Cooking with Chris... Cool..

Wow, would this be the first use of the Walken tag this year?

Aw... what could have been the most surreal cooking show ever. Oh well.

Walken=cool.

biatching about animal rights and the cruelty of circuses=not cool.

Walken biatching about animal rights and the cruelty of circuses=I'M SO CORNFUSDED!!!

He should replace Connan O'Brien, and they could call the show "Walken After Midnight", and use the Patsy Cline song as the theme song.

I bet he makes a kick-ass meatloaf.

/now with more cowbell

From the Onion. Long ago:



Walken In L.A.


This week, The Onion picks up another popular syndicated column: Christopher Walken's "Walken in L.A." For the last two years, Mr. Walken has provided his readers with consistently insightful commentary into the entertainment industry. His column already appears regularly in Variety and Rolling Stone, as well as in dozens of smaller newspapers and magazines. We're proud to welcome this celebrated actor and columnist to our pages.

Do you enjoy eating hot dogs? I hope you won't be put off by my frankness when I tell you that I absolutely love them. In fact, I enjoy no food item more than a freshly-boiled hot dog. Now, I've done a lot of movies, and it's true that I've worked with quite a few celebrities who did not share this opinion. I'm sorry to say that these people have always angered me.

There are two types of people in this world: those who eat hot dogs whenever it is possible to do so, and those who opt to do other things with their free time. Who do the latter think they are kidding? What pastime could be more rewarding than the consumption of hot dogs? I haven't yet found one, and I don't expect to in my lifetime. Unlike other foods, hot dogs can be eaten at any time, in any place, and it is not necessary to cook them. Now, I ask you: Why not eat hot dogs? They are delicious.

I carry a bag of hot dogs with me wherever I go. I eat them from the bag whenever I get the urge, regardless of the circumstances. When I make a movie, my hot dogs are my co-stars. If, in the middle of a scene, I decide I want to consume a hot dog, I do so. I waste the director's time and thousands of dollars in film stock, but in the end, it is all worth it, because I enjoy eating hot dogs more than I enjoy acting. This bothers some people. I was supposed to portray Batman, but when Tim Burton learned of my hot dog cravings, he asked Michael Keaton to wear the cape. To this day, I am peeved about this.

When we filmed The Dead Zone, I ate over 800 hot dogs a day. It was necessary. My character needed to come across as intense as possible, and I found the inspiration for that intensity in my intense love for hot dogs. The director, David Cronenberg, said that he would never work with me again. I kept eating hot dogs when the cameras were rolling, and that seemed to bother him. I say fark him. He doesn't even like hot dogs.

I would like to end by emphasizing once again that I really like to eat hot dogs. If any of you people disagree, I loathe you. I despise you. Not only that, but I also despise all your loved ones. I want to see them torn to pieces by wild dogs. If I ever meet you in person, I'll smash your brains in with a farking bat. Then we'll see who doesn't like hot dogs.

Next week: My thoughts on Woody Allen, hot dog hater and shiatty director.

SocrapticMethod It's okay for Walken to do it, because he worked in a circus and actually saw how they were treated. He's not just some nut who assumes the worst and goes on a hunger strike or nude protest or something equally idiotic.

/Fark PETA

Unless you're trying to blowtorch the beard off of clams. That could be real dicey.

"Walken=cool.

biatching about animal rights and the cruelty of circuses=not cool."

Thanks for setting the record straight, you pointless twat.

"pointless twat"???

That's mightily harsh there, sporto. And your point exactly was... what again?

What? And leave show business?

You know, if you're using a blowtorch, you're not SHAVING.

Applying a device used to cut and/or manipulate metals to the face is not a shave. Pick a different verb...

Maybe MUTILATING, torturing, abusing?

I want to see Walken square off with Iron Chef Sakai. Secret Ingredient?



cheese? llama? I dunno.

"Walken recently toyed with doing a cooking show. "I figured I would invite my friends. It would be a lot of fun.

Sounds like that show Celebrity Cooks with Canuck Bruno Gerussi that ran back in the 70's. Anyone remember that?

Okay, animal abuse is not cool. That being said, I can't help hearing Walken's voice when I read this paragraph:

"Did you know elephants have beards?" he asks. "They're very spiky, like a porcupine. When they're in the wild they rub them (off) against trees. In the circus they shave them off. They shave them with a blowtorch.

And it sounds hilarious.

/I prank them for hours in my basement.

My point was, your so-called observation is ridiculous. Since when isn't it cool to talk about animal rights or circus cruelty? Or is any mention of those two things immediately boring and/or worthless? What does saying that it's "not cool" achieve, other than making you look like the worst kind of intolerant asshole?

Please feel free NOT to assume I'm some sort of organic hippie animal activist, because I'm not. I just haven't closed my mind up and sealed it with duct tape just yet.

You know what this thread needs? More cowbell.
We've gotta have more cowbell.

Elephants = cool

SocrapticMethod = moran

your so-called observation is ridiculous...What does saying that it's "not cool" achieve...

Oh as opposed to calling someone a "pointless twat", which is witty, tolerant, and achieves great things.

Just for the record, I generally prefer twats that are pointless. Less chafing that way.

"Oh as opposed to calling someone a "pointless twat", which is witty, tolerant, and achieves great things."

Ah, the classic "switchback" net argument, well done, you got me there, Tex, I'm a goner. I'll just go back to pretending you don't exist now.

If Christopher Walken were president, do you think anyone would screw with us. Not after they saw the Prophecy. And the hot dog article from the Onion is a classic.

All hail Walken.

/More Cowbell!

Blowtorching elephants' beards off.
Think about it for a moment people.
Waving a blowtorch in the face of a one to six ton animal.
It would squish you like a farking grape.

Perhaps you would like to join the movement to ban dihydrogen monoxide.

You criticize my pointlessness by name-calling. Guess you are a recognized expert in the field of classic net argument there, Sparky.

Some people in this thread are being Stiffly McStiffersons and you know what we do with Stiffly McStiffersons.

SocrapticMethod
You criticize my pointlessness by name-calling

Login: SocrapticMethod
Fark account number: 126511
Account created: 2003-12-15 11:09:42

You've been around for nearly a year now... you haven't realized that's how we do things here?

All I can do for the rest of the day is replay the trailer scene in True Romance over and over. Which by the way is funniest comedy ever put to film.

skyfire360-You've been around for nearly a year now... you haven't realized that's how we do things here?

Sure! But then I'm supposed to biatch about it, aren't I???

overlord

I can think of at least one more Walken tag this year; about ten days ago, in fact.

"CW says he is terrible at impersonations..."

How do you HTML it for 'pop-when-you-click'?

"Some people in this thread are being Stiffly McStiffersons and you know what we do with Stiffly McStiffersons."

If, by "Stiffly McStifferson" you mean "cock", usually we tell them to shut up.

Yes, I criticised Socraptic Method by name-calling. And I'd do it again too. So there, copper.

I use a blowtorch to make my ears and back less hirsute.

And a pair of pliers...

I'm the J-man.

Your husband, he has the back of a coal-miner. I should know, I used to mine coal.

/just watched Envy last night. Walken made the movie.

I don't think J-man's part was even written down. They just said "Chris, just do you."

I was hoping for an even more bizzare story when I initially misread the headline as "blowtorching the heads off of elephants"

Dukefluke! SocrapticMethod just said your mum had a face like a busted frog while you weren't listening! Get him! I'll hold your coat!

I THINK SOME OF YOU NEED A NAP!

Colonel Bugle - he's wrong, everyone knows my mum has a face like a bulldog licking the piss off a nettle. He's an amateur.

I think someone needs to pranked to death with a tire iron.

<B>ugotamesij</B>

How to POP a url

<a href="http://www.somestupidwebsite.com" target="_blank">

Beautiful. Cheers, tripp

Someone needs a kick in the ding-ding.

arguing on the internet is like being in the special olympics......