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(Seattle Times)   Guy awarded $228,000 for biting down on a steel ball bearing in nachos at Taco Bell.   ( divider line
    More: Scary  
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5839 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Feb 2002 at 3:12 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

85 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-02-09 05:45:23 PM  
I've eaten a taco at Taco Bell...What's my Prize!!!
2002-02-09 05:48:43 PM  

2002-02-09 05:50:12 PM  
More like reason 8 trillion we need mandatory military service in the US... It doesn't matter how much you pay someone... if they don't have pride in their work they won't do a good job... and the 'new generation' doesn't have pride in anything except the number of bowls they can smoke and still walk straight...
2002-02-09 05:52:20 PM  
2002-02-09 05:55:32 PM  
Overpaid Slacker: Amen to that. My ability to eat steak is worth well more than $200 grand.
2002-02-09 06:08:13 PM  
I disagree.. Some people do need to be reminded about the details of the coffee incident. The media ran that story without the details, now it's used as the example of frivilous lawsuits. That's sad.

I think anyone that thinks that women was frivilous should treat themselves to the details of the case, and more importantly the store managers testimony about why he set the coffee so hot.
2002-02-09 06:12:56 PM  
Hoosier, and Ranulf. I tip my hats to you for beating me to the fletch quotes.

I am off to taco bell for dinner and I have a pocket full of ball bearings. This will be easier than winning the lottery.

"Can I borrow you towel? My car just hit a water buffalo."
2002-02-09 06:23:38 PM  
JReece, you pederast, I quoted Fletch, too. What's more, my quote draws attention to the fact that Hoosier screwed up the ball bearing quote.

Good luck at Taco Bell.
2002-02-09 06:34:28 PM  
No, it was her big ass truck, I pumped her gas cause where I worked during high school we pumped peoples gas for them.
2002-02-09 06:42:56 PM  

And now a kitten:

[image from too old to be available]

2002-02-09 06:48:45 PM  
Pain and Suffering? WTF ever happened to 'take it like a man.'

Damn kids.
2002-02-09 06:49:01 PM  
Mmm, kitten brains...
2002-02-09 06:51:50 PM  
What the *#@! kind of ugly-ass cat is that?! IT'S EYES, MAN!

As for the lawsuit guy... it doesn't matter. If you eat at Taco Bell regularly, you'll die by age 50 anyway.
2002-02-09 07:01:27 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Oh no! Someone sawed off kitty's legs!
2002-02-09 07:12:09 PM  
Actually, he was awarded $2,000 in cash, $2,000 in food discounts, and $224,000 in DENTAL REPAIR. Ouch.
2002-02-09 07:15:55 PM  
I apologize for butchering the Fletch quote. I respectfully recend my post with the falwed quote.

In its place, please accept some Python, from the crunchy frog sketch:

Inspector: 'ELLO!

Mr. Hilton: 'Ello.

Inspector: Mr. 'ilton?

Hilton: A-yes?

Inspector: You are the sole proprietor and owner of the Whizzo Chocolate Company?

Mr. Hilton: I am, yes.

Inspector: Constable Clitoris and I are from the 'ygiene squad, and we'd like to have a word with you about your box of chocolates entitled the 'Whizzo Quality Assortment'.

Mr. Hilton: Oh, yes.

Inspector: If I may begin at the beginning. First there is the Cherry Fondue. Now this is extremely nasty. (pause) But we can't prosecute you for that.

Mr. Hilton: Ah, agreed.

Inspector: Then we have number four. Number four: Crunchy Frog.

Mr. Hilton: Yes.

Inspector: Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in 'ere?

Mr. Hilton: Yes, a little one.

Inspector: What sort of frog?

Mr. Hilton: A...a *dead* frog.

Inspector: Is it cooked?

Mr. Hilton: No.

Inspector: What, a RAW frog?!?

Mr. Hilton: Oh, we use only the finest baby frogs, dew-picked and flown from Iraq, cleansed in the finest quality spring water, lightly killed, and sealed in a succulent, Swiss, quintuple-smooth, treble-milk chocolate envelope, and lovingly frosted with glucose.

Inspector: That's as may be, but it's still a frog!

Mr. Hilton: What else?

Inspector: Well, don't you even take the bones out?

Mr. Hilton: If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy, would it?

Inspector: Constable Clitoris et one of those!! We have to protect the public!

Constable: Uh, would you excuse me a moment, Sir? (exits)

Inspector: We have to protect the public! People aren't going to think there's a real frog in chocolate! Constable Clitoris thought it was an almond whirl! They're bound to expect some sort of mock frog!

Mr. Hilton: (outraged) MOCK frog!?! We use NO artificial additives or preservatives of ANY kind!

Inspector: Nevertheless, I advise you in future to replace the words 'Crunchy Frog' with the legend, 'Crunchy, Raw, Unboned Real Dead Frog' if you wish to avoid prosecution!

Mr. Hilton: What about our sales?

Inspector: fark your sales! We've got to protect the public! Now what about this one, number five, it was number five, wasn't it? Number five: Ram's Bladder Cup. (beat) Now, what sort of confectionery is that?

Mr. Hilton: Oh, we use only the finest juicy chunks of fresh Cornish Ram's bladder, emptied, steamed, flavoured with sesame seeds, whipped into a fondue, and garnished with lark's vomit.

Inspector: LARK'S VOMIT?!?!?

Mr. Hilton: Correct.

Inspector: It doesn't say anything here about lark's vomit!

Mr. Hilton: Ah, it does, on the bottom of the box, after 'monosodium glutamate'.

Inspector: I hardly think that's good enough! I think it's be more appropriate if the box bore a great red label: 'WARNING: LARK'S VOMIT!!!'

Mr. Hilton: Our sales would plummet!

Inspector: (screaming) Well why don't you move into more conventional areas of confectionary??!!

(the constable returns)

Inspector: Like Praline, or, or Lime Creme, a very popular flavor, I'm lead to understand. Or Raspberry Delite. I mean, what's this one, what's this one? 'Ere we are: Cockroach Cluster! -- Anthrax Ripple!

Constable: MMMMWWWAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!! (Throws up in helmet)

Inspector: (continuing) And what is this one: Spring Surprise?

Mr. Hilton: Ah, that's one of our specialities. Covered in dark, velvety chocolate, when you pop it into your mouth, stainless steel bolts spring out and plunge straight through both cheeks.

Inspector: (stunned) Well where's the pleasure in THAT?!? If people pop a nice little chockie into their mouth, they don't expect to get their cheeks pierced!!! In any case, it is an inadequate description of the sweetmeat. I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the station.

Mr. Hilton: (shrugging) It's a fair cop.

Inspector: And DON'T talk to the audience.
2002-02-09 07:25:23 PM  
"Here kitty, kitty kitty!"

*Snatches the kitty!*

*Stuffs kitty in the meat grinder!*

*Stuffs kitty meat into the taco shells!*

*Tells a customer to enjoy his/her tacos!*

*Walks away laughing like a maniac!*
2002-02-09 07:36:06 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-02-09 07:38:25 PM  
Ah a kitty and a chick!

Nice lesbian couple!
2002-02-09 07:47:23 PM  
2002-02-09 08:24:02 PM  
I found the tip of a finger in a burrito once, got a smirk and a sorry from the manager.
2002-02-09 08:28:01 PM  
Fingers, though tasty, are not as good as brains. Mmm, sweet, sweet brains...
2002-02-09 08:34:38 PM  
Actually, while we're on the topic of kittens:
[image from too old to be available]
2002-02-09 08:35:55 PM  
One time I wasa at a chinese buffet and I had some ice cream from there. Inside the ice cream waas metal splinters from the ice cream machine. I cut my tounge on the splinter. I told the manager and got him to get a new ice cream machine for the buffet and free meals for a week. I wasn't looking for anything from them and I didn't sue them either. I just told them to make sure that they kept better care of the food.
2002-02-09 08:42:08 PM  

And now a picture of Milhouse:

[image from too old to be available]

2002-02-09 11:30:23 PM  
this could be the worst case of threadjacking i've ever seen.
2002-02-10 12:16:15 AM  
I'll have the "crunchy frog" with some wine and beans, please.
2002-02-10 01:00:47 AM  
eat at steak n' shake...never hear of stuff like this happening there...
2002-02-10 01:37:03 AM  
Think that's bad, at the Taco Bell in the city where I live, someone decided it would be hilarious to take a dump (or was it a whizz) in the meat. Entire shift got fired.
2002-02-10 02:13:57 AM  
I once found an enormous packing staple in a taco salad once and I didn't get jack shiat. Of course I didn't complain or sue, because I wasn't hurt. Thought it was a chicken bone at first.

mmmmm chicken bones.
2002-02-10 07:24:49 AM  
mmmmmmmm Toxic Belch... *pukes*

2002-02-10 11:07:49 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

I found this on the net, pretty accurate though.
2002-02-10 02:07:16 PM  
Here's the amazing bullshiat thing about all of the stories where people are awarded so much money:

My brother had his foot crushed in a work-related accident that was deemed not his fault. It has resulted in the amputation of his leg below the knee.

The most he can be awarded is $57,000.

The world is a cruel, cruel place...he could have received more for biting a stupid nacho at Taco Bell or scalding his hand at a StarBuck$.
2002-02-10 03:08:12 PM  
Moral to the story......

.....If anything hapens to you, ANYTHING AT ALL, make sure that you're in the presence of someone with lots of money. Then let the lawyers handle the rest.
2002-02-10 04:37:19 PM  
G3po, this is reason 8,983,745,109,234 why the minimum wage in the US needs to be increase.

So paying minimum wage workers a higher minimum wage will make them smarter??? Wow. I can't figure out how that works but maybe if I ask my boss for a raise my IQ will go up and I'll understand.

200 grand because he bit down on a ball-bearing. Constant pain. See, I don't think I've ever been so hungry I slam my jaw shut in such a fashion as to cause permanent pain if a ball bearing or, say, a strong piece of bone was in the way. Give him the money. Then immediately disbar the lawyer. Then shoot the lawyer in the skull and dump his body in a sewage treatment plant with the medical waste sludge.
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