You know, whenever I think that some posters at Fark are the dumbest people on the internet, I always take a trip to the Yahoo message board... and then I realize, you guys ain't that bad at all.

Give me a hug!

Shaq will testify Kobe was not gentle?

that court scene is a farkin PS waiting to happen!!

Well, at least they'll get the truth out of Shaq, we all know he can't act to save his life.

Heh. LOL!!!!!! Now THAT will be worth the ticket you betcha. Shaq looking him right in the eye and all about "what you gonna do now? Huh? Who's string you gonna pull now hombre?"

Go HEAT!

he looks upset...

"O'Neal, who quit the Los Angeles Lakers last month leaving Bryant to dominate the team,"


He didn't quit, HE WAS TRADED!!

"buhwuhwuhwuh, wuh wuh, duhduhwuhbuh"

Kobe's about to be Shaq-fu'd !

Kobe's gotten to the point where he needs the man of Steel to testify? Kazaam!

DrNebuloso

that pic reminds me exactly of the time i 'accidently' threw a bucket of water on my friend at some un-earthly hour at night : p

/yes..that's the look : )

I pretict Shaq and Kobe will win by 48 pts.

Unless the prosecution can get Dit'Ka an Jordan den I bredict Dit'Ka an Jordan by tree hunnert' points an seven elektoral votes

Does Shaq even speak english?

Yet more proof at what a creep Kobe is.

F Kobe in his silly ass.

Shaq Attack!!!

i dont know if any of you have heard this yet, but the *coughSLUTcough* accused is thinking of not persuing the case any futher. Did Kobe boink her? oh yeah without a doubt. Did he rape her? no

Shaq is hilarious.

I would love to see the record of that testimony:

"(incoherent rambling)... Kobe Bryant... (more incoherent rambling)... Kate Faber... (even incoherent rambling can't describe what's he said here) ...adultery... (maybe... hebrew? I can't tell) ...Kobe innocent... CAN YOU DIG IT???????"

BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Rape is teh funny!

Learn your lines, young man!

the_marq: "Does Shaq even speak english?"

Well, I'm not sure about that, but we know he speaks Chinese quite well. Remember that whole "ching chong, wing wong" thing he said to Yao Ming?

/I keed, I keed

"not only did Kobe grope this woman, he bent her over and raped her right there. IN front of us."

Tallgordon,

Alledged rape.

ESPN just said that the Women is going to drop chrages and make this a civil case.

Alleged teh funny!

Shaq was the bomb in Blue Chips, yo.

I'm An Ass MAN

i dont know if any of you have heard this yet, but the *coughSLUTcough* accused is thinking of not persuing the case any futher. Did Kobe boink her? oh yeah without a doubt. Did he rape her? no

oh yeah, you would know since you were there. We'll never know either way for sure.

Hey, lay off Yahoo message boards...here's a sample of some of the thread titles, doesn't seem that bad:

Parcells Knows Negro QB Will Never Win a Super Bowl (Carter)
Only Losers Fly Commercial Airlines (O'Hare Story)
Slacking Jungle Bunnies (U.S. Basketball Team)
No More N***ers (American Idol)
Blacks Will Be Banned (American Idol)
I'm Sick of Seeing Fat People (Obesity Epidemic)
Steal Fat Peoples' Cars (Obesity Epidemic)

Nah, the Yahoo people seem like good tolerant people...

squidloe

Tallgordon,

Alledged rape.

For a second there I thought you said "Alleged Ape." But that would be racist.

Diogenes
I can't wait to hear him on cross-Kazaamination!

bwa-ha-ha-ha.
nice one.

Prosecutor: So Shaq - Kobe be bangin'?
Shaq: Oh yeah. Kobe bangin' everything.
Prosecutor: I rest my case.

Poor Shaq. He just can't part ways with this guy. Kobe's like VD, everytime Shaq thinks he's gone, he comes back.

No matter what side of the fence you come down on in this Kobe Bryant thing, no matter what you think happened in that hotel room, you don't know. Let the courts figure it out.

And on the minor threadjack about nasty message boards, y'all should check out F*cked Company's message board. Now THERE'S some psychotic (or sad and pathetic, take your pick) people.

Shaq should rap the entire testimony.
Someone give him a hoopa beat, somethin he can go to da park to.

post from the future on...

what trial?

post from the future off...

Defense Attorney: "Mr O'Neal, as teammates with the Los Angeles Lakers, have you spent any time with the defendant in locker rooms."
Shaquille O'Neal: "Yes, I have.
DefAtty: "And in those locker room situations, have you had occasion to see the defendant in the nude?"
SO: "Yes."
DefAtty: "Have you seen the defendant fully nude?"
SO: "Yes."
DefAtty: "Including the defendant's penis?"
SO: (pause) "Yes."
DefAtty: "Have you seen Kobe Bryant's penis on more than one occasion?"
SO: "I'm not gonna answer that."
DefAtty: "Your Honor, please direct the witness to answer the question."
Prosecuting Attorney: "Objection..."
Judge: "I'll allow it. Please answer the question, Mr O'Neal."
SO: sighs "Yes, but not up close or anything."
DefAtty: "So you're something of an expert on Kobe Bryant's penis, aren't you?"
ProsAtty: "Your Honor, objection! Calls for a conclusion!"
Judge: "Sustained."
DefAtty: "Mr O'Neal, however unwillingly or unintentionally, you're very familiar with Kobe Bryant's penis, aren't you?"
SO: (perplexed) "I... I don't..."
DefAtty: "In your opinion, is Kobe Bryant anatomically capable of injuring his accuser, this 19 year-old white girl, by engaging in mere consensual sex?"
SO: "Jesus... I..."
ProsAtty: "Your Honor!"
Judge: "Where are you going with this?"
DefAtty: "Your Honor, the witness is more familiar with Kobe Bryant's anatomy than anyone else in this court room. He is better suited to testify whether Kobe is so well-endowed that even consensual sexual intercourse can result in trauma."
Judge: (pauses) "I'll allow it."
SO: "OK, well... Kobe and I have dated some of the same women in the past."
DefAtty: "And?"
SO: "And most of them walk a little funny after dating him."
DefAtty: "Funny as in, bowlegged?"
ProsAtty: "Objection, leading the --"
Judge: "I'll allow it."
SO: "You could say that, yeah."
DefAtty: "Nothing further."

does this mean that Kobe's wife gets another diamond ring?

love shaq, baby love shaq....

b52s

imscotto...BRAVO!!!!

/golf clap

Wait, Kobe hit on some waitress at a party back in 2002? Then he surely must have raped this woman in 2004.

/stupid prosecutors

If his testimony is anywhere near the same tone as his post-game interviews, people are going to be confused as ever.

lol @ inscotto

What does DP mean???

What's Shaq supposed to say... "whenever you think he's going front and center he keeps coming up from the back of the court"?

Cashew

lol inscotto

What does DP mean???

I tried to find an hilarious definition on Urban Dictionary, but unfortunately they just have the basic, double penetration.

On the other hand, it did supply me with the greatest term ever, tupperwhore. Think about it...

This should be a caption contest.

Regarding other boards...I have grown accustomed to the great posts here. This week I checked out Court TV's boards for the Hacking case. Shheesh.

Poster 1: So, ya think he did it?
Poster 2: I dunno.
POoster 1: Aww... my hubby sent me flowers today.


/will never leave the fark boards again.