thank god. finally the science behind picking up chicks at bars. but they left out vomiting on yourself whilst dancing nekid on the bar and shaking your junk at your friends as a sure fire way to have female "contact".

Male pattern barness?

According to the researchers, the necessary traits included significantly more glancing behaviours, space-maximisation movements, touching of other men and less closed body movements.

Researchers are on the crack-cocaine. Next.

Hi Sweet Thang. Can I buy ya a drink..

Still no cure for cancer.

darn you antialias!!

/too slow

But seriously, hasn't this topic been studied to death?

I'm right with you on that antialias, but I can't help but wonder if it wouldn't just confuse matters to have anthropologists doing cancer research.

this is why when I walk into a bar, I piss all over the corner booth to mark my territory.

Cause you got these big farking claws, and she is this little bunny rabbit-- and these huge farking claws, man... you don't know what to do with them-- the claws-- and she is this little helpless bunny-- you're just batting her around 'cause you don't know what to do-- should you kill her or play with her or what, man?

Be the guy in the R-rated movie-- the one we aren't sure is a good guy or not. Don't be the guy in the PG-13 moive, who we all reeeealy hope gets the girl...

/takes notes

This falls in the DUH category.

We are all animals -- intelligent, but animals nonetheless. It doesn't surprise me one bit that there are people that study us like, umm. . . animals.

Curiously, the successful male humAHHNS form an exclusive lifetime bond with one female, yet the frequency of sexual intercourse drops significantly after just a few years. The males even have a difficult time finding a place and time away from their female to engage in masturbatory functions.

That article said that to pick up chiks in a bar, i have to touch other men.

no thanks.

When do we get to see "Male Mating Patterns on Fark"?
1. Successfull males trolled 23 times as opposed to the unsuccessfull male trolling only 7 times.
2. Successfull males have their links posted an average of 5 to 1.
3. Succssfull males know how to start a good flamewar.
4. Photoshop abilities of successfull males proved to be the deciding factor.
5. Successfull males did not post pictures of themselves.

I'm guessing it'd be a lot like that.

I find women pay a LOT more attention to you if you're wheeling a pram/baby carriage. (don't know what USatians call them)

The giveaway sign of a man not about to score is his crossed arms and drooped shoulders. He is also the one likely to be prodded or slapped by the friend who will later leave him at the bar as he chats up a woman.

Stop following me!

When do we get to see "Male Mating Patterns on Fark"?


6. Successfull males mated with self.

Wanna dance?

Ahhh- this article confirms my inferior place in the pecking order when in comes to chatting up females. My life-long goal is for a conversation with a strange woman to last more than a minute.

*personal best time- 56.8 seconds*

~reflections of a diffident male sitting with his arms folded~

Hi my name is Eugene

so... instantly grabbing her ass is taboo now???

This article reminds me of the monkey scenes in Mean Girls.

space-maximization movements?

So basically start doing jumping jacks and you're on your way...right?

Obviously this study is flawed as it relies upon the basis of evolution.

As we've already proven in the Wisconsin thread today, the world is created through 'intelligent design'. Meaning that polite, nice boys will always find gentle, demure girls who are willing to have lots of children.

/creationists make baby jesus cry

Simple.

If you are a slashdork guy who gets jollies off of posting old news to /. font page..

your bar mating pattern = 0

When the male started stroking what????

ineedmorecowbell, what's a 'font page'?

Even before I knew that Desmond Morris was involved with this study, I couldn't help but read the ENTIRE thing using his accent.

easy


A+B+T=3

A=alcohol
B=blonde
T=twin

Once I found out that a girl is not single, I blow them off before they have a chance to reject me. They go from b|tch to zero right before my very eyes.



Her: "I have a boyfriend"

Me: "I don't think I recall ever asking you if you had a boyfriend."

--------------------------------------------------

Her: Uh, I have boyfriend.

Me: OK, that's great.

--------------------------------------------------

Her: "I'm seeing someone right now"

You: "I'm seeing two women right now - you need to catch up. (BIG GRIN)"

--------------------------------------------------

YOU: How about we get together next Thursday night?

HER: I have a boyfriend.

YOU: Oh, well I'd prefer if he doesn't come with us.


--------------------------------------------------

HER: I have a boyfriend

ME: "Well , this is a perfect opportunity to cheat on him."

--------------------------------------------------
My personal favorite:


Her: I have a boyfriend

You: Uhh.. I'm flattered....really... but I usually prefer another girl for threesomes.

Her: I have a boyfriend

You: Then a bl0wjob in the parking lot is out of the question?

/sorry Detour

According to the researchers, the necessary traits included significantly more glancing behaviours, space-maximisation movements, touching of other men and less closed body movements.

Researchers are on the crack-cocaine. Next.

They don't mean touchy-feely touching, they mean manly slaps on the shoulders and other manly shiat like that. In other news, if some guy at a bar starts slapping me on the shoulders and trying to be an "alpha" to score with women, he'll get a roll of nickels in the teeth.

Time for Disco Stu to make some Space Maximisation Moves

Oh Yea!

I am not an ANIMAL!!!

/Merrick

"Gestures among the successful also included jokingly punching their male friends, tapping them on the shoulder or elbowing them in the ribs."

And somehow the girls just LOVE this behaviour in men. I don't know who is more ridiculous.

Having worked in many drinking establishments over the years and having been an alcoholic for even more, bars are not a good place to pick up women for a serious relationship. They're full of nutjobs, drunks, and opportunists. However, if it is your intention to hook up with a drunk nutjob for the evening just remember that she either does this a lot or she want you to think that she does this a lot. Bargirls can be such attention wh*res.

Of course, this article brings up another pervasive issue. Why are we so obsessed to be in a relationship? I know lots of people who would be much happier in life if they were single. Your self worth shouldnt be tied to how attractive you are or how well you sell yourself to women. Maybe instead of being at a bar and getting turned down left and right by women, these guys should be spending some quality time with their family and friends. Im not saying that drinking is bad because Ive had an uncountable number of fun times with my friends over a beer. However, as soon as you turn your radar on your attention naturally goes nice things to look at and the conversations start becoming ridiculously trite.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE GREAT JOHN NASH!

(easy reference, I think)

christuckeruf

It's quite simple, actually. Our self-worth may not be tied to women's opinion of us (if it were, I probably would have committed suicide at age 14), but most of us just really like giving and receiving affection. Sometimes you just need a hug with a little more meaning behind it, you know?

Oh, plus sex is excellent, or so I'm told.

/11 months since last smile from a woman - if it hits 12, I'm giving up and joining the gay bathhouse in my neighborhood

Er...HalfwayToInfinity...that was a LITTLE TOO MUCH INFORMATION there, okay man?

Uh, Detour, if a girl is telling you she has a boyfriend SHE'S the one rejecting YOU. Duh.

Soooooo, the men who act most anti social, have the highest 'jerk' rating (won't move for people to sit down, steals the entire sofa like a grade a moron) are those who are more likely to pull. Well I think that means that all those women who go, "Men. pah", are to blame for going out with the FREEKIN MORONS FIRST.

/not bitter
/much

Yodas, that's the paradox. Women constantly whine about men being jerks, but they are most attracted to men who are the biggest jerks.
Thank God I've been happily married for so many years. I would hate to go through the bar pickup scene again.

Any advice on places to meet women that are sane and not attention wh*res?

It really is a double edged sword. I want to be single because it is fun, but I also want to get laid. Bars help for getting laid I suppose, but still brings me to my first question.

My unprofessional but worldly account of this imaginary "issue."

A lot of men are fricking idiots
A lot of women are fricking stupid
These people will defiantly attract each other.

The reasonable and intelligent women do find a lot of attraction in a reasonable and intelligent man. However, the neglected factor is often that these men tend to fail at taking care of themselves, are unfit, and while smart can still be lazy. If she takes care of herself and keeps active then it follows suite she's going to expect a "mate" that does the same.

Because of a lack of men that qualify under the standards of intelligent, active, healthy, and reason some women find themselves drawn toward guys they think are immature or oafish but generally don't last because they think the guy will change for them (which almost never happens).

Rest assured though, a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean you have to be a power lifting Adonis or an alpha male primate. Most (or many) women would love a guy who is sensitive, able to take care of himself and others, semi-intelligent, rational, and mature.

No offence to bar-goers but that is not the type of location where I would expect to find neither these kinds of women, nor men.

Return your tinfoil hats to their upright positions. Most women will not be your type, look for the one that is and stay with her. Part of the problem we have here is people who just want to have sex with everything and never settle down.

Syd

If I need to act like a jerk to pick up a girl, then I'll just remain single thank you very much.

/i've got 2 hands and fark boobies
//what else could a man possibly need??