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(Washington Post)   New gender-neutral bible planned   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
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2597 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2002 at 11:14 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

72 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-01-28 11:16:11 AM  
This. Is. Crap.
2002-01-28 11:16:54 AM  
And Pat and Pat begat Pat...
2002-01-28 11:18:52 AM  
And the Lord answered saying, "Get the hell over thyself, and find something else to biatch about."
2002-01-28 11:20:33 AM  
we should all just neuter ourselves so as to avoid these issues in the future, (and pat begat pat - that's funny!)
2002-01-28 11:23:52 AM  
where the hell can if find these jobs where all I get to do all day is biatch about shiat. a gender neutral bible, what's next a homosexual bible?
2002-01-28 11:24:13 AM  
Hi Okok,how is ya??

as far as this new bible thing goes,well it is wonder people are losing any faith they may have had....

geeezzzzz lets just change the wording whenever we want...sounds good...

"and that god dude said how bad it is to bone ya bro's missus"
somthing like that?????
2002-01-28 11:27:21 AM  
Good, Jewels, you? I just missed you yesterday in the long-hair thread.

"and that god dude said how bad it is to bone ya bro's missus"
somthing like that?????

My favorite scripture is something about not coveting your neighbor's wife or his ass. I'm not sure they actually go together, but it's funnier that way!
2002-01-28 11:27:26 AM  
I want them to refer to God as "It" hehe.
2002-01-28 11:28:37 AM  
farking liberals... it's too hard and soul-rending for me to read the Bible because Eve gave the fruit to Adam! Even though that's what happened, it's horribly sexist!!!

Jesus, I can't believe how dumb the farking liberals are. Can't they find something else to biatch and moan about?

Haha, there IS a attractive and successful African-American bible, but it's too funny for me to blast. "Y'all don't be wastin' nobody" is one of the updated 10 commandments, for example.
2002-01-28 11:29:15 AM  
oh, and shouldn't this be labelled Asinine? sorry, i'm no good with the tags
2002-01-28 11:29:26 AM  
as far as this new bible thing goes,well it is wonder people are losing any faith they may have had....

geeezzzzz lets just change the wording whenever we want...sounds good...

Yeah, like the wording has never been changed in the past anyway...
2002-01-28 11:30:25 AM  
I'm great thanks for asking..hubby is back and all is going well..

I can just imagine the bible being written for the modern day language..or should I say modern day slang..haha
2002-01-28 11:31:35 AM  
Since when is it necessary to make God politically correct?

I would think that if your correcting God... You just might be wrong. But that is just me.

Idiots, Zealots, Liberals... Very common, but it remains a bad mix.
2002-01-28 11:31:39 AM  
yeah, i'll look for the attractive and successful African-American bible. if i find it, i'll submit it. keep yo heads up dawgz =)
2002-01-28 11:32:40 AM  
exactly...maybe I should have inserted the(sarcasm tag)
2002-01-28 11:33:59 AM  
Yeah, like the wording has never been changed in the past anyway... So true...

Yeah, what we have now is the translation of ol' King James, but when is enough enough? I want my own version that talks about how fabulous I am and how all of you other people are going to Hell every time you don't agree with me. ;)
2002-01-28 11:39:08 AM  
Let those without sin cast the first stone..


"Yo the bro dat never fired a gun can shoot the first bullet dude"
2002-01-28 11:40:39 AM  
Now when the Almighty was first down with His program, He made the heavens and the earth. The earth was a fashion misfit, being so uncool and dark, but the Spirit of the Almighty came down real tough, so that He simply said, 'Lighten up!' And that light was right on time. And the Almighty liked what He saw and let the light hang out a while before it was dark again. He laid out a name for the light, calling it 'day' time and the dark he called 'night' time so that all around it made up the first day...

The Almighty made two big lights and they did shine on the earth. The big light, he called the sun and it rested itself over the earth during the day, and the little light, which He called the moon, cruised through the night. The Almighty added the little lights called stars and put them in the sky and they did their share of the lighting, so that now we have a day and a night for real and the Almighty was feeling mighty fine on the fourth day...

The Almighty finally finished making the earth and was right on target with all that He had made. So on the big seven, the Almighty said, 'Enough!' And the Almighty caused this day to be a special day 'cuz this was the day He'd finished His program.
2002-01-28 11:40:43 AM  
I don't think this has anything to do with Liberals....I think it has more to do with Conservatives trying desperately to update their outmoded belief system so they don't feel so square. I don't read the bible, but I don't see any point in changing it. It is what it is, either stick with it or move on, but this is just embarassing.
2002-01-28 11:41:10 AM  
Unless you have knowledge of the original Hebrew and Greek, stop yer whining. I am reserving judgment until
I see the final version. Looks like most of these "inclusive" changes don't alter anything of substance. Some people
really need a good hobby.

BTW, a rather interesting slang version of the Bible is the "Cotton Patch Bible." I hear it is very interesting...
2002-01-28 11:43:20 AM  
Take out the whole Jesus and religion stuff, leave in the sodomy, rape, murder and other various pain related eroticisms and I might buy a copy or two on vhs.
2002-01-28 11:46:12 AM  
OK, a very short quiz...Bible Quiz

I did worse than average, BTW...oops. My gram would not be pleased.
2002-01-28 11:47:29 AM  
"You shouldn't diss the Almighty's name, using it in cuss words or rapping with one another. It ain't cool and payback's a biatch."
"You shouldn't be taking nothin' from your homeboys."
"Don't waste nobody."Don't mess around with someone else's ol' man or ol' lady."

"And that bad old serpent told the sister, 'Nah, sister, he's feeding you a line of bull, You won't die. The Almighty just knows that if you eat from the tree you'll be hipped to what's going down."
2002-01-28 11:47:41 AM  
A politically-correct Bible - whoda thunk it?! Somebody needs to take the PC crowd out and shoot them all. They're sickening.
2002-01-28 11:55:14 AM  
Agreed ... 9/10
2002-01-28 11:56:46 AM  
2002-01-28 11:58:28 AM  
This is over the top. Even the liberals have to admit that!!!
2002-01-28 12:00:17 PM  
Fb- : consider buying "The gospel according to Ali G" instead. Gotta love Ali's 7th commandment:

"Thou shalt not commit adultery(unless she iz really fit)."

or the 9th commandment

"Thou shalt not wear false titties"
2002-01-28 12:02:09 PM  
Hey, at least people can be politically correctly brainwashed.
2002-01-28 12:02:27 PM  
That was just stoopid...

OH hang on,That was the point you were making hey ;)
2002-01-28 12:06:34 PM  
dog forbid that the original bible was sexist (cause it is).. let's alter the words of the sand eaters that wrote the original nonsense and give both sexes the chance to be a good lil moral slave to the big invisible 'person' in the sky..
2002-01-28 12:09:14 PM  
1) Arguing whether the Tooth Fairy's wings are pink or blue.
It's a she. Pink

2) Wondering how Santa delivers toys to children who live in houses without chimneys.
Ferrets. (So, anybody get the reference?)

3) Wondering why Batman doesn't just kill the bad guys who keep farking up Gotham.
His insurance doesn't cover it.
2002-01-28 12:10:59 PM  
10/10 yay me.

We can't blame this on the liberals...perhaps liberal protestants? All we need is another translation...

There is an English Bible out there that does a great job translating from the Hebrew and Greek. New American Standard. It's as literal (not *liberal*) as you can get. Only the sentence structures have been updated to have synergy with the English language.


[image from too old to be available]
2002-01-28 12:11:44 PM  
I think everyone is missing a very important point here. Altering even the most inconsequential words in the bible will cause people like Jack Chick to go ape shiat. This must be a good thing.
2002-01-28 12:12:14 PM  
2002-01-28 12:22:53 PM  
Okok, I'm wondering if I should be more scared that I got 6 out of 6 of those questions right!
2002-01-28 12:24:11 PM  
Geez, another bible to choose from? There's so many different versions and translations out there, I don't know which one is going to determine what part of hades I'm going to. I hope it's this new PC one, then I'll be going to the "unseasonably warm location filled with people who don't believe in the same things we do" place.

2002-01-28 12:32:23 PM  
Stevarooni, I'll tell my gram. At least she can be proud of one of us! :)
2002-01-28 12:33:14 PM  
The bible thumpers will suck this shiat up as gospel, too. It's got to be GOD's word, it's IN WRITING, isn't it? They couldn't print it, if it wasn't true. Right?

pssst, hey buddy, wanna buy a bible? WORD-UH-GOD for only $24.95, five dollars off if you act now.
2002-01-28 12:39:30 PM  
All I want to know is, will the new version be a little thicker? My coffetable's lopsided, and the King James Version I have propping it up is a little too thin- the table's all wobbly, and I keep spilling beer in my Cheetos
2002-01-28 12:49:06 PM  
Yay, a thread that has nothing to do with politics has been hijacked by the Conservative and Liberal pricks (although to be fair, the conservatives cast the first stone, again, on this thread).

Grow the fark up: if you think the bible is real, then great! I think Grimms fairy tails are real, plus they aren't as bad 'as that god forsaken Koran that is sexist and opressive' (sort of like the bible, which is why they are probably changing it (the bible)).

People who post "oh well this is because of those hippie commie tree huggers" need to take a farking look at what they are trying to defend so poorly.
2002-01-28 12:50:11 PM  
Whatever.. the bible has never been a static document, no matter how many people who base their lives around the minutiae of it would like to think otherwise. That's how it stays relevant.. who cares?
2002-01-28 12:52:22 PM  
Someone show these people the light...

If that doesn't work, kick their ass and destroy those new Bibles!
2002-01-28 12:54:37 PM  
Same crap they did to make the bible what it is today. If the story doesn't fit the situation, change the story. But its history right.......WRONG.
2002-01-28 01:01:56 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-01-28 01:02:23 PM  
*sigh* I only got three right babe, do ya still love me?

Need to Work on that before I see grams ;)
2002-01-28 01:03:56 PM  
I thought you were supposed to be workin'?

Bad girl
2002-01-28 01:06:23 PM  
Yeah, I'm bad... What the heck are you doing here?

BTW, see what I can do??? Aren't you proud?
2002-01-28 01:08:22 PM  
Hiya JOHNDX...whatcha up to??
2002-01-28 01:09:20 PM  
Yep, waaaay to much Farkin', that will do it! Good job BTW, and yes I'm proud! I breakin' my Fark from home rule for just a little while..........*sigh* just can't stay away, sad I know!
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