FARK.com: (1141986) After being unemployed for 15 months Farker finally gets a New Job. Recomend Ways of making a GOOD impression on his first day

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		After being unemployed for 15 months Farker finally gets a New Job. Recomend Ways of making a GOOD impression on his first day (images.google.com)		222
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7799 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Sep 2004 at 7:33 PM | Favorite | share:

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Whamdangler		2004-09-27 04:29:53 PM

Blow an O ring on the men's room.

40below		2004-09-27 04:31:04 PM

Share. Offer your supervisor a slug from your beer when you arrive in the morning. Wipe the neck of the 40 before offering him the bottle.

SpinStopper		2004-09-27 04:31:17 PM

flubby		2004-09-27 04:31:43 PM

don't spend all day on Fark, wait until day #2 for that

ElCorridor		2004-09-27 04:32:08 PM

Sit on your boss's desk all sexy-like when he calls you in.

SpinStopper		2004-09-27 04:33:03 PM

Bring "magic" brownies to work and share them with the entire staff. But don't eat any yourself! You'll be a shining example of sanity.

EatHam		2004-09-27 04:33:04 PM

don't forget your pants.

Another_Angry_Goth		2004-09-27 04:33:27 PM

Remember, pants are a must. Shirts may be optional, but pants are a must. When wearing pants, undergarments become optional, but are suggested.

OurManFlint1		2004-09-27 04:33:39 PM

Don't yell out "Halleleuja, we're gonna finally be eatin' something other than ramen tonight" when they hand you your first paycheck.

advres		2004-09-27 04:33:44 PM

Bring dildos for all the female workers.

JohnnyC		2004-09-27 04:33:49 PM

Grats on the new job... if I had a clue what you were doing at your new job I might be able to make a suggestion on something you could do.

So for lack of specific info:

Smile a lot.
Work hard.
Be on time.
Be honest.

stevarooni		2004-09-27 04:33:52 PM

Don't come into work hung-over from celebrating your new job. Amazingly enough, employers don't appreciate your enthusiasm in that regard.

Argh_Dammit		2004-09-27 04:37:01 PM

pee in the corners. This tells them "This is my territory - I plan on being here a long time". They will be impressed that you understand the "concept" of "marking" your "territory" and "using" your "quote marks".

DeadRadioStar		2004-09-27 04:37:17 PM

Refer to everyone as "silly English Kniggits," look puzzled when they inform you they are not English.

Jules_Winnfield		2004-09-27 04:37:28 PM

Place a plastic owl on your file cabinet

bullx2		2004-09-27 04:37:52 PM

Showing up is good for starters. Be cool, figure out the power structure....dat way yaa won't have to brown nose everybody including the Goth chick in the mailroom....whom, i might add gives free head to all male employees between 11:30-1:00.

Cosmic_Music		2004-09-27 04:38:38 PM

quit.

RocketRod		2004-09-27 04:38:39 PM

Just say "stampa, stampa" to all the women in the office.

mryoop789		2004-09-27 04:43:24 PM

Sporting it fresh is not an option.

/all other cliches taken

faxinator		2004-09-27 04:43:40 PM

How about the tried and true method? STFU + GBTW.

Argh_Dammit		2004-09-27 04:46:08 PM

...did anyone mention kicking her in the box and shoving her

Corpulence		2004-09-27 04:55:14 PM

how about a hot cocoa sampler box for everyone in your department?

OlafTheBent		2004-09-27 04:56:45 PM

Find out who your boss reports to (and their boss too) and what they look like.

/... once refused to sign in my VP because he didn't have his card and I didn't recognize him.

fritzpizitz		2004-09-27 05:03:39 PM

Go tell your boss that you are really enjoying your new job, and that you can't wait to make a positive impression on the business at hand. Then, lick him from his jawbone to his forehead, pat him on the shoulder, and tell him you'll see him tomorrow.

HankTheCat		2004-09-27 05:06:06 PM

Eat at taco Bell for lunch and fart in all the cubicles.

40below		2004-09-27 05:19:30 PM

Interoffice communication is more important than it was 18 months ago. A couple tips: Check your voicemail using your speakerphone so your coworkers get a sense of how your projects are going.

When finished using the bathroom, make it a point to inform your colleagues "Do NOT go in there." Of course, if you left a good bowel baby in the bowl, refuse to flush until they have all come to have a look.

SockMonkeyHolocaust		2004-09-27 05:21:19 PM

I heard that on your first day you should find someone and beat the hell out of them to let everyone know that you aren't some punk.

redoctober65		2004-09-27 06:55:35 PM

To prove your commitment to "being a team player" I'd recommend you bring in a lump of crack the size of a bowling ball to share with all your new officemates.

Headlice		2004-09-27 07:37:45 PM

A good joke will start you off on the right foot with your new coworkers. Any one from the "Dead Baby" genre will do.

PoppaStoppa		2004-09-27 07:38:08 PM

when they ask you where you see yourself inthe next 5 years.. don't say "with your wife..." or "with your son"

\gotta love Family Guy

clevershark		2004-09-27 07:38:31 PM

Show up naked and pretend that nothing is out of the ordinary.

If the office requires wearing a tie show up naked except for a tie.

People will remember your name after that!

tyguy101aa		2004-09-27 07:39:41 PM

show up in an electric wheel chair.... chances are you'll get your own bathroom.

Vaeric		2004-09-27 07:40:14 PM

Get a job, hippie!!!

oh, wait...

Cucumber_Breath		2004-09-27 07:40:57 PM

Give the boss head, then sue for millions in a sexual harassment lawsuit.

/A vote for me is a vote for people who read past the TF comments.

nutkick_42		2004-09-27 07:41:15 PM

Don't say "Doin' your wife."

/"doin' your son?"

PoppaStoppa		2004-09-27 07:41:16 PM

sorry GaidinBDJ

didn't see your post

OneNightStand		2004-09-27 07:41:17 PM

DO NOT hit on your boss's boss on day one.
/Thought she was a peer
//Left the company ten years ago and they're still talking about it
///I still pub crawl with some of them.

pokey		2004-09-27 07:41:30 PM

set the bar low and and show up drunk.

it can only get better.. or stay the same.

DistendedPendulusFrenulum		2004-09-27 07:41:38 PM

A man should only smell good at close quarters (don't knock everybody's ass out with your cologne)

--forget who said that.

.

Bonzo_1116		2004-09-27 07:41:51 PM

When they take you out for your introductory group lunch, choose the second cheapest thing on the menu.

Oh yeah, don't forget to wear your flair, all 37 pieces of it.

BearToy		2004-09-27 07:41:52 PM

Ensure that all clothing items are secure to avoid a 'wardrobe malfunction'.

beezlebob		2004-09-27 07:41:53 PM

Don't forget your red Swingline stapler.

heh being unemployed is like vacation without the pay :)

Culkhambladulahn		2004-09-27 07:42:16 PM

Carry a rifle around and just tell them that you are scouting locations for a new Lifetime movie...

yukichigai		2004-09-27 07:42:21 PM

Smile a lot.

Use complete sentances. (e.g. "I'd like a salad for lunch" instead of "I'd like a salad", in response to the question "What do you want for lunch?")

rickg13		2004-09-27 07:42:23 PM

Make sure the first thing you do is change every single sound event on your computer to an obscene South Park quote.

Make it a point to keep your speakers turned way up.

/actually had a coworker who did this

//was actually funny the first couple of days

LessO2		2004-09-27 07:42:44 PM

"Pull My Finger!"

equusdc		2004-09-27 07:43:21 PM

advres

Bring dildos for all the female workers.

No, that will get you fired, not hired. The inverse is true of the local lavender mafia, especially in those limited locales (like DC) where farking it is o.k., but farking with it is not.