Possible news story for early 2005:

Michael Jackson was found dead today from apparent suicide following the guilty verdict from his recent trial.

You know that will happen if he's found guilty.

I heard it was some girly magazine like hustler or something, I think that was on Robin's News during a recent Howard Stern show.

But it would help the case if it was something like "Blueboy" or some Gay magazine.


Seriously though, Jackson's old music, like Pete Townson,Garry Glitter, and even Woody Allen's old movies, the movies and music aren't that bad at all.
You can't mess with the classics, just the person who made them can be messed up.

i'm with unimatrixzero. the kid could have found it on his own. this proves nothing, really.

I'm optimistic for a fast trial. Maybe Summer 2005. Definitly before he goes to prison.

PlatypusBoy

Q. Why can't McGreevey get car insurence?
A. He keeps getting rearended...

/oops, wrong thread
//My mother told me that joke
///kinda drunk

teddy salad:

i'm with unimatrixzero. the kid could have found it on his own. this proves nothing, really.

It proves that a minor was able to access pornography at his house. How many adults allow their guests to access porno mags? This will help the case of the prosecution signifigantly.

re: ///kinda drunk

loser.

Everyones saying stuff about going through their dads porno collections, but MJ isn't any of these kids dads. He's been accused multiple times of different things revolving around children, and I know accusing doesen't mean its true, but Neverland ranch + wine + porno + little children + Michael Jackson = ???

But as others have said, people need to blame the parents the next time if they can't see that since it seems Michael can get away with anything.

If I had a child, i'd be sure not to let them stay over any mans house who admits to letting children sleep in his bed with him. Especially when they are not his children.

I don't really know why parents let kids go to this so called ranch, maybe its just the money they get from him to keep their mouths shut.
Hell, the finger prints have probably been there for years. I didn't read the article to find out if it was a new accuser or not.

Maybe the kid did find the porno on his own and thumbed through it. Or maybe Michael was sharing a wine cooler with the child and thumbing through it in his bed with the child.
Either way, its still sick.

/can someone please think of the children?

>>>It proves that a minor was able to access pornography at his house. How many adults allow their guests to access porno mags? This will help the case of the prosecution signifigantly.<<<

Remember, they did have free range of the property while he was gone. He could have gone through the collection then. And he could have found it by just looking in the obvious places that adults hide porn. Either in the bedroom, closet, or bathroom.

Horrorshow:

In MJ's defense, the kid has cancer and is sort of ugly, so it's not like he was going to get laid anyway.


So you'd choose getting raped by MJ over celibacy?

Sadly, the former "King of Pop" is now the bogey-man in grade school, at least around here...according to my middle-schooler.

They all know he's a "pervert" (in whatever definition they choose to use)...and that he looks nothing remotely like he used to...and, so, that makes him even more suspect (because, why would you want to look different than you are unless you had something to hide?)

Hey, I used to moon-walk and dance to Thriller like the rest of my generation, but I'm getting tired of having to justify all of the ("Oh, I'm so surprised!") charges...

/I'm just sayin'...

I just don't get what the hell the parents are doing. What happened to watching over your kids?

Oh I forgot, MJ had money, parents don't mind pimping out the kids if they get some green out of it.

/Mass hanging of everyone involved, is the only solution here.

I don't have a mullet, unlike say...HomeSkillet

/and let the flaming commence

ab0ynoir
why? because all porno mags should be kept locked in safes? if he left it on the coffee table, maybe, but i think we all know how curious young boys can be...

Fapio, I second the hanging of everyone involved. On a side note Michael Jackson just freaks me the hell out anyways, regardless of the children. Shiver.

Q: What's white and goes up and down in a baby's crib?

A: Michael Jackson's ass.

also, i agree with everyone else in blaming the parents. and yes, mj is a sick farking dude, but if you're the kind of parent who'd send your kid out there at any point in the last 10 years or so, you deserve to lose ALL parental and visitation rights.

I just can't help feeling sorry for MJ. Not because he is an accused child molester, not because he has bunches and bunches of money, not because his face is so messed up, but because the man is clearly off his little wooden rocker.

A normal guy turned freak...and I am not talking about your run of the mill freak either, but scary in a gives-you-the-shivers-oh-my-god-is-he-going-to-pull-his-thing-out kinda way.

Seems that he's building up quite a HIStory of this kind of thing.

Hes not such a smooth criminal after all.

(*Singing*)It looks like only 12 years olds know if it is black or white.

Fapio:

I just don't get what the hell the parents are doing. What happened to watching over your kids?


They are watching their kids. Watching them make major $$$ for their family, that is...

1. Introduce your pre-teen boy to MJ
2. ???
3. Profit!

MJ is a sick farker.

Parents who insist that their child must "meet MJ" are sick, too.

That's about it...so sue me.

He's innocent, man.

I wonder if they used some new hi-tech technique to get the pages apart?

What do Michael Jackson and McDonald's have in common?

They put 40 year old meat in 10 year old buns

Why couldnt the stupid kid just clench his buttcheeks tightly, head on over to the police station, and let them swab his innards for incriminating DNA evidence? All we get is hearsay :(

So Michael Jackson's in an airplane with a bunch of kids. Suddenly, the engine fails, and the plane starts going down. There's only two parachutes.

The pilot desperately turns to Michael and says "We have to save ourselves, let's take the parachutes and jump!"

Michael: "But what about the kids?!"

Pilot: "fark the kids!"

Michael: "THERE'S NOT ENOUGH TIME!"

I knew a guy back in my home town who had sex with a consenting 12 y.o. girl, who then turned him in. Part of his punishment was that he could not be allowed in the same room with anyone who was underage, or even talk to them on the phone. Every week he had to take a polygraph to make sure that he was never in the same room as a minor.

A punishment like that should be given to MJ.

Why couldnt the stupid kid just clench his buttcheeks tightly, head on over to the police station, and let them swab his innards for incriminating DNA evidence?

Laxatives?

I blame Bush.

/In Michael's case it may be lack of bush.

Great Janitor: Either in the bedroom, closet, or bathroom.

Or, in Michael Jackson's case, his secret "kittie porn" vault.

/Donnie Darko reference

yikes.

I just leave my porn where ever I want. I don't have any kids. Hell, I don't even like kids, and the only person I know with kids is my sister, and she lives in Texas, and me in Chicago (and she never visits).

You're ignorant. You're all ignorant.

and why do we care? Any parent who would let their kid hang out with a star just because "he's Michael Jackson and omg he's famous!" would whore their children out for a couple bucks and some autographs anyway. It's the parents of the 'accusers' that are infinitely more farked up than Michael Jackson.

I can't even imagine how hot it would be to read a copy of "Barely Legal" with MJ in a converted Ferrari Testarosa bed. Straight up hot! Lucky little prick. Hrumph!

ab0ynoir: Or, in Michael Jackson's case, his secret "kittie porn" vault.

He's a sick pervert. Making those poor kittens perform sexual acts on each other for his own masturbatiorial pleasures.

um ya....

Michael J. held some kid and family who makes less than 10k/yr (from previous story) hostage in his ranch, where he offers them gourmet food, free living, and probably money under the table...

Ya he is pretty weird by my standards, but what about the accusers? Then again, talking to farkers is like talking to a wall... doesn't matter anyhow. By the time any farker gets to the end of this rant, they will have forgotten the subject.

farkers = attention span of 3 seconds tops.

Why hasn't Jacko been put in a mental ward for treatment? He's running around, playing with children, while looking like the Evil Dead. It's a wonder that kids will even get near him.

daveuf:

Why hasn't Jacko been put in a mental ward for treatment? He's running around, playing with children, while looking like the Evil Dead. It's a wonder that kids will even get near him.


$

>>>um ya....

Michael J. held some kid and family who makes less than 10k/yr (from previous story) hostage in his ranch, where he offers them gourmet food, free living, and probably money under the table...

Ya he is pretty weird by my standards, but what about the accusers?>>farkers = attention span of 3 seconds tops.<<< I don't want to use the 'It takes one to know one.' childish insult or taunt, but you also have a Fark screen name and password, so wouldn't you also have the 3 second attention span, or are you the exception to the rule?

>>>um ya....

Michael J. held some kid and family who makes less than 10k/yr (from previous story) hostage in his ranch, where he offers them gourmet food, free living, and probably money under the table...

Ya he is pretty weird by my standards, but what about the accusers?<<<

This isn't the first story of this kind to come out about Michael Jackson, it's by my count, the 3rd in 11 years. If it was once, I'd probably say it was just some family out to get him. By the third story, I'd start to think that something was up with MJ. I mean, this is the same man who said that he enjoyed to share his bed with children. Maybe it was all innocent and it got blown out of context and proportion, or maybe the man is just a giant freak. Yes he is a nice man, yes he is a generous man, and he probably means well, but he's also a very strange man by anyone's view of the word 'strange', and if this is true, if he really did molest all those boys, then I hope he rots in jail. If not, then I hope he learns his lesson about money hungry assholes who try to take advantage of rich celebrities.

Jeez folks, the fact that there are parents who care so little that they put their spawn in harms way doesn't give the freak license to start diddlin'em.

Knob_Gobbler That's a great headline. I should have thought of that. What do you think MJ's cock looks like? Has there been work done on it? Does it detach?


I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it's going to get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment and I couldn't find it, so I called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet coz for some reason, I leave it there sometimes, but not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man and I really hate to have to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev and ate breakfast. Then as I walked down Second Avenue toward St. Mark's Place,where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis.

/sorry for the length of the quote, but King Missile rocks

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Little Boy Blue.

Little Boy Blue who?

Michael Jackson.