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(BrokenNewz)   Man gets burned while surfing Fark, invokes the name of Frankenberry in profanity-laced tirade   ( ) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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23685 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Nov 2004 at 9:20 PM (11 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

88 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2004-11-14 07:10:50 PM  
HAHA. Fruit looped.

This reminds me, a good way to curse is to pronounce a phrase, and only use the first and last sounds from the phrase.


Shiny wit
Ding back
assume sinkhole
2004-11-14 07:11:19 PM  
Made me laugh, and brought cereal back into my day.
So that's a plus.
2004-11-14 07:11:31 PM  
curve blunt
2004-11-14 09:25:01 PM  
Man, using breakfast cereal names for cursewords is brilliant. One of those ideas, like the pen with three inks in it, you wish you thought of yourself.

I got some of those ideas, and I'll be damned if you'll hear them.
2004-11-14 09:28:05 PM  
Oh Captain Crunch!
2004-11-14 09:31:29 PM  
This is why I build my own computers.
2004-11-14 09:32:03 PM  
I feel his pain. My Dell Latitude C400 has had...

motherboard replaced 5 times
screen replaced 4 times
palm rest/keyboard replaced once
soundcard replaced once
have had 2 batteries die (warraty doesn't cover that shiat...)

All this after a mere two years.

Sigh, atleast my hard disk/ram haven't failed yet.

*Knocks on wood*
2004-11-14 09:32:56 PM  
Koo koo for koko puffs, Biatch!
2004-11-14 09:35:00 PM  
2004-11-14 09:36:23 PM  
2004-11-14 09:39:09 PM  
That article was Banana Nut Crunch!
2004-11-14 09:40:04 PM  
"posting ridiculous comments on the message boards at"

Thank fark it isn't just me that does this.
2004-11-14 09:41:00 PM  
Dude, he got a Dell. A friend that does computer service said that Dell and Gateway are the computers with the most problems. Poor fruit loop.

/basking in Thinkpad glory
2004-11-14 09:41:00 PM  
2004-11-14 09:45:31 PM  
The common phrase in my shop (where most of use have Latitude Attitude already) is, "Dude! You just got a boat anchor!"

/Golden Graham-it!
2004-11-14 09:46:11 PM  
Reminds me of breakfast the other morning. I meant to say "Please dear pass the cerial." but what came out of my mouth was "You farking biatch you farked up my life".
2004-11-14 09:46:23 PM  
That was some funny stuff. I feel for the guy, I have the same model dell and I've never had a problem with it (owned it for over a year now). Well, truthfully I've had 1 problem but it was my own fault. DVD drive was open and I went to reach for a cord that had fallen behind the desk and knocked over my vodka & tonic right onto the drive.

Dell very quickly replaced it under my 'accidental care' warranty.
2004-11-14 09:48:49 PM  
Dell ? NOT

I.B.M ? Yessssssss
2004-11-14 09:51:11 PM  
Dude, you're getting an Alpha Bits.

I dunno.
2004-11-14 09:52:43 PM  
That's what you get for buying from a company that sleeps with Intel and uses the cheapest shiat they can get their hands on to keep the price absurdly low.
2004-11-14 09:53:12 PM  
2004-11-14 09:54:35 PM  
Nut'n Honey!
2004-11-14 09:54:46 PM  
2004-11-14 09:55:23 PM  
farked ? brokennews is broke already ?

article anyone ?
2004-11-14 09:56:13 PM  
I may be jinxing myself, but I have carried an old Latitude CPt around the world for the past several years and apart from adding another stick of memory and Win XP Pro, it has never required any service and performed flawlessly. People at work with similar and newer Dells have had neverending problems. A good source for used laptop parts for all makes is He is a friend of mine in Delaware with free advice and cheap parts. Small shop so he doesn't get a break on shipping though, so shipping is expensive.
2004-11-14 09:56:38 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

speaks for itself...literally....
2004-11-14 09:57:54 PM  
Corn farked.
2004-11-14 09:59:07 PM  
corn nibbling ditch pig
2004-11-14 10:01:19 PM  
2004-11-14 10:01:30 PM  
the (long) article (Part 5 anyway, never could get through to 1-4):

So, the display is working properly and the machine hasn't locked up once in the past four days. Third time's the charm, right? I can relax now, right?


Well, no, I could relax, just not without burning the delicately soft flesh off of my wrists and cauterizing my veins.

I was making good use of my third motherboard, posting ridiculous comments on the message boards at, when I enacted a severe violation of proper typing posture and rested my wrists on the open area below the keyboard. They only stayed there for a moment, as the surface temperature of the rest area was hot enough to fry bacon, as well as the skin on my body. I had noticed that the temperature of the keyboard area was a bit warm but attributed that to the general conditions surrounding working in an attic office in Georgia in the summer. However, touching the metal just below the keyboard resulted in severe redness and swelling. These are definitely not ideal working conditions for anyone with exposed flesh, and I'd be damned if I would wear gloves in the summer.

After a moment's ponderance, I noticed that the exhaust fan wasn't blowing. I placed my fingers near the vent and felt a massive amount of heat pouring out. It immediately hit me that this was most likely going to mean another call to Dell. Completely instinctively, a string of vulgarity flew from my mouth and immediately collided with my wife who had just entered the room.

(In the interest of keeping things at PG-13, I have replaced all profanity with names of breakfast cereals.)

"You stupid piece of Shredded Wheat!" I screamed loudly.

"Woah," she said, taken aback. "That's no way to greet a lady when she walks in the room!"

"Sorry, dear," I replied sheepishly. "You aren't a piece of Shredded Wheat."

"I should hope not," she answered, "Given the way Shredded Wheat smells. So, what's got you all in a tizzy?"

"Oh, this Frankenberry piece of Sugar Smacks laptop."

"Oh, come on!" she exclaimed. "Another problem? You have to be Frazzles kidding with me!"

"Nope. It's all Fruit Looped again."

"What's wrong with it this time?"

"Well, my wrists were getting tired, so I rested them on this part right here," I said, pointing to the area where wrists look like they belong. "When I did, it burnt the living S'mores out of my wrists. It hurt like a Blueberry Morning."

"Are you okay?"

"Sure, aside from being Post Oatmeal'ed at Dell. Now I have to waste another three Golden Graham hours on the phone with those Alpha-Bits."

"Well, while you deal with them, I'll go fix you a sandwich and bring you some aspirin."

So, once again, I found myself dialing the number which had become permanently engrained in my mind in the hopes that I might actually get through the silence and connect with someone who made some sense on the first try. I figured, while I was at it, I might as well wish for a pretty pink unicorn, too.

"Welcome to Dell," she said invitingly. "This is [name omitted]. To whom am I speaking?"

"This is Joe."

"Okay, Joe, and may I please have your telephone number, just in case we get disconnected?"

"Sure, it's [my telephone number]."

"Okay, and really quickly, do you have an Express Service Number you can give me? It should be the longer number on the back of your computer."

"Yep, it is [my Express Service Number]."

A few moments passed as she entered the information and pulled up whatever it was she needed to pull up to tell me that I'd need to replace the motherboard again.

"Okay, it looks like you have an Inspiron 8500, and your warranty expires hmm. Wow, that's weird."

I sighed heavily. "What is it this time?" I asked with dread.

"Hmm this can't be right. It says here that your warranty expired in April of 2003."

"Oh, come ON!" I exclaimed. "How on Earth can that be possible?"

"I don't know. Considering that the Inspiron 8500 wasn't even made until April, I find that a little hard to believe myself. Hold on just one moment"

A moment came and went.

"Well, that was a little strange, but I think I've gotten it taken care of."

"What, exactly, was the problem?"

"Well, it seems that the last person in your file "

I scowled. "Was it David?"

She hesitated a moment, then said "Yes, David It looks like he somehow reset your warranty to April of 2000."

"That son of a Boo-Berry!"

"I'm sorry?"

"Oh, nothing. Excuse me."

"Oh. Well, okay Um what is your issue?"

I explained to her that the exhaust fan wasn't running and it was causing my system to run EXTREMELY hot.

"Well," she answered, "That's not very good for the processor. We're going to have to get that serviced."

"Well, about that"


"Is there any chance whatsoever that you could just send me a little fan and I could install it?" My voice squeeked with pathetic hope.

"Oh, no sir. I'm afraid that-" And the world went all swirly and her words pounded in my hears "-Your entire motherboard is going to have to be replaced."

Oh well. The good news is that she at least knew what end was up. It's too bad about the unicorn, though I'd have been the hit of the neighborhood.

The order went in and the following day, the tech came out.

"Mr. Peacock, sir," he greeted me.

"Hey there, Randy," I replied. "Nice to see you again."

"Yeah, I guess, although I think we'd both rather it be over a beer." We both chuckled heartily. Randy made himself comfortable at a free desk and began dismantling my laptop once again. I left to go attend to a server which needed extensive testing of the solitare program to determine its effective resources. A very short time later, I heard a tap on the door. It was Randy, and the expression he wore was a grim one.

"What's up, Randy?" I asked glibly.

"You'd uh you might want to see this," He replied.

I followed him into the room where he was making his repair. Before him sat my dismantled laptop, my old and nearly burned up motherboard, and a new motherboard which had a nice clean fissure straight down the middle of it.

"Umm I don't suppose that's an upgrade of some sort, is it?" I asked.

"No, sir, I'd assume it isn't," he chuckled.

"Please, Randy," I begged, "Please don't tell me you just cracked my newest motherboard."

Randy assured me several times that it shipped exactly as it was when he showed it to me.


"Sir?" he replied.

"Randy, are you SURE you don't work for Dell?"

"No, sir. I'm just a contractor. Why?"

I looked him in the eye. "Absolutely certain?"

"Yes, sir," he replied earnestly. "Absolutely certain. Why do you ask?"

"Because if you did, I'd burn you in effigy."

Randy cracked up laughing, then finally muttered, "Looks like we gotta call Dell."

"Well, you call them. I've run out of cereal names."


"Oh, sorry, that's an inside joke."

Randy called Dell. Dell promised to overnight a new, crack-free motherboard. Randy told me to expect him around noon the next day. I waved goodbye to Randy. Randy waved goodbye to me. I went home and slept the restless sleep of a tortured soul. The next day, noon rolled around. There was no Randy. The same was true at 1:00, and again at 2:00. Finally at 3:00, I decided to call Dell.

"Uh, sir, there's no order in the system for a repair."

"What the HELL do you mean, there's no order in the system for a repair?"

"Just what I told you, sir. I'm looking at the system and there is no order for a repair."

I explained to this new tech support person (Justin, I believe his name was) all that had transpired thus far, and believe me I spared not the cereal. Just when I thought he was about to hang up on me, Justin managed to get a word in edgewise and calm me down.

"Sir, it is alright. I can initiate a new order right now. Just hold on a second."

"I've been holding on since April, Justin. I am so very tired of holding on."

"I understand, sir. Just one moment, and we will get this taken care of."

Justin disappeared into the void that is Barry Manilow for nearly two minutes, during which time I heard all about Lola and Rico and their torrid romance at the Copa Cabana. He arrived just before either Rico or Tony shot the other one (no one's quite sure about that).

"Alright, sir, a new motherboard is being sent to the technical group nearest your location. A tech will be out in the morning to service your system."

"And will that motherboard be in one piece?" I asked.

"Well, I can only hope so, sir," he replied in earnest. "It sounds like you've had a pretty rough experience. I know that I, personally, want you to be satisfied."

"Well, Justin, you could buy me a unicorn," I replied. He didn't get it, either.

Morning came, and so did Randy with the fifth motherboard to be installed in my system in less than 2 months but you can bet your Molass-O's it wasn't the last.

To Be Continued
2004-11-14 10:06:22 PM  
...but you can bet your Molass-O's it wasn't the last.

What the Honey Nut Cheerios are Molass-O's?
2004-11-14 10:07:22 PM  

You know, I had an idea like that once. It was a jump-to-conclusions mat.
2004-11-14 10:08:03 PM  
Thanks, Urzaman, you've convinced me to stay away from Dell laptops. I'd been pissed that I missed the $750-off promotion a few weeks ago but after seeing you're problems, I'm glad I missed it.
2004-11-14 10:11:01 PM  
sounds like my ongoing chronicle with the wonderful company that is SBC...those guys are a bunch of Honeycombs.
2004-11-14 10:12:36 PM (nsfw)

Please Please don't copy and paste this

You must be sick to copy and paste this link

No No No No No Don't
2004-11-14 10:14:12 PM  
MY EYES!!! THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING!!!! Don't ever tell me NOT to do something.
2004-11-14 10:16:24 PM  
Never had a problem with my Dell desktops, either at home or work, but my Inspiron 1100 laptop farked-up a short while back. Some Googling revealed it might be the motherboard (hit the power button, fans spin up, then shuts down before bios). Since warranty seemed to be expired (and I didn't have high hopes for outsourced tech support anyway) I decided to systematically remove parts, trying to boot after each. Eventually got to the point where removing one of the two RAM modules fixed the problem. Ha! Tech support can kiss my arse.

/glad not to be making payments on a dead laptop
2004-11-14 10:16:48 PM  
...hurt like a Blueberry Morning.

2004-11-14 10:24:53 PM  
I gotta say, while the link was funny I've been pretty happy with Dell. I had a mp3 player from them that eventually cracked its hard drive. A 10 minute call with Dell and a new once was in my hand in 2 business days.

2004-11-14 10:26:44 PM  
Dell workstations, Toshiba laptops....thats the way to live.
2004-11-14 10:33:57 PM  
DammitDrag= Boo-Berry Banninated!
2004-11-14 10:36:58 PM  
Now that's a funny story there.
2004-11-14 10:38:18 PM  
Oh, snap, crackle, pop!
2004-11-14 10:39:24 PM  
Website apears UnFarked...guess their Admin noticed that it was Farked and decided to preempt the farking by making it unfarkable.
2004-11-14 10:44:35 PM  
huh. Where I worked tech support we had no end of problems with Dell PCs/workstations (we proabbly had to service close to 70% of the PCs within a month or so of arrival, it often involved Dell having to send somebody 200-250 miles one way to fix stuff we could do in five minutes if we were allowed to under the warranty restrictions), but had very, very few problems with Dell laptops. This was a few years ago though.

Another department had a Dell rack mount server sag and bend (that was kinda neat). But the laptops were rock solid for us. Certainly more reliable than any other brand that we had any significant number of (toshiba's come to mind, don't know if we had much other than those two brands)
2004-11-14 10:53:16 PM  
I worked with a guy whose last name really was Frankenberry. He even had the image of Frankenberry tattooed on his right arm. He didn't even respond to his first name. Would only go by Frankenberry. Strange place that was. My boss's name was Freebird II. His brother was Freebird I. His parents changed their last names to Freebird and were groupies of Skynyrd. At least he gave his two boys actual normal first names.
2004-11-14 10:54:21 PM  
Hasn't this guy been posted on Fark before? I remember reading his WalMart story with the porn screens on thanksgiving day before...
2004-11-14 10:55:01 PM  
//Systematically kills DammitDrag with a pickaxe.

Help me out here.
2004-11-14 11:09:46 PM  
2004-11-14 11:10:05 PM  
dammitdrag means it when he says not to click there. don't. for the love of god don't. won't someone please think of the chilren?!?!
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