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(ESPN)   Sports Guy's excellent review of the "reprehensible" new movie, Rollerball   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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5034 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Feb 2002 at 5:47 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

62 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-02-14 05:52:24 PM  
Forget about Rollerball....Project Greenlight rocks!
2002-02-14 05:52:48 PM  

Once again, this must be why they make you pay before you go in. If it were otherwise, they'd never get any money.
2002-02-14 05:53:00 PM  
Yeah greenlight is way better. so is The Filter
2002-02-14 05:55:06 PM  
"By the way, I'm wearing my Pauline Kael Memorial "haughty movie critic" costume while writing this section."

i actually shot sprite out of my nose upon reading this.
2002-02-14 05:57:58 PM  
[...] one of the worst movies I have ever seen. And I mean ever

Ah, but is it worse than Highlander 2? Then, I would *have* to see it :)

Urm ... sidenote ... Rollerball-the-original was a pretty cool movie as I remember it, no?
2002-02-14 05:58:58 PM  
I've been in Sports Guy's "yup, these are my readers" column twice. I am also the only one who is impressed by that.

I like his writing.
2002-02-14 05:59:46 PM  
Ladies and Gentlemen, that is what's known as "ripping someone a new one".
2002-02-14 06:00:17 PM  
Yes, the original Rollerball kicked ass!

I can't imagine this movie being worse than The One.
2002-02-14 06:01:34 PM  
Yeah, this guy is the best writer on Page 2, except for maybe Hunter S.
2002-02-14 06:01:45 PM  
Instead go see..

[image from too old to be available]

Super Troopers!
2002-02-14 06:04:41 PM  
Bill Simmons is god.
2002-02-14 06:06:30 PM  
... they removed a Rebecca Romijn-Stamos full frontal nudity scene? Shooting's too good for them. What were they thinking?
2002-02-14 06:07:19 PM  
He caused a little bit of a stink a couple of weeks ago before the Super Bowl because he wrote some things about New Orleans that some didn't appreciate. All I had to say was "truth hurts."
2002-02-14 06:08:23 PM  
couldn't be worse than cube.

2002-02-14 06:08:43 PM  
Dear Lord: Kung Pow, Rollerball, and Super Troopers. Three movies I won't bother to see that somehow managed to get the Greenlight.

The One was just horrible. I don't see Martial Arts movies and expect them to have a great storyline or Oscar-worthy performances, but god dammit, I do expect a plot that makes at least some sense and acting that is embarassing or distracting...
2002-02-14 06:08:45 PM  
A) Bill Simmons is the funniest columnist

B) I heard that Super Troopers is set in Vermont. True? That trailer looks hilarious.
2002-02-14 06:09:42 PM  
Actually I'm impressed by that... ok maybe impressed is the wrong word. But it's cool. What did you send in?
2002-02-14 06:09:43 PM  
Yeah, I think I'll add this guy to my "Writers to Pay Attention To" list. And I'll see Rollerball as soon as possible.

I'm a glutton for punishment.
2002-02-14 06:12:55 PM  
AHAHAHA! That was DAMN funny! That man is a god-damn genius!

Sadly though... Slofut lost a bet with me concerning how bad a certain movie.. cough, cough... Slackers... cough... would be.

Now, I get to subject him to an experience that I call 'Watching Hollywood's Worst Films EEEEEEVVVVVVVAAAAAARRRRRRRR All in One Night!!!'...

I think we'll begin with a light Freddie Got Fingered in butter sauce... and then a side of Dungeons and Dragons and carots. Perhaps Kung Pow for dessert and wind down with the remake of Rollerball.

Have I covered all the bases, or am I missing something?
2002-02-14 06:13:13 PM  
Simmons should have his own website called he's so good. Been reading him for a long while now, and he blows away anyone else I've read. I actually found an article of his printed out and stapled to be used as reading material while on the T to Foxboro stadium (for the wonderful Oakland blizzard game :)

The only other guy I like is the new britannica guy who gets in depth about stuff (like why the pro bowl is what the pro bowl is). But thats just informative. Bill is especially perfect for me and my friend since we're New England sports fans, and he know how we feel perfectly.

Timobryan: Sadly, I believe I am also impressed with that. But I'm also impressed when I get a fark link published.

/ramble off
2002-02-14 06:14:37 PM  
OK so I've read the rest now. Top of his point one got me most ... "The parts about the futuristic society, corporate regime, Jonathan E. and everything else? Gone.".
_Contemporary_ rollerball? Uh, no. Rollerball-the-game is like the computers in Brasil, or Decker's nifty replicant-sniffer in Blade runner - a metaphor doodad. But the whole story's about the society it plays in. "Today, extrapolated" as it were. If they didn't get _any_ of that in ... then my masochism is gonna cut in big time. I love bad movies. Come out of the cinema with a big grin going " *Man* that was bad", and spend the next couple of hours completing a meticulous autopsy over too many beers. I'm looking forward to this one.
2002-02-14 06:14:50 PM  
In the year 2018, the United States has become a socialist empire ruled by mammoth corporations...

A socialist empire ruled by corporations? Err, yeah.
2002-02-14 06:15:30 PM  
Those Hollywood producers, crazy like foxes. Wanna bet Rollerball makes more money than most quality films? I think it was PT Barnum who said you'll never go broke underestimating the taste of the American public. (I refer the reader to the popularity of Rag against the Machine, etc. for actual proof)
2002-02-14 06:19:57 PM  
Kukuman - I was thinking of an "owe my soul to the company store"-sort of thing. If the politicos were the CEOs, and the CEOs were the politicos ... um ... whatever
2002-02-14 06:27:38 PM  
I wish I had HBO so I could watch that project Greenlight thing..might want to look into it finally.

I don't usually enjoy sports writers, but that's probably because I don't usually read sports writing.

I enjoy "Rag" Against the Machine myself, but it has less to do with political agendas, and more to do with driving riffs, heavy drums and screaming vocals.
2002-02-14 06:29:37 PM  
A socialist empire ruled by corporations? Err, yeah.

Well, it's not too far from the truth when you think about it. How many so-calledcommunist countries have actually fit the COmmunist bill fully? Hell, Cuba's a communist nation... but only because a dictator says so...
2002-02-14 06:32:16 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
It stinks!
2002-02-14 06:32:35 PM  
Markus or farkus

I feel like a loser now lol but I saved the links.

I'm the lead here, defending Cleveland:

and toward the bottom (a little below the picture of Moochie Norris) here:

2002-02-14 06:36:49 PM  
stfu guys
Lets keep it on topic with flaming bad movies
Ok the worst movie ever was.........your dad
The film that toched me most in that special place of ours.......your dog the movie
Best movie ever.......your mom
I think that about sums it all up
2002-02-14 06:42:39 PM  
In the year 2018, the United States has become a socialist empire ruled by mammoth corporations, where free speech is discouraged, schooling gives way to "conditioning" and the vast proletariat earns meager wages.

Did Harmonia write this script?
2002-02-14 06:43:29 PM  
Labberdasher: i'll bet you enjoyed battlefield earth at least as much as i did, then. :)
2002-02-14 06:45:47 PM  
btw I actually saw Rollerball, and he's absolutely right about it.
2002-02-14 06:46:16 PM  
IFeelNothing - Missed that. Musta blinked.
Actually - don't think it even made it to non-English speaking Yurp, more's the pitty. That good, eh?
2002-02-14 06:54:27 PM  
Huzzah to you, timobryan. I haven't been published yet by the sports guy. I truly enjoyed his week in NO for the super bowl. "Now i can die in peace" was one of the best. articles. ever.
Rollerball the original was "hella cool", as kids today say.
2002-02-14 07:02:27 PM  
But you guyyyyys... it has Slipknot in it! How can you not want to see it now?

Oh, and I saw a preview of "Super Troopers" on Comedy Central's "Reel Comedy" thing... looks a lot better than any Jack Black movie. This time I'm not being sarcastic.
2002-02-14 07:05:47 PM  
that cut stamos full frontal scene better end up on the dvd.

or on some porn sites.
2002-02-14 07:08:26 PM  
... AND he manages to work in a reference to "Gymkata."

2002-02-14 07:08:41 PM  
I liked that one, too. As a Clevelander, it kind of made me sad also, 'cause I don't think I'll ever experience it.
I loved his initial impressions of N.O.
I have a feeling Simmons is going to be moving on to bigger and better things sometime soon.
2002-02-14 07:11:10 PM  
"I understand why they thought the need to remake the 1975 classic directed by Norman Jewison"

Is that right, gramatically?
2002-02-14 07:12:16 PM  
Stamos.......... DAMNIT!
2002-02-14 07:16:52 PM  
Best Sports Guy articles: all the ones from his trip to VEGAS.
And also the Ewing theory article -- he was right when he said it would work with the Pats and Bledsoe.

There was actually a blurb about Sports Guy in the Wall Street Journal last week. AND -- Al Pacino mentioned him the other week in an interview. Man, he's really catching on.
2002-02-14 07:20:52 PM  
I forgot to mention Sports Guy's best ever artcile -- his review of the all-time best DVDs. high comedy.

one more thing for all you boston people -- Boston Globe's Bob Ryan and Dan S. don't like "Sports Guy" because they are old farts with no sense of humor -- they keep trying to rip on him in their articles and talk radio but they keep looking like idiots.
2002-02-14 07:22:58 PM  
Labberdasher, yes, the original was a cool movie, I have it on DVD and I've decided to watch it again instead of going out to see this crapola.

Had to read his article on New Orleans. I was down there over Super Bowl weekend. He's not joking: I was there for 5 days and barely survived, I don't know how he made it through 9. Best damned party of my whole life but you can really only handle so much. And Bourbon Street really smells of ass.
2002-02-14 07:26:38 PM  
Yeah, he's a good writer. I share his oft-mentioned
fetish for the 'Rocky' movies as well.
2002-02-14 07:29:37 PM  
last thing on Sports Guy (Bill Simmons).
He is actually newphew to Camille Paglia.
Seriously. I know because my uncle teaches with her.
Paglia's sister (Jess) married Mike Simmons and hence forth came Sports Guy.
They're writting is pretty similar if you compare. Lots of pop culture references -- but not the obscure kind like Dennis Miller -- the funny kind kind like Frank Cantine.
2002-02-14 07:59:56 PM  
i loved the part when he was poking fun at keanu, but at the same time defending him
this guy is awsome

wanna see a bad movie?
ghosts of mars
never seen it, but it's got ice cube, so it's not a prejudice, it's a sure fakring thing
2002-02-14 08:34:56 PM  
All I remember about the original "Rollerball" was the Mad Magazine satire of it called, "Rollerbrawl"
And BTW Rollerball is not in the list of top 10 all time sports movies.
2002-02-14 08:55:36 PM  
Excellent letters.

I read maybe one column when he just had his own website before ESPN hired him, soon after came "Is Roger Clemens the Anti-Christ?" and Ewing Theory 101. I was hooked. Good times. Good times.
2002-02-14 09:05:32 PM  
I also have enjoyed Simmons' columns for a while now..

However, I've noticed as of late that his style gets old...he writes like he is talking to his college buddies.
"This HAS to happen"
"I'm SERIOUS about this"
"High comedy"
"*random godfather reference here*"

While I still read them, I can also see why he's on ESPN Page 2, and not a mainstream newspaper.

I'm also insanely jealous that he was sent to New Orleans to cover the super bowl that the Pats actually won...
2002-02-14 09:09:09 PM  
Tmwes: you make it sound as if it is better to write on the sportspage for some crapola mainstraim newspaper rather than ESPN. Note that Salon, Slate, and the Chicago Tribune have all commended ESPN Page 2 as having the freshest sports writing around today. Pluss you got Hunter S.
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