did all this giving I sponsered 7 ladies for a month each. One sent me a semi-boobie pic and got 6 months. It was fun, and I enjoy the emails and staying in touch with those who write. I can do a few more sponserships, so same offer as before. Any older Farkettes looking for sponser let me know. By older I mean 25+. Use your imagination and I'll go for the first several with good stories-------- email in profile.
 
2004-12-21 03:20:48 PM
kachoo - I liked your story. Good luck to your husband's business!

Make sure you post.

Happy whatever holiday you choose!
 
2004-12-21 03:21:02 PM
Dude O Matic 5000 - you kick ass! Thanks for the TF goodness, my Lord.

BTW, If it ain't Yoda then who else? Guess I'll have to wait, huh?

thanks!!!!!!
 
2004-12-21 03:21:05 PM
Dude O Matic 5000

5. Marvel
6. Monika T'Sarn
7. kobey
4. 4. Orc, Troll, Tauren
10. caffeine
 
2004-12-21 03:21:54 PM
twoody

You have gmail. :-)
 
2004-12-21 03:22:02 PM
Aztraeus, well, you're halfway there, you gave away half the answer to everyone else ;)

As for the FFVIII question, I'll clarify: The demo cutscene has two different characters than the retail version's cutscene.
 
2004-12-21 03:23:00 PM
Lionfish, someone got to you before me, and all of those are correct.

I'm impressed by #6, thought nobody would get that one, even though the real answer is Akinom :P
 
2004-12-21 03:23:28 PM
Any of you who still don't have Gmail email me and I'll set you up.

poorpetebest at gmail dot com

/merry christmas
 
2004-12-21 03:24:30 PM
Holy cow that was fast!

Thank you!! this ROOCKS!
 
2004-12-21 03:25:28 PM
Email me at a­lmost*the*jesus[nospam-﹫-backwards]liamg*com if you want to buy me an account.

And for your amusement, here is a picture of Ron Jeremy I photoshopped.



If you buy me Total Fark, you buy for awesome!
 
2004-12-21 03:25:51 PM
Thank You! Instant good Karma for you.You made my day and week!Sometimes it just takes a little kindness to lift a person up. Feel free to send email.I really thank you again. MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!
 
2004-12-21 03:27:08 PM
QueenBee,

Thank you for your kindness, story is true, I am still really broke and the money I gave was out of my mortgage payment.. UUGH, Let's just day those who are worse off than I am can have all that I have. cept my house. ti's all God's anyway right?

Merry Christmas. And I hope you'll enjoy my PS's
 
2004-12-21 03:27:30 PM
macabre:

2004-12-21 03:21:02 PM macabre [TotalFark]

Dude O Matic 5000 - you kick ass! Thanks for the TF goodness, my Lord.

BTW, If it ain't Yoda then who else? Guess I'll have to wait, huh?

thanks!!!!!!



palpatine and vader?
 
2004-12-21 03:28:42 PM
I'll beg one more time, then stop. This is on the behalf of seigfried who wants a TF account--I really should've begged for him in the first place instead of myself. Give seigfried a TF account, and I'll give you one of the following... 48 hours of exclusive anime FTP access, an afternoon's worth of tutoring in calculus/computer science, a SFW photo of myself of my choosing (what I look like is a surprise--am I an ugly obese hag like most females with my credentials, or a supermodel...), or proofreading services.

Ah... why not... I'll grovel and make it 72 hours of anime FTP access. And I like shonen anime too.
 
2004-12-21 03:28:44 PM
I take that back.

on the metal gear solid question Aztraeus, you were ALL the way there. Great game, playing it now, hence the question.
 
2004-12-21 03:31:44 PM
joelogic

hehe, yeah but...um........damn your correct logic....

hmmmm...don't think i have the demo at home...maybe watching the retail will jog my memory...

i don't suppose i could list the various user classes of FFI, the first/last bad guys name...

/damn brain-cell-killing-golden-tasty-beer
 
2004-12-21 03:31:46 PM
DudeOMatic:

1. Who is the most powerful sith Lord ever?
I have no idea
2. Who killed said Sith Lord, thus making him the most powerful Jedi Master ever?
Yoda
3. Who's the blue guy?

4. In WoW three races can be a Shaman, which races?
Orc, Troll, and Tauren
5. What comic company is suing the makers and marketers of City of Heroes?
Marvel
6. The name of the first Jedi in SWG, and the sex of said character.
Anikom T'Sarn... female?
7. Kobe or Shaq?
Shaq
8. Bush or Kerry?
Kerry
9. Ron Artest deserved a liftime ban from the NBA. True/False.
False
10. The name of the strong bad email where Strong Sad slaps the crap out of Coach Z.
Caffeine (my favorite!)
 
2004-12-21 03:31:49 PM
JennicaJJ

beg for me !!!!
 
2004-12-21 03:32:47 PM
Aztraeus,

Actually, one's enough for me. Congrats. Merry Christmas.

Still a TF account open for someone who can answer the second question!!
 
2004-12-21 03:32:56 PM
Demetrius

Woohoo! Thank you!

Have a great Winter Holiday of Your Choice too!!!

I promise to post.

Kachoo
 
2004-12-21 03:34:12 PM
P.S.

I'm at work bouncing the site through a proxy, cant do any SSL until I get home, so I'll get the accounts then.

/keep your fork, there's pie!
 
2004-12-21 03:36:26 PM
http://www.angelfire.com/me/ffvillage/8demo.html answer maybe, still never completed 8, friend took it back before I had a chance to go very far in it...I <3 7 more though...
 
2004-12-21 03:36:58 PM
Please, do not give me a total fark account. I don't want it.
 
2004-12-21 03:37:01 PM
joelogic

awesome man, thanks. more important thanks for the USAF mention I see in your profile...
 
2004-12-21 03:38:09 PM
Jack,

Got your email on my phone, can't reply through it though.

Your warm...thats part of it.

Can you remember who the characters are?

/loving this
 
2004-12-21 03:38:55 PM
That's it. I'm about ready to stop believing in all this Santa crap. Mother...Father...I think you lied to me. I don't think there is a Santa Claus..or a God. I asked for a TF account and I still haven't recived one. I shall now find a bridge and plummet off as it looks likr I am forever doomed to plain old far. Good bye Bedford Falls..Good by Mr Potter. Good bye all you Total Farkers.
Its been a nice life.
//And to think you could have owned my soul for the mere price of a TF account.
/­/­Wyld­e­bo­i[nospam-﹫-backwards]liamg*com if you wish to make my bell ring and earn your wings
 
2004-12-21 03:39:01 PM
I would like to taste from the teet that is TotalFark. Let me want no more. Absolve me!!
 
2004-12-21 03:40:08 PM
Oh yeah, and gmail invites at keith100katyahoo.com..... ;)
 
2004-12-21 03:42:27 PM
Thanks Aztraeus, although I'm not sure how much the USAF would like me defying thier claw of web filtering to be here right now at work hehe
 
2004-12-21 03:42:28 PM
JennicaJJ

beg for me !!!!


okay, everyone, random_entry will have nekked pics of himself in poses that would do Aarkieboy proud for a TotalFark account.
 
2004-12-21 03:42:54 PM
Sadly, offers of boobies in exchange for TF fading, fading
 
2004-12-21 03:45:24 PM
Question: Is there anyway to pay for Total Fark not using Paypal? Looking through the FAQ and not seeing it. Any directions would be great.
 
2004-12-21 03:46:11 PM
joelogic

heh, yea me too if i only had a brain....

maybe rinoa switched with quistis?

/sad that i'm thinking harder on this than any work i've done in the past year...
 
2004-12-21 03:46:17 PM
geosprint: Tank u very much - muchos gracias senor!
 
2004-12-21 03:46:49 PM
Is this the thread to get a gmail invite?

I KEED I KEED

/already has one with invites to hand out...
 
2004-12-21 03:48:27 PM
pleeeeeease...!!!
 
2004-12-21 03:49:36 PM
Aztraeus,

Now your really warm. I'll help someone out. Rinoa & Quistis are the two characters in the retail version. Who were the characters taking their place in the demo?

random_entry, got your email, but that one's been answered! FFVIII question for the TF!
 
2004-12-21 03:50:06 PM
joelogic

MGS Snake Eater - it really is great, huh...

only thing I have to say though...some of the sections are damn hard to get through without takin out your favorite automatic rifle and blasting through.....

not that that's not fun ;-)
 
2004-12-21 03:50:32 PM
I got total fark due to a tfer's kind ness! Yes it does r0x0rZ!!!!!11

/half asleep still
 
2004-12-21 03:50:56 PM
I once had TF, I never felt more connected to the world than during that time. Oh how I long to have the touch of TF again.
 
2004-12-21 03:51:11 PM
Rinoa switched with Selphie...? for the ff8 question...
 
2004-12-21 03:51:16 PM
Who was complaining about not having any boobies?
Does this count?

 
2004-12-21 03:52:42 PM
Superburn, thats 1. Who switched with Quistis?
 
2004-12-21 03:53:50 PM
MGS snake eater is better than I thought, but yes, very hard. 'The End' battle is amazing.
 
2004-12-21 03:54:29 PM
OK, changed my mind, but someone could share TF goodness with the model @ phil­*red­mon­[nospam-﹫-backwards]li­amg*com