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(TribLive)   Speak Klingon? Wear a duct-tape dress to your prom? Get no dates and some money for college   ( ) divider line 53
    More: Amusing  
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18778 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Aug 2004 at 5:26 PM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

53 Comments   (+0 »)

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2004-08-09 11:36:19 AM  
The Maude Alice Palmer Scholarship, worth more than $37,000 a year, is open to all public school students in Allegheny County who want to attend Cornell, and avoid wedding rings like the plague.

Hmmm..... $37k to do what we guys already do. ;)
2004-08-09 11:36:54 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-08-09 11:45:09 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Ditto Smookyfufu. Looks to me as if she is covering up something.
2004-08-09 11:49:08 AM  
So you guys think she has webbed feet?
2004-08-09 12:23:21 PM  
I'd hit it!
2004-08-09 01:49:07 PM  
2004-08-09 02:28:21 PM  
What's the Klingon word for loneliness?

/comic book guy
2004-08-09 04:04:03 PM  
one of my daughters got a 2,000 per year college tuition scholarship just for being over 6 feet tall.
2004-08-09 07:48:29 PM  
Wow, her rack is at LEAST a 3.0 average
2004-08-09 07:53:27 PM  
I'd hit it. Probably before that russian tennis player down yonder a few threads.
2004-08-09 08:09:08 PM  
click to enlarge
[image from too old to be available]

OMG I'm clicking and nothing is getting bigger
2004-08-09 08:09:30 PM  
Cute face + giant boobies + big scholarship bucks + no chance of marriage = dream girl. I'd hit it, lovingly but with great vigor.
2004-08-09 08:20:43 PM  
What about a Fark Scholarship we all fund?
2004-08-09 08:21:15 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

The real question is: Who would not hit it
2004-08-09 08:35:02 PM  
curiouslyabsent: Cute face + giant boobies + big scholarship bucks + no chance of marriage = dream girl.

That has to be the most obvious statement I've heard in a long damn time.
2004-08-09 08:40:22 PM  
I've done extensive studies on this, and females in a duct-tape-prom couple are almost always much too hot for the guys they're with.

I have yet to explain the phenomenon though, just observed it.
2004-08-09 08:43:29 PM  
Okay, but where's the scholarship for habitual masturbators? We could have the vast majority of Farkers apply for that one.
2004-08-09 08:54:56 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

The scholarship stipulates that she has to remain single. It doesn't say she can't date, or just have random sexual encounters with men in the pub loo. Whoo hoo, she's available, guys!

A lot of old scholarships seem embarrassing now - stipulations like "God-fearing young man of stout character and good English breeding" are hard to figure out now, but "remain single" or "wear duct tape"? Not too hard for enterprising young folks.
2004-08-09 09:02:37 PM  
She has incredibly large breasts...
2004-08-09 09:04:53 PM  
I'd roger it arseways.
2004-08-09 09:17:55 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-08-09 09:22:25 PM  
dang it, why didn't I study Klingon instead of this useless Freedom Language!
2004-08-09 09:29:52 PM  
What's DUCK tape?

/stoopid editir
2004-08-09 09:44:31 PM  
Headline from the future:

Klingon-speaking woman loses scholarship after wedding toga-wearing, elvish speaking man. Wedding dress said to be 3M (tm) duct-tape.
2004-08-09 09:44:49 PM  
I wouln't hit it. I'd have an asplosion before I even tried to hit it.
2004-08-09 09:49:01 PM  
2004-08-09 10:06:52 PM  
I would've done this for my proms, except I don't even have the patience to shop for a dress, let alone make one out of duct tape.

Besides, I've had mishaps with duct tape before. We tried to duct tape a teacher's door shut, and this stupid biatch of a substitute teacher Hall Monitor (yes, they substitute those, now, too) took our tape from us...

Another time, we had a premade wall of duct tape that we had made during down time at drama practices, and we were going to stick it to the same teacher's door, and it folded in on itself as we carried it into a storage room for the night...

//has no relevance, other than duct tape and something to do with high school.

And here comes the actual opinion part of my post:

Tuition sucks. Plain and simple. I tried to scarf for scholarships, but I only got 1 for $750. So, I'm going to community school, and then I have to face the nightmare that is UB tuition for 3 years.
2004-08-09 10:09:24 PM  
But what if she gets knocked up?
2004-08-09 10:32:59 PM  
Duck is the brand of duct tape.

This is why I love Fark, my mom was getting on my case to look up scholarships. What do I do? Ignore her and come to Fark. All of a sudden, I'm looking up scholarships. The article is even local so it looks like im putting effort into it. Unfortunately my sites are a little higher than Juniata, more like CMU, or Case Western, or even Penn State Main.
2004-08-09 10:38:18 PM  
But what if she gets knocked up?

Then she is well-equiped to feed her child?
2004-08-09 10:41:57 PM  
sights, not sites.
Too much intraweb.
2004-08-09 10:47:57 PM  
DireDeadHeadWolf, thanks. maybe I should check myself before wrecking myself.

/feeling stoopid now
2004-08-09 10:48:38 PM  
The Zolp one is actually true - I went to Loyola Academy outside of Chicago, and we had a recruiter from Loyola of Chicago speak who said he checks phone books in every city he's in (this was pre-WWW, dear children) for Zolps.
2004-08-09 10:49:37 PM  
Oh, and you have to be Catholic to get the Zolp scholarship. Religious little bastards.
2004-08-09 10:55:17 PM  
All I know is Carey DePasquale is hot. I love Italian girls.
2004-08-09 11:15:01 PM  
Does it mean she can NEVER get married? or does it mean she can't marry while in school?
2004-08-09 11:22:27 PM  

My little sister won the Duck Tape contest this year...

Here's the pic of her (& her date's) submission:

[image from too old to be available]

Don't flame too much.
2004-08-09 11:26:42 PM  
I saw that pic on Duck's website. I am planning on trying for that scholarship. How long did it take em to make it?
2004-08-09 11:38:09 PM  
Sadly, you can't get a scholarship just for dressing up to prom in duck tape. You have to dress better than everyone else who does it, too.

And BTW, it was originally called duck tape, because it's waterproof. It was originally designed for impromptou Jeep repairs in WWII. After the war, it was found to be as useful for repairs to central-air systems, and became duct tape.
Kat [TotalFark]
2004-08-09 11:47:47 PM  
damn, flourtown is right around the corner from me...I wonder if I could major in pig latin...

There really should be a fark scholarship, I wouldnt mind being the benefactor, either. I mean, i'm putting fark down as an activity on my applications!
2004-08-09 11:48:21 PM  
Flame? Your sister is hot. I'd hit it. (Sorry)
2004-08-09 11:48:33 PM  

I know, I've checked out all the information. Also Duck tape was used to seal ammo boxes for watercraft and crappy weather.
Kat [TotalFark]
2004-08-09 11:49:10 PM  
waterproof my ass, ever try to fix a leak with duct tape? worthless. Water leaks are the one thing duct tape can't fix.
2004-08-09 11:49:38 PM  
I will give $200 scholarship to any attractive, female H.S Senior who is willing to be my love slave for the day.

/horny old man, one ticket, window seat please.....
2004-08-09 11:59:19 PM  
Are there really people that speak Klingon??...stop lying!
2004-08-10 12:00:15 AM  

Thats cause you're using DUCT tape, you need to get your hands on some army surplus DUCK tape. That stuff works miracles.
2004-08-10 12:03:49 AM  
Cornell, eh...

I'll have to look into this.

/sure I'll help you with your homework
2004-08-10 12:04:56 AM  

It took em maybe a week, but they had probably 10 people working on it.

Batshiat insane.

Got her close to $3k though.
2004-08-10 12:10:33 AM  
We also called it 100MPH (HundredmileanOoour) tape in the Army.

/I think its the same stuff
2004-08-10 12:24:23 AM  
mzauberman says:
I've done extensive studies on this, and females in a duct-tape-prom couple are almost always much too hot for the guys they're with.

I have yet to explain the phenomenon though, just observed it.

I think you're right. By the way, is that supposed to be the Stars and Bars? I guess that confirms my theory about the sort of people who'd wear Duck Tape to a prom.

[image from too old to be available]
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