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(The Iowa Channel)   Carrie Bare, stripper, comes to work town where Carrie Bare, youth pastor and preschool teacher, lives. Hilarity ensues   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
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29100 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Dec 2004 at 6:55 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

94 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-12-20 08:37:58 PM  
Worst actual given name in our town:

Ophelia Dickey

(Went to high school with several people I know. I thought it was a joke. Sadly, it wasn't.)
2004-12-20 08:42:41 PM  

Her husband-to-be's last name is "SEAMAN"?

You mean, her new name will be:

"Carrie Bare-Seaman"????

/falls over laughing
2004-12-20 08:43:26 PM  
I used to work under a project manager named Daphne D. Light. I always thought it would be a good porn/stripper name. Double D....Delight...
2004-12-20 08:45:15 PM  
We had a "Fook Minge" (and no, I have NO idea how that should really be spelled, this is how it sounded) in the all-Oriental front row in the first year of my degree at UMIST. The profound silence for a good long 5 shocked seconds the first time a lecturer read out the register - followed by many more seconds of snickering from 100+ people - was simply awesome. Especially when neither the lecturer nor the entire front row could understand what was going on..

ps - if you don't know what "Minge" means, find a Brit slang dictionary.
2004-12-20 09:03:14 PM  
Forsythe P. Jones:

When she gets in her '90's,she can call herself Gummi Bare and still make a living in porn.

One keyboard and monitor please.
2004-12-20 09:10:42 PM  
Carrie Bare, the youth pastor:

[image from too old to be available]

I'd hit it.

Carrie Bare, the strippper:

[image from too old to be available]

I'd hit it.

Ah, who'm I kidding? I'd hit a knot in a tree if the sap was running.
2004-12-20 09:15:57 PM  
We have a regular caller to our local radio station (where I work) "Gospel Trivia Hour", goes by the unfortunate name of Harry Cox. Yes, this is his actual name (we checked it out to make sure someone wasn't pulling a fast one, which is common with a gospel show).

His wife called in last week. Her name is "Sharon". A very giving person, apparently.
2004-12-20 09:32:33 PM  
Did someone say "missionary position?"
2004-12-20 10:22:11 PM  
Forsythe P. Jones wins the award for the day.
2004-12-20 10:28:14 PM  
best stripper name I've seen is Dixie Cupps.
2004-12-20 10:32:02 PM  
Reminds me of a client company of mine. The head honcho was named Tom Weiner. Not bad, I could manage not to laugh.

Then they hired an accountant named (no lie) William Kuntz.

OK, try to imagine looking the receptionist in the eye and asking if Mr. Kuntz is available. Or if he's not there, then Mr. Weiner.

Christ, I feel sorry for their kids!
2004-12-20 10:32:10 PM  
I went to college with a girl named Sandy Beggs. She insisted it was 'Sandra', which of course made everything all right. :)

2004-12-20 10:54:13 PM  
Actors are very protective of their stage names. I don't know about strippers/porn stars, but the regular acting unions have rules that you can't have two people with the same or very similar names in the same union. For instance, Vanessa Williams, the famous one, has to work on Broadway as "Vanessa L. Williams" because there was already someone with her name in Actors Equity. So I doubt Ms. Bare would want to give up her name even temporarily just because some local lady asked her to.

/ Member of Equity.
// Didn't have to change my name.
/// Had one picked out just in case.
//// Stage manager, not an actor.
2004-12-20 11:08:10 PM  
I had a girl named Susan Crotchfelt in my bio class freshman year.

I would not hit it, she was mingen.

Then again, so was I at that time.

/I still am.
2004-12-20 11:13:44 PM  
omg that was to funny .... a lot of great posts with the names.

How about Shea Swallows?
2004-12-20 11:15:00 PM  
flaminio: Ah, who'm I kidding? I'd hit a knot in a tree if the sap was running.

IF the sap was running??? I'd just lube it up otherwise.

I agree though. I'd hit the stripper or the youth pastor. Probably enjoy the youth pastor more.
2004-12-20 11:33:06 PM  

"Bill Gate's Computer Academy" would be a no-no as it
infringes more on Mr Gate's status in an existing area of business.

"Bill Gate's Plumbing Academy" however, should be legal. Assuming that the owner/founder is also named Bill Gates.
2004-12-21 12:00:10 AM  
I worked with a guy for a while called "Dickson Wang." His nickname (not that he knew about it) was "The Unfortunately Named."
2004-12-21 12:20:35 AM  
I'd do 'em both
2004-12-21 12:34:35 AM  
Wouldn't the stripper be worried more about a potentially, and normally uptight "youth pastor" ruining her good name?
2004-12-21 12:37:25 AM  
Back in college, I had a calculus prof named Jet Wimp. He was, without a doubt, the single greatest math teacher in history. Growing up with that name had given him a unique sense of humor. Choice quotes: "OK, now we get orgasmic cancellation, and all of these terms go away...", "And even Hulk Hogan could see that the answer is x^2."

Of course, he was only one third of the MCS dept. trifecta: Professors Wimp, Weiner, and the very appropriately-named Schmutz.

/Drexel University, class of 2001
// Duke sucks and Drexel blows...
2004-12-21 12:39:30 AM  
back in high school, i was a valet. we had a monthly customer named Richard B. Cummings. I'd say he's almost 70 by now. Didn't parents think back in those days?
2004-12-21 12:43:00 AM  
man....carrie bare could turn me christian. or whatever relgion she is. both of them.
2004-12-21 01:48:05 AM  
My grandfather's name is Richard Dickey... Mhmm, Dick Dickey.

My great-grandparents must've been bad people.

It's sad because it's true
2004-12-21 04:55:08 AM

in love with the playhouse. been there a few times, have the t-shirt.
2004-12-21 05:16:46 AM  
I know a guy named Richard Head. You don't want to be next to him when he introduces himself to someone new:

"Hi, I'm Dick Head. DICK HEAD. Get it?" (Laughs to himself like it's a blinder.)

Yes, Dick, we all know ... we ALL know.
2004-12-21 06:45:54 AM  
worst. name. ever.

/original site's gone, I'm thinking it's was a fake..
2004-12-21 06:47:56 AM  
Ooops link was filtered... try
without the @
2004-12-21 07:26:55 AM  
My friend had a client named Richard Rash. He, like the aforementioned Mr. Head preferred that people called him Dick.

"Because everyone remembers Dick Rash!" he always said.

/absolutely would not hit it with the youth minister
//rather get my rash from the stripper
2004-12-21 07:44:59 AM  
Best names I've encountered:

Friend worked with a guy named Craven Cox. Really.

I had a meeting for work once with a guy named Dick Palmer.
2004-12-21 08:21:16 AM  
I got everyone beat. I used to work with a guy named Mike Hunt. (no REALLY!)

Needless to say, he used his middle name instead of his first ALL the time.
2004-12-21 09:22:43 AM  
At my school the girl was named "Cindy Goodhead" lots of fun with that one.
2004-12-21 09:24:51 AM  
I worked w/ a Mike Hunt too- he INSISTED on Michael (like that was going to fool everyone!)
2004-12-21 09:43:27 AM  
jnash: Needless to say, he used his middle name instead of his first ALL the time.


I once had the opportunity to meet a Ms. Cock, first name of Anita.
Someone wasn't thinking in that family. Or maybe they were...
2004-12-21 10:15:40 AM  
There was a lady I grew up with whose name was "Sandra Dick", so of course, it was really "Sandy Dick". When her kids were in elementary school, sthe family's last name was changed to "Deck". So now she's "Sandy Deck".

Can't make this stuff up
2004-12-21 11:10:15 AM  
Ah, who'm I kidding? I'd hit a knot in a tree if the sap was running.

Maple Syrup!

2004-12-21 11:13:01 AM  
Dick Palmer?

Second time this morning-

[image from too old to be available]
2004-12-21 11:49:31 AM  
Carrie Carrie was a Bare,
Carrie Carrie had no hair

down there.
2004-12-21 01:07:27 PM  
I love the fact that step mom to be was at the strip club.. and the Youth Minister had no problem with that... That family rules!!
2004-12-21 02:36:37 PM  
I did the google link on Carrie Bare and came up with this image:

My eyes hurt now
2004-12-21 02:45:48 PM  
Went to college w/ a Rita Beavers. One instructor insisted on calling the roll every class {in a big lecture hall - really ate into the time). I think she was still getting snickers the last day of class.
2004-12-21 03:44:08 PM  
This whole thing sounds like a Simpsons episode. At first I was thinking it was just the silly names (itching for some prank phone calls), but now I'm thinking that there might be a "Ned Flanders" stripper story in here somewhere.

Oh wait, didn't they already make that episode?
2004-12-21 04:50:23 PM  
I have you all beat. I've actually met sisters named Tremendous and Glorious Johnson. I'm not making this up. You try not letting out a guffaw when you meet someone like that. Just try.
2004-12-21 06:27:21 PM  
i went to summer camp with a guy named bill hymen. needless to say, we started calling him "buster" right away, but "willy buster" would have been funnier.
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