People don't like the ovulating thing just because it mentions ovulating. The line might not be so bad in context.

MEHTOOLE
That made me LOL!! Voting should be enabled!

Tammy Pon clung there, strung out.

The Jennifer line is actually kinda hawt if you think about it...

Lucy plainly mumbled that the paper tractor trailers could only reveal the end of carpet when carnivorous lamp shades triumphantly repeat translucent candle sticks of oscillating splendor while the bump on the plastic sidewalk ended growing smaller elephant zip drive green upscale pain flows through her shoestrings.

/yep...that sucks

Carnahan wept as though the great bowels of the ocean, the shore of which he stood upon, had welled up inside of his very being only to be spilled in steaming torrents down his tanned, downy cheeks.

There was a scent in the air that could not be described; it smelled like fish.

As the Afghan boy approached the counter with his cart overfollowing with grocery items, The Grocer at the counter smiled, for the boy could not have been more than eight years old.

''Whaddah weee 'ave 'ere sonny? Preparations for a wedding perhaps!'' Implied The Grocer trying to make conversation with the refugee boy.

''Yes'' Replied the Afghan boy, ''A marriage''.

''Whose marriage?'' Questioned the grocery interestedly.

''Your Father's'' said the boy as matter-of-factly.

I know who the murderer is, Kevin blogged.

Priceless!

The sun was in the sky -- well not really in the sky, but out in space above the sky -- glimmering like a fiery, hot ball of gas.

Jimmy slowly let his head hang down. Green with envy, maybe he shouldn't have slept with Rosy the town slut. Meanwhile everyone else strutted around holding their heads up pink with glee.

I like big butts, and I cannot lie.

"The night was sultry."

/mama

KlumtheFark, colonpee - are we having problems grasping the concept behind the meaning of the word "sentence"?

My favorite from the contests:

"Vewy cwever, Mr Blonde, But not cwever enough!" said Elmer as he leveled the double-barreled shotgun at the befuddled British agent in the pink bunny suit.

"Epilogue:"

/my humble submission

Realizing he waited too late to choke back on the fart, Gerald filled his pants with the hot sour smell of defeat, and motioned for his wife to bring a towel, the last clean one in the house.

His hesian underpants chafed in the gaping chasm between his sweat-beaded buttocks as Horatio muttered under his breath, "Cornish pasties are NOT supposed to be chewy".

In retrospect, Grace realized she probably shouldn't have farked a Republican. ~M. Waggoner

LMFAO!!!

The Limp Fisted Noodle of Siagon was all that stood between me and my one true love, well that and her two-hundred pound boyfriend Pedro.

Blood and confectioners sugar were everywhere, I turned my head in disgust, sure the clerk had got what was coming to him but I didnt expect the powdered doughnuts to get caught in the crossfire.

Mary *had* heard that starving cats would eat the flesh of their masters, but she wished they would have waited for her to die first.

The dancing clown laughed roughly, and mocked my belief system.

"Thursday!" shouted the tall, menacing demon...clutching his pink parasol with one scaly red hand while disembowling the raccoon with the other.

- or -

The morning was furtive, insomuch as it gave the impression of a thing most people can't define.

- or -

There were no two ways about it: Gerald was going to have to gnaw out his own colon.

I've won Dishonorable Mention two years running.

I thought I had funnier entries than the one they picked this year, but I do like the one of mine they picked last year:

After escaping the clutches of that crazy cult, it was going to take more money than that to start a new life, but still, for one day's work, 30 pieces of silver wasn't bad.

Here's my entry:

Jesus smacked me a high-5 like LSD to the cornea.

He had a gleam in his eye, fear in his heart, and a Jesus shaped birthmark on his thigh.

He browsed the wall's of the doctors office, carefully noting the autographed pictures of NASCAR legends such as Richard Petty and Dale Earnhardt, figures he had heard of while growing up but had never invested too much passion in as he never cared much for racing in circles - it was distracting, all right, distracting enough for him to almost miss the doctor's grim assessment of his recent tests, as the physician quietly said, "You have herpes again, Mr. Smith."

That headline would be perfect if it was THIS Jennifer...



...and she was waiting for ME!

There was a scent in the air that could not be described; it smelled like fish

Oh my God, that's some funny shiat.

He had diarrhea- not with him, of course, but back home in a jar in the refrigerator.

What did she want, her purple bellybutton eyes caressing my forearm and the the egg-shaped swelling of my tuberculosis test reaction; positive.

Leon fell out of the goat.

Hahahahahahaha!

Jennifer Garner = definatly would NOT hit it.

/yuk

"I didn't like having to wrap the presents, it hurt my fingers, and it frightened me."

I haven't laughed this hard since the DUI on a horse.

Kudos to submitter.

As he looked over the gazelle carcass, Gil couldn't escape the nagging feeling growing in the back of his head like a tulip, or maybe a rose bush. No, it was more like a tulip, one where the bulb was slightly damaged, and you might think it wouldn't bloom, but then it did, one sunny afternoon, while you were burying the body of your sister's chirpractor.

bytesizesound

Hilarious. just. farking. hilarious.

(By the way, I should mention that my 'opening line' is actually a line in a play called The American Dream. Funny play actually.)

Hebalo

Major kudos if you wrote that, it was farking hilarious.

wow, it's a good thing I didn't read about this four days ago on yahoo...behold the power of instant information on the internet!

I can't believe I ate the cranberry sauce, the entire blueberry pie, and all the guacamole, Ted said, the color rising to his cheeks.

"If it wasn't for my horse. I wouldn't have spent that year in college

Hebalo

Major kudos if you wrote that, it was farking hilarious.

thanks, it's mine.

/English degree FINALLY useful for something.

She had that indefinable air of sophistication about her; it was in the way that she glided as radiantly as a firefly across the room, and the way in which her eyes danced from person to person, flitting like a butterfly only to rest on the flowery gaze of the man she loved, as everyone present but her noticed the mentrual juices forming a red carpet behind the train of her wedding dress as she strode confidently down the aisle.

Outside in the distance stood a man I didnt know, well, Im pretty sure I didnt know him, he was so far away I couldnt really tell, but Im sure if I knew him he would have come over and said hi.

He had been born with a tail the type of tail most monkeys shine to and as Jorge aged, his tail grew stronger - in fact, if he were to clench his butt cheeks, he found he could actually manipulate the simian appendage with the same dexterity one would find with an accomplished gymnast which endeared him to the clientele at the pizzeria where he worked

I think it happened like this, but I've been known to exaggerate (or so says my psychologist, who's high on like a hundred drugs all the farking time).

NoAssemblyReqd:

Nice.