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(Time Travel Fund)   You donate now and we'll send someone back from the future with your earnings once we invent time travel. Five-hundred years of interest guaranteed   (timetravelfund.com) divider line 163
    More: Asinine  
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17583 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Aug 2004 at 11:50 PM (10 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



163 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2004-08-23 05:26:36 PM  
but it will be in some sort of funny looking "future money".

No one would accept it now.
 
2004-08-23 05:37:44 PM  
Can I get an advance on my funds now? You've got the time machine, you know I'll be good for it.
 
2004-08-23 05:42:28 PM  
I guess I'm not destined to invest in this. Otherwise, I would have already gotten my money back. I would definitely request getting my money before I read this story that way I would know it was true.
 
2004-08-23 05:46:01 PM  
Do you buy lottery tickets? Can you afford to lose $10?
I think the certificate would be worth having as a conversation piece. What if?
 
2004-08-23 05:47:09 PM  
They should hook up with this guy:
 
2004-08-23 06:05:56 PM  
I prefer to invest my hard earned cash in Total Fark.

/sponsored
//probably will sign up, though
///it's a trap
 
2004-08-23 06:24:40 PM  
mryoop, how old is that ad?
 
2004-08-23 06:34:20 PM  
AgonistAlex
I have no clue. Someone e-mailed me a pic of it a couple of months ago & I just did a GIS for "time travel ad." You may have missed your chance.
 
2004-08-23 11:22:47 PM  
mryoop789: That's an old classic! Still makes me smile everytime I see it.

Instead of sending someone back with money, why not send someone back that'll let you know how you died incase you can avoid it... or would that cause the universe to collapse in on itself?
 
2004-08-23 11:26:36 PM  
....your nigerian prince wishes he'd thought of this first.
 
2004-08-23 11:37:02 PM  
How about you simply mail me a sports almanac?
 
2004-08-23 11:53:11 PM  
coyote71: "Can I get an advance on my funds now? You've got the time machine, you know I'll be good for it."


THAT was funny.
 
2004-08-23 11:56:19 PM  
Darcius: they already did. you die in a massive orgy with 20 supermodels.
 
2004-08-23 11:57:52 PM  
I was just about to invest in this when my great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandson popped into the room to tell me that the banks collapsed just before time travel was perfected and I would just loose all my money. He seemed like a nice kid.
 
2004-08-23 11:58:09 PM  
Gosh this thing is ancient... Fresh links please.
 
2004-08-23 11:58:27 PM  
If the inventor will successfully complete his time machine, should you receive your return almost instantly after you've made your investment?
 
2004-08-23 11:59:32 PM  
Unfortunately, since people aren't getting their money back, I have decided this is proof that the world will end soon. Damn you GWB and your weaponization of space!

/likes political discussions, no matter how tenuous.
 
2004-08-24 12:01:11 AM  

anyone else remember the time travel spammer?

i got a few of his emails in my inbox, funny stuff ;-)

Hello,

I'm a time traveler stuck here in 2003. Upon arriving here my dimensional warp generator stopped working. I trusted a company here by the name of LLC Lasers to repair my Generation 3 52 4350A watch unit, and they fled on me. I am going to need a new DWG unit, prefereably the rechargeable AMD wrist watch model with the GRC79 induction motor, four I80200 warp stabilizers, 512GB of SRAM and the menu driven GUI with front panel XID display.

I will take whatever model you have in stock, as long as its received certification for being safe on carbon based life forms.

In terms of payment: I dont have any Galactic Credits left. Payment can be made in platinum gold or 2003 currency upon safe delivery of unit.

Please transport unit in either a brown paper bag or box to below coordinates on Monday July 28th at (exactly 3:00pm) Eastern Standard Time on the dot. A few minutes prior will be ok, but it cannot be after. If you miss this timeframe please email me.

Latitude N 42.48018 & Longitude W 071.15503 and the Elevation is 96. WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO TRANSPORT ITEM BY REGULAR MEANS OF TELEPORTATION. THEY ARE MONITORING AND WILL REDIRECT THE SIGNAL!! I DO NOT CARE HOW YOU HAVE TO GET IT HERE, JUST DO IT IN A WAY THAT NO SPYING EYES WILL POSSIBLY BE ABLE TO REDIRECT THE TRANSFERENCE. IT IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU BE ABLE TO MONITOR THE TRANSFER.

Although those coordinates are a secure guarded area, these channels through email are never secure. Unfortunately it is the only form of communication I have right now.

After unit has been sent please email me at: i­nfo[nospam-﹫-backwards]ma­r­g­o­r­pgnidnufla­r­ede­f*com with payment instructions. Do not reply directly back to this email.

Thank You

anticipationsltakt
w
ivadwrdozu
 
2004-08-24 12:01:13 AM  
Sandelaphon:

Would you really want to avoid that?
 
2004-08-24 12:01:36 AM  
Cubs finally win the world series in 2056? After the red sox win it this year?

/Jaded sox fan
 
2004-08-24 12:02:57 AM  
They need to send back a Terminator instead.That would be funny.
 
2004-08-24 12:03:23 AM  
fark it, what have I got to lose.....

*writes check*
 
2004-08-24 12:04:17 AM  
nice paisley-tie-dyed background.
 
2004-08-24 12:04:27 AM  
THEM: We have you down as depositing $100 in a bank in 1904.
YOU: Cool, where's my green?
THEM: Stock market crash and the great depression pretty much wiped it out. Do you like my new X-Box?
 
2004-08-24 12:04:33 AM  
Titor?
 
2004-08-24 12:04:46 AM  
They don't say how long you have to wait for your return on investment. If legit, your doorbell would ring 2 minutes after you PayPalled `em the money. That's the first clue to me that this is not one of the many legitimate time travel investment firms.

And let's hear it for paragrpah 12:

12. Once again, there are no guarantees this will work. Life itself is a crap shoot. We can only make plans and hope for the best. That is what this fund is about - hope.


Hope and blind farking stupidity.
 
2004-08-24 12:06:23 AM  
yay internet!
 
2004-08-24 12:07:20 AM  
If they can't even get Sarah Connor...
 
2004-08-24 12:08:26 AM  
Okay, now that I've RTFA, I realize that my scenario will not play out. If only I could hire someone from the future to save me embarassments such as this. I'd pay upwards of $11 for such a service!
 
2004-08-24 12:10:48 AM  
What does it matter? The world ends in 2012 anyway.
 
2004-08-24 12:11:27 AM  

Hmm, I would be wiling to give them a dollar. 500 years of interest on $1.00 would be a tidy sum.

And if the hammerheads don't pay up we can send the termanator after them.

 
2004-08-24 12:11:28 AM  
Maybe this future investing can help me on my history report.

/ looking for personages of historical significance.
 
2004-08-24 12:13:20 AM  
If time travel really existed, don't you think someone would have warned us about shiat like 9/11? I mean, if they didn't then that means everyone in the future are a bunch of dicks, right? I ain't payin' $10, future me will probably just withdraw it and use it on booze when he loses his job in like 20 years. Bastard.
 
2004-08-24 12:14:25 AM  
it would be funny to start kidnapping people who donated to the fund and making them "dissapear." People would start to think it was working, that the future people were coming to get them.

OK, it wouldn't be funny so much as "creepy serial-killer-esque."
 
2004-08-24 12:14:54 AM  
I just got a *great* idea for a movie.
 
2004-08-24 12:15:22 AM  
 
hnb
2004-08-24 12:15:46 AM  
I think that page gave me eye cancer.
 
2004-08-24 12:15:54 AM  
I've got a couple thousand acres of Lunar Real Estate I can unload if there's any takers....
 
2004-08-24 12:16:06 AM  
Ha, you stupid doubting fools!

I invested five minutes ago and already I'm a Billionaire.

Please don't send these assholes any money.

If you are stupid enough to believe this shiat then you are probably stupid enough to believe Dubya's excuses for the war.
 
2004-08-24 12:19:01 AM  
I can't click on any links :'( .... i can read comments but have no idea what anything is about
/did not rtfa
//have an excuse
 
2004-08-24 12:19:52 AM  
500 years of intrest on 1 dollar at 8% annual yield is:


500 : 206,124,409,704,319,100


Not to shappy.
 
2004-08-24 12:20:11 AM  
We hope, but can not guarantee, that the fund will be fully established sometime before the end of the year.

I did a quick time travel myself to determine that this page has been around since mid-2002. Two years and the fund still does not exist.
 
2004-08-24 12:20:22 AM  
Hah, I already went back to the beginning of time, and invested a penny.
 
2004-08-24 12:20:25 AM  
A short one...

"There is one born every minute."
- P.T. Barnum..

Go look him up if your too young.
 
2004-08-24 12:20:53 AM  
No thanks, I'd rather have a "free" iPod
 
tdz
2004-08-24 12:21:08 AM  
HAHAAHA i gave the 500 dollars and then my free ipod arrived!!! suckers!! its not a scam!
 
2004-08-24 12:24:48 AM  
This is already happening. Lotteries are not random. It's a ruse to keep their identities secret. It's the only way you can get your return on investment without drawing unwanted attention. They're here already.


No, really.
 
2004-08-24 12:25:24 AM  
Its a scam... I tried it, and when the future guy came back, my money was in farking Rupees! Damn outsourcing!
 
2004-08-24 12:26:20 AM  
I think Hawking said it best:
"If time travel were to ever become a reality, then there would already be busses going back and forth from the future" (paraphrasing here, not sure on exact quotes). Basically the whole problem with time travel is that all logic is shattered once you can change an action which has infinite consequences. The only ever so slight possibility at time travel we might get would be going to the future by travelling through the cosmos at near light speed...but then who knows that we may find....

/ready to welcome his new orangutan overlords.
 
2004-08-24 12:26:28 AM  
Okay, surely someone has actually done this. I'm curious: does the certificate actually get sent, and is it cool? This might just make the best imaginable gift for my brother...
 
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