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(Some Guy)   Ten very good reasons to vote for President George W. Bush   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

78524 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Aug 2004 at 1:21 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

682 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-08-15 01:10:28 AM  
11. You're a closet homosexual
2004-08-15 01:10:52 AM  
12. President Bush is winning the war on terror.

2004-08-15 01:12:05 AM  
Wow, it actually took me a minute to realize this was satire.

I was going to say, if the Indian tribes sue to get their land back, I'll farking fight side by side with them. We oughta give them TWICE as much back after all the shiat we put them through.
2004-08-15 01:20:26 AM  
13. Less Americans than ever are suffering from Measles.

2004-08-15 01:23:53 AM  
Guiness, wtf? The Indians get NOTHING back. Yeah they were here first, but we kicked their ass HARD. Isn't that enough?
2004-08-15 01:24:00 AM  
It's really not all that witty a list.
2004-08-15 01:25:27 AM  
Wow, that's uh... really... uh... good? Jeebus, my cat could have come up with a better list than that, satire or not.
2004-08-15 01:25:53 AM  
Guiness, wtf? The Indians get NOTHING back. Yeah they were here first, but we kicked their ass HARD. Isn't that enough?

so why did US attack IRAQ when it attacked Kuwait? unless u were being sarcastic
2004-08-15 01:26:15 AM  
Give Democratic Underground 5 minutes with that list, and it will be MUCH funnier!
2004-08-15 01:26:20 AM  
Much better to vote for Rob Hall. At least he's funny.
2004-08-15 01:27:02 AM  
14. You're a dumbass.
2004-08-15 01:27:15 AM  
The American People Are Safer.
America And The Rest Of The World Are Safer.
2004-08-15 01:27:16 AM  
That was hi-larious.
2004-08-15 01:27:47 AM  
Yeah what rbaron71 said.
2004-08-15 01:28:11 AM  
Though a conservative, I can easily laugh in good humor at jokes made about Bush.

This is about as funny as when your pet dies. Yep, my 9 year old daughter cried all night after reading this list.
2004-08-15 01:28:18 AM  
12. President Bush is winning the war on terror.

Really? Cool! when I checked last week we were expecting a strike before the November election, Iraq had filled up with terrorists, and Osama had just released a tape. But you say we're winning now? That's great news! We must have somehow come from behind.
2004-08-15 01:28:19 AM  
This is excellent! I'm glad I didn't get laid tonight and I'm here to witness the flamewar, as drunk as I am!

/I'm serious
//Bush sucks
2004-08-15 01:28:22 AM  
You know, all my friends say "Don't vote for Bush, he's just out to help the rich white man."
But then it hit me... I am the rich white man!

/Wouldn't really vote for him
//Wait a minute, I'm Canadian anyways...
2004-08-15 01:28:38 AM  
It's not funny.
2004-08-15 01:28:50 AM  
Huh? What a schizophrenic list. The first three seem serious, the next is middle of the road, and the rest are jokes.

Unfunny jokes too, I might add.
2004-08-15 01:29:16 AM  
15) the trains airlines run on time.
2004-08-15 01:29:56 AM  
i smell flamewar. . . for those who rtfa, at least
2004-08-15 01:30:07 AM  
2004-08-15 01:30:29 AM  
How about a list of top ten reasons why this list blows! This list reads like it was created by a bi-partisan Congressional Committee - so watered down and bland from both directions. The writer seems to be confused as to whether the list is satire or propaganda. Letterman would be disgusted.
2004-08-15 01:30:48 AM  
Wow, the mods must be approving anything at this point. I've read political satire from 8 year olds that was funnier than this.
2004-08-15 01:31:23 AM  
How do you make those nice popping links? I have no hax0ring skillz.
2004-08-15 01:31:57 AM  
personally obscure:
[image from too old to be available]
2004-08-15 01:32:23 AM  
could'nt quite tell where they were trying to go with that

/voting for kerry
//dont really know why
2004-08-15 01:32:24 AM  
Here's the mandatory liberal point by point response:

10. The 17 percent productivity growth from the first quarter of 2000 to the first quarter of 2004 stands head and shoulders above the growth rate for any comparable period. In the first 13 quarters of the Bush Administration, the basic determinant of our standard of living increased by almost as much as during the entire 32 quarters of the Clinton Administration.
- It's great that LARGE CORPORATIONS are having higher profit margains, but this is only because people have to work extremely hard just to keep their jobs. Consumer wages are staying the same, yet prices are sky rocketing. We still have fewer jobs than when bush came in to office, the DOW has dipped below 10,000 and OIL is at 46.00 a barrel, none of these are good for the U.S. Economy.

9. The USA Patriot Act brought down the artificial wall separating law enforcement and intelligence officers and allowed them to talk to each other as they work to prevent future attacks.
The USA Patriot had nothing to do with protecting us from terrorist. It was merely a list of expanded police powers that John Ashcroft wanted. Not to mention that bush had nothing to do with the writing of the patriot act, which is not a reason to vote for him. Also, this act allowed American Citizens to be detailed for indefinite periods of time without being told of their charges. That is not democracy.

8. If the Indian tribes sue to get back the land you're living on, which candidate do you want in control?
It doesn't matter which candidate is in control, as this is a court issue. There is no evidence that indian tribes are suing for their land back either. Just remember though, they were here first, it should be theirs.

7. What's more important, knowing how to pronounce "nuclear bombs" or knowing who to drop 'em on?
Bush does not know who to attack as proven by IRAQ, They were not the real threat, where as north korea and Iran DO have nuclear weapons. But nuclear weapons should never be used, they will only incite world war 3.

6. He can't be as dumb as everyone says.
This is totally a non-issue. Saying a president "can't be that stupid" is no endorsement. The fact that we have to ask this question by all means questions his credibility.

5. He's the only candidate who stands for the principles that originally made this country great - like slavery and denying the vote to women.
This argument implies that bush wants slavery and denying women the right to vote, a strech from the truth, but who knows how far to the right this man will go in his second term.

4. If Bush had been President, we never would have gotten involved in Vietnam. Especially if he could have been President and still have been "draft age".

There is no evidence with this what-so-ever. Bush seemed happy enough to start 2 wars in his 1 term, it seems logically sound that he would have started one then too. But a hypothetical question is never an endorsement.

3. Big deal, Kerry got the Purple Hearts and Silver Stars. Bush got the Yellow Moons and Green Clovers.
Yes, because Bush didn't show up for gaurd duty. Kerry received many prestigious awards for his valor in vietnam.

2. Are you a man or not? Our guy - named after a beer. Their guy - named after a character on Sex in the City.
I believe John Kerry was alive long before sex in the city, and Bush is not the same as Busch

1. Actually, there's no reason to vote for him if you live in Florida. You don't have to. We got that shiat under control.
Yes, because the republican party stole the 2000 election, don't let them do it again. Admitting you stole an election is also, certainly no reason to endorse a candidate
2004-08-15 01:33:59 AM  
I've seen Pauly Shore movies that were more funny
2004-08-15 01:35:21 AM  
Yup, we sure did kick the arses of a bunch of a people who only wanted to live the way their ancestors had for tens of thousands of years.

Had the American Indians pushed the settlers back into the sea, as they could and should have knowing what we know today, when they first arrived in the Americas this wouldn't even be an issue. But instead they were hospitable and kind and paid for their goodwill with their lives and land.

I guess its true that no good deed goes unpunished.
2004-08-15 01:35:33 AM  
Don't bother voting in Florida eh? Well it seems to me that if 400 more people in Florida had punched Gore's ticket then this thread would be swarming with Republicans biatching about Gore's underreaction to terrorism.
2004-08-15 01:35:45 AM  
Hah, ServZero wasn't paying attention, hah...
2004-08-15 01:35:46 AM  
16. Because I make over $350,000, own my own company, employ 20 people, and would fire 1 or 2 of them if my taxes went up so I can still maintain the business and save up for the yacht that I want.
2004-08-15 01:36:02 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-08-15 01:36:05 AM  
This seems to be a completely unbiased list - No one here thinks it's funny!
2004-08-15 01:36:05 AM  

I've seen Pauly Shore movies that were more funny

Yes, but have you seen Pauly Shore movies that were more TRUE?
2004-08-15 01:36:09 AM  
11.) he'll bring about the apocalypse faster and flush it all away.

2004-08-15 01:36:31 AM  
kerry is a true european american.. he even played soccer/football in college.. go kerry!!
2004-08-15 01:36:36 AM  
I like the Bush logo though :)
2004-08-15 01:36:40 AM  
Is that satire on satire?
I really hope you're not serious in attacking something that was meant to be funny.
2004-08-15 01:36:40 AM  
Waiting for someone to add, rather forcefully and all offended, that this just shows how liberal Fark has become.

/I got 3 purple hearts
/now watch this drive
2004-08-15 01:36:48 AM  
I've seen Pauly Shore movies that were more funny

I've seen Paulie Shore movies that weren't at all funny - not even close - and they were still funnier than this list!
2004-08-15 01:36:52 AM  
16) Kerry's a "flip-flopper."

17) Opposing Bush means you hate America.

18) We're at war for f*ck's sake, we need to real military hero like Dubya.

19) Kerry loves killing babies.

20) Kerry wants every American to get gay-married.
2004-08-15 01:37:25 AM  
"I was going to say, if the Indian tribes sue to get their land back, I'll farking fight side by side with them. We oughta give them TWICE as much back after all the shiat we put them through. " Guinness

"Guiness, wtf? The Indians get NOTHING back. Yeah they were here first, but we kicked their ass HARD. Isn't that enough?" djcreamy

Both of you guys, (if you were serious), are retarded. djcreamy's argument, if real, is just dumb. And Guinness, I doubt not the shiat we put them through, but all this giving things back several generations later is bullshiat. Them taking our land now would be just as bad as when we took their land.

/Indians are still cool
/but generations old reparations are pointless
2004-08-15 01:37:44 AM  
Cheney vs. Cheney

On Hugh Hewitt's show last week (link:

HH: Vice President Dick Cheney, welcome to the Hugh Hewitt Show.

VP: It is good to be on here.

HH: Today you brought attention to John Kerry's plan to wage a more 'sensitive' war on terror. What do you think John Kerry meant when he said 'sensitive,' Mr. Vice President?

VP: Well, I'm not sure what he meant (laughing). Ah, it strikes me the two words don't really go together, sensitive and war. If you look at our history, I don't think any of the wars we've won, were won by us being quote sensitive. I think of Abraham Lincoln and General Grant, they didn't wage sensitive war. Neither did Roosevelt, neither did Eisenhower or MacArthur in World War II. A sensitive war will not destroy the evil men who killed 3,000 Americans, and who seek chemical, nuclear, and biological weapons to kill hundreds of thousands more....

...[later in the SAME INTERVIEW]...

HH: Will the Najaf offensive continue until that city is subdued even if that
means a siege of the Imam Ali shrine?

VP: Well, from the standpoint of the shrine, obviously it is a sensitive area, and we are very much aware of its sensitivity. On the other hand, a lot of people who worship there feel like Moqtada Sadr is the one who has defiled the shrine, if you will, and I would expect folks on the scene there, including U.S. commanders, will work very carefully with the Iraqis so that we minimize the extent to which the U.S. is involved in any operation that might involve the shrine itself.

Yeah okay y'all, elect Cheney if you like ASS CLOWNS.
2004-08-15 01:37:55 AM  
me sleepy
2004-08-15 01:38:31 AM  
if Bush were an icecream flavour, he'd be praelines and dick.
2004-08-15 01:38:52 AM  
8. If the Indian tribes sue to get back the land you're living on, which candidate do you want in control?

I believe the Mormons were here first, according to them.
2004-08-15 01:39:13 AM  
That was just lame.

I guess this would be a good time to say Michael Moore is fat.

//Donning flameproof suit
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