Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(AP)   "John Cleese's Wine for the Confused" to take the snobbery out of wine appreciation. Unfortunately, it fails to mention the best wine to have with spam   ( divider line
    More: Cool  
•       •       •

11237 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Oct 2004 at 9:39 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

62 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

2004-10-16 09:41:31 AM  
Does he mention cheese? A nice Stilton perhaps?
2004-10-16 09:43:02 AM  
Fark the Farking registration required. I Farking hate that.
2004-10-16 09:43:20 AM  
Pppffft!! I eat cheese and BEER.

wine is for pussies!
2004-10-16 09:45:58 AM  
"...This is not a wine for drinking. This is a wine for laying down and avoiding."

/Eric Idle,I know,but hey.
2004-10-16 09:46:23 AM  
A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Australian table wines. This is a pity as many fine Australian wines appeal not only to the Australian palate but also to the cognoscenti of Great Britain.

Black Stump Bordeaux is rightly praised as a peppermint flavoured Burgundy, whilst a good Sydney Syrup can rank with any of the world's best sugary wines.

Chteau Blue, too, has won many prizes; not least for its taste, and its lingering afterburn.

Old Smokey 1968 has been compared favourably to a Welsh claret, whilst the Australian Wino Society thoroughly recommends a 1970 Coq du Rod Laver, which, believe me, has a kick on it like a mule: 8 bottles of this and you're really finished. At the opening of the Sydney Bridge Club, they were fishing them out of the main sewers every half an hour.

Of the sparkling wines, the most famous is Perth Pink. This is a bottle with a message in, and the message is 'beware'. This is not a wine for drinking, this is a wine for laying down and avoiding.

Another good fighting wine is Melbourne Old-and-Yellow, which is particularly heavy and should be used only for hand-to-hand combat.

Quite the reverse is true of Chteau Chunder, which is an appellation contrle, specially grown for those keen on regurgitation; a fine wine which really opens up the sluices at both ends.

Real emetic fans will also go for a Hobart Muddy, and a prize winning Cuivre Reserve Chteau Bottled Nuit San Wogga Wogga, which has a bouquet like an aborigine's armpit.
2004-10-16 09:49:26 AM  
Thanks,nixonian! I couldn't remember the whole thing.
2004-10-16 09:50:32 AM  
for those who don't want to register - courtesy of

email: croc­ke­tt[nospam-﹫-backwards]sbb­u­t*c­om
password: miamivice
2004-10-16 09:52:58 AM  
Amazing what one can do with search

Cleese Offers a Python's Guide to Wine

AP Entertainment Writer

LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Since when does a Python worry about what kind of wine to have with a meal? Monty Python comedy veteran John Cleese decided to crush his grapes of ignorance and explore just what all the gourmet magazines and wine experts are talking about.

"I felt it was a shame that something that is such a source of pleasure should have become restricted by all this snobbery," Cleese told The Associated Press in a phone interview from his Santa Barbara, Calif. home - which is nestled close to the state's wine country.

The result: a new Food Network special "John Cleese's Wine for the Confused" (Sunday, 10 p.m. EDT) which explores everything from what words to use to describe flavor to how to take the wind out of a snooty restaurant sommelier.

What's a sommelier? That's the server in a fancy restaurant who tries to guide customers toward a selection of a dining drink. Cleese points out that this choice is often a source of anxiety and embarrassment for those who don't see much shade in their reds and whites.

"If someone starts telling you what sort of wine you should buy without finding out first what kind of wine you actually like I think you should - in a shop - walk out and in a restaurant say something very snotty, like, `Well, that may be a wine YOU would like, but is it necessarily a wine I would like?'" Cleese said, laughing.

The purpose of "Wine for the Confused" is to give a sort of shorthand sophistication to novice wine lovers.

The first step, the comic actor-writer said, is for people to learn how to speak: find the right words to express the intangible subtlety of flavors that help identify the kind of wines you like.

"The purpose in doing the program was to simply inform myself better. I realized I would have the wonderful opportunity to talk to sommeliers and the winemakers and discuss wines, and through the process of sipping a wine with them say, 'Now there's a funny taste in there. What is that?' And then they suggest a word and sometimes it means nothing, but sometimes you say, 'Yes! That's exactly the word.'"

Pineapple, cream, butter, smoky, oak, plum - all are words sometimes used to describe the sensation of various wines on the tongue and throat. There are none of those substances in the wine - but Cleese found people using the terms because various wines reminded them of those flavors.

"Some of the words ring the bell and some of them don't. (The term) 'tobacco' in wine mystifies me," he said. "But I remember sipping a pinot noir once and somebody said it had taste of pencil lead and remember thinking, `Yes, that's right.' It doesn't sound (delicious) but it meant something to me."

How do you know what you like? In this case, there literally is no accounting for taste, Cleese said. Don't be afraid to say what you like, regardless of what wine experts say.

For instance, Cleese said he prefers California wines to French ones.

"I know that the great wine experts will throw their hands up and I say, `Oh, I'm so awfully sorry but these are the wines that make me happy,'" he said.

Cleese explores how weather, the soil, location, other vegetation, the mashing, the fermentation process and how long the wine bottle is open before serving all contribute to the taste.

"When you've got all these factors moving around and connecting in these different ways," Cleese said, "it becomes an art."
2004-10-16 09:54:33 AM  
Sadly, I memorized it (and many other sketches, notably johann gumbleputty...) in High School and would recite them at lightning speed to train for debate spew-matches.
2004-10-16 09:55:27 AM  
You know what I've really been not enjoying lately, that just about every link page on the web has had this same article up for 2 days now. And it seems that no one but me notices these things.

But I'm not bitter, quite the contrary, I' have to describe my current condition as simmering, with maybe a hint of rosemary.
2004-10-16 09:56:15 AM  
Pppffft!! I eat cheese and BEER.

wine is for pussies!

Yeah, beer is for manly men like you, huh plautus?

I'm so sick of guys that have such low self esteem that they need to rely on a F*CKING BEVERAGE to prove their manliness.

It tastes sooo good that I bet you drink non-alcoholic beer during your lunch break and at your office desk too, don't ya?

Huh? Non-alcoholic beer sells poorly? How can that be? I'm sure your gonna tell me there's a taste difference and nothing to do with the macho-image and alcohol-effect...
2004-10-16 09:56:50 AM  
If this were a book, I'd buy it.
2004-10-16 09:59:34 AM  
When I was a lad the local drive thru solds Boone's Farm, 3 for $5.
Pick up the lady friend, add a quaalude and you were in for a magical date.
/sad they don't make 'ludes anymore.
2004-10-16 10:02:26 AM  
As someone who works in a wine store adn loved Monty Python, I'm looking forward to this.

As for Aussie wines, I find them hit or miss. Yellow Tail and it's ilk are below average guzzlers, but there are great wineries out there if you take the time to look. Fox Creek, Wirra Wirra, & Torbreck to name a few.
2004-10-16 10:02:35 AM  
Huh? Non-alcoholic beer sells poorly? How can that be? I'm sure your gonna tell me there's a taste difference and nothing to do with the macho-image and alcohol-effect...

actually most non-alcoholic or low alcohol beer tastes very similar to the real thing - it's the aftertaste that lets it down - tastes very watery....

two bottles of rioja in the cupboard - giving up drinking for a month or so ... damn !
2004-10-16 10:03:49 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

2004-10-16 10:03:54 AM  
I wonder if he could recommend a wine to go with a silly walk or albatross?
2004-10-16 10:05:26 AM  
Thanks for the copy of the text and the login farkers. Helps a lot.

Flashman73 - I'm not taking any sides in the beer debate, but have you ever tried homebrewing? I make better beers than I can buy at a store. MUCH better, and only about $30 for 5 gallons of beer (depending on ingredients).

I don't drink beer to get drunk, I drink for flavor, and it rocks.
2004-10-16 10:06:44 AM  
Ah, the varied nature of humor.

I laughed at nixonian's post, because the sketch is just hilarious. I laughed at Ouroborus' post because... well I'm not really sure why, but the phony registration was just so surreal somehow. Not only that, but even after years of lying to registration screens, surveys, presidental polls, and marketing firms, there is still just something about lying to these marketing slime that gives a little forbidden thrill.
2004-10-16 10:07:12 AM  
Can we give this the "Hero" tag? Because I hate snobs in anything, acting like they are the high and mighty expert on virtually anything you talk to them about. And they still act snobbish even if they are wrong.

/if I become president, less snobs in the world
2004-10-16 10:16:25 AM  
So wait a minute... They make wines other than Mad Dog???
2004-10-16 10:16:41 AM  
Ahh not a registration link!!!
2004-10-16 10:17:14 AM  
All I know is this, there are going to be some Frenchie Cheese Eaters over the pond saying, "Les Americans, what do they know about vin? And they get le former British hack, Jean Cleese, to this wine program? Ha! We have Le Jerry Lewis!!! ... What? What do you mean he is American too????"
2004-10-16 10:24:02 AM  
My 2 top tips are:

1. Wine boxes

Being a sad, lonely character who lives on his own, the main advatage of the wine box is that you can open it and it'll last for 6 weeks. If you open a bottle of wine, you have to finish it within a couple of days before it turns into vinegar. You also have the advantage that the wine won't be 'corked'. Wine snobs will tell you that the wine box isn't traditional but that's crap. If you cut away the box, you've essentially got a hi-tech wineskin and the wineskin has been around for a lot longer than the bottle.

2. Go for new/third world wines

You'll pay more for a French or Italian wine just for the name. Wines from the New World or Third world are just as good if not better. Places like Australia/New Zealand/South Africa/Chile/California are more receptive to progressive technology than traditional vintners from the French country-side. Some unfashionalble Eastern European countries like Bulgaria/Moldova/Ukraine also produce fantastic wine at much better prices than you'll get from some poncey French chateau.
2004-10-16 10:25:51 AM  
Cabernet merlot, a shiraz is too dry for such a salty meat.
2004-10-16 10:35:13 AM  
Wine boxes are modern tech wineskins.

Especially with the horse urine they usually contain.

You can buy smaller bottles of very good wine actually, most of the time you can ask the store to order them. Most stores will if you promise to buy at least 2 bottles.
2004-10-16 10:38:32 AM  
A little trivia: the customers of the local wine bar were the inspiration for the "Upperclass Twit of the Year" sketch. Enjoy wine at your own risk.

[image from too old to be available]
2004-10-16 10:40:17 AM  
I'm so sick of guys that have such low self esteem that they need to rely on a F*CKING BEVERAGE to prove their manliness.

That's why I only drink pink fizzy drinks and those with umbrellas in them.
2004-10-16 10:45:49 AM  
I'm no smallieyay, but mmmmmmmmm.......

[image from too old to be available]
2004-10-16 10:51:34 AM  
2004-10-16 11:06:05 AM  
Lovely spam... Wonderful Spam...Spam..Spam...Spam...Spam...Spam Lovely Spam Wonderful Spam. SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM!!!!
2004-10-16 11:14:17 AM  
Cleese has a point with his preference for California wines over French ones. California reds, especially Rabbit Ridge and Ravenswood ones, are are excellent (especially the Ravenswood Zinfindel). But still, I buy the Californians over the French because they're cheaper.

/still prefers the Continental vino
2004-10-16 11:17:17 AM  
Fark the registration site, here's a wine link that works and is more useful (opens in a new window): Popping Corks
2004-10-16 11:28:16 AM  
Hey, I know the guy who wrote that. He went to Pitt with me... I once told him that he should wear a fedora with a 'Press' pass and call himself Scoop Breznican. He never did that... People should really take my advice, the world would be a funnier place.

/end of threadjack
2004-10-16 11:29:21 AM  
Because a good wine can leave you with a funny walk.

/enter minister of...
2004-10-16 11:35:47 AM  
Wine in a box and spam......nothing says trailer trash better.
2004-10-16 11:38:27 AM  
Of the Australian wines, I've been enjoying Penfold's Shiraz. I originally got it because of the unintentional DangerMouse reference, but then I realized it was really good.

/crumbs chief, what do we do now?
2004-10-16 11:45:58 AM  

I have to call you out on the "If you open a bottle of wine, you have to finish it within a couple of days before it turns into vinegar." A lot of good wines (especially reds) take some time to really find their full potential. For example, I have a bottle of Bully Hill's Love my Goat wine, which is a lovely sweet red. When the bottle was newly opened, the flavor was ok, but far too sweet for a red wine. I left it half-corked on top of my refrigerator for a couple weeks, and now the flavor is much fuller, and the full redness of it is realized. It really depends on the wine.

2004-10-16 11:57:34 AM  
I wonder if Henry Earl will be on the show?
2004-10-16 12:29:17 PM  
Mnementh2230 - we've started home-brewing, and like you, I drink for the flavor. Better than anything storebought. We're brewing an apple tea recipe right now - smells terrific, looking forward to the tasting in a couple of weeks. Not that I'd turn down a good wine, though...:-)
2004-10-16 12:34:59 PM  
WHY does the link image say APWire but the link is actually the Miami Helard?

And WHY is fark greenlighting articles to registration sites?

This is happening more often, and makes me so frustrated I really don't give a shiat about the subject of the thread anymore.
2004-10-16 12:39:30 PM  
This does stress the important point... go for a wine you like with food. Sure, a German Riesling might not be a traditional choice for steak but man it sure can go good. Likewise, an excellent Rioja may not be normally considered with say a seafood alfredo pasta if you like it, go for it.
2004-10-16 12:44:54 PM  
I despise the pretentious ass wine conversation i'm surrounded by on a constant basis. I drink 18 year old scotch and people look at me like im an alcoholic. No one should read anything into my character for not liking wine other than I just dont like the taste.

I dont drink coffee either. In yuppieville (aka DC), not drinking wine nor coffee reduces my chances of meeting women to zero.

/prententious wine and coffee drinking a-holes.
/take your arabica blend and pinot grigio and shove it
2004-10-16 12:57:03 PM  

2004-10-16 01:07:57 PM  
I hope he does a Wineless Wine Shop skit
2004-10-16 01:10:28 PM  

Pppffft!! I eat cheese and BEER.

wine is for pussies!

What kind of cheese goes with wine and pussies?

/know a lot of guys who whine for pussies, but that's usually after a lot of beer...
2004-10-16 01:20:45 PM  
I drink Bourbon & Coke.
Beat up beer drinkers, and fark wine drinkers in the ass.

2004-10-16 01:31:42 PM  
I make bourbon & coke drinkers wear french maid outfits and crawl around the house on all fours

/more macho than you
2004-10-16 01:32:57 PM  
i eat glass and drink gasoline
2004-10-16 01:33:28 PM  

I'll have to take your word for it. Any bottled red wine I buy always tastes acidic within a couple of days of being opened. I'm just impressed that 'Love my Goat' made it past the Fark filter. ;-)
Displayed 50 of 62 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.