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(Some Farker)   What's your favorite quote, and where's it from?   ( divider line
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8937 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Nov 2004 at 8:26 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

1116 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2004-11-13 05:21:37 PM  
"By the time you realize your parents were right, you have children who don't believe you"

2004-11-13 05:21:48 PM  
On The Saddam Trial: "What is Johnnie Cochran going to say? 'If you cut off the clit you must acquit!?'" - Jim Norton

actually not my favorite, just the only one i could find quickly cause i cant think of any
2004-11-13 05:22:56 PM  
If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone.
--Jack Handy Deep Thoughts
2004-11-13 05:24:46 PM  
"When you're going through Hell, keep going."
-- Winston Churchill
2004-11-13 05:25:18 PM  
Personally I'm always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught.

- Sir Winston Churchill
2004-11-13 05:27:05 PM  
"All this accumulated knowledge, when will these dumbies ever learn to use a doorknob."
-Lex Luther (Superman 2)
2004-11-13 05:27:44 PM  
"No man is a hero to his valet."
-D. Boone
2004-11-13 05:28:36 PM  
There's only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences. P.J. O'Rourke
2004-11-13 05:28:53 PM  
"There's someone for everyone, even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them."
- Steve Martin in LA Story
2004-11-13 05:28:57 PM  
Ah! Touch Rain-Monkey.
2004-11-13 05:30:51 PM  
"Life is one constant defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead"

-Homer Simpson

"Bite My Glorious Golden Ass"

-Gold Bender
2004-11-13 05:31:10 PM  
Thats' Um... *touche*
...friggin filters.

Although, there are those who would like to touch the Rain-Monkey.
2004-11-13 05:32:15 PM  
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference." Elie Weisel

Boy, oh boy, oh boy, do I hope this thread gets the green light. I love good quotes and I hope to read a lot of them here.
2004-11-13 05:32:45 PM  
"Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life."

Bertold Auerbach
2004-11-13 05:33:01 PM  
I look to like if looking liking please, but will no more endart my eye than thy will gives it strenght to fly.

Juliet, from Eomeo and Juliet talking to her mother? about a potential suitor. I just like the way it sounds.
2004-11-13 05:33:30 PM  
"Tea, 90% of the people in the world are morons."

-my dad.
2004-11-13 05:33:32 PM  
I have many favourites.

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."

-Albert Einstein
2004-11-13 05:34:09 PM  
"I am getting to the stage when I HATE anybody who does anything UNUSUAL at ALL, whether its make a lot of MONEY or dress in silly CLOTHES or read books of foreign WORDS or know a lot about anything or play any musical INSTRUMENT or pretend that they believe, anything out of the ordinary, that requires, a lot of courage, or a lot of generosity, or a lot of self-control, to believe it -- BECAUSE THEY ARE USUALLY SUCH SODDING NASTY PEOPLE THAT I KNOW IT IS 1000-1 THAT THEY ARE SHOWING OFF. -- and they don't KNOW it but I know it."

- Letter from Philip Larkin to Kingsley Amis, July 17, 1946.

Punctuation as in the original
2004-11-13 05:34:26 PM  
"And then Jesus said to his Jews: 'Love God as I love him, as his son. What are morals to us sons of God!?'"


"A man will be imprisoned in a room with a door that's unlocked and opens inwards; as long as it does not occur to him to pull rather than push."

2004-11-13 05:36:25 PM  
Owe you a coke, mtrans!
2004-11-13 05:38:29 PM  
"There is good and there is evil and evil must be punished. But there are so many who are so deserving and so little time."

The Watchmen

[image from too old to be available]

2004-11-13 05:38:30 PM  
I'm paraphrasing terribly here but it was something to the effect of "life is a race, the point of which is not to cross the finish line with the best time or with the most possesions, but to dive into the grave headfirst with a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other screaming WOOOOHOOOO"

What its supposed to be sounds a lot better, but you get the gist.
2004-11-13 05:39:39 PM  
"Look at our enemy, Al-Queda. This is what happens when you have no sense of humor. You become so wrapped up in what you believe, snap."
- Lewis Black
2004-11-13 05:39:45 PM  
Another personal favorite (so hard to narrow it down):

There are two ways to live your life - one is as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.

- Albert Einstein
2004-11-13 05:39:56 PM  
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy"

I'm not sure who originally quoted this but I first heard it on a live track by Mr. Bungle called "Existential Blues/Wizard of Oz"
2004-11-13 05:41:00 PM  
"Never take advice from someone with a tongue piercing."

"Most questions have more than one answer."

"Ignorance isn't intellect."

"Being better at things doesn't make you better than people."

"Any action can be justified when viewed from different perspectives. Only the true motivation is of any importance."

"In dolphin language, does 'eeeee-eee-ee-eeeeeeeee-eee-eeeeeeee-ee' mean 'Let me the fark out of this tank, youcoont?' "

- No_47
2004-11-13 05:41:55 PM  
The difference between intelligence and stupidity is that intelligence has its limits.

Not sure where it came from, I read it on the internet.
2004-11-13 05:42:11 PM  
Snap, Crackle, F*(k him.
-George Carlin's rice krispies.
I don't have pet peeves, I have psychotic f*(king hatreds
-George Carlin
2004-11-13 05:42:21 PM  
Elwood P. Dowd, from "Harvey": Years ago my mother used to say to me, she'd say, "In this world, Elwood, you must be" - she always called me Elwood - "In this world, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant." Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. And you may quote me.
2004-11-13 05:44:01 PM  
Never measure the height of a mountain until you have reached the top. Then you will see how low it was.
-Dag Hammerskjold
2004-11-13 05:44:22 PM  
Another one of my favorite sayings is:

""It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion,
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
The hands acquire shaking, the shaking becomes a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion."

Damned if I know who first wrote it tho.
2004-11-13 05:44:39 PM  
"Grandson, the great thing about being on a ranch is that you can take a whiz anywhere. Just don't whiz on the electric fence."

- My grandfather, circa 1966

About an hour later, as we were walking in a field, he accidentally did.
2004-11-13 05:44:57 PM  
"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck" - George Carlin
2004-11-13 05:45:21 PM  
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' (I found it!) but 'That's funny ...' - Isaac Asimov
2004-11-13 05:46:38 PM  
I don't have a clue who said this (hoping to find out), but I have seen it all over the net recently and I like it:

Life's journey isn't to arrive at the grave in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, all worn out, shouting: Holy shiat...what a ride!

Anyone know the original author?
2004-11-13 05:48:28 PM  
"All the stories, experiences, and methods people use to prove the existence of a spiritual world can be categorised in 3 ways:
1 - Co-incidence.
2 - Bullsh-it.
3 - Inaccuracy."

- No_47
2004-11-13 05:49:22 PM  
Too2ez Thank you so much. I've been trying to figure out that actual quote for ages. Sorry though, i don't know who wrote it.
2004-11-13 05:49:29 PM  
My two favorite quotes may seem a bit contradictory, but here they are:

Man will never be free until the last king is strangled with the entrails of the last priest.

-Denis Diderot

The world is like a ride in an amusement park. And when you choose to go on it, you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. And the ride goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time and they begin to question, is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride... And we... kill those people.

- Bill Hicks
2004-11-13 05:52:13 PM  
"A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds..." Ralph Waldo Emerson
2004-11-13 05:55:00 PM  
"Don't confuse intelligent with intellectual. Pretention can confuse a soul if your not paying attention."

Joe R. Landsdale
2004-11-13 05:57:46 PM  
"Good, bad, I'm the guy with the gun."

-Bruce Campbell
2004-11-13 05:59:50 PM  
When we resist our passions it is more because of their weakness than our strength.

La Rochefoucauld
2004-11-13 06:00:38 PM  
Weaver, awesome. My second favorite series ever, behind Preacher!!!!
2004-11-13 06:09:46 PM  
"Something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world"

-Chaos Theory
/some intellectual

"Watch where you're going, not where been"
/me countless times raising boys
2004-11-13 06:11:34 PM  
Not exact quotes, but it went along these lines:

"The reason why the American Army does so well on the battlefield is because the battlefield is chaos, and the American Army practices chaos on a daily basis"
--Unknown WW2 German General


"The problem with planning agaianst the Americans is that while you can read their manuals to see what they're going to do, the Americans don't read the manuals"
--Soviet General
2004-11-13 06:14:06 PM  
"To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty, to find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded."

[commonly attributed to Ralph Waldo Rmerson, origin not verified by scholars]

Quote also nicely posted in the Cum Shot thread, for your enjoyment.
2004-11-13 06:14:39 PM  
sparty, I like those.
2004-11-13 06:16:28 PM  
"As you wish." The Princess Bride

"Knowledge speaks; wisdom listens." Jimi Hendrix

"If you're going to skate on thin ice, you may as well dance." Erma Bombeck
2004-11-13 06:19:20 PM  
"I think I made a mistake"

The United States of Leland
2004-11-13 06:20:42 PM  
If I can do it... It can happen.
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