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(Chicago Sun-Times)   Neighbors complain man's truck parked outside home is eyesore. Man says "I'll give you an eyesore", paints house fluorescent green. Hilarity ensues   ( divider line
    More: Hero  
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40864 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Dec 2004 at 1:50 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

177 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-12-17 02:24:12 PM  
There are only two reasons to own a truck like that:

1) You need it for your job.
2) Your penis is an innie.

3) It's so freakin cool.
4) A great big F. U. in the faces of the we-hate-SUVs pansies.
2004-12-17 02:24:23 PM  
That's awesome, both the truck and the house.
2004-12-17 02:24:45 PM  
rasons for not buy that truck...

(1) I cannot afford to buy one. It costs just over $100,000. That doesn't even include the $8900 in personal property tax charged in my stinking state. Yes, the dreaded car tax.

(2) what does my penis size have to do with it? my penis is only average, but as long as I can get it up and do the job, who cares? Who cares if the biatch gets off or not?

(3) hate disel engines, hate having to stand next to a diesel pump at the gas station, and the diesel smell

having said all that, that truck is still at the top of my Christmas wishlist... yeah, right.... like that's gonna happen... not even if Santa sells his soul to the devil...
2004-12-17 02:25:01 PM  
That is a very nice big truck and creamypanda might be well-endowed.
2004-12-17 02:27:02 PM  
Son of Thunder,

That's actually four reasons. And reasons 3 and 4 are covered by reason 2.
2004-12-17 02:27:49 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-12-17 02:28:29 PM  
And suprisingly, my neighbors love me. I have 4 VW's parked in my drive and on the road. I have nekid pictures painted on mine. I think they know better than to try to stir something up with me. I would have no problems with painting a huge snatch on my roof in fluorescent paint and a huge "eat me" under it. A pic of one of my pimped out rides [image from too old to be available]
2004-12-17 02:29:16 PM  
just want to add a few more thing...

I own three vehicles... '95 Chevy Suburban(raised 6-inches with big tires), '02 Mini Cooper S, and '04 Volvo XC90.

I pick which one to drive, depending on what my trip needs. Mini Cooper is perfect for getting groceries. Volvo is great in snow. Suburban great for trips to the Home Depot and hunting trips.
2004-12-17 02:30:19 PM  
don't know why people bash SUV drivers... have you seen how some people drive their BMWs?
2004-12-17 02:30:37 PM  
That's almost as silly as...

I once visited a friend in Sydney, Australia. She lived in a 3-duplex complex (hehe, 3 duplexes side-by-side) in a fairly normal neighborhood of different residential buildings. The streets are narrow one-way, the distance between buildings is small. I hung a towel over a rail on the upper-level duplex to dry out.

Within a couple hours someone had left a note on the front door telling my friend and her roommates that we must remove it by some rule, and that they were going to tell the property management company if we did not.

2004-12-17 02:31:09 PM  
Son of Thunder
I don't hate SUVs but I hate Greenwich, CT housewives driving around in their farking Hummers going to pick up their screaming future-prick children from soccer practice while talking on their cell phones.

Drives me nuts. If you have a reason to have a big truck like that (work, triplets like my sister has, etc., etc.) fine. But to get one to be the coolest kid on the block or so you can go pick up an antique lamp for your farking mansion is just asinine.
2004-12-17 02:32:24 PM  

Haha- sorry, my bad.

Wait- I got an update! The guy sent me an updated picture, where he fixed his paining mistakes! I still think he did a lousy job on the windowsills though, I guess he didn't have any leverage when painting it.

I'll put it over the old file.
2004-12-17 02:33:00 PM  
Paining = Painting to be a pain. It's in Websters somewhere. Try the index.
2004-12-17 02:33:14 PM  

I am only average-sized and definitely NOT well-endowed.

Penis size has nothing to do with the cars I buy and drive.

Not to start a flame war, but don't most African-American males have really big penises? I know quite a few who drive Caddy Escalades... how do you explain that?

see my comments above :.)
2004-12-17 02:33:18 PM  
Lots of houses in Nova Scotia are painted various shades of mint green. No, really.
2004-12-17 02:34:27 PM  
last but not least, somebody got a picture to that biatching green house?

thanks in advance!
2004-12-17 02:35:26 PM  
Man, I would go browse the Windows 3.1 color schemes for the most garish color combo I could find. "Hot Dog Stand" works nicely, but there are even better ones. Not only would I paint the house those colors, but a 1984 Dodge Caravan purchased from the newspaper classifieds for $150.

Next month, I would paint my house and van again, this time using the "The Cheat" color scheme.

The month after that, I would paint it and the van white, and just when the neighbors thought I had come to my senses, I would throw multi-colored paint-filled balloons (all high-vis colors) at it and the van.

The month after that, the local news media would be camped out in the front yard as I get the ladder and painting paraphernalia out for another round. I would give numerous interviews over the next several days before beginning my work, which would resemble a 1950's McDonald's, again, with matching 1984 minivan.

The month after that, my website would be up and running, with high and low bandwidth jpegs of all the various ways I have painted my house. FARK would pick it up within about ten minutes. Bill Hemmer from CNN's Early Edition morning show would be there to give me the remainder of my 15 minutes of fame, during which I ask Bill to help me pick out some paint chips for my next masterpiece. I then paint the place and the van green, brown, and black camouflage.

The month after that, I paint the house and van "Simpsons" style. The media will have tired of me by then, so I leave it that way until the neighbors, sick of all the attention they've received because they wouldn't let me park my bobtail tractor in the driveway during the two days a week I'm not trucking, they cut me a deal that not only would they let me park my rig at home, they'd send one of the neighborhood kids to wash and wax it every week.

The minivan would go up on eBay, with the proceeds going toward one of my favorite charities.
2004-12-17 02:39:16 PM  
That's actually four reasons.

WHAT? WHAT? You mean to say that my adding two items to your two items made...
wait, let me do some calculations...
this many [image from too old to be available]?
I am flabbergasted! Shocked! Somebody get me a beach towel, 'cause my head is swimming!

And reasons 3 and 4 are covered by reason 2.

Actually, my Freud-fellating friend, classical psychoanalysis would classify reason 4 within an entirely different motivational force. And if a cigar can just be a cigar, then a truck can be a truck, undermining the oversimplified thought process required to reduce all aspects of reason 3 to reason 2.
2004-12-17 02:39:33 PM  
I always thought that sports cars were aimed at the small penis demographic.
2004-12-17 02:43:31 PM  
Yeah, sure.

Look, the guy's being a "you can't tell me what to do" schmuck. Results:

1. He still had to move the truck.
2. He's now stuck living in a lime green house.

He's welcome to paint his house brown with pink spots for all anyone cares, because it's legal to do so. While this infantile response to authority is funny, that's all it is, really.
2004-12-17 02:44:11 PM  
Whups - I thought I closed that darn tag...
2004-12-17 02:44:42 PM  
Wow, I think we've got a second case of the "so dense light bends around him"...
2004-12-17 02:46:04 PM  
small penis demographic...

Now that's funny!

/I'm in a focus group!
2004-12-17 02:48:51 PM  
Actually a lot of those big trucks are illegal on residential streets, it's just never enforced with passenger vehicles. There's a LOT of residential streets you're legally not permitted to drive suburbans etc on.

Especially small residential bridges etc... just that asshats who buy them have no idea how much they weight and never pay attention to local laws and signage.

If you can't drive it on a street, you can't park it on that street either.
2004-12-17 02:50:19 PM  
"RadicalDave" I live next to a guy that parks his semi at his house all the time. If someone were to complain first I would help my neighbor paint his house exterior green then I would paint my house exterior orange. Fark people who can't seem to mind there own business.
2004-12-17 02:50:55 PM  
yeah, that's funny...

don't even get me started on what women with small titties like to drive... (according to my longtime car salesman)
2004-12-17 02:51:00 PM  
Reminds me of what someone did in Lubbock, TX
Purple House

/hopes the link works
2004-12-17 02:52:28 PM  

I support the guy, and I live next to a guy with a pair of 10 wheel gravel trucks. He and his wife haul gravel and junk for people. They make good money and its their right to park in front of their house, behind their house or in that weird strip of ground between our places. It's a truck. Yeah, it's ugly, but so is a lot of stuff.
2004-12-17 02:56:07 PM  
My tail of woe..

I'm a Ham radio operator, and so I have a couple of antenna's on my car. A couple of years ago, I had someone else in our townhome development come up to me and say "You know, you can't have that many antenna's on your car. It makes the neighborhood look bad." I told the lady there was nothing wrong with it, and that there was nothing in the homeowners' assoc. rules which prohibit/restrict it. She then said "Well, you still shouldn't because it makes the neighborhood look bad." At this poing I was pissed, so I told this lady off. I told her "Look, I participate in emergency communications for different organizations, and I can only do that if I have that antenna on my car. I save lives. I have saved your life. If you have a complaint about it point it out in the homeowners association rules, otherwise, back off." I never heard from the lady again.

Picture of car

I hate homeowners associations and will never live in another one again as long as I live.
2004-12-17 02:56:54 PM  
I used to live in a neighborhood where you couldn't even park a truck with the name of your business on it outside. I guess these people didn't want anyone who actually works for a living in their neighborhood.

/HOA's can suck it
2004-12-17 02:58:01 PM  
don't even get me started on what women with small titties like to drive...

Other women?
2004-12-17 02:58:57 PM  

Testify my brotha! HMAs are the most unamerican thing imaginable. They are a big part of the reason that I am a proud rural american.
2004-12-17 02:59:53 PM  

I work with a guy who's into Ham radio, police scanners, etc. His car has all kinds of antennas on it. The kicker..? It's a Ford Crown Victoria, same as what the Md. state police use. When we go out to lunch, people see his car and move out of the way.
2004-12-17 02:59:54 PM  
Maui Haui

Dude, thats you?! Ive seen you driving around before :)

Northern DC area. :)
2004-12-17 03:00:49 PM  
Wowie, Maui Haui--- you sure are cool. 4 crappy VWs in various stages of disrepair with naked people on them.

If you lived in my neighborhood (which I'm sufficiently sure you couldn't afford) and painted a snatch on your roof, I'd burn the farker down.
2004-12-17 03:01:57 PM  

You're from Maryland, if I remember correctly? Whereabouts? I'm in Washington County, in an unincorporated town that is zoned agricultural. Sure beats Montgomery Village or Columbia.
2004-12-17 03:03:59 PM  

no pics
2004-12-17 03:04:37 PM  
My neighbor parks his landscape truck infront of his house. Nice guy, but the farkin workers make a ton of noise when they come over and pul equipment off of it.

I'm sure there is an ordinance about this. It looks like Sanford and Son.

My dad made his neighbor move his Tasteykake truck though. The thing was huge, and blue and yellow. Makes the neighborhoods look shiatty. We all worked for a living, we just leave our offices somewhere else.
2004-12-17 03:04:50 PM  
Jack Squat:

Now you see, that right there is the problem. If he's living in your neighborhooe, then he CAN afford it. And whether you think his vehicles are cool or not is completely irrelevent. They aren't yours. It isn't your problem, you responsibility or your business. You have appointed yourself arbitor of taste, and are willing to enforce subjective right and wrong. You're as bad as the babtists.
2004-12-17 03:04:56 PM  
Maui Haui, Jack Squat

One of you is an artist, the other is an arsonist.

I'll let you figure it out.
2004-12-17 03:04:59 PM  
I don't understand what her problem was, I mean, what's the big deal?
[image from too old to be available]
2004-12-17 03:06:16 PM  

Whew. You got my number. DO you have an exceptionally good memory, did I really piss you off a while ago, or do I know you from somewhere?
2004-12-17 03:06:43 PM  
Maui Haui - is that a split window bus? A coworker who helps me work on my 356 has a '66 split...
2004-12-17 03:07:39 PM  
Jack Squat

Having vehicles of which you don't approve constitutes a valid reason to destroy someone else's property?

I am intrigued by your ideas and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
2004-12-17 03:08:57 PM  

I think I remember you from a thread about Toyota Priuses (Prii?). Don't think we pissed each other off. I try to behave most of the time.
2004-12-17 03:11:17 PM  

You have fantastic rainman like powers. I do in fact own a Prius, or at least part of one. That would have been me. And you're right. Montgomery county does suck @55. Strip malls and irritable people as far as the eye can see.
2004-12-17 03:12:28 PM  
"a fine from the homeowner's association. Thou shalt not park vehicles on the lawn!"

Homeowner's associations scare me, I think I'd probably run them off of my property with a shotgun if they tried to fine me for unloading a truck on the lawn. Failing that I'd declare that I could not reasonably belong to their organization and that any fines they attempted to level at me were an attempt to violate my First Amendment Rights.
2004-12-17 03:13:57 PM  
Hero? How about a Douche Bag tag?

We're not talking about Nazi HOA's that don't want pickup trucks or vans with company names on them here... this guy had a semi parked in a residential neighborhood. Unless you've ever had a big diesel idling outside your bedroom while you're trying to sleep, you have no idea how annoying it is. These trucks have to be warmed up for quite some time before hitting the road. Not to mention there's nothing like being down-wind of one of these things on a nice day when you have all your windows open and he decides to fire it up. By the time you get your windows closed, it's too late, your whole house smells like a truck stop.

I seriously doubt the "eyesore" factor had very much to do with it. These rigs, just like tour busses, are a nuisance in residential areas. Not to mention a safety issue. Some dumb kid falls underneath it while he's pulling it out and he wouldn't even know it.


I guess these people didn't want anyone who actually works for a living in their neighborhood.

No, they don't want a**holes with a 2 car garage filled with everything but cars, a driveway full of personal vehicles and a business truck parked in the street leaking oil and pool cleaning chemicals all over the place, and blocking half the road so people who occasionally visit have no place to park, and trash/fire/delivery trucks can't get by.

Not that I have a neighbor like that or anything...

Seriously, if your company has no place to park their vehicles, they should rent a storage lot. Your neighbors shouldn't have to look at a crapped out work truck. I'm sure yours is nice, but they can't make a rule that only applies to "ugly" vehicles or they'd get sued. As usual, people with no consideration or common sense spoil it for those who do.
2004-12-17 03:16:13 PM  
Hero indeed!!
2004-12-17 03:17:41 PM  
When I moved to Houston, I parked my pickup and trailer on the lawn for one hour to unload it. I immediately received a letter of complaint and a fine from the homeowner's association. Thou shalt not park vehicles on the lawn!

Some people have nothing better to do...

Homeowner's associations exist to do one thing... keep minorities out. I'd never live in a neighborhood that has one.
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