...next season on Six Feet Under?

I don't see anything weird about it. In fact, I'd say that's smart marketing. I'd like to think that that's what my funeral will be like: celebrating my life.

Make the corpses dance like marionettes, it'll be fun for the whole family!

Rip off of Bob and Tom bit from the other morning....

Well, by my logic

I'm in a coffin = I'm dead = I won't care = No point in spending my kids' inheretance on something fancy

Now if I'm in a coffin and I'm not dead... well, I guess I'd have to pull a Uma Thurman and beat the living shiat out of whoever put me in that coffin (and whoever signed my death certificate). In that case, I might care about all the fancy stuff but only after I'm done with the beatings.

Was that quote from 'Night Court?'

Dammit, splishsplashfark, you beat me to it.

splishsplashfark

THAT'S where I remember it from. Thank you. You've saved me some serious head-pounding.

I was bored stiff reading that story ...

/ducks

wants to put the urinal back in furinal

If Marilyn Monroe was alive, what should she be doing right now?

"You can't spell Funeral without F-U-N"

/This is a direct quote from an episode from Night Court.

I want my ashes scattered from a coffee can into some Dude's face

"And remember, there's always free parking, and don't forget to check out our new Salad Bar!"

/UHF

Keen Machine


If Marilyn Monroe was alive, what should she be doing right now?

I'll bite, what?

Funeral's are the most retarded thing ever. Why spend thousands of dollars for an occasion to mourn someone's death? If you must spend it, spend it celebrating their life.

ScottMpls just wrong

I've already made it very clear that I want the money my friends and family would waste on a funeral to go to a big ass open bar party in my honor.

Just prop me up beside the jukebox, when I die.

It is silly

I don't want any of my friends or family mourning me when I go...

/Gonna take them all with me, the sons o biatches.

meh...send me to the taxidermist ala Jackass

I dunno if I would want a coffin. Given I'm an organ donor
I wouldn't want my family to have to see me after I was cut up. I realize that the funeral home would clean me up and dress me in whatever gaudy attire that my family pick up but why not go ahead and complete the recycling theme? My grandmother was buried in the dress that she made for my wedding and several months later I realize that fact... good times

Yeah, you could spread my ashes and the carbon would go back into the ground but how about this.... make whatever is left of me into a cement park bench? I don't think that would be too much of a biohazard. (Would it?) The bench could be placed in a cemetary so that if someone else's loved one came to vist they could take a rest and reflect. Sappy, yes indeed...but that's me.

I want "This is the life" by Weird Al playing at my FUNeral.

/throws shoe at ScottMpls

I want them to be sure to play music that people can dance on my grave to.


/"...music to which people can dance on my grave." Grammar Nazi.

Should I die, I want to be made into a diamond. Like they have at that lifegems place.

Almost. I want the nitrogen removed from my ashes first, then have that replaced with boron for that special blue effect. It'd be fun having my loved ones wear me on a ring or something, no?

I'm less concerned about my funeral and more concerned about how I actually die. I want to drift off peacefully in my sleep, like my Uncle Frank. Not screaming in horror, like his passengers.

/sorry.

WOw I can't wait to die!

I wanna go out with a bang. When I die , load may body into a naval canon and shoot my carcass 5 miles downrange.

Well Jimmy played harmonica in the pub where I was born
He played it from the night time to the peaceful early morn
He soothed the souls of psychos and the men who had the horn
And they all looked very happy in the morning

Now Jimmy didn't like his place in this world of ours
Where the elephant man broke strong men's necks
When he'd had too many Powers
So sad to see the grieving of the people that he's leaving
And he took the road for God knows in the morning

We walked him to the station in the rain
We kissed him as we put him on the train
And we sang him a song of times long gone
Though we knew that we'd be seeing him again
(Far away) sad to say I must be on my way
So buy me beer and whiskey 'cause I'm going far away (far away)
I'd like to think of me returning when I can
To the greatest little boozer and to Sally MacLennane

The years passed by the times had changed I grew to be a man
I learned to love the virtues of sweet Sally MacLennane
I took the jeers and drank the beers and crawled back home at dawn
And ended up a barman in the morning

I played the pump and took the hump and watered whiskey down
I talked of whores and horses to the men who drank the brown
I heard them say that Jimmy's making money far away
And some people left for heaven without warning

We walked him to the station in the rain
We kissed him as we put him on the train
And we sang him a song of times long gone
Though we knew that we'd be seeing him again
(Far away) sad to say I must be on my way
So buy me beer and whiskey 'cause I'm going far away (far away)
I'd like to think of me returning when I can
To the greatest little boozer and to Sally MacLennane

When Jimmy came back home he was surprised that they were gone
He asked me all the details of the train that they went on
Some people they are scared to croak but Jimmy drank until he choked
And he took the road for heaven in the morning

We walked him to the station in the rain
We kissed him as we put him on the train
And we sang him a song of times long gone
Though we knew that we'd be seeing him again
(Far away) sad to say I must be on my way
So buy me beer and whiskey 'cause I'm going far away (far away)
I'd like to think of me returning when I can
To the greatest little boozer and to Sally MacLennane

Buncha vultures.

I wanna go like my grandfather, peacefully in my sleep. Not yelling and screaming like his passengers.

"Fairmount has organized funerals at which Twinkies were handed out in honor of a deceased sweets-lover"

Isn't that special? A dying snack-food company making treats for funerals. I wonder if they tossed a few in the coffin.

I want to go down in a mob hit, that way you will be forever known as a bad mo fo

Anybody ever see that show Family Plots?

It's absolutely horrible and incredibly boring. I thought death was more interesting than that.

Keen Machine
If Marilyn Monroe was alive, what should she be doing right now?

- Clawing on the roof of her coffin

/obscure Fight Club book reference

{fast Irish ditty, best if sung with a pint in your hand}

Oooooohh, me mother is dead and me father don't know
and me father is dead and me mother don't know
And they're both of them dead and they're in the same bed
And neither one knows that the other one's dead.

{then take a good sip and sing it again}

I'd hit it!

zachary - glad I'm not the only Bob and Tom fan on Fark!

Great Slogan for Funeral Home Billboard:
"Slow down, We'll Wait!!"

About 12 years ago Little Debbie snack cakes ran features of an American president on the boxes their toxic shiat are packed in, featuring various headings like "key accomplishement", "fun fact", etc.

For one of them, I don't remember whom, the "fun fact" was "Both parents died when he was a child."

That was a very, very fun fact.

because nothing says good times like burying your recently deceased loved ones.

Send Me to Glory in a Glad Bag
(Don and Mim Carson and Steve Mason)

People tell me that I ought to save my money
So that I could be laid away in style,
In a walnut box with all the fancy trimmin's
Vacuum sealed to keep me fresh a while.

cho. But Send me to Glory in a glad bag.
Don't waste a fancy coffin on my bones.
Just put me out on the curb next Tuesday
Let the sanitation workers bear me home.

I don't need a fancy funeral
Flowers and tears and all that jive
When I'm dead that won't impress me
Just buy me a beer while I'm alive.

There's trouble at the sanitary landfill
It's filling up with permanent debris,
So make my glad bag out of corn not plastic
So it will decompose along with me.

If I should die upon the eve of Christmas
Place my glad bag by the Chistmas tree;
And when the children open all their presents,
The big surprise will be the death of me.

Sell all my worldly possessions
And buy yourself a case or two of Pabst.
Let the empties be my memorial tombstone.
Engrave them with this epitath:

Now it may be that I am not bound for Glory,
But to another place I would not choose;
So if it seems that I'm headed that direction,
An oven bag would be the thing to use.

Ninja_Pancakes

Kurosawa's "Dreams" was a great flick indeed.

Now if they would only put the "FUN" back in "Fundamentalist".

NJ_WOP
I want to go down in a mob hit, that way you will be forever known as a bad mo fo

Actually, I would think the baddest thing you can say about some gangsters is that he died of natural causes.
Anyway, I've left orders that they play "Glory Days" at my funeral and there's a bottle of Beam on every table at the mercy meal. I want everyone to have a belt, especially if I can't.