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(Fark)   Farkman #3 is out   (farkman.com ) divider line
    More: Wheaton  
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5607 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Mar 2002 at 8:00 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



203 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2002-03-04 08:02:25 AM  
Farkman is thrusting in the direction of the problem
 
2002-03-04 08:02:47 AM  
I missed #1 & #2....geez
 
2002-03-04 08:06:16 AM  
I'm liking Farkman. I just think the cartoons should go on a little longer. But hey, Great job to whoever's working on them.
 
2002-03-04 08:06:31 AM  
ENJOY THIS ONE

Why? Because it's about eight panels' worth of work. They're going to be much, much shorter than this in the future, but this one was a special case, since it's making up for the last one (which didn't have voting enabled) by it being a NINE-WAY TIE for writing ideas!

For next panelss, it's going to be like little 30 second things. For example:

Panel 15: The spaceship arrives.
Panel 16: A cow emerges from the ship.
Panel 17: The cow morphs into Rosie ODennel and announces her gayness.
Panel 18: She sprays the villagers with milk from her X9 Udder Cannon Uslurping Death Whatevers.

You get my point. I can get these done much quicker, they'll download much faster, and more people with dial-up (like ME) will watch them!

Good luck in the voting today! Wil for president!
 
2002-03-04 08:09:39 AM  
I say that in the future, Wil could be introduced as the evil genius who is sending out Anthrax letters (he got the Anthrax from his days on Star Trek: TNG) to politicans. He then decides to try messing with Farkman.
 
2002-03-04 08:10:11 AM  
That was more brutal then a good old fashioned cock and ball torture.
 
2002-03-04 08:13:20 AM  
sweeeet
 
2002-03-04 08:17:28 AM  
1: Needs more Wil Weaton
2: Bwahahaha!! The WEEEE squirrl is in there! Needs more WEEEE squirrl.
3: Maybe the WEEEE squirrl is Wil Weaton's sidekick.
 
2002-03-04 08:17:51 AM  
I think Farkman should try to learn more about his super powers by ordering from the vast library of farker Timothy's shiatty vanity-press self-help books.
 
2002-03-04 08:24:39 AM  
Parallax: These are getting really good, the anim is sweet and the voice overs are excellent. Don't worry about speed too much, im on a 33.6 connection and don't mind waiting at all.
 
2002-03-04 08:26:04 AM  
Farkman pops a boner
 
2002-03-04 08:28:59 AM  
Arg!!! I want to watch so bad, but my roommate is asleep! Don't want to spoil it for myself by seeing it with no sound! Blaaaaaaaaarrgo
 
2002-03-04 08:30:26 AM  
A pig sidekick named Porkgod turns up in evil Wil Weatons castle and gets an good old fashioned cock and ball torture!
 
2002-03-04 08:31:33 AM  
There should defientely be some Matrix style bullet dodging.

Maybe Evil Will Weaton could do some freaky experiment with that Mexican dog to make Batboy
 
2002-03-04 08:31:50 AM  
Muahahaha! kickbutt!

Farkmans main power should be his realtime photoshoping ability. That, and driving his enemies insane with Doo dah - phrases.
 
2002-03-04 08:32:17 AM  
that whole production was top-notch. I couldnt bear not to watch. What i would like to see is more of this.. just stick the most relevant/irrelevant online thingy in there. Yeah.
 
2002-03-04 08:34:34 AM  
ok .. i totally agree with Romulus that would be so kickass.. i cant even explain why. But dont have him just erasing things.. he has to change them.. into rubber chickens and other undeniably funny things.
 
2002-03-04 08:36:53 AM  
Farkman confronts Evil WIl to free cliche kitty. France surrenders for no apperent reason, confusing the hell out of Wil. During the confusion the animals escape. Nutsack squirrel and "Herve Vilichez" kick the crap out of the french (for no apperent reason).
 
2002-03-04 08:38:09 AM  
It won't work for me here at work. I think they've got video playing locked down on my computer. Sucks.
 
2002-03-04 08:40:41 AM  
Farkman drinks gallon of bleach.
 
2002-03-04 08:41:17 AM  
Get a new caracter to be "photoshop dude". Make sure he's of....


Wait for it

TURKISH decent.

He can "photoshop" evil wil's head onto a multitude of clip art old people.
 
2002-03-04 08:41:45 AM  
Hey, BTEzra420, the first 2 panels can be found on the Farkman link in the upper left corner of the main fark.com page.
J.
 
2002-03-04 08:43:43 AM  
Three words: Bucket of Pelicans
 
2002-03-04 08:44:45 AM  
They keep getting better. Good job.
 
2002-03-04 08:45:15 AM  
CanuckGuy: I like your ideas, but introducing another character would make a hell of a lot of characters and I don't know Parallex, but a lot more work too. Oh yeah, your profile pic is busted! I can host it if you need too.
 
2002-03-04 08:47:56 AM  
Matrix Style bullet dodging is the most cliche, unfunny effect they use in comedies.

The animations for this flash comic are really great, but the storyline is [image from img.fark.com too old to be available].
 
2002-03-04 08:53:16 AM  
nice sex & the city refrence on this one :)
 
2002-03-04 08:55:38 AM  
Farkman should have sex with the big boobied bar maid. When he cums she explodes.
 
fb-
2002-03-04 09:04:34 AM  
I stopped viewing farkman after the first episode.

Vote for me.
 
2002-03-04 09:11:24 AM  
Evil Wil Wheaton didn't used to be evil until he tried some of those stupid farking PHEROMONES he found on ebay while looking for b00bies.
 
2002-03-04 09:13:38 AM  
Walken should maybe make an appearance, and breakout in a little dance?
 
2002-03-04 09:20:44 AM  
By the way, that's really Wil's voice in there. Just in case nobody reads the credits.

He rocks out with his cock out.
 
2002-03-04 09:24:49 AM  
Wheaton laughs diabolicaly, which can be heard outside the PeTA fortress, which causes a tremor that causes the rock formation its built on to collapse into the river of blood/lava/whatever the fark it is.

What super power cliche kitty uses to escape will be determined in either the next panel, or if the next panel involves lesbian action between gratuity girl and farkwoman, the panel after that.
 
2002-03-04 09:26:34 AM  
Good job making the Peta Palace out to look like the Enterprise ;)

And Wil's captains chair is also cool
 
2002-03-04 09:28:13 AM  
Farkman should go on a 14 panel drinking binge. He needs some SERIOUS drinking practice since we just discovered that one pint floors him.
 
2002-03-04 09:29:54 AM  
Farkman needs to have christian-conservative as another enemy =)

and Wil should should become overlord of america =p
 
2002-03-04 09:32:15 AM  
While Evil Wil is still holding his nuts, Tux frees animals. Nutsack and Herve lead the attack, Cliche fetches Farkman for the confrontation!
 
2002-03-04 09:33:48 AM  
Let's hope Farkman and this whole terrible comic gets killed in the next episode.
 
2002-03-04 09:37:12 AM  
How about some religious zealot? CAPman?

Nice work on the animations and voiceovers.
 
2002-03-04 09:38:13 AM  
And photoshop guy should have some powers to alter reality by repainting it - think of that sappy robin williams movie about heaven or something, "What dreams may come" I think it was called.

And CanuckGuy's idea is great.
 
2002-03-04 09:41:37 AM  
Third really ugly pregnant barmaid appears. Turns out FB is the father.
 
2002-03-04 09:44:24 AM  
Parallax I saw on WWDN that he was doing voices for you, but I didn't want to post here as a spoiler. I'm at work, but won't watch it here... so I'll catch it when I get home.

I have ideas for the next one (or future episodes already)
 
2002-03-04 09:50:28 AM  
Evil Wil Wheaton informs Batboy that he is his Father, and trys to seduce him to the darkside. Or, Farkman rescues Vici from (Frenchie, Batboy, Admiral Alchohol, Satan Boy or FB-'s Father) from the constant stalking or stealing of her pictures.
 
2002-03-04 09:50:29 AM  
farkman! coolness to the max!
 
2002-03-04 09:55:11 AM  
Farkman should do some research on PETA in the next episode, in order to find weaknesses. While Farkman is preoccupied with researching the evil, Cliche Kitty and Nutsac Squirrel should plot together to break out of the fortress.
 
2002-03-04 09:55:44 AM  
Now with voting!

Farkman should do some research on PETA in the next episode, in order to find weaknesses. While Farkman is preoccupied with researching the evil, Cliche Kitty and Nutsac Squirrel should plot together to break out of the fortress.
 
2002-03-04 09:59:19 AM  
Pineapples.


Yeah, definetely pineapples.
 
2002-03-04 10:01:23 AM  
Oops, that should read "definitely" not "definetely". Sorry.
 
2002-03-04 10:25:32 AM  
Farkman should complete his Fortress of Solid, Dude and put up a radon detector.
 
2002-03-04 10:28:17 AM  
As the animals escape, Evil Wil freezes Mr. Bigglesworth with the evil ray and Taco dog gets blasted into chili bean dip... Batboy flies in and eats the corpses (because he's batboy and that's what he does) Don't forget to have Nutsaq jump on Evil Wil's head and Teabag him real quick before fleeing with Cliche. Evil wil gets depressed and goes and humps his blow up Conselor Troi doll.
 
2002-03-04 10:34:05 AM  
Evil Wil should be seen at his computer entering his own name over and over again on FHM's site trying to get HIS picture on the banner.
 
cez
2002-03-04 10:37:23 AM  
dropkick whoevers doing the female's voices
 
2002-03-04 10:43:02 AM  
When all the animals escape, Pravda bear should maul Wil Wheaton.
 
2002-03-04 10:44:26 AM  

FARK man reveils his identity....it's Wil Wheaton !! the sexiest woman on FHM's cover!!

ok ok, I know, that was soooo, last week.

 
2002-03-04 10:46:14 AM  
Oh yeah, and can you add the Bobbies to the Farkman Players List if they make a 3rd appearance :/
 
2002-03-04 10:52:54 AM  
You're so right, BaShildy. That is an oversight I intend to correct this afternoon when I get home from this goddamn day job.
 
2002-03-04 11:05:49 AM  
WHERE THE HELL IS WALKEN!
 
2002-03-04 11:08:54 AM  
Another good episode.
It does need photoshopping brought into it tho. Perhaps he could photoshop kitty out of the cage, or photoshop PETA into hell :P
 
2002-03-04 11:13:54 AM  
Farkman: "My God. It's full of BARS."
 
2002-03-04 11:14:50 AM  
Oh and by the way I'm laughing my fvcking pants off. Farkman my replace Keith Richards as the Ruler of the Universe in my book.
 
2002-03-04 11:22:10 AM  
Great job.. keep it up... i may need to put padding on the floor... falling hurts...
 
2002-03-04 11:24:47 AM  
I like how you snuck in the camel toe on Vic... I mean, Farkgirl, in the bar. Very sneaky.

It occurs to me that the reason the storyline lacks a bit is because Farkers are writing it. But I guess that's OBVIOUS.
 
2002-03-04 11:48:19 AM  
1. Farkman Dreams he's on the top of a pyramid, surrounded by 100's of Gratuity Girls.
2. Wakes up, in back of Farkgirl Girl's pickup truck, surrounded by pigs. Has "Prize pig" ribbon. "Must have been asleep a long time." Discovers he's wearing bondage gear.
3. Gratuity Girl says they are on the way to rescue Cliche Kitty.
4. Farkman gets a boner.
 
2002-03-04 11:52:08 AM  
Farkman accidentally kicks Fb-s ass for being a negative little puke. He pops a boner.
 
2002-03-04 11:55:28 AM  
At the Gratuity Bar & Grill, while G.G. and Farkgirl try to think of a way to help Farkman, who would show up but.... Lenny & Dudley from SFG, looking for a drink. Lenny immediately proceeds to hit on G.G., while Dudley stumbles across the wasted Farkman. After commenting that he's "drunk as a monkeyfunker", they take Farkman to the ship (which is parked outside, crushing the Bobbie's patrol car), they stuff him in one of the Sobriety pods.
 
2002-03-04 12:03:20 PM  
Heh, forgot a few things.
After the "viola" incident, Evil Wil decides to use Tux as a example to the other animals what happens if you try to escape. By smashing Tux with a huge, cartoonish hammer, over and over. This prompts the animals to try to escape even more, while Cliche thinks longingly for his new buddy, Farkman.
 
bug
2002-03-04 12:16:45 PM  
Wil Wheaton straps explosives to himself and blows up Mecca.

Farkman doesn't do much in the episode other than crack pistachios.
 
2002-03-04 12:21:57 PM  
I would like a guest appearance by Kramer!
[image from wildcardsports.com too old to be available]
 
2002-03-04 12:31:34 PM  
Farkman should see via the tv in GB&G that the government has labelled PETA a terrorist organization.

Farkman gets an inspired and comprehending look to his face, after a few seconds of obvious confusion. Then declares that he will now spring into action (presumably to save Cliche Kitty.)

Instead, the following scene can show Farkman partying down to celebrate the occasion.

The final scene could show Cliche Kitty still sitting sadly, locked in a cage.
 
wil [TotalFark]
2002-03-04 12:38:11 PM  
This was insanely fun to do and I think that it's really cool that the FARKers even wanted me to do it at all.

If you want me to do another panel, I am, as the cool kids say, "down."
 
2002-03-04 12:45:54 PM  
Gratuity Girl and Farkgirl send out spam emails promising 'HOT LESBO ACTION!'
 
2002-03-04 12:49:48 PM  
OK, I don't know how to link pictures. I admit it, I'm a moron.

But, this picture is freakin' hilarious.

http://www.janewhitemovie.com/Images/prod/wilbusmr.gif


http://www.janewhitemovie.com/Images/hires/wilkim2.gif
 
2002-03-04 12:52:11 PM  
I heart Wil Wheaton.
 
2002-03-04 12:55:41 PM  
Say, the level of humour is improving. Its already funnier than some TV shows I could mention (but then again thats not too hard).

1) Beer should make him stronger, not weaker!
2) France still hasnt surrendered and its #3 already!
 
2002-03-04 12:58:13 PM  
One word: NINJAS! Everyone loves ninjas. Except, make them Monkey ninjas, yeah thats the ticket. Have them guarding the PETA fortress lead by their dark master Walken. Whose only real means of attack is getting his dance on.
Well, its an idea.
 
2002-03-04 12:59:15 PM  
Another excellent installment. LMFAO!! Thanks Parallax!
 
2002-03-04 01:03:54 PM  
Evil Wil Wheaton needs to phaser the hell out of the penquin that hit him.
 
2002-03-04 01:09:28 PM  
I can't believe it's been three episodes without Frenchie appearing much less surrendering.
 
2002-03-04 01:10:04 PM  
I love the subliminal stuff...

Tommy Tutone song 867-5309 as the number to call if you've seen cliche kitty...

LOVE IT!
 
2002-03-04 01:12:50 PM  
totally needs to have Walken worked in some how. Maybe as a good guy. Or maybe another evil peta guy.

Perhaps peta should fight back when farkman attacks by unveiling some naked models and temporarily(sp?) stunning everyone into silence or something.

and is just me or did evil wheaton look like the evil guy from the Clerks animated series?
 
2002-03-04 01:13:28 PM  
Seymour Gibbs see the top rated suggestion... I think France will be surrendering shortly. I'd like to see it as a running gag. Every time Farkman and Evil Wil confront each other, France Surrenders at some inoportune time for Wil. (Which should infuriate Wil to no end, I imagine-- "GODDAMNIT!!!! Stop doing that you salty little cheese eating COWARDS!")

Darcius Yaa, I had to remove all my fark pics. I nearly blew my annual bandwidth allotment during the Fark vs SA photoshop contest. My ISP was nice enough to accomodate the spike by "borrowing" from the other months bandwidth, but I maxed out by the monday afterwards.

When I get home I'll fire off the image (it's just a giant "Doug McKenzie" head, in case your wondering)
 
2002-03-04 01:29:51 PM  
beer leads to......beer farts.
 
2002-03-04 01:34:44 PM  
Animals escape from Evil Wheaton when enraged Shatner pelts him with worthless Priceline stock certificates.
 
2002-03-04 01:39:26 PM  
Pull a Star Wars gag and reveal Fb- to be Farkman's father and Farkgirl is his sister. And she doesn't care.
 
2002-03-04 01:46:15 PM  
In addition to all the captive sidekicks, there should be a room full of brains in jars like in "The Man with Two Brains." Farkman will be able to communicate with one of them (voiced by Mme. Mersault ).
 
2002-03-04 01:46:44 PM  
duh, forgot voting.
 
2002-03-04 01:49:33 PM  
Wil actually runs a porn industry that speciallizes in underage lesbian penguins.
 
2002-03-04 01:52:36 PM  
Love the real-time photoshopping power idea.

How about right in the middle of a big scene, MyTwoCents walks in holding a wallet dangling photos of herself and trying to show them to everyone when a grenade labeled MOD falls from the sky at her feet and blows her out of the frame?

Or, of course, a beheading or two would fit right in.
 
2002-03-04 02:05:22 PM  
Farkman is revived by Farkgirl, in whichever way you desire... and in walks Christopher Walken, who tells of having his pet Colobus Monkey abducted by PETA. An inevitable team up is forged as they attempt to storm Evil Wil Wheaton's PETA Palace, but they are assaulted by hordes of Protesters dressed as mishandled and mistreated cows, chickens, and other animals used for nourishment... only when Farkgirl decides to enter the fray does the real fun begin!
 
2002-03-04 02:08:10 PM  
I think The-Real-Wil Wheaton should infiltrate PETA disguised as bunny rabbit.
 
2002-03-04 02:08:19 PM  
I think The-Real-Wil Wheaton should infiltrate PETA disguised as a bunny rabbit.
 
wil [TotalFark]
2002-03-04 02:22:13 PM  
I don't think this should go in the next panel, because adding lots and lots of characters would distract from the story, and confuse things...

BUT!

If Evil Wil Wheaton sticks around, I think it'd be cool to see him battle William Farking Shatner. Shatner's weapon would be, of course, a flying-toupee-of-death, ala Odd Job.

And, oh yeah, WALKEN, of course, at some point.
 
2002-03-04 02:28:40 PM  
ANY time the "Worst.<whatever>.Ever" is used,
it should be the dude from the simpsons.
 
2002-03-04 02:35:58 PM  
Wil should pronounce viola as voila or vice versa
 
2002-03-04 02:37:11 PM  
BEST FARKMAN EVER!
 
2002-03-04 02:46:31 PM  
HaHa! You will all become my slaves! HaHa!
 
2002-03-04 02:48:36 PM  
The quality of the animation is good, but the voice acting and entire concept is getting progressively stupider.
 
2002-03-04 02:49:44 PM  
Well gee whiz, Wil, if you can get Mr. Shatner on board, too, then I'm all for it. Invite him over...use your new mic. Drink some beers. Do some lines. ...of dialog.

As a lifelong fan of all things Trek, I would naturally have to spooge utterly if this actually happened.
 
2002-03-04 02:50:36 PM  
i'm kinda surprised not to have seen ensign crusher locked up in a cage in evil wil's fortress..

also: the bobbies should stay, if even to simply run around in m. python-esque manner.

also: let's keep the simpsons references to a minimum. they already have a show devoted entirely to simpsons references.
 
2002-03-04 03:03:16 PM  
I love it. Parallax Great job!!

Evil Wheaton needs some henchmen. I'm thinking Kramer, OJ Simpson, or Walken. He also needs a harem of naked, drugged-up models and super-stars in the dungeon, that he uses in his ad campaigns.

Farkman needs to get some action after getting really drunk, then wake up to find a transvestite (ironic). He freaks out.
 
2002-03-04 03:04:56 PM  
Once Farkman becomes the world's greatest superhero, I think you should introduce the Fark Purist, who believes Farkman was so much better before he became popular.
 
2002-03-04 03:08:27 PM  
couple of questions:
the chihuahua: taco bell dog, right? looks/sounds a lot like ren, too. friggin ambiguous chihuahua humor :P
the penguin: a veiled linux reference?

ideas:
incorporate the driver of the plutonium truck. what happened to him?
we need a flashback of evil wil to see what makes him tick.
(perhaps mix the two ideas?)
 
2002-03-04 03:15:33 PM  
Walken perhaps?
 
2002-03-04 03:18:28 PM  
There needs to be an all-out war in Farkistan between Left-Wingers and Right-Wingers, with Fb- sabotaging both sides with equal maliciousness (read: big explosions).

Farkman comes and kills Fb- for interfering with the politics of his nation.

Then the fighting resumes. Hilarity ensues.
 
2002-03-04 03:20:34 PM  
I dont think any episode will be complete without midget strippers. Never get enough of those!
 
2002-03-04 03:29:41 PM  
Eh, i'm going to be truthful...

The first half of that episode stunk. :/

It just wasn't funny... It was like Beavis and Butthead humor, but you couldn't laugh at it because it was too stupid to be believable... but bleh.. whatever..


The second part was good.. it was quite witty... the mascots.. the linux penguin, that squirrel.. heh.

I think Farkman should be more tongue-in-cheek rather than wannabe Family Guy humor.. you just can't write like that.. it doesn't fit.

Oh well, keep up the good work.
 
2002-03-04 03:35:34 PM  
Next Episode: FarkMan goes to find his kitty at the PETA headquarters, confronting his first villian on the way there: The CAPAlert Fundy!
 
2002-03-04 03:46:33 PM  
"Gratuity Bar and Girl". That's hilarious!
 
2002-03-04 03:48:15 PM  
1: Evil will pulls out a phaser and kills the penguin.
2: Farkman wakes up in restraints. Explains that he must save his sidekick. Farkgirl and G.C. have pitty on him and G.C. allows him to "nurse" her to get over his hangover.
3: Evil Wil enters a room and talks to a "future man" (Walken). Walken warns him that Farkman is comming for him.
4: Farkman, Farkgirl, and G.C. are seen heading to the PETA fortress riding on the back of Domo-kun.
 
2002-03-04 03:48:18 PM  
1: Evil will pulls out a phaser and kills the penguin.
2: Farkman wakes up in restraints. Explains that he must save his sidekick. Farkgirl and G.C. have pitty on him and G.C. allows him to "nurse" her to get over his hangover.
3: Evil Wil enters a room and talks to a "future man" (Walken). Walken warns him that Farkman is comming for him.
4: Farkman, Farkgirl, and G.C. are seen heading to the PETA fortress riding on the back of Domo-kun.
 
2002-03-04 03:49:25 PM  
My favorite line: "This is the worst flash ever." Way to turn it around, Parallax
 
2002-03-04 03:51:16 PM  
Cliché Kitty needs to be able to talk; it's too hard to work him into the plot otherwise.

When he finally does speak to Farkman...

Farkman: I didn't know you could talk!
CK: Up until now, I haven't felt strongly about anything.

Here's an idea for a villain: The Lurker. He wears a dull gray jumpsuit and ... doesn't do anything! However, whenever there's a disaster, he's there. Oh, and did I mention he wears a "Tourist Guy" cap?
 
2002-03-04 03:52:14 PM  
For some reason Evil-Wil-Wheaton gets chased down a railroad track, a la "Stand by Me".
 
2002-03-04 03:56:35 PM  
Farkman finds himself lying in a puddle of his own puke. Farkman then figures out that has puke has the ability to dissolve stone. He drinks and pukes his way into PETA headquarters.
 
2002-03-04 04:01:15 PM  
Sight gag:
After Farkman and/or Evil Wil do something, have a row of judges hold up scores. Let Frenchy's be surprising low, have all the other judges glare at him, then have him wave his little white flag right as somebody shoots him. Or cliche kitty eats him. Or something.
 
2002-03-04 04:16:19 PM  
Kwdidion, that bears a striking resemblance (a bit TOO striking, actually) to a character I made for the UCONN Daily Campus back in 1989. That character was called, of all things, Barfman.

One of the sad chapters of my art career. Tip a refrigerator on me.
 
2002-03-04 04:18:05 PM  
First Bulwinkle the Moose busts out of his cage and does the People's elbow on Wil. Then the stupid british cops bust in (very drunk) and pull a Rodney King on Wil. Then Farkman stumbles in covered in barf. And sees Wil lying on the ground all beat up and calls him a Dusche Bagge. Then Johnny Cockrin (however his name is spelled) comes and slaps a lawsuit on Farkman on the behalf of Wil.
 
2002-03-04 04:19:28 PM  
Wil begins a small fight with Tux, while Farkman kills the bobbies in a drunken stupor, Domo Kun goes to the Peta castle and eats Mr. Bigglesworth. Cliche kitty uses a super-power to free itself and frees NutCrack Squirrel. Farkman requests that Gratuity girl and Farkgirl join him on the quest to find cliche kitty...
 
2002-03-04 04:21:07 PM  

Dudes, seriously, I don't care how long I have to wait between panels. This one was funny, and the length was perfect. I say that if you can come up with something this good, then by god stick with it, regardless of time frame.

Oww, biatch!

 
2002-03-04 04:24:34 PM  
PETA guy kicks Linux and it freaks BatBoy out. Batboy breaks out and in the chaos releases Cliche Kitty.
 
2002-03-04 04:25:51 PM  
I like it. It needs tanks or guns or something like that.
 
2002-03-04 04:35:24 PM  
WireFire2: LOL! Johnny Cockring!
 
2002-03-04 04:35:30 PM  
WireFire2: LOL! Johnny Cockring!
 
2002-03-04 04:38:15 PM  
Mr. T, we are in desperate need of Mr. T!
 
2002-03-04 04:43:21 PM  
Parallax, I have not yet expressed my enjoyment of these cartoons. And now I shall: They rock!
 
2002-03-04 04:45:05 PM  
It's actually funnier to watch the animation and then read the ideas that spawned it.

Every time Farkman says something with seven syllables in it, he should feel compelled to end the sentence with "doo dah, doo dah."
 
2002-03-04 04:45:25 PM  
Oh, I do have a suggestion.

Gratuity Girl and the Bobbies somehow provoke a fight to the death between Britney Spears and Richard Simmons (or two equally annoying celebrities). Devil Boy could be taking bets on the side. :)
 
2002-03-04 04:53:17 PM  
Mmm..pretty good. Needs salt.
 
2002-03-04 05:05:46 PM  
That's it, we need a villian with powerful domestic brewing capabilities. Someone like: Coorsnan the Beerbarian.
 
2002-03-04 05:11:51 PM  
Second half was much funnier than the first one... is that like building up the suspense?? not really...

Domo-kun needed a more ass-kicking part. what about his one -hand salute?

I second CrazyIvan's idea of Matrix-style bullet-dodging(or is it too soon for that) and taco dog turning into Batboy after Genetic experimentation.

Would love some LotR epic journey stuff Parallax...
 
2002-03-04 05:29:45 PM  
Give Farkgirl better lines, dammit! :)

And to keep the realism/continuity going (ala Wil), I'm willing to do Farkgirl's voice, too.
 
2002-03-04 05:33:25 PM  
Mr. T, we are in desperate need of Mr. T!

Voting good!
 
2002-03-04 05:37:40 PM  
Like others have said, Farkman needs a conservative Xtian enemy. How about Jack Chick?
 
2002-03-04 05:51:59 PM  
Another Fundie enemy idea: CAPtain CAP. He would look like General Patton with a big cross on his helmet.
 
2002-03-04 06:20:34 PM  
Despite the incredible evil that PETA has been shown to be in these panels, I still think Cliche Kitty, when rescued, should be involved in the filming of this:

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilm/product/film_info/0,3699,2419202,00.html
 
2002-03-04 06:21:21 PM  
Despite the incredible evil that PETA has been shown to be in these panels, I still think Cliche Kitty, when rescued, should be involved in the filming of this:

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilm/product/film_info/0,3699,2419202,00.html

Now with super-voting properties.
 
2002-03-04 06:24:40 PM  
Wil should cry over a photo of supergay as if he was some long lost lover or something. Boobies falling out covered by the boobie tag like the black bars would be funny too...
 
2002-03-04 06:34:20 PM  
(Enter ghost)
Ghost: Farkman, I am your father...
Farkman: Fb-???
Ghost: No, damn it! Drew!
 
2002-03-04 06:37:39 PM  
Oh, and if tux gets killed, it should be by something with the Microsoft label on it, although I would prefer tux win such a confrontation.
 
2002-03-04 06:50:52 PM  
Furthermore, I know why Wil snapped and went Evil. It's because he saw Tiffany's Playboy spread, got to thinking about how she wouldn't ever put out during their days together as '80s-pop-culture lamers, and snapped.
 
2002-03-04 06:58:36 PM  
Evil Wil IS Batboy. Just look at those ears!
 
2002-03-04 07:02:56 PM  
Batboy breaks out of his own respective cage(with many refrences to him bring a genetic freak), and therefore helps cliche kitty break from its cage.
 
2002-03-04 07:16:34 PM  
Farkman learns that Prime Number Pooping Bear has been kidnapped by Evil Wil. Farkman finds his way to the PeTA fortress by following the trail of prime numbers.
 
2002-03-04 07:41:18 PM  
Some of these suggestions are as funny as a bucket of pelicans!

Benjamin: My book is not "vanity press"; it's self-published. Big difference. No way am I going to pay some shyster to do production that I can do myself, on the basis of a vague promise that they'll promote the end result.
 
2002-03-04 07:41:39 PM  
To combine suggestions from several farkers
1. Gratuity Girl and Fark Girl agree to help Farkman track down his sidekick. Do so by sending out Dolphin-Safe Vegetarian Hot Lesbo Porn.
2. Matches responses to Bobbie's Base of Boobies (known stupid criminals that the police want) and track e-mail as coming from Evil Wil's palace. Bobbies inform them that Evil Wil is PETA mastermind criminal.
3. The three of them storm the castle.
4. Fighting occurs, Evil Wil throws his chair at Farkman, knocks him out. Goes in for the kill, when,
5. French swarm the room, surrendering. They are under attack by batboy, and are trying to surrender to him, but get lost.
6. While Evil Wil is yelling at them, Farkgirl knocks him out.
7. Gratuity girl frees the animals by doing her breast crunch thing, which pops the doors open.
8. Nutsack squirel runs over Evil Wil's head, tea bagging him.
9. Batboy comes after the french, Evil Wil wakes up in a rage, chases batboy.
10. Farkman wakes up, Farkgirl and Gratuity girl tell him he just won his first big fight.
 
2002-03-04 08:15:11 PM  
I don't think I've ever agreed with you on anything, Fb-, but here, I do.

Is it just me or has FARK become incredibly self obsessed?
 
2002-03-04 08:19:50 PM  
Farkman learns the ways of "The Fark" (i.e. the force) from Rick James, the Linux Penguin takes a red hat and beheads the PeTA guy like the Shaolin Monk in Mortal Combat, and to make the ladies feel equal, Fark Woman has a belt that says "Weeners".
 
2002-03-04 09:01:13 PM  
You should add a guy who works in a paper factory... and he explains why the paper factories smell, the real reason is....... they make paper outta........... DEAD RACOONS!
 
2002-03-04 09:01:22 PM  
May be a little late, but...

Farkgirl is awesome (Go-go Camel toe!)!

I'll be happy if you put in ANY reference to ANY of the Command & Conquer games (i.e. A mixture of Barney the dinosaur and Yuri the psychic commando singing "I love you... You love me... We will obey the Soviet Power... ).

Keep up the EXTREMELY kick-ass work!


---DBS
 
2002-03-04 09:09:45 PM  
Ghostbusters.. who else is he gonna call!?
oooh.. maybe walken as a ghostbuster.. that would roxxor..

geesh.. did i actually type out "roxxor"?
shoot me.
 
HPZ [TotalFark]
2002-03-04 09:33:27 PM  
Still needs more bobbies. Three is not nearly enough. I believe the bobbies need to be an omnipresent part of the Farkman saga. In fact, I think the next few episodes should chronicle the adventures of the bobbies, and give us some background information on them.

In summation: more bobbies.
 
2002-03-04 09:40:27 PM  
I don't care how you do it.
[image from img.fark.com too old to be available]

[image from members.tripod.lycos.nl too old to be available]
A cameo... Farkman becomes Walken when threatened. Anything.
 
2002-03-04 09:43:55 PM  
BTW, thanks for "writing" credit on the last panel. Quite generous considering the contribution.

The "Worst Flash Ever" gag is awesome. Nice comeback.
 
2002-03-04 09:57:02 PM  
Farkman intervenes in the gang fight between the Hell's Angels and the Pagans at the Hellraiser Ball.
 
2002-03-04 10:07:51 PM  
w00t new farkman
My thoughts:

CONs-
First half (Domo-Kun, bobbies) was weak
PROs-
"Worst flash EVER!"
WIL WHEATON!

Farkman is currently too wimpy to drink beer.
Thusly, he must build his alcohol tolerance via a song and dance by Admiral Alcohol
 
2002-03-04 10:08:46 PM  
Suggestions:

1. For the love of God, you cant have something Fark-related without SOME mention of Brittany Spear's boobies.

2. Didnt Wil have his picture taken with Tiffany, and it ended up on E-bay? How about making Wil get jealous of Tiffany's new spread in Playboy, and decide to do his own spread in Playgirl? Maybe "Farkman"'s secret identity can be a photographer for Playgirl.
 
2002-03-04 10:09:18 PM  
Suggestions w/Voting:

1. For the love of God, you cant have something Fark-related without SOME mention of Brittany Spear's boobies.

2. Didnt Wil have his picture taken with Tiffany, and it ended up on E-bay? How about making Wil get jealous of Tiffany's new spread in Playboy, and decide to do his own spread in Playgirl? Maybe "Farkman"'s secret identity can be a photographer for Playgirl.
 
2002-03-04 10:10:13 PM  
the best idea:
Farkman has druken sex with the two new big breasted sidekicks in a NSFW kind of way, then after 'creaming' all over his sidekicks, his sperm ends up being radioactive and gives the girls strange powers like shooting bullets of milk from their breasts.

Vote for this to get them to do something sick.
 
2002-03-04 10:13:58 PM  
In addition to intervening at the Hellraiser's Ball, Farkman should also join the Hell's Angels.

He should also kick the shiat out of a Pagan with a pool cue at the fight.
 
2002-03-04 10:49:45 PM  
I want to see Bill, of Opus and Bill fame, caough up a big ass hair ball at the PETA guy. Farkman should team up with the People For Eating Tasty Animals (PETA) and kick PETA's ass for stealing the peta.com domain!
 
2002-03-04 10:57:07 PM  
Okie this may be the Nyquil talking but how about this....


As the girls in the bar prop up Farkman in a booth, the gazelle like Supergay stolls out of the men's bathroom and begins to talk about how his balls are burning from Cliche Kitty sracthing them to shreads while he tranported him to the PeTA mega drome. Supergay, also tried of Weaton's lame sexual advances takes Farkman to the PeTA mega drome.

*_ meanwhile _*
( there should be some type of flipping Batman type animation here, ya know?)


Fb-'s father, tired of Evil Will Weaton's lame sexual advances, frees all of the mascots ...except for the Pooping Bear. The bear doesn't make any noise plus he is ummm...well.. in the right position for Wil's lonely Friday nights. :) Wil has to get lovin' somehow.


That's about it . I'm sure they'll be some funny stuff in interject in the background. :) Barrel boy should be in here somewhere though... ;)
 
2002-03-04 11:06:15 PM  
Damn Nyquil..... fergot the vote button. :P

As the girls in the bar prop up Farkman in a booth, the gazelle like Supergay stolls out of the men's bathroom and begins to talk about how his balls are burning from Cliche Kitty sracthing them to shreads while he tranported him to the PeTA mega drome. Supergay, also tried of Weaton's lame sexual advances takes Farkman to the PeTA mega drome.

*_ meanwhile _*
( there should be some type of flipping Batman type animation here, ya know?)


Fb-'s father, tired of Evil Will Weaton's lame sexual advances, frees all of the mascots ...except for the Pooping Bear. The bear doesn't make any noise plus he is ummm...well.. in the right position for Wil's lonely Friday nights. :) Wil has to get lovin' somehow.


That's about it . I'm sure there'll be some funny stuff in interject in the background. :) Barrel boy should be in here
somewhere though... ;)
 
2002-03-04 11:47:55 PM  
Pannel #4 Farkman realizes that Farkgirl is actully a fembot
 
2002-03-05 12:00:19 AM  
gotta love it, one guinness and Farkman's on the floor.

Talk about can't hold his liquor.

Next panel: Farkman wakes up in the drunk tank, and strikes up a conversation with his next-cell inmate, a balding white dude whose prison jumper nametag is "D. Curtis".
On Farkman's belt: "Strange".

Both are sprung by FarkGirl and GratuitousGirl, and action continues.
 
2002-03-05 12:14:14 AM  
Farkman is still drunk and Fb-s father walks in to get a drink
It later insues with British Bobbies kicking his ass
 
2002-03-05 12:30:52 AM  
Oh yeah, forgot about voting!

Next panel: Farkman wakes up in the drunk tank, and strikes up a conversation with his next-cell inmate, a balding white dude whose prison jumper nametag is "D. Curtis".
On Farkman's belt: "Strange".
 
2002-03-05 12:48:45 AM  
hey this is probably too late to get voted up, but I think Farkman should be able to photoshop himself out of situations and/or photoshop his enemies to look real stupid. Yeah. (BTW, I ripped this idea off someone else so don't give me full credit)
 
2002-03-05 12:49:39 AM  
Y'all did a really great job :)
 
2002-03-05 01:20:49 AM  
Sadly enough your both right
All of our last 2nd rate ideas will not be used now
Now onto the boobies!
 
2002-03-05 01:38:26 AM  
I think cliche' kitty's powers should be activated when licking himself. Maybe he could summon people to help him out of his anus... like Christopher Walken or George W. or the Trade Tower tourist or even the fat redneck bellyflopping in the mud pit.
 
2002-03-05 02:23:02 AM  
Great stuff!

When Evil Whil laughs diabolically he should stop, take a suspicious look around and notice that Tux is sneaking up on him again; stare at Tux, who then slowly sinks down into hiding again. Resume diabolic laughter.
 
2002-03-05 02:25:25 AM  
I say have Bill Gates and the Bobbies chase down the penguin, and charge him a license for the viola
 
2002-03-05 02:25:53 AM  
I say have Bill Gates and the Bobbies chase down the penguin, and charge him a license for the viola

Forgot the vote
 
2002-03-05 02:27:44 AM  
Captain America shows up and Farkman enlists his help only to be betrayed because Cap America has gone Uber-PC and defends PETA to the last.

Ted Nugent shows up a the last second to help Farkman purge the PETA citadel.

Ted Nugent and Cap America both die.(So they don't make any more stupid appearances ;)

Pantera shows up at the bar afterwards, parties with Farkman, make lots of Metallica = assclowns jokes.
 
2002-03-05 04:18:08 AM  
I'm fairly sure this has been said already, but being that most farkers drink, one of two things should happen:
a) Beer (or tap beer) should be his weakness.
b) He shouldn't get tossed from one pint.

As for the next episode... yes, the photoshop ability is a must, but he should have to gesture at least to do it. And he photoshops an army of Renissance (sp) dorks to help him fight the PETA.
 
2002-03-05 06:27:43 AM  
New villain: CAPtain Chixian -- a right-wing ultra-moralist who objects to anything that he thinks offends God or his personal code. His deadly throwing crosses smite his enemies, but only if they hit them somewhere other than the head.

Catch phrase: E.G.A.D.! -- It's an Enemy of Goodness And Decency!
 
2002-03-05 07:54:50 AM  
Farkman looks like he's wearing yellow Depends. Is that cuz he needs something extra comfy from all that cock and ball torture?
 
2002-03-05 12:20:39 PM  
Farkman should fight against a band of Charles Manson clones -- oh, and somehow use giraffes in the process.
 
2002-03-05 03:03:56 PM  
I loved the penguin with the violin.

Let's have more senseless violins! :p
 
2002-03-05 04:17:59 PM  
1. Farkman begins A-Team style plan to get Kitty Back.
2. Evil Wil begins Mental Rehab on Kitty (a la bond villian).
3. A-Team style vehicle is built, FarkMobile.
4. Bobbies, Boobies and Farkman begin drive toward PeTA castle.
 
2002-03-05 05:54:18 PM  
CAPman! We need CAPman as an evildoer!
 
2002-03-05 06:03:49 PM  
Act 1.) Mr. T as a guest-star super hero there to pity da foo' and help Farkman save Cliche from the also guest-star Super villian Jack Chick, whom is of course Wil Wheatons criminal underling, in homage to Xaioxaio when farkman Wil Wheaton is encountered he is zoomed in on and "Boss" displayed

Act 2.) Wil Wheaton starts falling in love with Gratuitous Boobies cleavage only to lose her to Mr. T
 
2002-03-05 06:07:24 PM  
Oh well take 2, this time with voting!!!

Act 1.) Mr. T as a guest-star super hero there to pity da foo' and help Farkman save Cliche from the also guest-star Super villian Jack Chick, whom is of course Wil Wheatons criminal underling, in homage to Xaioxaio when farkman Wil Wheaton is encountered he is zoomed in on and "Boss" displayed

Act 2.) Wil Wheaton starts falling in love with Gratuitous Boobies cleavage only to lose her to Mr. T
 
2002-03-05 11:41:02 PM  
How about this:

Farkman's drunken stupour gives him a vision of Cliche Kitty in the clutches of the Evil Wil Wheaton. He wakens from his stupour with a plan. Farkman dresses up in some sort of furry animal costume (possibly a bunny) and pretends to be Farkgirl's sidekick in the hopes that PETA will kidnap him and take him to E.W.W.'s secret lair.

Unfortunately for Farkman there is a Furry Fetishist's convention in town. Some Furries come into the bar, see Farkman in an animal costume and... well... hillarity ensues. Supergay can be one of the Furries.

 
2002-03-06 12:40:31 AM  
Enough of my lurking. Here's my two cents.
1) Evil Wil is capturing cliche critters to summon a cliche avatar to conquer France. France immeadiatly surrenders before Wil can do his cliche evil mastermind laugh. Wil looks sad.
2) Gratuity girl does jumping-jacks. Bobbies cheer, say "what-what","tally-ho" and "Corr-blimy"
3) Admiral Alcohol does a bottle of Jagermiester as a shot. Farkman is impressed. So is everyone else.
4)I guess at some point, Photoshoping and rescueing Cliche Kitty will occur.
 
2002-03-06 03:15:16 AM  
Something scary happens and a pic of batboy is flashed on the screen. Nice dramatic effect.
 
2002-03-06 04:20:08 AM  
Weiners!
 
2002-03-06 11:03:52 AM  
I think Tux and cliche kitty should fight to the death.
 
2002-03-06 05:52:19 PM  
The next panel is in need of a guest appearance by Chewbacca. Yes, some Chewie would make the next panel great.
 
2002-03-06 06:35:32 PM  
Gratuity Girl and Fark Girl take a hungover Farkman to meet the guru of beer Admiral Alcohol (or Drew)((In Jail)) Where the form a plan to save Cliche Kitty.
 
2002-03-06 06:36:07 PM  
i like how you can se "Fark Girl"'s butt crack when Farkman passes out from the beer in Panel 3. maybe this is sophomoric naivette but i think Farkman needs Drew. there is way to much sychophantry around here. let's make fun of Drew.
 
2002-03-06 06:37:56 PM  
that's two votes for Drew in a row and within 1 minute of each other. i think that finalizes it.

but how to feature Heineken without breaking copyright laws?
 
2002-03-06 06:37:59 PM  
Gratuity Girl and Fark Girl take a hungover Farkman to meet the guru of beer Admiral Alcohol (or Drew)((In Jail)) Where the form a plan to save Cliche Kitty.

Forgot the voting, Mods please erase last post
 
2002-03-07 12:42:54 AM  
evil wheaton has an army of tourist guys
 
2002-03-07 04:06:30 PM  
Cliche Kitty is rescued by Anna Nicole Smith, who eats the PETA guy.
 
2002-03-07 06:22:43 PM  
Farkman should get XRAY BEER GOGGLES!!!
 
2002-03-07 07:06:27 PM  
Timothy has a point about The Lurker, which is why I'm going to vote for him... maybe he can just hang around in the background for a while...

Cliche Kitty shouldn't speak much if at all.

Nutsac Squirrel is so Fark, gotta find a place for him

Farkman needs a Farkette (aside from the ho's in the bar)

This is an incredible effort, you guys should really be applauded for all you've done so far!

 
2002-03-08 12:38:32 AM  
Weeners!!! What About the Weeners!
 
2002-03-08 01:46:29 AM  
Late, but I need to say it... MORE PENGUINS! Gods, please, I must see more penguins! Perhaps an ultravioletpenguin... maybe not. But there must be more penguins. *8)
 
2002-03-08 11:46:52 AM  
Here's my idea:

Evil Wil Wheaton discusses how he was formed from Normal Wil Wheaton when his audition for "Smellivision" went awry.

Meanwhile, aliens from the planet Crapulon are attracted by Farkistan's radioactivity and land outside of the PETA fortress. The Crapulons make Evil Wil their leader and all of the PETA hippies are turned into drones for the tiny Crapulons. (Their brains are replaced by glass domes with tiny Crapulons controlling them with tiny steering wheels) It should be noted the crapulons sound like Barry White despite their tiny stature.

Farkgirl drags drunken Farkman to PETA headquarters to retrieve Cliche Kitty, and find the PETA/Crapulons and fight them. (Star Trek fight music ensues, with Evil Wil rubbing his hands and laughing maniacally.) Farkman uses his "Breath of non-evilness" and incinerates the Crapulons, while Farkgirl slices and dices.

The tiny Crapulons climb out of their PETA bodies and return to their frisbee-sized spaceship, which is immediately re-captured by the Taco Bell chihuahua.

Evil Wil disappears to parts unknown in a puff of flatulence, and a distant echoing voice says: "'scuse me"...
 
2002-03-09 03:23:03 PM  
I wanna see Farkman hook up with MC Hawking and the Icy Hot Stuntaz. Maybe somebody stole their bling or something.
 
2002-03-09 11:22:07 PM  
Chicken!
 
2002-03-10 01:23:13 AM  
i think that frenchie should show up at the bar with the prime number shiatting bear.. farkman can take the bear to the peta castle. then farkman should cover evil wil with a mountain of prime numbers enabling him to free cliche kitty and all the other animals.
 
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