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(Yahoo)   Your chances for having a heart attack triple within one hour of being in a traffic jam. Still no cure for cancer   ( divider line
    More: PSA  
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1801 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Oct 2004 at 11:42 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

38 Comments     (+0 »)
2004-10-22 11:17:46 AM  
i must have died several times this past week and didn't even know it!
2004-10-22 11:29:39 AM  
Not me. I'm cool as a cucumber, baby. Hey, I'm in no hurry to get to work. Or anywhere else, for that matter.
2004-10-22 11:31:45 AM  
That must explain the farkin' traffic jams in the morning here in Phoenix.
2004-10-22 11:41:37 AM  
I must be healthier than I thought. I can be an a-hole get the fark outta my lane driver. It's worse after leaving work, so I figure it has to do with stress. And if I haven't eaten, that's a whole other level. Outside the car, I'm a nice guy.

Have had a few guys get out of their vehicles to "chat" about it. I just ignore them as they rant and then laugh at them for being so uptight.

/is that irony?
2004-10-22 11:45:00 AM  
Unless you get a flu shot!
2004-10-22 11:45:36 AM  
for people who live in central florida:

[image from too old to be available]

yeah. you know what im saying.
2004-10-22 11:45:38 AM  
I still use my traffic time to ogle women
2004-10-22 11:48:23 AM  
"Oh Elizabeth, I'm comming to join you honey, with a big dummy making me drive I-93 in Boston during rush hour !"
[image from too old to be available]
2004-10-22 11:48:59 AM  
Lionel Hutz: Right on, man.

"Germany's roadways generally do not have speed limits but traffic can often grind to a halt after an accident..."
Moebeus (sp?) is pleased.
2004-10-22 11:49:07 AM  
Sheesh, your chances of a heart-attack must increase by a factor of 100 when you're watching a "Game 7" ALCS/NLCS/W.Series.
2004-10-22 11:50:25 AM  
I leave for work at 4am. No traffic. 37 minutes.
I leave work at 4pm. Traffic. 45 minutes to 1 hour 15 minutes.
I don't mind cause I'm thinking of the cold beer waiting for me.
2004-10-22 11:50:38 AM  
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2004-10-22 11:53:24 AM  
Hell, I believe it. My agitation knows no bounds when I'm in a bad mood and stuck in traffic.
2004-10-22 11:58:39 AM  
Luckily the array of $6000 worth of beanie-babies sitting in the back window of the $200 car in front of me keeps me thinking good thoughts. Well, theres the pork rinds too, love those things while sitting in traffic. And with the 3 packs I smoke to and from work, I'm happy as a clam.... oh crap.
2004-10-22 11:59:36 AM  
Sweeeeeet! Next time I have a heart attack while sitting in traffic I'm going to sue the DOT for not building enough roads so I wouldn't be stuck in traffic.

Wonder if I can use that same argument when I go on a shooting rampage in traffic as well?

/it's the one on the right, farktards!
//I can't control my random gunfire, that's why its called 'random'
2004-10-22 12:02:35 PM  
I'm so dead. :(

- HC
2004-10-22 12:08:57 PM  
Take the Bus. That will fool your heart..

/ Got Bus Fume chest pains
2004-10-22 12:10:38 PM  
Gawd dambid slow mother farker get out of the way you piece of sh! _______________________________________________
2004-10-22 12:11:47 PM  

Thanks for that pic of the fat guy.

Now I feel ill.
2004-10-22 12:11:53 PM  
Work in queens live in brooklyn. dead man walking I guess.
2004-10-22 12:13:18 PM  
Every morning I commute
Mild mannered man in a business suit
I want to get home at the end of my day
But there are all these other cars in my way

I pull up beside one...pull out my pistol...and blow 'em away

I'm driving my car and I want to go fast
But there's a slow car won't let me pass
I flash my light and I honk my horn
I have to consider him warned

I pull up behind him...pull out my pistol...and blow him away

Jesse James behind the wheel
It's high noon in my automobile
You call me call me sick
But let me get to where I'm going to quick

That sonofabiatch..he cut me off
Three whole lanes he cut across
He made me mad...he made me swerve
Sonofabiatch got what he deserved

I pulled up behind him...pulled out my pistol...and blew him away

That motorcycle was riding between
The backed up traffic..right between the lanes
Y'know to me...that's an act of war
I saw him coming...I opened my door

I knocked him over...I pulled out my pistol...and I blew him away

Jesse James behind the wheel
It's high noon in my automobile
You call me call me sick
Just let me get to where I'm going to quick

Little red sportscar was flying past
Made me went so fast
I gave him the finger...I thumbed my nose
Took me fifty miles for me to get close enough

To pull up behind him...pull out my pistol...and blow him away

Little old lady...bless her heart
Walking her poodle across the boulevard
It was wearing a red knitted sweater and a red knitted hat
It's name was "Fifi" or something stupid like that

I said "here, Fifi"...pulled out my pistol...and blew it away
2004-10-22 12:17:47 PM  
Please put an end to HOV lanes or move them to the far right lane, I swear most of the traffic around here is caused by people who cut off four lanes so they can roll in the HOV lane for 5 minutes and then cut off four lanes again to exit.

2004-10-22 12:34:23 PM  
I can corroborate that theory...

I had high blood pressure... not enough to cause me to need a special diet or anything, but enough that my doctor wanted me to keep an eye on it and let him know if it got any higher...

I just moved to an apartment a mile and a half from work. I don't deal with traffic at all now. I'm a relaxed, happy guy... and my blood pressure is back down to a completely normal range again... doc's happy, I'm happy, my coworkers are happy, life is good.
2004-10-22 12:37:04 PM  
-10 points to submitter for improper use of the "no cure for cancer" clich. Spend a monday morning on I-495 (DC Beltway) and tell me this study has no bearing.
2004-10-22 12:38:54 PM  
*Seems like the filter doesn't like me using the acute accented e. When in rome....

2004-10-22 12:43:26 PM  
This dude just moved into an apartment next to me, just a mile and a half from where he works. He doesn't have to deal with traffic anymore and is as mellow as it gets.

I rev my Harley at 3:00am just to wake him up and piss him off.
2004-10-22 12:43:42 PM  
i dunno if thats accurate...i mean did they factor in the sausage and curly fry smoothies that people so often drink...
2004-10-22 12:51:47 PM  
Why didn't this get the "obvious" tag?
2004-10-22 01:09:59 PM  


It comes up on preview
2004-10-22 01:10:34 PM  
Then disappears upon post.
2004-10-22 01:13:03 PM  
Heart attacks kill more people than cancer.

Still no cure for ignorance.
2004-10-22 01:34:32 PM  
"your chances of having a heart attack tripple while in a traffic jam."

--Well duh! If most people put down the 'Quarter Pounder With Cheese, Side of fries, and mega-gulp wouldn't be having a heart attack right about now would you? Told you so.

~ph33r /\/\y l337 H4x0r1nG 5k1ll5
2004-10-22 01:40:40 PM  
Only if you let the a-holes drive with impunity. If you drive as bad as humanly possible and do everything in your power to infuriate everyone else on the road you will never get a heart attack. But with any luck you'll send a bunch of people home who will beat their own families to death and then die in a hail of police bullets.
2004-10-22 01:41:03 PM  

How about, "Your dog wants a bus pass," instead of the cancer cliche? (That's how I submitted this story yesterday.)


I like the Offspring's "Bad Habit" myself.

But when I'm in my car
Don't gimme no crap
'Cause the slightest thing
And I just might snap...
2004-10-22 02:31:59 PM  
I absolutely cannot drive in traffic; it frustrates me to a level I can't express in a thread. The weird thing is, if I'm with someone, and sitting it the passenger seat, I'm usually okay.
2004-10-22 03:52:07 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-10-22 04:55:34 PM  
i saw that bit on tv -- it's bullshiat. the guy had a blockage in his heart, that is physical. if he had a heart attack at his home or at work or at the grocery store, it would not have made the news.
2004-10-22 05:13:20 PM  
Damn this traffic jam
How I hate to be late
It hurts my motor to go so slow
Damn this traffic jam
Time I get home my supper'll be cold
Damn this traffic jam

Well I left my job about 5 o'clock
It took fifteen minutes go three blocks
Just in time to stand in line
With a freeway looking like a parking lot

Now I almost had a heart attack
Looking in my rear view mirror
I saw myself the next car back
Looking in the rear view mirror
'Bout to have a heart attack
I said

Now when I die I don't want no coffin
I thought about it all too often
Just strap me in behind the wheel
And bury me with my automobile


Now I used to think that I was cool
Running around on fossil fuel
Until I saw what I was doing
Was driving down the road to ruin

/james taylor
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