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(STLToday)   Barbie goes through midlife crisis, has trouble competing with skankier alternatives   ( divider line
    More: Stupid  
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14213 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Nov 2004 at 3:50 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

65 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-11-27 12:46:22 PM  
Well, first she dumped Ken, and its all downhill from there.

Look for Crazy Lady Living With Her Feral Cats Barbie coming soon, right after surfer boy dumps her
2004-11-27 12:46:33 PM  
Mattel signed preteen diva Hillary Duff to promote the brand

2004-11-27 03:38:30 PM  
It has Cali Girl Barbie, an update on Malibu Barbie, and the Jammin' In Jamaica series for the My Scene Barbie line that's intended to be direct competition for Bratz.

If they are trying to go after the hoochified Bratz dolls, they are going to need something stronger than a "Cali Girl". They are going to need to design a "Miami Call Girl" Barbie or a "Border Boyz Town" Barbie.
2004-11-27 03:58:37 PM  
She should get some plastic boobie implants
2004-11-27 04:00:27 PM  
BangBus Barbie?
2004-11-27 04:01:27 PM  
Wait 'till Barbie is endorsed by Paris Hilton. Dads and daughters will love it...for different reasons.
2004-11-27 04:01:40 PM  
Bratz? They can't hold a candle next to Barbie,consarn it!

/Wonder Woman Barbie rules
2004-11-27 04:02:08 PM  
I must admit my brain shut down after the first paragraph of the article.
2004-11-27 04:02:08 PM  
Big Naturals Barbie?
Hooker Barbie or my favorite..
Escort Barbie
2004-11-27 04:04:25 PM  
Both my nieces want those Bratz dolls for X-mas, guess they'll be wanting collagen injections next year.
2004-11-27 04:07:46 PM  
GreenbeanX How about MilfHunter Barbie or My Friends' Hot Mom Barbie? ;)
2004-11-27 04:09:14 PM  
crack whore barbie ready to sell.
2004-11-27 04:11:37 PM  
But Barbie is the perfect Christmas gift!

/no HTML skills
2004-11-27 04:11:42 PM  
Whatever happened to White Trash Barbie?
2004-11-27 04:15:17 PM  
I like dirty crack-whore Barbie myself. She only costs like $5 so it's easy to pick her up in time for Christmas.

/too easy
2004-11-27 04:17:48 PM  
Whatever happened to White Trash Barbie?

Kaymon, she married Kevin Federline.
2004-11-27 04:19:23 PM  
I remember the pencil topper in which Barbie "rode" your pencil. There were many times I would need to walk out of class with a book at my crotch.
2004-11-27 04:22:20 PM  
Halway through this article I was like, "WHO CARES!!"
2004-11-27 04:22:29 PM  
OK, it isn't as if the image of Barbie's a paragon of chaste, no-nonsense virtue for little girls or anything, but frankly I'd rather have my (putative) daughter play with one of those than the ghetto-princess Bratz.
When I think of Bratz, I think of the Sheetz MTO menu.
2004-11-27 04:22:45 PM  
Barbi went to Jamaica to find her groove.

Mattel needs to put a few tattoos on the doll, pierce her belly button, make her a pop star, have her flash some skin "plastic slip" in a commercial, cut her hair shor, have her new boy friend be 20 years her junior. Get the people talking.
Forget linking her image with any number of "brand names" that are also failing in their propsective market. Levis.

I don't have kids, but personally, I think Barbi is tired. It's a toy that has had some good years. many good years for the company. If I had kids I wouldn't even think of buying them Barbi crap unless for some reason they asked for a Barbi. There are way better toys out there.
2004-11-27 04:23:03 PM  
Heh...we used to have transformers and Ewok's kids play with crappy legos and mini-hoes.

/I hate you guys
2004-11-27 04:24:29 PM  
HAHAHA... Greystoke
I wish I had thought of that.

/wipes away tear from eye
2004-11-27 04:27:37 PM  
Kaymon: She's alive and well:
(Flash,sound,and possibly NSFW)

White Trash Barbie
2004-11-27 04:29:31 PM  
my friend had a band in boston called gangsta biatch barbie.
Mattel made them change it.
2004-11-27 04:35:42 PM  
I always had a fancy for Barely Illeagal Barbie. I can only get hard if fear of prison is involved.
2004-11-27 04:36:18 PM  
All and all, we're just finding new ways to turn little girls into whores.

/female, never played with dolls
2004-11-27 04:36:18 PM  
Forsythe F-ing hilarious!
2004-11-27 04:38:08 PM  

Gangsta biatch Barbie -> Nullset -> White
2004-11-27 04:38:47 PM  
"Over the years, Barbie's voluptuous figure has sparked controversy. If she were human, her measurements would translate into a thirty-nine inch chest, twenty-one inch waist, and thirty-three inch hips."

/had to be said
2004-11-27 04:39:59 PM  
Women are like dog, doo, hear me through don't interrupt,
It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up,
I'd fill the generation gap, clean the cobwebs from her rafters,
Old hens would rather put out than be put out to the pasture.

-His Holiness, Mr. Jimmy Pop Ali
2004-11-27 04:41:36 PM  
It's just the older that they are the easier they get to pick-up

No. Wrong.
2004-11-27 04:48:51 PM  
I found her on a "mature babes" web site:

[image from too old to be available]
2004-11-27 04:50:24 PM  
To re-energize its flagship brand, the world's largest toymaker set out to cast Barbie and her pals in a series of books, magazines and animated films, hoping the story lines would drive sales of the doll and her accessories.

What kind of "story line" can you come up with for a shallow, materialistic, busty blonde bimbo that's still suitable for girls age 6 to 9?

Come to think of it, a Barbie RealDoll(tm) would probably be rather popular, and just think of the "accessories"...
2004-11-27 04:54:57 PM  
Do they still sell the Severed Head of Barbie "fashion toy?"

[image from too old to be available]

That thing creeped me out more than Bobby Hill's "first kiss".
2004-11-27 04:57:13 PM  
"Han Solo? Mother, he's not even our scale!"

[image from too old to be available]
2004-11-27 04:57:24 PM  
What about "Born again Barbie" or "Bible thumper Barbie?"
Those fundies are loyal if nothing else.
2004-11-27 04:58:12 PM  
Where can I find the clip of barbie getting shiat beat out of her while fornicating with ken...
2004-11-27 04:59:01 PM  
I had to read it twice before I realized it was "Cali Girl" and not "Call Girl" Barbie.
2004-11-27 04:59:18 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

GIS for barbie
2004-11-27 05:00:54 PM  
Mattel wastes more of their resources defending poor Barbie from mischievious copyright violators, artists, comedians, etc. than they do studying current trends. They had it coming.

See: for more violations!
2004-11-27 05:00:59 PM  
Also this...
Barbie from Hell
2004-11-27 05:04:23 PM  

The Goth Barbie isn't fat enough.
2004-11-27 05:05:09 PM  
"Bratz continues to have a strong market share with girls over the age of 6"

I know, let's just rename her Skank and be done with it. Brilliant!
2004-11-27 05:26:14 PM  
Bratz? what are Bratz?!

*does a GIS*

Ah. Hos.
2004-11-27 05:31:34 PM  
coachwdb: BangBus Barbie?

Da Winnar!
2004-11-27 05:45:03 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Meanwhile an anonymous blonde was quoted as saying "serves the roundheeled trollope right"
2004-11-27 06:02:03 PM  
Barbie sucks. Malibu Stacey rules.

/There, I said it.
2004-11-27 06:08:49 PM  
I'm not sure what to think of this. On the one hand, it's "So the industry standard is changing from a negative female stereotype from the 50's to a more modern, whorish female stereotype. Big whoop."

On the other hand, I'd much rather see my 5 year old cousins playing with this:

[image from too old to be available]

Than this:

[image from too old to be available]

At least Barbie won't give me nightmares.
2004-11-27 06:20:00 PM  
Wow... It feels like 50th and 10th sometime in the early 80s in NYC...

[image from too old to be available]
2004-11-27 06:22:01 PM  
As a friend of mine once said about his daughters after the divorce from his faithless wife... "I'm afraid they're going to end up making a living swinging from a pole."
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