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(Fark)   Farkman #3 is out   (farkman.com ) divider line
    More: Wheaton  
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5602 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Mar 2002 at 8:00 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



203 Comments   (+0 »)
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HPZ [TotalFark]
2002-03-04 09:33:27 PM  
Still needs more bobbies. Three is not nearly enough. I believe the bobbies need to be an omnipresent part of the Farkman saga. In fact, I think the next few episodes should chronicle the adventures of the bobbies, and give us some background information on them.

In summation: more bobbies.
 
2002-03-04 09:40:27 PM  
I don't care how you do it.
[image from img.fark.com too old to be available]

[image from members.tripod.lycos.nl too old to be available]
A cameo... Farkman becomes Walken when threatened. Anything.
 
2002-03-04 09:43:55 PM  
BTW, thanks for "writing" credit on the last panel. Quite generous considering the contribution.

The "Worst Flash Ever" gag is awesome. Nice comeback.
 
2002-03-04 09:57:02 PM  
Farkman intervenes in the gang fight between the Hell's Angels and the Pagans at the Hellraiser Ball.
 
2002-03-04 10:07:51 PM  
w00t new farkman
My thoughts:

CONs-
First half (Domo-Kun, bobbies) was weak
PROs-
"Worst flash EVER!"
WIL WHEATON!

Farkman is currently too wimpy to drink beer.
Thusly, he must build his alcohol tolerance via a song and dance by Admiral Alcohol
 
2002-03-04 10:08:46 PM  
Suggestions:

1. For the love of God, you cant have something Fark-related without SOME mention of Brittany Spear's boobies.

2. Didnt Wil have his picture taken with Tiffany, and it ended up on E-bay? How about making Wil get jealous of Tiffany's new spread in Playboy, and decide to do his own spread in Playgirl? Maybe "Farkman"'s secret identity can be a photographer for Playgirl.
 
2002-03-04 10:09:18 PM  
Suggestions w/Voting:

1. For the love of God, you cant have something Fark-related without SOME mention of Brittany Spear's boobies.

2. Didnt Wil have his picture taken with Tiffany, and it ended up on E-bay? How about making Wil get jealous of Tiffany's new spread in Playboy, and decide to do his own spread in Playgirl? Maybe "Farkman"'s secret identity can be a photographer for Playgirl.
 
2002-03-04 10:10:13 PM  
the best idea:
Farkman has druken sex with the two new big breasted sidekicks in a NSFW kind of way, then after 'creaming' all over his sidekicks, his sperm ends up being radioactive and gives the girls strange powers like shooting bullets of milk from their breasts.

Vote for this to get them to do something sick.
 
2002-03-04 10:13:58 PM  
In addition to intervening at the Hellraiser's Ball, Farkman should also join the Hell's Angels.

He should also kick the shiat out of a Pagan with a pool cue at the fight.
 
2002-03-04 10:49:45 PM  
I want to see Bill, of Opus and Bill fame, caough up a big ass hair ball at the PETA guy. Farkman should team up with the People For Eating Tasty Animals (PETA) and kick PETA's ass for stealing the peta.com domain!
 
2002-03-04 10:57:07 PM  
Okie this may be the Nyquil talking but how about this....


As the girls in the bar prop up Farkman in a booth, the gazelle like Supergay stolls out of the men's bathroom and begins to talk about how his balls are burning from Cliche Kitty sracthing them to shreads while he tranported him to the PeTA mega drome. Supergay, also tried of Weaton's lame sexual advances takes Farkman to the PeTA mega drome.

*_ meanwhile _*
( there should be some type of flipping Batman type animation here, ya know?)


Fb-'s father, tired of Evil Will Weaton's lame sexual advances, frees all of the mascots ...except for the Pooping Bear. The bear doesn't make any noise plus he is ummm...well.. in the right position for Wil's lonely Friday nights. :) Wil has to get lovin' somehow.


That's about it . I'm sure they'll be some funny stuff in interject in the background. :) Barrel boy should be in here somewhere though... ;)
 
2002-03-04 11:06:15 PM  
Damn Nyquil..... fergot the vote button. :P

As the girls in the bar prop up Farkman in a booth, the gazelle like Supergay stolls out of the men's bathroom and begins to talk about how his balls are burning from Cliche Kitty sracthing them to shreads while he tranported him to the PeTA mega drome. Supergay, also tried of Weaton's lame sexual advances takes Farkman to the PeTA mega drome.

*_ meanwhile _*
( there should be some type of flipping Batman type animation here, ya know?)


Fb-'s father, tired of Evil Will Weaton's lame sexual advances, frees all of the mascots ...except for the Pooping Bear. The bear doesn't make any noise plus he is ummm...well.. in the right position for Wil's lonely Friday nights. :) Wil has to get lovin' somehow.


That's about it . I'm sure there'll be some funny stuff in interject in the background. :) Barrel boy should be in here
somewhere though... ;)
 
2002-03-04 11:47:55 PM  
Pannel #4 Farkman realizes that Farkgirl is actully a fembot
 
2002-03-05 12:00:19 AM  
gotta love it, one guinness and Farkman's on the floor.

Talk about can't hold his liquor.

Next panel: Farkman wakes up in the drunk tank, and strikes up a conversation with his next-cell inmate, a balding white dude whose prison jumper nametag is "D. Curtis".
On Farkman's belt: "Strange".

Both are sprung by FarkGirl and GratuitousGirl, and action continues.
 
2002-03-05 12:14:14 AM  
Farkman is still drunk and Fb-s father walks in to get a drink
It later insues with British Bobbies kicking his ass
 
2002-03-05 12:30:52 AM  
Oh yeah, forgot about voting!

Next panel: Farkman wakes up in the drunk tank, and strikes up a conversation with his next-cell inmate, a balding white dude whose prison jumper nametag is "D. Curtis".
On Farkman's belt: "Strange".
 
2002-03-05 12:48:45 AM  
hey this is probably too late to get voted up, but I think Farkman should be able to photoshop himself out of situations and/or photoshop his enemies to look real stupid. Yeah. (BTW, I ripped this idea off someone else so don't give me full credit)
 
2002-03-05 12:49:39 AM  
Y'all did a really great job :)
 
2002-03-05 01:20:49 AM  
Sadly enough your both right
All of our last 2nd rate ideas will not be used now
Now onto the boobies!
 
2002-03-05 01:38:26 AM  
I think cliche' kitty's powers should be activated when licking himself. Maybe he could summon people to help him out of his anus... like Christopher Walken or George W. or the Trade Tower tourist or even the fat redneck bellyflopping in the mud pit.
 
2002-03-05 02:23:02 AM  
Great stuff!

When Evil Whil laughs diabolically he should stop, take a suspicious look around and notice that Tux is sneaking up on him again; stare at Tux, who then slowly sinks down into hiding again. Resume diabolic laughter.
 
2002-03-05 02:25:25 AM  
I say have Bill Gates and the Bobbies chase down the penguin, and charge him a license for the viola
 
2002-03-05 02:25:53 AM  
I say have Bill Gates and the Bobbies chase down the penguin, and charge him a license for the viola

Forgot the vote
 
2002-03-05 02:27:44 AM  
Captain America shows up and Farkman enlists his help only to be betrayed because Cap America has gone Uber-PC and defends PETA to the last.

Ted Nugent shows up a the last second to help Farkman purge the PETA citadel.

Ted Nugent and Cap America both die.(So they don't make any more stupid appearances ;)

Pantera shows up at the bar afterwards, parties with Farkman, make lots of Metallica = assclowns jokes.
 
2002-03-05 04:18:08 AM  
I'm fairly sure this has been said already, but being that most farkers drink, one of two things should happen:
a) Beer (or tap beer) should be his weakness.
b) He shouldn't get tossed from one pint.

As for the next episode... yes, the photoshop ability is a must, but he should have to gesture at least to do it. And he photoshops an army of Renissance (sp) dorks to help him fight the PETA.
 
2002-03-05 06:27:43 AM  
New villain: CAPtain Chixian -- a right-wing ultra-moralist who objects to anything that he thinks offends God or his personal code. His deadly throwing crosses smite his enemies, but only if they hit them somewhere other than the head.

Catch phrase: E.G.A.D.! -- It's an Enemy of Goodness And Decency!
 
2002-03-05 07:54:50 AM  
Farkman looks like he's wearing yellow Depends. Is that cuz he needs something extra comfy from all that cock and ball torture?
 
2002-03-05 12:20:39 PM  
Farkman should fight against a band of Charles Manson clones -- oh, and somehow use giraffes in the process.
 
2002-03-05 03:03:56 PM  
I loved the penguin with the violin.

Let's have more senseless violins! :p
 
2002-03-05 04:17:59 PM  
1. Farkman begins A-Team style plan to get Kitty Back.
2. Evil Wil begins Mental Rehab on Kitty (a la bond villian).
3. A-Team style vehicle is built, FarkMobile.
4. Bobbies, Boobies and Farkman begin drive toward PeTA castle.
 
2002-03-05 05:54:18 PM  
CAPman! We need CAPman as an evildoer!
 
2002-03-05 06:03:49 PM  
Act 1.) Mr. T as a guest-star super hero there to pity da foo' and help Farkman save Cliche from the also guest-star Super villian Jack Chick, whom is of course Wil Wheatons criminal underling, in homage to Xaioxaio when farkman Wil Wheaton is encountered he is zoomed in on and "Boss" displayed

Act 2.) Wil Wheaton starts falling in love with Gratuitous Boobies cleavage only to lose her to Mr. T
 
2002-03-05 06:07:24 PM  
Oh well take 2, this time with voting!!!

Act 1.) Mr. T as a guest-star super hero there to pity da foo' and help Farkman save Cliche from the also guest-star Super villian Jack Chick, whom is of course Wil Wheatons criminal underling, in homage to Xaioxaio when farkman Wil Wheaton is encountered he is zoomed in on and "Boss" displayed

Act 2.) Wil Wheaton starts falling in love with Gratuitous Boobies cleavage only to lose her to Mr. T
 
2002-03-05 11:41:02 PM  
How about this:

Farkman's drunken stupour gives him a vision of Cliche Kitty in the clutches of the Evil Wil Wheaton. He wakens from his stupour with a plan. Farkman dresses up in some sort of furry animal costume (possibly a bunny) and pretends to be Farkgirl's sidekick in the hopes that PETA will kidnap him and take him to E.W.W.'s secret lair.

Unfortunately for Farkman there is a Furry Fetishist's convention in town. Some Furries come into the bar, see Farkman in an animal costume and... well... hillarity ensues. Supergay can be one of the Furries.

 
2002-03-06 12:40:31 AM  
Enough of my lurking. Here's my two cents.
1) Evil Wil is capturing cliche critters to summon a cliche avatar to conquer France. France immeadiatly surrenders before Wil can do his cliche evil mastermind laugh. Wil looks sad.
2) Gratuity girl does jumping-jacks. Bobbies cheer, say "what-what","tally-ho" and "Corr-blimy"
3) Admiral Alcohol does a bottle of Jagermiester as a shot. Farkman is impressed. So is everyone else.
4)I guess at some point, Photoshoping and rescueing Cliche Kitty will occur.
 
2002-03-06 03:15:16 AM  
Something scary happens and a pic of batboy is flashed on the screen. Nice dramatic effect.
 
2002-03-06 04:20:08 AM  
Weiners!
 
2002-03-06 11:03:52 AM  
I think Tux and cliche kitty should fight to the death.
 
2002-03-06 05:52:19 PM  
The next panel is in need of a guest appearance by Chewbacca. Yes, some Chewie would make the next panel great.
 
2002-03-06 06:35:32 PM  
Gratuity Girl and Fark Girl take a hungover Farkman to meet the guru of beer Admiral Alcohol (or Drew)((In Jail)) Where the form a plan to save Cliche Kitty.
 
2002-03-06 06:36:07 PM  
i like how you can se "Fark Girl"'s butt crack when Farkman passes out from the beer in Panel 3. maybe this is sophomoric naivette but i think Farkman needs Drew. there is way to much sychophantry around here. let's make fun of Drew.
 
2002-03-06 06:37:56 PM  
that's two votes for Drew in a row and within 1 minute of each other. i think that finalizes it.

but how to feature Heineken without breaking copyright laws?
 
2002-03-06 06:37:59 PM  
Gratuity Girl and Fark Girl take a hungover Farkman to meet the guru of beer Admiral Alcohol (or Drew)((In Jail)) Where the form a plan to save Cliche Kitty.

Forgot the voting, Mods please erase last post
 
2002-03-07 12:42:54 AM  
evil wheaton has an army of tourist guys
 
2002-03-07 04:06:30 PM  
Cliche Kitty is rescued by Anna Nicole Smith, who eats the PETA guy.
 
2002-03-07 06:22:43 PM  
Farkman should get XRAY BEER GOGGLES!!!
 
2002-03-07 07:06:27 PM  
Timothy has a point about The Lurker, which is why I'm going to vote for him... maybe he can just hang around in the background for a while...

Cliche Kitty shouldn't speak much if at all.

Nutsac Squirrel is so Fark, gotta find a place for him

Farkman needs a Farkette (aside from the ho's in the bar)

This is an incredible effort, you guys should really be applauded for all you've done so far!

 
2002-03-08 12:38:32 AM  
Weeners!!! What About the Weeners!
 
2002-03-08 01:46:29 AM  
Late, but I need to say it... MORE PENGUINS! Gods, please, I must see more penguins! Perhaps an ultravioletpenguin... maybe not. But there must be more penguins. *8)
 
2002-03-08 11:46:52 AM  
Here's my idea:

Evil Wil Wheaton discusses how he was formed from Normal Wil Wheaton when his audition for "Smellivision" went awry.

Meanwhile, aliens from the planet Crapulon are attracted by Farkistan's radioactivity and land outside of the PETA fortress. The Crapulons make Evil Wil their leader and all of the PETA hippies are turned into drones for the tiny Crapulons. (Their brains are replaced by glass domes with tiny Crapulons controlling them with tiny steering wheels) It should be noted the crapulons sound like Barry White despite their tiny stature.

Farkgirl drags drunken Farkman to PETA headquarters to retrieve Cliche Kitty, and find the PETA/Crapulons and fight them. (Star Trek fight music ensues, with Evil Wil rubbing his hands and laughing maniacally.) Farkman uses his "Breath of non-evilness" and incinerates the Crapulons, while Farkgirl slices and dices.

The tiny Crapulons climb out of their PETA bodies and return to their frisbee-sized spaceship, which is immediately re-captured by the Taco Bell chihuahua.

Evil Wil disappears to parts unknown in a puff of flatulence, and a distant echoing voice says: "'scuse me"...
 
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