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(Satire Wire)   Americans outraged that corporations cheat just like they do   ( divider line
    More: Satire  
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3382 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Feb 2002 at 12:42 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

34 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-02-25 12:44:43 PM  
I wish I could cheat like corporations do.. paying no income tax would be sweet
2002-02-25 12:44:51 PM  
corporations are criminal
2002-02-25 12:45:21 PM  
I'll confess: I play with loaded dice.
2002-02-25 12:46:25 PM  
I waste my employers' time and phone bills by messing around on the internet at work. um...
2002-02-25 12:46:42 PM  
And I stole a Roberto Alomar rookie card from my best friend in 4rd grade.
2002-02-25 12:46:49 PM  
Let's all try to justify what Enron did.

Me speeding doesn't effect the lives of thousands of employees.

Even tho this is satire it still pisses me off.
2002-02-25 12:47:59 PM  
Me too: I cheated at Scrabble last weekend by hiding a 'z' in my shirt pocket instead of putting it back in the bag and then taking it out later to spell'quiz' onto a triple-word score earning me 66 points and winning me the game.
2002-02-25 12:49:51 PM  
yes i cheat like enron, i also have the president on my payroll like enron does
2002-02-25 12:55:11 PM  
That's one of the things that make taxes so complicated; someone finds a way to cheat. Legistlators try to close the loophole. Those who use the cheat to make money throw cash at the legislators. New loopholes are created.

Result? Taxes for corporations and those able to afford excellent accountants pay less taxes, and the rest of us have to wade through piles of deduction rules if we wanna try to lessen our taxes by itemizing...
2002-02-25 01:09:24 PM  
Also, from NPR's "Rewind" show, a headline from last week:

"Bankrupt energy giant Enron is considering changing its now-infamous name. The company hopes the new name will attract investors who might be scared off by the name Enron. In a related story, Satan announced that his new name will be Gordon Applebee. Mr. Applebee will continue to serve on Enron's board of directors."
2002-02-25 01:21:33 PM  
Boomslang: yeah, pisses me off too, because you know there are plenty of people thinking that way.

It would be true if we all had corporate immunity.
"Gee officer, I didn't rob that bank, my corporation did. I was just acting as an executive officer. Where's the money from the heist? Well, actually my corporation paid me all 1.5 million as a salary, so it's mine now. But I hope you catch that nasty corporation. I'd like to stick around but I have a business meeting."
2002-02-25 01:23:11 PM  
Henchman HAHA! that is comedy!! Did NPR really have that? Well, I hope Mr. Applebee will be as nice to the american people as Ken.
2002-02-25 01:23:48 PM  
Geez, I don't even have the president's personal phone number.
2002-02-25 01:27:47 PM  
In response to the Americans outraged at bad Corporate behavior, a Conglomerate of Fortune 500 companies released a statement, "Go fark yourselves America. Dont like it, don't work for us, and don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord hit ya !"
2002-02-25 01:29:08 PM  
Wow, I'm really glad I read that. Because up until then I thought what Enron et al did was an outrage. Just my silly liberal naiivate again I suppose. It really is the same as if I cheated on my taxes or got busted with drugs.
One question though- if I got caught doing those things the whote house would help me out, right? And if it went to trial, I could take the fifth, right?
2002-02-25 01:33:05 PM  
one more thing. even if i did cheat how would that effect a whoel company of workers?...
2002-02-25 01:36:07 PM  
So just because your cheating is on a smaller scale, it's all right, right? If a person will steal $50 from the bank, what makes them think they wouldn't steal $50 million from shareholders and employees? Dishonest is dishonest, jerks. What Enron did is terrible. So is the hypocrisy of the average person.
2002-02-25 01:39:33 PM  
I agree. If the bank gave me $200 + in my account for some reason, I would be damned if I told them. So. But the differance is that Enron was fooling people into giving them money. They were scamming people. If I scammed the back I would be in just as much trouble, but if the bank fu.cked up. well, that is thier fault. I guess I am a hypocrit than. HEHE.
2002-02-25 01:42:07 PM  
And I stole a Roberto Alomar rookie card from my best friend in 4rd grade.>

The 4rd grade? Do you graduate from the 4rd grade in the month of Smarch? (Lousy Smarch weather! DOH)

Skinink -
I believe it's "don't let the door hit ya where the Good Lord split ya." At least, I'm not aware of a particular body part that God smites regularly. ;)
2002-02-25 01:44:04 PM  
Speaking of shameless plugs, thanks to whoever pulled the porn ad that should have been in the classifieds....I'm amazed at how many farkers were outraged. Fark on.

No free boobies -- pshaw!
2002-02-25 01:44:35 PM  
Another difference: We can be arrested. Corporations cannot.
2002-02-25 01:46:26 PM  
Uh, yeah, but the people who run the corporations can. What was the point of that?
2002-02-25 01:51:05 PM  
Ummm... Feffer NO the people who run the corporations can not be arrested. Has Ken been arrested. NO. There is a little bit of law that states that the individual can not be responcible for any fault of the corporation. If this was the case, than we could arrest the owners for BMW for using slave jewish labor in WWII. Or we could arrest Shell or Cheveron for dumping oil. But as you can plainly see, we have not. The corporation has superseded the law/ nationality/ and responcibility.
2002-02-25 01:52:16 PM  
Vexhex: Believe it or not, they did! The show is located here, and if you hit the "archive" and "last week's show," you can just read the headlines.

The show itself is kind of hit-or-miss, especially since they just expanded to an hour from a half-hour. A bit of the banter starts to resemble filler, but they may need time to flesh it out.
2002-02-25 02:02:54 PM  
all these posts from satirewire are really un-funny.
2002-02-25 02:09:17 PM  
The truth hurts. Oh, man, does it hurt.
2002-02-25 02:25:50 PM  
If I found an extra $200 in my checking account I would report it -- but then again, I belong to a credit union that doesn't charge exorbinant fees and rates. (A friend got a $20 overdraft charge from Washington Mutual -- I was shocked!. When I got one, it was $1.50 -- and that was refunded when I explained that the company had accidently charged me twice (true). I doubt any bank would do that! So I love my credit union and would not wish to stiff 'em.)
2002-02-25 02:35:58 PM  
Enigmamf Fair'nough. I have WaMu and would shove a stiff rod up thier ass anyday. What really gets me about bank is that they do not just hold your money. They use it for thier own ends. Contributing to political campaings, giving it to certain unwanted people. The way it works is that they get a crap load of money from you and me, give it to some one who will help them in the political arena, and then get the money back by charge people like you and me farking large over draft fees. And collecting on loans and credit cards. Having a good small credit union is the right way to go. I am not sure I can though. I should look into that.
2002-02-25 03:11:19 PM  
Scale does matter. Punching a person and killing that person are entirely different and are (usually!) punished differently, although both are physical attacks on a person. Stealing $50 and stealing $50 million are similarly not the same thing, although neither is excusable.
2002-02-25 03:55:18 PM  
Digitalchris, I have a Roberto Alomar rookie card, and you don't. Nyah nyah na nyah nyah.
2002-02-25 03:55:59 PM  
1. Start a subchapter-S corporation or sole-proprietorship.
2. Write off your expenses.
3. Don't forget to expense your car, computer, and everything else you use for your small business, like Beer Friday.
4. Grow business larger and eventually move to LLP or Subchapter-C corporation.
5. Lobby congress so they continue to allow the expensing of your (company's) car, computer, and Beer Fridays!
2002-02-25 04:06:49 PM  
Weak Satire....4 out of 10 at best.

"02-25-02 03:11:19 PM Gelatinous
Scale does matter. Punching a person and killing that person are entirely different and are (usually!) punished differently, although both are physical attacks on a person. Stealing $50 and stealing $50 million are similarly not the same thing, although neither is excusable."

I disagree, you either have honor and do not steal or you're a THIEF, be it a dime or a dollar it is all the same thing.
2002-02-25 04:25:13 PM  
I made no claims that either person is not a thief. However please note that the law distinguishes betweens felonies and misdemeanors, assigning nine different levels of severity.

(Yes, the link is rom "", but it's still informative)
2002-02-25 06:30:22 PM  
I'd think satirewire would be more intelligent than that. It may be true that Americans commit some horribly unethical actions,but that doesn't justify the evil deeds of corporations. And also, while we are not only influenced by our environment, but our primal instincts and emotions, corporations are not. it is not a valid analogy, and as such, should be stricken from fark.
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