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(The Smoking Gun)   Kobe talks about his "thing" to stuttering 7th-grade police officers   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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34021 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Sep 2004 at 4:34 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

216 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-09-24 12:56:07 PM  
He sounds like a generous guy, he had just met the girl and already he wanted to give her a pearl necklace.
2004-09-24 01:09:30 PM  
Go Kobe Go!

Officer: "So you like to cum in your partner's face?"
2004-09-24 01:24:45 PM  
Hahaha... he stopped her because she didn't know how to give a good blowjob.

She asked him for an autograph too.. wow.

Hilarious... please greenlight this.

Money grubbing hiz-ho.

Officer: "She's an attractive young lady"

Kobe: "She wasn't that attractive."
2004-09-24 02:34:05 PM  
If these babbling idiots could do this to Kobe, I'd hate to see what Sipowicz could do. Kobe would confess to killing JFK if faced with a real interrogation.
2004-09-24 02:44:25 PM  
Geez... they jumped around so much and asked so many dumb questions, all the while stuttering, I'm wondering how they ever became police officers.
2004-09-24 03:06:38 PM  
2004-09-24 03:10:22 PM  
Detective Loya: I don't want you to demonstrate.

hahahahah, this keeps getting better and better.
2004-09-24 03:11:13 PM  
This transcript should be required reading for everyone. The first moral of the story is: when you may be the target of a criminal investigation, don't talk to the cops without first consulting a lawyer. The second moral is: ask the girl prior to intercourse if you can give her a pearl necklace. It can save you a lot of time and trouble.
2004-09-24 03:48:49 PM  
His middle name is Bean!
(and he jerked off after she "slipped off")
this is way better than the Starr report.
2004-09-24 04:22:22 PM  
Boy, comedy gold right from page 1...

(Unknown female voice) Want me to F.l. him?
2004-09-24 04:30:35 PM  
Well, that cell phone number goes nowhere now. Doesn't even ring.

she lifted up her skirt. (inaudible)...and then from behind and then you know she grabbed (inaudible)

Detective Loya: With her vagina?

Kobe: Yes

Detective Loya: Okay


Of course I read that as:
...and then from behind and then you know she grabbed (inaudible)

Detective Loya: With her vagina??!?!?!?

Kobe: Yes!!!

Detective Loya: Oooookkkaaaay......
2004-09-24 04:38:29 PM  
This is something else. Did this happen in a parallel universe?
2004-09-24 04:39:58 PM  
bunch of stuttering idiots....

/jumping on the bandwagon
2004-09-24 04:41:29 PM  
Anybody got this (the uncensored version) in a PDF? Download link?
2004-09-24 04:41:47 PM  
I particularly liked the 12th page, where Kobe says the girl refused to have him cum on her face, so Kobe asked her, "Do you want some karate ?", then kicked her in the box and shoved her.
2004-09-24 04:42:03 PM  
that's my thing, too!
2004-09-24 04:42:45 PM  
I have this whole thing in an email, if you want, let me know and I'll send.
2004-09-24 04:43:02 PM  
"Uh, did you guys hug or kiss?"

2004-09-24 04:43:12 PM  
Life will be so much easier when we can just cut-n-paste from the Smoking Gun pdfs rather than having to retype all this shiat.
2004-09-24 04:45:05 PM  
"well there's always pre-ejaculation, are you aware of that?"

"are you kidding me?"

Yep, big and dumb, that's how we like our role models, big and dumb.....
2004-09-24 04:48:05 PM  
This was a hilarious part:

Detective....I look at it this way, shes an attractive young lady okay.
Bryant: She wasnt that attractive.
Detective Winters: You know, well, shes okay, okay
2004-09-24 04:48:31 PM  
This is a hilarious read.
2004-09-24 04:48:42 PM  
Ok, so what's the deal with the Vail Colorado thing that the Smoking Gun points out? Is this some euphemism that I haven't heard before or are they talking about the actual Vail?
2004-09-24 04:49:56 PM  
They need to attach indicators of tone, like they do in scripts:


"Detective Loya [skeptical]: So the blowjob lasted about five seconds?"
2004-09-24 04:50:10 PM  
From line 516:

Bryant: "I do not want it to get to the media."

Det. Winters: "We don't either."

2004-09-24 04:51:02 PM  
This is so farking terrible. Kobe is an idiot -- there is no doubt -- but that woman must be evil. She's practically ruined his life. And for God's sake I hope Kobe's gotten some extensive STD testing.
2004-09-24 04:52:24 PM  
I've gotta say... this is priceless. Simply priceless.
2004-09-24 04:52:34 PM  
Asked about his "thing" Kobe's reply was "It's clobberin' time!" after which he explained he had to leave for Yancey street to see his dear old Aunt Petunia.
2004-09-24 04:53:11 PM  
"I jerked off when she left..."
2004-09-24 04:53:22 PM  
My face is hurting from reading this. :)

Holy Monkey....That's when she said no. That's when she said no. That's when she said no.

2004-09-24 04:53:41 PM  
Do you want bukkake?
2004-09-24 04:54:01 PM  
but that woman must be evil. She's practically ruined his life.

Surely you jest...
2004-09-24 04:54:06 PM  
Honestly though, the person saying "So how was this, how was this consensual?" is a farking retard. Apprently they believe unless the girl gives you express written permission to have sex with her, it's nonconsensual.
2004-09-24 04:54:34 PM  
hehe - bad photocopy makes a line read: "Why don't you have a scat Kob"?

(instead of seat)

:: shudder ::
2004-09-24 04:55:36 PM  
My favorite part is where Kobe describes something like this:

Kobe: So can I give you a pearl necklace?

Girl: No, that's not my thing.

Kobe: (stops) Darn, I thought you was cool.

Girl: Hey, can I have a couple of autographs?
2004-09-24 04:58:49 PM  
Um, ah Kobe.. Did you... Um... give her a... Um... Um... dirty sanchez... Um?
2004-09-24 04:59:33 PM  
That's my thing, man...

Puts an interesting twist on his "Got Milk" ad!

[image from too old to be available]
2004-09-24 04:59:45 PM  
It appears TSG forgot to blur some stuff out...

Maybe it was intentional because other info was blurred on the same page while this was not.

/sorry for being cryptic
2004-09-24 05:00:04 PM  
either the snickering doofus is an act for these cops, or recruitment at the bottom of the barrel
2004-09-24 05:01:41 PM  
Who the hell is "Michelle" ? Seems like another girl he nails on the side.
2004-09-24 05:01:49 PM  
30 plus posts, and not one reference to Mr. Mackey?

So just use the word mmmkay!
2004-09-24 05:04:56 PM  
With his frequently use of "Well, OK," I think Detective Winters is a descendent of the guy on H.I. McDonough's parole board.
2004-09-24 05:05:31 PM  
Must be said again:

"So Kobe, did you give her the beef?"
2004-09-24 05:05:43 PM  
Having read a huge number of police interview transcripts, this is pretty typical.
Most people have no idea how much they: um... er... okay, okay...No, no, no, well, etc...

What sounds normal in conversation can look pretty ridiculous on paper.
2004-09-24 05:06:55 PM  
Haha....his cell phone number is on there. Think he's had it changed by now?
2004-09-24 05:08:13 PM  
anyone tried the cell number yet?

the part that stuck to me was near the end, kobe asking if the y could wait a bit before they went because he wanted to talk to a (cut off) he wanted to talk to his (cut off) we dotn want to drag this out!

good thing the word "lawyer" didnt actually get on tape. the interview and the examination just plain wouldnt exist.
2004-09-24 05:09:46 PM  
I dunno, I'm more of a creampie man, myself..
2004-09-24 05:12:24 PM  
-And they say romance is dead!

spooter - Funny how that happened, huh? Darn new-fangled gadgets always cutting off at inopportune moments. How do our brave men in blue get along?
2004-09-24 05:12:58 PM who is the Michelle chick and what is HER number?
2004-09-24 05:13:08 PM  
1018 Bryant: She wasn't that attractive.

So THAT'S why they can't show her face.
Nothing like getting screwed over by an ugly girl.
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