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(Reuters)   Woman smokes for 90 years, still doesn't have enough Marlboro miles to buy anything decent   ( ) divider line 88
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16933 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Dec 2004 at 10:49 PM (10 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2004-12-15 11:45:22 PM  
And she called herself a smoker.

90years x 365days x 15smokes (Benson and Hedges) = 492,750 cigarettes.

I've been smoking over 2 packs a day of Camel Filters for over 35 years (2 cartons a week = 57 cigarettes a day)

35years x 365days x 57smokes = 734,562.5 cigarettes.

I've got her beat by 241,812.5 cigarettes already and I'm still kicking.

If I live another 13 years, I'll have smoked 1,000,000 cigarettes. I should have enough Camel Cash for a gold plated Iron Lung by then.
2004-12-15 11:48:55 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
"Well, OldCuckold, see you soon."

/relaying the message
2004-12-15 11:49:10 PM  
i've been smoking since this summer. i've bummed all but 2 packs, so i really dont have any miles to show for it. one of my co-workers was kind enough to get me started on kamel reds when i was in a bit of a funk after a nasty breakup. i think i'll go smoke a little bit more now.

/is drunk
//cigarettes are always better when drunk
2004-12-15 11:51:00 PM  
Dude you almost smoke 3 packs a day! How do you have the energy to even type at the keyboard? That's just bad.

I smoke about a pack a day. A little bit more than this lady. I would be pissed if that was what people defined me by.
2004-12-16 12:00:47 AM  
OldCuckold if you live for another 13 years you will have spent roughly $125,000 on cigarettes (adjusting very roughly for inflation). Congratulations though, so far you've spent $90,000.

Forget health reasons, the cost and the god-awful stank should be the reasons people either quit or never take it up.

In fact, just the god-awful stank is enough of a reason.

Would anyone pay roughly $7 a day to roll around in smouldering, cat-urine-soaked kitty litter and then pour coffee through the kitty litter to put out the fire and gargle with that coffee afterwards?
2004-12-16 12:03:30 AM  
I think farkers are taking the smoking thing a little too literally. It's not the fact she smoked so many cigarettes during her life, it's the fact that after 90 years of smoking she dies of natural causes. Seriously, what are the odds of that?
2004-12-16 12:05:31 AM  
Did anyone else get a tear in their eye when they read that this was all done by staff at her nursing home? Did she not have family to be there during her last days, or were they just too busy? Christ, it must be awful to die surrounded by people you've hired to keep you alive.

/And smokers should smoke all they want. Leaves more planet for the rest of us.
2004-12-16 12:08:10 AM  
As someone who wants to quit, I can't imagine anyone smoking more than a pack a day. WHere do you get the time? I can't smoke in my cubicle, and that's 8 hours/day. Trying to get in 1 pack during work would make you quite counterproductive.
2004-12-16 12:21:12 AM  
I'm saving my miles for the Marlboro Health Insurance. I've already got all the camping gear that I can use in my lifetime.
2004-12-16 12:32:54 AM  
Dumb woman coulda lived to 106 or 107 if she had led a smoke-free life and eaten right!
2004-12-16 12:43:55 AM  
Some people are just blessed with good genes with aggressive DNA repair mechanisms and efficient detoxification enzymes. Not to mention a strong immune system that kills any wayward cancerous cell on the spot. Some of us ain't that lucky.

/has 101 year old grandmother who never smoked or drank
2004-12-16 12:58:22 AM  
My father passed away at 72 from lung cancer, he was a heavy smoker since he was 13. He also had a drinking problem for much of his adult life. Whenever he would tell someone he had lung cancer, many times they would ask "From smoking?". Eventually my dad started to respond with, "No, the doctors think its from the asbestos in the Church"

Always liked his sense of humor
2004-12-16 01:00:20 AM  
You got nothin'
[image from too old to be available]

102 years on the smokes, 122 total.
2004-12-16 01:13:09 AM  
Would anyone pay roughly $7 a day to roll around in smouldering, cat-urine-soaked kitty litter and then pour coffee through the kitty litter to put out the fire and gargle with that coffee afterwards?

DUDE. You can do this for only $7?

farker's rippin' me off.
2004-12-16 01:19:27 AM  
legendary. especially the sugar in the soup bit.
2004-12-16 01:55:55 AM  
A good friend's father died in September due to lung cancer caused by his smoking. He was 49. A cousin of mine has had throat cancer, twice, and is not yet 50. The second time was about 3 years ago, and it should have killed him. Only very aggressive, very new chemo, as much as he could stand without dying from *that*, is what saved him. He quit smoking as soon as he found out he had the cancer the first time.
I'm not a smoker, which is good, 'cause I'd have been a 3 pack a day kind of girl, but I understand how addictive it is. I see people that I care about around me every day smoking, even as they're talking about trying to quit, and all I can think of sometimes is "I hope I'm not holding your hand as you're dying from whatever cancer you end up getting..."

Maybe that's selfish of me, but I can't think it's any more selfish than the people who think nothing of what their habit is doing to those around them, even separate from second hand smoke.

Just my two cents.
2004-12-16 01:57:32 AM  
My ex was the king of scamming marlboro out of their stuff. He'd send in a ziploc bag full of miles in a big wad and would always get what he ordered even though we're positive there weren't near enough miles to cover the order. He sold nearly everything on ebay and made a killing. We also took a weeklong trip to a beautiful Mexican resort for Camel cash and a couple hundred bucks.
2004-12-16 02:27:03 AM  
She died in a nursing home, she very well could have arrived there at 65. Who knows whether she actually was in good health for the end of her life...if the first thing she did in the morning was ask for a cigarette, I'll guess she didn't enjoy the last few decades.
2004-12-16 02:28:55 AM  
Brilliant, absolutely brilliant Gameshowhost
2004-12-16 02:29:14 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Marie was a good smoker, and a good woman. She was... She was one of us. She was a man who loved the outdoors, and smoking, and as a surfer explored the beaches of southern California from Redondo to Calabasas. And she was an avid smoker. And a good friend. She died--she died as so many of her generation, before their time. In your wisdom you took her, Lord. As you took so many bright flowering young men, at Khe San and Lan Doc and Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And Marie too. Marie who loved smoking.
2004-12-16 02:47:04 AM  
"Would anyone pay roughly $7 a day to roll around in smouldering, cat-urine-soaked kitty litter and then pour coffee through the kitty litter to put out the fire and gargle with that coffee afterwards?"

Strangely, I enjoy the smell of cigarette smoke. I also only pay about $5 a week at absolute most. Certainly not good excuses to smoke, I know..
2004-12-16 03:34:15 AM  
i used to enjoy the smell of cigaretter smoke too falkone, right up until i finally quit for real and made it more than three or four weeks without a cigarette.

its a pretty bizarre thing when a smell/taste you used to crave suddenly makes you naseuous, once your body isnt addicted to it anymore.

not being a cigarette nazi -- some em if ya want to. just was a strange thing to me, how much it changed when i wasnt craving nicotine... and i was a light smoker too, a pack a week or so, maybe two if i started my weekend on wednesday.
2004-12-16 03:52:41 AM  
the article said she was buried at the nursing home garden, so my guess is she didn't have any family or religious community. it is quite sad, when you think about it. who wants to live that long, if you're just going to end up alone?

/starting to get depressed.
2004-12-16 04:59:13 AM  
what are these marlboro miles you speak of?
do any other cig. companies do this sort of thing?
2004-12-16 06:18:12 AM  
2004-12-16 03:34:15 AM spooter

i used to enjoy the smell of cigaretter smoke too falkone, right up until i finally quit for real and made it more than three or four weeks without a cigarette.

its a pretty bizarre thing when a smell/taste you used to crave suddenly makes you naseuous, once your body isnt addicted to it anymore.

I'm the same way right now... only I was roughly (average) a pack and a half day smoker. Now tasting a cigarette is enough to make me gag. Smelling it just makes me sneeze a lot. Smoked for 6 months. Quit 6 months ago. Quit for 3 years before I last smoked, smoked for 3 years before that... I seem to be doing okay now, but I still think about having a smoke constantly. Just to cut loose and do something different than sitting in front of the computer waiting for the next Fark photoshop to come up. It was just something to do. *grumble*
2004-12-16 07:42:27 AM  
Not even an iron lung?
2004-12-16 08:32:18 AM  
Anti-smoking nazis will claim she could have lived to 150. Jackasses.
2004-12-16 09:09:34 AM  
I concur with the other ex-smokers. I smoked for nearly 20 years, quit when I became a father. That point where the smell or taste (or even thought) of smoking makes you nauseous is key.

A few years back I took a long solo road trip from NYC to New Orleans, about 4-5 months into my quitting phase. I thought, man, a 1,500-mile road trip, I gotta cheat a little. No way could I envision driving that long and far without smoking.

Bought a pack of Marlboros in New Jersey, starting smoking like a fiend. After a few hours, I felt really lousy. That night in the hotel room, I had a splitting headache.

Next day, kept smoking, felt like crap. At my hotel room in Tupelo, Miss., I had another headache with waves of nausea. Crushed the pack of cigs, said "f*ck this shiat", and never smoked another again.

The very thought of smoking brings a palpable wave of nausea in me, like Alex in "Clockwork Orange." Those of you trying to quit... get to the point where your body is back to the state of purity it was once a 15-year-old who gets sick smoking his first cig behind the barn. That's the real turning point, where the urge repels you instead of enticing you.
2004-12-16 09:17:46 AM  
"AAaaaaaw, isn't that cute?"

"Gee, aren't they witty?"

A WOMAN DIED you filthy cocksuckers. Not that I really care, but this is farking lame. So she had a vice. Big farking deal. Certainly there was more to this woman's life than a bad habit. This brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "beating a dead horse".

2004-12-16 09:24:51 AM  
HORRAY for my first approved my first submitted link. I'm battin' 1000 biatchez!

/quiting while ahead
//actually quitting to go have a smoke
2004-12-16 10:27:55 AM  
"its a pretty bizarre thing when a smell/taste you used to crave suddenly makes you naseuous, once your body isnt addicted to it anymore.

Too right. I smoked for about a year when I was 18 then realised that I hated it and haven't touched a cigarette since. Now about half a decade on I hate even standing next to someone smoking as afterwards I can smell it in my hair and on my clothes, forcing me to shower and throw everything into the laundry.

Makes me cringe to think how badly I must have stunk during that year. Think I do have a particularly strong sense of smell though. I can smell the breath of most people that I talk to from quite a distance away. Even my dentist's and my orthodonist's breath stinks. I used to tell people but now I meet so many with arse breath that I'm forced to just weather it these days. It's extremely hard holding down a conversation with someone exhaling l'eau de la abattoir.
2004-12-16 01:28:03 PM  
I quit smoking on January 16, 1995 and next month I will celebrate my 10th year of liberation from the slavery of nicotine addiction.

I make it my habit to pick up every empty cigarette pack I see, Marlboro foremost but also every other brand which gives prizes, and rip them off for all the free stuff I can glom.

I average 62 packs a day, and since I started this I have gotten about $50,000 worth of merchandise. . . and I'm NOT Bee-essing anyone!

My loot includes 35 Swiss Army knives worth about $50 each, 25 Swiss Army watches worth $130 each, 11 astronomical telescopes, 21 pairs of binoculars, 30-40 coats and garments of various kinds, 15 boom boxes, 3 baby hand-held color tv sets--------more crap than I can inventory!

I am having a slow year this year, with "only" $5,000 or so worth of crap.

Few people realize this, but when you walk by an empty cigarette pack, that's just the same as passing up a quarter laying in the street; but how seldom do you find a quarter--and how many empty cigartette packs do you see?

By the way, Christmas didn't cost me a CENT this year, and I always have plenty of spare gifts on the shelf, in case anyone has a birthday or whatever.

Closest thing to free money I have ever seen in my life, and if I can do it, you can do it too; we need to get the word out. I would like to get all the Farkers and Farkettes organized into a Tobacco Ripoff Club.
2004-12-16 01:35:02 PM  
This isn't evidence that smoking is OK, obviously, but I think people like her are definitely evidence that all the scared little pussies running around crying about too much fat in the food and too much smoke in the air need to take a step back, realize their life is pretty good, and realize they need to stop inventing things to worry about.
2004-12-16 01:37:57 PM  
olddinosaur... you get the [image from too old to be available] tag from me! Can I get on your Christmas list? ... avid watch collector.
2004-12-16 01:46:35 PM  
Ya know after reading this I feel like going out to have a nice soothing Marlboro Red Box cigarrette.

/hates the damn laws cause those non-smokers HAD to have us smokers go outside
//why couldn't they be happy with their own little room, with all their other non-smokers and let us smokers enjoy a cig with our drinks?
///I can agree with keeping smoking out of the dining room but THE BAR?!?!?!?!
2004-12-16 01:57:26 PM  
Uh, previous poster, you're a little late, contest closed Sep. 30.

However a new contest is opening Jan 31, and to get on the list, dial 1-800-MARLBORO, and send them a copy of your drivers' license and all that BS; takes a little time but it's worth it.

Meanwhile, keep collecting those "Miles:"; that's the little bar-code on the lower righthand side of the pack. each one is worth about a quarter, and it usually takes about 2300 "miles" or 460 packs, for a Swiss Army Watch.

If you keep your eyes open, you can probably find 5-10 packs a day, I also routinely sweep places like Circle Ks and car washes, they are always good locations.

You also need to sign up as meny friends and relatives as you can, especially any women you have designs on, if you are having trouble getting laid; which I suspect is damn near all of you! Nothing puts roundness into a woman's heels like a $1000 box of free goodies, dropped on her from out of the blue, saying: "--didn't know what you'd like, so I got you one of everything, keep what yiou want and throw the rest away!"

BTW, I sure feel great for a man who goes through 62 packs a day; didn't say I smoke'em, just say I go through 'em.

Someone else pays to die of cancer, and I get $5,000-$7,000 a year NOT TO SMOKE?

Sounds like a plan to me. . . . .
2004-12-16 02:19:27 PM  

MARLBORO: call 1-800 MARLBORO, get on the mailing list. This is the largest-selling brand, so it is Victim Number One.
CAMEL: call 1-800-CAMEL-CA, second to marlboro, "camel cash" is the best offer out there; also try
NEWPORT: 1-877-744-1234; hard to find but worth while; I snagged a neat little pair of binox last year, with a built-in digital camera that downloads photos to the Internet.
VIRGINIA SLIMS: 1-800-737-4330; stuff women would like, so save all your bar-codes for your GFs.
WINSTON: go to, nice knives and watches this year.
BASIC: usually gives a good prize or two each year; try 1-800-4-BASIC.
DORAL: 1-800-74-DORAL, also; armband radios and CD players this year.

ALSO: make sure you are on every mailing list you can get on, and use all the coupons you get in the mail; they may be given to smokers, or to homeless people, nearly all of whom smoke. I get free packs all the time, and I like to blow some homeless guy's mind when he bums me for a cigarette and I hand him a whole pack.

REMEMBER: collect EVERYTHING you find, and trade UPCs you don't need; also get as many of your friends in on it as possible.

My best year was 2000, when I sent of for 23,500 "Marlboro Miles'" worth of stuff, everything arrived okay---but about six months later, I got a FedEx box on the doorstep, with 23,500 "Miles", a check for $15 and a letter of apology, saying: "We're sorry we screwed up your order but here's your "Miles" back so you can use them next year, AND we're going to give you your stuff anyway!!!"

Worked out to a $2500 mistake in my favor, luvit I luvit I luvit.....
2004-12-17 02:29:27 PM  
I smoke.

Eat me.
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