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(Some Guy)   Uses for flat beer -- this article brought to you for free by one of our farkers   ( ) divider line
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12851 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Aug 2004 at 3:59 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

72 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-08-07 11:14:47 AM  
Theres a beer helping you get bush joke in there, but I just dont know what it is...
2004-08-07 11:19:54 AM  
Hey crazy stuff! As if you can use flat beer for anything! Crazy!
2004-08-07 11:20:23 AM  
Beer should never be allowed to go flat
There is only ONE use for beer - drinking. Anything else is an abomination and will not be tolerated.

2004-08-07 11:26:11 AM  
Hint #1 is true. I buy a six pack of the ultra cheap stuff once a month and pour a few ozs on each of my indoor plants. It keeps them lush and green year round. It is especially loved by African violets.
2004-08-07 11:42:27 AM  
Beer doesn't stay in the home long enough to go flat. It's gone the day (or night) it's purchased. Or at least the next day.
2004-08-07 11:57:03 AM  
beer goes flat? wtf?!?!
2004-08-07 12:15:00 PM  
I have a friend whose mom uses either PBR or Natty Light to get rid of slugs in her garden. Seems like that is all those beers are good for.

BTW, Opera really really hates that website.
2004-08-07 01:33:01 PM  
Jabber... or, that website really really hates opera

/perspective is reality
2004-08-07 02:06:47 PM  
Beer going flat? Is this Bizzaro Fark?
2004-08-07 02:36:16 PM  
Beer batter fish-n-chips. Just replace water with beer, it doesn't have to be flat.

[image from too old to be available]
2004-08-07 04:06:35 PM  

If you have beer and it has gone flat, do the following:

1. Shake! Shake! Shake it up really good, to make sure all the CO2 is worked out;

2. Add one level teaspoon of sugar and a pinch of hot, active brewer's yeast (bread yeast like Fleischmanns MIGHT work, but I don't guarantee the flavor will be as good);

3. Cap the beer tightly and store in a dark place (like under the sink) for 30 days;

4. Under no circumstances DO NOT exceed 1 level tsp. sugar per 1 quart of beer; it may explode on you;

5. You an also use this one on worked-out, leftover draft beer after the keg has gone flat. In most cases they think it has gone bad and can't be saved, you can have the leftovers for free.
2004-08-07 04:08:13 PM  
Rinse you hair with it. Looks great, and you stink like beer all the time! What could be better?
2004-08-07 04:10:09 PM  
How on earth do you let beer go flat? It should be in your belly!
2004-08-07 04:10:32 PM  
If there are no cigarette butts floating in it just drink it.
2004-08-07 04:10:41 PM  
Finally! A use for beer. I think it tastes like horse piss. Not that I would know...I should just shut up.
2004-08-07 04:10:53 PM  
One tasty use for flat beer: beer biscuits.

Dry ice will get the fizz back if you are hard up. But wait until the dry ice has fully evaporated.
2004-08-07 04:11:19 PM  
One dozen eggs
One box Bisquick
Flat beer to thin
Cheese curds

Beat eggs, add and mix Bisquick, thin with flat beer. Dip, then deep fry cheese curds. MMmmmmmmm.

Makes a lot.
2004-08-07 04:13:54 PM  
The article just goes to show that all of creation (plants, slugs, insects, etc.) likes beer...

...and it is good, so sayeth the Lord.
2004-08-07 04:14:22 PM  
Hands up, everyone who has picked up an old flat, warm beer in the morning, that has been open all night, and drank it anyway because it was the last one.

/Hand up
2004-08-07 04:15:13 PM  
mmmmm beer batter tempura
2004-08-07 04:15:56 PM  
"Beer is man's proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

--------------- BENJAMIN FRANKLIN
2004-08-07 04:16:34 PM  
One dozen eggs
One box Bisquick
Flat beer to thin
Cheese curds

Beat eggs, add and mix Bisquick...

Makes a lot.

A lot? Sheesh, it'd probably feed a whole platoon. I don't even have a pot big enough to mix this in.
2004-08-07 04:18:44 PM  
Any environmentalist worth his or her irritating screed will tell you at high volumes that if you have bees, you should call a beekeeper to relocate them, because bees are important, and should not just be killed with beer, etc. etc.
2004-08-07 04:20:38 PM  
Works pretty good for steaming crabs or shrimp too. Good flat beer is STILL better for this than fresh natty bo.
2004-08-07 04:22:35 PM  
Will someone kindly explain the new twist on the "brought to you by" cliche or point me to the thread where it's already been explained?

2004-08-07 04:24:38 PM  
Halfmast: I think that is called bayonetting the wounded soldiers.
2004-08-07 04:30:14 PM  
Killing bees with beer is ineffective and a waste of good beer to boot.

To kill bees, mix 1 heaping tablespoon of laundry detergent in 1 quart of water, then spray it on them after dark when they have all returned to the hive. Make sure there are no lights nearby; if they can see you, they will sting you.

Been there, done that: Got rid of four beehives that way, at 5 cents a quart for spray; this after wasting over $200 on spray insecticide that did not work.

It also kills every other insect I have tried it on; plugs up their skins and they can't breathe.

Anyone who would spray beer on a bug would probably put out the lights to make love; yuck!
2004-08-07 04:34:31 PM  
Ear Wigs what will they think of next?
2004-08-07 04:40:35 PM  
Beer cheese soup.
2004-08-07 04:44:34 PM  
Beer goes flat? I can demolish a case in two days, at which time I buy more beer filled goodness.

Halfmast Trousers

I've done that. Many times.
2004-08-07 04:45:18 PM  
It was started by Drew in the "Drew responds to the Wired Article about Fark selling out" thread from yesterday.

It should still be in the currently available list.
2004-08-07 04:47:41 PM  
To kill bees, mix 1 heaping tablespoon of laundry detergent in 1 quart of water

I've always been partial to the can of WD-40 and a lighter technique myself. Just be ready to run like hell between "applications"
2004-08-07 04:48:20 PM  
Hmmm, I am a bit late, but try this : Take said flat beer, pour liberaly into big cup. Pour non flat beer, slowly into same cup.Insert chopstick, stir. Enjoy !
Or you just add Key Lime juice and say "bugger all".
I do.
2004-08-07 04:48:22 PM  
Hot mustard

set out a glass of beer until it goes stale
get some regular yellow mustard and put it in a bowl and let is dry out.

mix in the stale beer with the dried mustard until it reaches the desired consistancy. Use as you would chinese mustard as this stuff will burn your head off.
2004-08-07 04:50:24 PM  
> Halfmast Trousers

"Hands up, everyone who has picked up an old flat, warm beer in the morning, that has been open all night, and drank it anyway because it was the last one."

OK, my hand is up, too.

Now, hands up if the flat beer you drank the morning after wasn't yours the night before...

/College flashback......and now I'm back.
2004-08-07 04:51:18 PM  
Yup, wife has been telling me this for years. Case of 24 attracts all kinds of slugs.

/hates my drinking buddies
2004-08-07 04:57:36 PM  
If you allow beer to go flat, you should be banished from FARK forever, and flogged with overcooked broccoli.

ESCAPE Clause:
If you have empties left over from a binge/party, then you can use the flat beer for the purposes outlined in the story.
2004-08-07 05:00:34 PM  
take 6 pounds of flank steak
4 bottels of flat corona extra
two cloves crushed garlic
1 half cup celantro
2tbs lemon juice
3 full limes
and half a cup fresh crushed cayian pepper

mix in a maranating box and leave in refrigerator over night. makes some god damn good carne asada.
grill with charcole or wood chips.
sol cal our food rocks.
2004-08-07 05:01:34 PM  
pretty cool if it all works, Hey by the way whats up with the "brought to you by" thing going on lately?
2004-08-07 05:07:34 PM  
Thank God douching wasn't on her list.
2004-08-07 05:10:23 PM  
As a beer brewer, I can definitely say there are times when you produce a beer you don't want to drink 5 gallons of.

I usually keep mine in a special beer-fridgerator in those stainless steel cola syrup kegs, which hold a 5 gallon batch. 5 gallons is a lot when you are the one drinking most of it, so sometimes it gets bacterially contaminated after you've downed a few gallons of a batch just due to the time factor.

I also force-carbonate most of my runs since it's just less trouble than trying to do it au naturel, so they never go flat. But if you lay off the beer for a while to lose a few pounds, the stuff you've got in the fridge can go stale.

In which case, you can put it in a sprayer with some sudsy ammonia and apply it to your yard. I can't imagine needing to apply either pesticides or chemical fertilizer to a lawn. Nasty beer and ammonia will kill a lot of bugs and will make your yard look like a golf course. But it does smell pretty funky for a day or two.

Keeps the kids out of the yard too. :)

/new run of O'Bedlam's Red Menace on the way soon as the yeast comes in
2004-08-07 05:10:55 PM  
Flat beer can be re-carbed with CO2 forcing. Adding sugar and more yeast is kindof a waste, spoilage will already be in effect if beer is left out to go flat. Unless you're a brewer and know what you're doing.

Light american lagers have no yeast in them for pouring on plants, they're filtered and pasturized.
2004-08-07 05:13:44 PM  
Does the beer cause the slugs to suddenly become attracted to fat slugs?
2004-08-07 05:28:50 PM  
We grew sunflowers almost 4 metres high over 20 years ago - fed them on Guinness slops (we ran a pub).

Then, of course, the old slug trap is a beaut - bury a plaggy cup in the soil and fill with beer. The slugs are attracted to the beautiful getting pissed goodness and fall in. They eventually drown - but not after getting out a few times to go for a pee.
2004-08-07 05:31:52 PM  
/new run of O'Bedlam's Red Menace on the way soon as the yeast comes in

I'm well into getting rid of 40 pints of Woodforde's Wherry at the moment - and a remarkably perky little number it is too (not enough for me AND the slugs)
2004-08-07 05:33:11 PM  
Light american lagers have no yeast in them for pouring on plants, they're filtered and pasturized.

...or alcohol
2004-08-07 05:41:18 PM  

You'd like Red Menace. It's sort of a hybrid style, a dark red stout that starts with a high specific gravity and finishes the ferment with a kick-ass alcohol content, right around 7%.

Malty, hopped enough to cut the dust out of yer mouth but not as bitter as Guinness, with a sort of sweet nutty aftertaste. Um, um, um. Two or three pints will have you smiling.
2004-08-07 06:01:37 PM  
Take your flat beer, and soak sour kraut in it over night. The next day make up some hot dogs by steaming them with the beer and kraut juice and put em in a bun with the kraut on em...makes sour kraut beer dogs.

Found these in a place called Chills in Treasure Island Beach Florida..and now I am hungry, think they went for $0.25 each back then....
2004-08-07 06:21:20 PM  

I can't say I've ever heard of Red Menace (hurriedly does a search, comes up with one from Hales Brewery in Seattle).

Now that'd be a scoop to savour. I'm a bitter man myself, but I do quite like the old Guinness and a few Porters. The missus is a lager fan, so I'm going to brew a few gallons for her next week - not sure what to go for yet, though.
2004-08-07 06:22:50 PM  
Sushi Veggie

What's this about horses?

sweet potato rolls are awesome.
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